Mistreated
Burns
(A/N: IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END, PLEASE READ)
Iris’s POV:
Who am I? What am I doing? Would I always want to live like this? Those are the three questions I asked myself when I woke up on Saturday.
Who am I? I couldn’t even answer that question seeing as I was waking up from a massive hangover. I don’t drink. I’ve never had a hangover before. That's so unlike me. How has my life come to this?
What am I doing? Drinking my life away. I’m wasting every day of my life crying over Harry when I could be living.
Would I always want to live like this? Fuck no. Why would I want to wake up not remembering what happened the night before? I was showered and wearing new clothes, yet I didn’t remember how that happened. Did I do it or did someone help me? My end table had a blueberry muffin, aspirin, and a glass of water waiting for me. All the alcohol that once was scattered around my room had banished. Someone had to have helped me, but who?
I finally woke up. Harry isn’t coming back, and I’m just going to have to accept it. As insecure as I am, I still feel deep in my heart that he loves me. Maybe Louis was right, Harry just doesn’t think he’s good enough for me. As completely untrue as that is, I, myself, wouldn’t be able to prove to him that he’s better than he says he is. That’s something that only he would be able to convince himself of. All I’d be able to tell him is that I don’t care about his past and how I love him so much, but I highly doubt that’d have much effect on his decision he’s dead set on.
I haven’t seen him for two weeks, unless you count the occasional bumping into each other at school. I’ve been thankful that the group still hangs out with me even though Harry and I are broken up. We just hang out outside of school, and at lunch I sit with Kyle, Riley, Dakota, and Liz. When I hang out with the group, they always promise me Harry won’t be there first, and surprisingly they haven’t tried to trick me yet. I thought for sure they’d tell me he wouldn’t come, and then he would wind up being there. Never. It hasn’t ever happened.
Perrie, Eleanor, Liz, and I have done a ton of work to make up for the lost time we needed to prepare for the talent show. Liz did an amazing job designing the dresses Perrie and I asked for: I figured since she was making something for me, she might as well make Perrie a dress. I can’t even describe how excited I am to be on that stage, shocking the whole school with what I can do. I once had a plan to go up as Clarissa and once the show was over, I was going to toss my wig into the crowd and flash my middle finger at them all. It’s funny how things changed so quickly, and now I’m able to be just Iris on that stage. I know I’m still not everyone’s favorite person, but is anyone really liked by everyone?
I’m still sad. Everything reminds me of him, and a permanent image of him remains in my head. I still love him and wish he’d come back. I have to respect his wishes, even if he did make this decision without talking to me first. If he feels like this is the right thing for us, then I should let fate guide us where we’re supposed to go. My mother told me, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. If it’s not, you’ll know.”
For now, all I can do is continue on with my life because it goes on. I wish I could say the same for him…”life goes on”…
Friday March 7th
“Your dress is amazing,” I squealed at Perrie. I had told her about how I once believed when we die, we become stars. She thought it was an interesting concept, and for some reason, she wanted to incorporate it in her dress. Liz designed her a casual black chiffon dress that has white stars in different sizes scattered all around it. The dress stopped halfway to her knees, and its sleeves ended at her elbows. Because the dress is so loose, Perrie wore a tiny black belt around her waist to show off her skinny figure. It looks so beautiful. Of course, Perrie being Perrie, she insisted on wearing a headband that held white flowers. Shocker.
“Mine? I love your’s?” she gushed. We decided it’d be best if we matched for our performance. Liz designed me a black dance dress that is like a silk bathing suit. A triangular slit in the solid black material is apparent from the right side, all the way around, mostly showing off my belly button and left side. The right sleeve is see-through and has galaxy print on it. From the top of the slit to the bottom of the dress, the same fabric as my right sleeve is attached like a skirt. I’m in love with this dress. Of course, I had my hair in a sock bun to keep it out of my face and decided on wearing no shoes or socks with it.
“Liz did an amazing job,” I nodded. “I’m so excited! Are your parents here?”
She grinned widely, “Sitting next to Zayn’s. Your’s?”
“Surprisingly, yes,” I snickered. “I never thought they’d show up to anything that was important to me.”
“Edwards, Mercer,” Mrs. Clark peaked into the crowded dressing room. “You guys are up after the next act, so I suggest you hurry and get back stage.”
Perrie and I exchanged large grins before nodding to the teacher. We did one last examination of ourselves in the mirror before we headed out of the room and into a cold hallway. I hugged myself in attempt to keep warm as we walked to the end of the hall where the stage door was. Perrie twisted the doorknob and allowed me to step in before she followed me and gently closed the door behind us. We were given strict instructions that we had to close that door softly and speak in whispers while we’re backstage to be respectful of those who are on stage.
Perrie grabbed my hand and pulled me to the right side of the room where we had a side view of who was on stage, and we were still hidden from the crowd by a wall. A couple of girls had just finished their act of baton twirling and the crowd was roaring with cheers and applause. Sudden nervousness flooded my mind. It sounds like hundreds of people are here, and I’ll be dancing in front of them all. That’s crazy. I can only hope they’ll enjoy our talents.
Mr. Sanchez walked onto the stage as the girls disappeared behind the curtains. “Thank you Adeline and Meredith for that lovely performance. Up next is Christina Cooke who will be doing a dramatic reading of a poem she wrote, called 'Us'.”
Mr. Sanchez did a small bow before walking off the stage. The stage lights turned off before the curtains slowly opened to reveal the silhouette of a girl standing before a microphone. A soft spotlight slowly shined over her head as she began her reading.
I didn’t get to hear much before a strong hand gripped my wrist, making me jump a little. The hand was too big and strong to be Perrie’s, so I slowly turned to find the source. Niall.
“Flower, can we talk?” he asked quietly with the corners of his lips tugged down into a frown. I haven’t spoken to him in what feels like ages. I’ve ignored him since Harry and I got into that fight the day before we broke up. I feel bad for Niall in the same sense that I don’t. I didn’t want Harry to be suspicious of Niall and I when there’s nothing going on, so I figured avoiding him would be best, but now Harry and I are over. There’s no reason to hide from him anymore.
“Not right now,” I shook my head. “We’re about to go up. After?”
“We’re after you,” he bit his bottom lip. “How about I drive you home after the show?” My parents planned to take me out to dinner afterwards, but I don’t feel like going in this attire since I’m pretty much half naked. I guess it couldn’t hurt to have him take me home to change and drop me off at the restaurant afterwards.
I lightly nodded in agreement before furrowing my eyebrows in confusion when I noticed his black eye. I lightly brushed his swollen eye, careful not to hurt him as I observed it. “What happened?”
He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it.”
I was about to protest, but the rest of the boys entered the room, including Harry. I felt my heart pounding in my chest at the sight of him. It didn’t necessarily help that he had the sleeves of his black shirt rolled up to flash his tattoos and his toned muscles. Fuck, Iris, he broke your heart. Stop drooling over him. I forced myself to look away as soon as I saw him lift up his head to look in my direction. I cannot bear to look in those emerald green eyes that I long to see.
“We’ve got to get in position,” Perrie stated, leaning so close to me her lips were almost touching my ear. She grabbed my hand and dragged me behind the second set of curtains as Christina was finishing her poem. Perrie ran to the other side of the stage and took the microphone from Mrs. Clark that she’d be needing. As soon as we heard applause, we waited for the second curtains to open up before finding our spots in front of them. I stood in the middle of the cold hard stage as Perrie remained off to the side where she wasn’t visible to the audience.
“Up next, we have Perrie Edwards singing and Iris Mercer dancing to ‘Try’ by P!nk,” Mr. Sanchez announced before an eruption of applause was heard. As soon as I heard my name, my breath caught in my throat. I’m really doing this and while Harry’s standing to the side. It’s ironic how I chose this song based on me not allowing myself to be pushed around anymore, but the song is actually about moving on after a breakup. I wish I would’ve picked a different song, but now’s too late to think about that.
Once the music started, the curtains opened slowly to reveal me as a white spotlight hit me. I stumbled forward to the beat before running backwards on my tiptoes and swiftly twirled to face the curtains.
Ever wonder about what he's doing?
How it all turned to lies?
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why
Perrie sung as she walked out onto the stage, still standing off to the side to remain out of my way. Another spotlight fell on her, and people began to shout things like “I love you Perrie!” and “You’re hot!” to her. I know that they’re more excited to see her than me, but I guess I enjoy expressing myself through dance too much to care. At least my family is in the crowd, that’s something I’m able to be happy about.
Harry’s POV:
I watched as Iris continued to dance to Perrie’s voice and the beat. I know it’s not possible that she could’ve picked this song recently since it takes too long to practice for a song, but knowing that she’s performing to it hurts. She’s definitely allowed to move on since I’m no longer holding her back, but I don’t want that. I’m being so stupid and so selfish, but I can’t be without her.
Being away from her for the past two weeks have been hard, but I know she’s been doing much better. Just from passing her in the hallway at school, I can tell she’s been laughing and smiling again. I can always feel the happiness radiating off of her until she sees me. Immediate sorrow would take over her expression, and I could see her try to hide it, but I can see right through her just as she can do to me.
I did that to her. It’s my fault that whenever she sees me, she’s upset. I hurt her. I can’t sleep at night knowing how much pain I put her in. Although, I deserve every bit of guilt that is engulfing me. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this. I need her so much it hurts. I love her, and I should’ve just confided in her rather than dumping her and blaming it on our stupid arguments. She deserves to at least know the truth to why I broke up with her, and now I have every intention to tell her.
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
For the last bit, Iris was pushing her head harshly from side to side with her dainty hands before she’d do two violent bows. She did one twirl before looking up at the ceiling and motioning her fists as if she was climbing a rope. She repeated that process one more time, this time ending with her head dangling and her arms to her sides as Perrie mirrored her final position.
Cheers erupted through the crowd as the applause grew louder and louder. I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if they received a standing ovation. Iris was incredible. And Perrie, of course.
The spotlight faded into darkness on the stage before Iris and Perrie disappeared behind the curtains. It was now the lads and I’s turn to give it a go. We ran out behind the first curtain and got in our positions to perform the song. I took one more glance to the side of the room before Mrs. Clark announced our names, finding Iris and Perrie sitting on stools to watch us. I’m not surprised Perrie is there, but Iris? I thought she’d head back to the dressing rooms so she wouldn’t have to look at me, yet there she was. I must’ve been staring for longer than I needed to since she shot me a forced smile. I partially smiled back, actually meaning to be genuine towards her.
I didn’t even get a chance to look at her reaction since I heard Mrs. Clark say, “Give it up for One Direction performing their very own song, ‘Up All Night’!”
Sudden excitement took over me as the curtains opened up to reveal the hundreds of people in the crowd. Girls were screaming on the top of their lungs and I knew our appearance had to do with that. I chuckled to myself when I remembered Niall suggesting we should wear what we’d wear at a party, and today Lou showed up in a white tank with holes in it. He said he’d never wear something nice to a party which made us get a good laugh out of it. Liam and Niall decided to go for the casual grey t-shirts as I did with a black one. Zayn decided on dressing up in a black button up shirt with grey suspenders. Of course, don’t be too surprised, we all wore black skinny jeans.
After what seemed like minutes of staring at the fans, we finally began the song:
It feels like we've been livin' in fast forward
Another moment passing by
(Up up up all night)
The party's ending but it's now or never
Nobody's going home tonight
(Up up up all night)
Liam started us off the song with Niall harmonizing “Up, up, up, all night” in the background.
Katy Perry's on replay
She's on replay
DJ got the floor to shake, the floor to shake
People going all the way
Yeah, all the way
I'm still wide awake
It was now my turn to sing, rocking my shoulders with every word. I humped the air as I sung “all the way,” causing girls to detonate into screams.
I wanna stay up all night
And jump around until we see the sun
I wanna stay up all night
And find a girl and tell her she's the one
The boys and I all sung the chorus together as we jumped around the stage. We waved our free hands around like loons as we jumped in patterns around the stage. When we sang “tell her she’s the one,” we’d stop and point to the crowd before holding up our pointer finger as if to say they were the one.
Hold on to the feeling
And don't let it go
'Cause we got the floor now
Get out of control
I wanna stay up all night
And do it all with you
As we continued the chorus, I grabbed Lou’s hand and pulled him close to me so our sides were touching. I released him and twirled a couple of times before winking jokingly over at Iris and Perrie who didn’t find it funny at all…
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
We had Louis sing this part as we all stood in a line, tapping our foot to the beat.
Don't even care about the table breaking
We only wanna have a laugh
(Up up up all night)
I'm only thinking 'bout this girl I'm seeing
I hope she'll wanna kiss me back
(Up up up all night)
Zayn took over this verse as Niall harmonized the “up, up, up, all night” yet again. Liam and Louis picked me up by the sides of my legs and waist and spun us all in a circle.
Katy Perry's on replay
She's on replay
DJ got the floor to shake, the floor to shake
People going all the way
Yeah, all the way
I'm still wide awake
They had set me down just in time for my part to sing. I did the same thing as last time: swaying my shoulders to the beat and air humping at “all the way” to receive another round of screams from the many girls that were in the crowd. I’m sure Mrs. Clark is not too fond of that move, but hey, the audience is enjoying it.
I wanna stay up all night
And jump around until we see the sun
I wanna stay up all night
And find a girl and tell her she's the one
We all started jumping around like buffoons again as we sung the chorus. I fist pumped the air as I circled Zayn on the stage.
Hold on to the feeling
And don't let it go
'Cause we got the floor now
Get out of control
I wanna stay up all night
And do it all with you
I ran and jumped onto Liam’s back as we all continued to sing the chorus. I noticed Niall do the same to Lou while Zayn slid onto his knees between all of us.
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
Niall and I got off of the boys’ backs so we could all line up and tap our toes to the beat as we harmonized. After the last “up all night” we did our “Badass Poses” that Mrs. Clark didn’t necessarily like at the try-outs: Liam and Zayn were back-to-back holding their hands up like they’re guns, Lou and I were squatted and on one knee as our hands hid Zayn and Liam’s crotches, and Niall was laying in front of us with his head resting on the hand of his propped up arm and his other hand resting on his propped up leg. We mostly did the poses to bug Mrs. Clark, and I’m sure she knows it.
There was more to the song, but Mrs. Clark and Mr. Sanchez had us shorten it for time purposes. We don’t need to keep these poor people here for hours just to watch everyone’s full act, so even though we were disappointed, we completely understood. Perrie and Iris’ song was also shortened, as well as anyone else who did one.
For now, we were just satisfied with the standing ovation we received along with more ear-ringing screams. We did a bow before the lights that were shining on the stage shut off and the curtains closed in front of us. I quickly turned to see Iris’s reaction, but she wasn’t there anymore. Perrie frowned at me as if to tell me Iris couldn’t handle watching us anymore. I shouldn’t be so surprised, but I can’t help it. I’m stupid to even think she’d stick around to watch me pretend to be so fucking happy. It was fun, I won’t deny it, but I’m not happy at all. I could never be happy without her in my arms.
Liam peaked through the backstage door to the hallway before turning to me with a frown, “You don’t want to go in there.” I immediately knew that meant Iris was in the hallway. “Want me to go calm her down?” Calm her down? Is she crying? Fuck.
I slowly nodded my head to him, fighting the urge to go in there myself and wrap my arms around her. When he disappeared behind the door, I slid my back down the wall until my bum was on the floor. As I rested my head in my hands, I thought about how I was gonna get her back. I have to get her back, and I’m going to do it. Tonight.
Iris’s POV:
I was furious. How could he mock my twirls and wink at me like he never stomped on my heart and tossed in the garbage? He had no right. How fucking dare he do that when I still hurt from all he’s done.
“Iris, Iris, Iris,” Liam gripped my wrists to prevent me from waving my fists around any further. I was pacing the cold hallway with rage, and I wouldn’t be surprised if people were staring since Liam and I weren’t alone in the hallway. “Hey, hey, Iris. What’s wrong?” I was still pacing, Liam’s footsteps mirroring mine so he could keep his grip on my wrists.
“It’s not fair, Li!” I growled, trying to throw my hands around.
“What’s not fair?” he frowned. He knows damn well what’s not fucking fair.
I yanked one of my hands free of his grip and pointed at the backstage door as if Harry was standing there, “Him! He broke me, and he’s acting like we’re fucking fine and dandy! He can’t do that to me! I love him, and I miss him! He’s only toying with my heart when he does that! He’s making me believe I have a chance when I clearly don’t!”
Before I could get another word out, Liam put his hands on the back of my head and around my shoulders to pull me into his chest. He hugged me there and rocked us a bit to calm me down. “It’s all an act, you know?” No, I don’t fucking know. “He misses you just as much, but you know how we blokes are. If we were to walk around sulking, we’d be pussies.”
“Well, men are jerks,” I mumbled into his shirt.
I felt the vibrations of his laughter in his chest before he pulled me back at arm’s length, “Sadly, I can’t deny that.” I couldn’t help but smile at what he said. Who knew that Liam would be the one to cheer me up one day? I certainly never saw this coming. “I’m sorry he played with your emotions. I’ll have to talk some sense in that Knob. I’ll even give him a good jab in the jaw if you’d like.”
I snickered and shook my head, “No, it’s okay. Thanks for talking to me, Li.”
“EVERYONE, COME ON!” Mr. Sanchez’s voice echoed in the hallway as he clapped his hands together. “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE THE CROWD VOTE AFTER THIS LAST ACT! WE NEED YOU ALL BACKSTAGE!”
Finally. Liam grinned eagerly at me before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and leading me to the door. I couldn’t wait to hear the results.
Mrs. Clark and Mr. Sanchez set up this cool thing where the crowd could vote with their cellphones by texting the act number to a six-digit phone number. Of course, they had each act’s number projected on a screen since not everyone in the audience was gonna memorize when each act went up. Lucky for the teachers, the application already tallies the votes for them, so all they had to do was set a time limit on how long people could vote for.
Once the votes were tallied, all acts were asked to stand behind the curtains. If our name was called, we were instructed to push through the thick fabric and receive our prize from the teachers. There was only three chances of being called, seeing as there was only a first, second, and third place prize. Anyone who wasn’t called was to remain backstage at all times. That’s kind of a shitty for the people who don't get called, but whatever, I guess.
Perrie and I held each other’s hands tightly as we anxiously waited for the winners to be announced.
“In third place, winning free coupons to Chick-Fil-A and ten dollar Juice-It-Up gift cards is…” Mrs. Clark paused for dramatic affect. “Perrie Edwards and Iris Mercer!”
I smiled up at the blonde, happy to even be placing at all. We pushed through the curtains and were immediately hit with sounds of delight coming from the crowd. We walked over to Mr. Sanchez and Mrs. Clark, giving them both big hugs before taking our prizes from them.
Ew. I don’t even like Chick-Fil-A, but I know Perrie and I will definitely be going on a Juice-It-Up trip pretty soon.
“In second place, winning free movie tickets and fifteen dollar gift cards to Juice-It-Up is…” Another dramatic pause came from Mr. Sanchez this time. “The Flow Masters!” (A/N: That name though haha) The crowd began another wave of applause as four guys walked out from behind the curtain. They’re the parkour team at our school, so I’m not really surprised that they placed in the top three and above Perrie and me. They’re lucky they get free movie tickets. Maybe I can convince one of them to trade with me…doubt it.
“And the one you’ve all been waiting for! In first place, the winners of this talent show…” Yet another dramatic pause came from Mrs. Clark. “Who win a trophy, twenty dollar gift cards to Juice-It-Up, and free tickets to Grad Night at Disneyland is…” God, the suspense is fucking killing me. Out with it already! Damn! “One Direction!”
Perrie and I found ourselves jumping for joy as soon as we heard the boys’ group name. I think I can speak for Perrie when I say we’re so proud of them. The boys came out from behind the curtains and waved at the energetic crowd before exchanging hugs with the teachers. They all collected their prizes and each placed one hand onto the trophy as they held it up for the audience to see.
As Mrs. Clark and Mr. Sanchez thanked everyone for coming, I found myself getting lost in a pair of green eyes. As Harry and I were gazing into each other’s orbs, I blocked out every noise, every person, and every object. It felt as if it was just him and I in the room at that moment. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself, making myself more miserable by allowing him to give me butterflies that shouldn’t be there. I can’t help it though, his eyes are so hypnotizing: just one look and I’m lost in them. This is why I tried to avoid them earlier. I love him and I’d take him back in a heartbeat, but right now all he’s doing is hurting me more. He needs to stop doing this to me.
I found my parents and sisters in the theater lobby, and I let them know Niall is taking me home to change and bringing me to the restaurant. They congratulated me and gave me hugs before heading out to meet me there.
I had Niall wait for me in the backstage hallway while I went in the dressing room to slip on my Ugg boots and grab my purse. Of course, when I came out Niall had to make jokes about how my boots don’t go well with my dance attire. Now, we’re in his car and are headed to my house.
“I really wish we got those movie tickets,” Niall sighed.
I giggled, “Porky, the Grad Night tickets are like one hundred dollars, you’re lucky to get them for free.” Grad Night is a Senior Class trip to Disneyland for graduates in all high schools that are around the theme park. I heard there’s clubs there too: not clubs were you drink or anything, but lit up dance floors and DJs are scattered around the park. That’s pretty cool, I guess.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t planning on going to Grad Night,” he stated as he turned onto my street. “Are you going?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted as I shook my head. I haven’t really thought about it or even prom. They have been the last thing on my mind since I know Harry won’t be at my side enjoying it with me. Maybe I need the distraction, but seeing all the couples in both places won’t necessarily help.
“You should.” He pulled into my driveway and put the car in park before putting the emergency brake on and turning the ignition off. “You could use some fun right now.”
“Maybe.” I stepped out of his car, closed the door, and walked to the front door of my house. I pulled the house key out of my purse to unlock the door. Once I walked in, I didn’t even bother to close the door knowing Niall will follow me in and close it himself. We walked upstairs and to my room which I don’t think he’s ever been in before since he was observing every inch of it.
He smiled widely, “I like your room. It’s so neat and simple.”
“Thanks,” I half smiled. “So what did you want to talk about?”
“I uh…” he paused and shook his head with a humorous laugh falling from his lips. “I didn’t. It was just an excuse to see you and talk to you.”
I sighed, “Niall-“
He interrupted me and waved his hand, “I know you’ve been avoiding me, Flower. I don’t know what I did, but whatever it was, I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” I frowned. “I’m the one who should apologize. I have no reason to avoid you anymore.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I placed the palm of my hand over my mouth as if I were trying to push the words back in.
“Anymore?” he furrowed his brows. “Does that mean this has to do with Harry?”
“Niall, why do you have a black eye?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
He crossed his arms, “It is, isn’t it? Harry told you to steer clear of me.”
“No,” I snapped. “He didn’t tell me to do anything. I just did it, okay?” Harry, Harry, Harry. Everything is about fucking Harry. I can never catch a break. I’m constantly reminded of the pain he has caused me, no matter how hard I try to avoid it. I’m going insane from everything, and I’d do anything to rid myself of the pain.
“He’s the reason you did it then?” he narrowed his eyes at me.
“Why do you have a black eye?” I repeated my previous question, hoping to forget about Harry.
“Stop dodging the question!” he shouted. God, why is he being so fucking infuriating? Can’t he see it’s hard for me to speak about the curly haired boy?
“WHY DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING BLACK EYE?!” I screamed so loud that my body was shaking in anger.
“BECAUSE HE HIT ME!” he blared with just as much force.
My face immediately softened and froze that way, “What?”
“Harry punched me! Are you happy now?!” his voice was still elevated as he threw his hands in the air.
My hands fisted my hair, pulling it out of its once neat sock bun. I began pacing as I tried to calm myself. Harry is in every topic. He’s everywhere even when he’s not here. As much as I don’t want to talk about him, I’m curious as to why he’d hurt Niall.
“W-w-why?” I stuttered, continuing to pace around the room.
“Because…”
“Because what?!” I scowled at him. He’s making me angry again. If he wants to fucking talk about him, he needs to just lay it all out right now. I can only handle listening to this for so long.
“Because I like you!” he breathed.
I stopped pacing for a millisecond, only to glance at him and ask, “What?” The information wasn’t really processing in my mind since it was clouded with images of Harry and I. Why won’t he just get out of my head? I don’t want to talk about him, see him, or even think about him. I hate it. I want it all to go away. I can’t cut anymore, I can’t drink anymore, and dancing didn’t even block the pain out today. What else can I do?
“I like you,” he sighed. “I’ve had this huge crush on you since we met.” I didn’t speak, still trying to figure out a way to rid myself of all the pain. What was it about Harry that made the misery disappear? Then it hit me…
“I know it’s too late,” Niall continued. “It sucks because you guys weren’t talking at the time, and all I wanted was to-”
I interrupted him by placing my hand on the back of his neck and pulling him down to crash my lips into his. A kiss. Whenever Harry and I would kiss, it was like nothing bad had ever happened to me. It was almost as if we were the only two people left in the world.
Niall didn’t kiss back, nor did he even hold me. He can probably sense that I’m just using him. I’m such a horrible person.
“I knew it,” a voice croaked from behind us. I detached my lips from Niall’s and whipped my head towards the source. When I realized who it was, tears pricked my eyes.
“Harry,” my lip quivered as I examined his hurt features. Why is he even here? Hasn’t he tortured me enough?
“I fucking knew it,” he shook his head frustratingly before running out of my room. I chased him down the stairs and to the front of my house, shouting after him the whole time.
“You broke up with me!” I bawled as he yanked his car door open. “It’s not like I was cheating on you! You can’t seriously be pissed because I kissed someone while being single!”
He slammed his door shut and turned to me with gritted teeth, “You’re right! I shouldn’t be angry, but I am!” He pointed towards my front door, “Its Niall! I told you over and over that he fucking liked you, and you kept denying those feelings! Just now, you were swapping spit with him!”
“I wouldn’t have kissed him if you didn’t push me away!” I fought back. He has no right to be angry at me when he put the blame on me for the fall of our relationship. He was the one who tossed me to the side over his past: something I wasn’t even part of.
“I’m trying to protect you!” he stomped his foot and clenched his fists at his sides. His eyebrows were scrunched together, his face was bright red with fury, and his glare was intensifying second-by-second. I've never seen him so angry before: this must be the side of him that he never wanted me to see.
“From what?!” I glared hard into his angered orbs. “You?! You once said that God brought us together to help each other! Why won’t you just let me help you rather than pushing me away?!”
He scoffed, “Yeah, well, I was clearly wrong. God only wanted us to break each other more.” What? Does he really mean that?
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched him yank his car door open. He plopped into the seat, slammed the door shut, and turned on the car. He didn’t even bother buckling his seatbelt as he began pulling out of my driveway.
I cried and tried chasing after his car, running down the street as far as my shaky legs would take me. Eventually, I feel to my knees and began sobbing uncontrollably in my hands. I need him. Why would he just leave me like that all over again? I know he’s just using Niall as another excuse to push me away, and it hurts that I gave him another “reason” to. I don’t want Niall though, I never did. I only want Harry.
BLAM! My head shot up to find the source of that noise. What I saw made my heart stop beating and my lungs stop working. I felt lightheaded as everything began spinning around me. Even the tears that were once flowing down my cheeks were now at a halt. No, no, no. This can't be real. I placed my hands on either sides of my head in attempt to regain focus.
Harry’s car had collided into a light pole, and the hood of his car was crushed.
“HARRY!”
Life goes on...
Iris’s POV:
Who am I? What am I doing? Would I always want to live like this? Those are the three questions I asked myself when I woke up on Saturday.
Who am I? I couldn’t even answer that question seeing as I was waking up from a massive hangover. I don’t drink. I’ve never had a hangover before. That's so unlike me. How has my life come to this?
What am I doing? Drinking my life away. I’m wasting every day of my life crying over Harry when I could be living.
Would I always want to live like this? Fuck no. Why would I want to wake up not remembering what happened the night before? I was showered and wearing new clothes, yet I didn’t remember how that happened. Did I do it or did someone help me? My end table had a blueberry muffin, aspirin, and a glass of water waiting for me. All the alcohol that once was scattered around my room had banished. Someone had to have helped me, but who?
I finally woke up. Harry isn’t coming back, and I’m just going to have to accept it. As insecure as I am, I still feel deep in my heart that he loves me. Maybe Louis was right, Harry just doesn’t think he’s good enough for me. As completely untrue as that is, I, myself, wouldn’t be able to prove to him that he’s better than he says he is. That’s something that only he would be able to convince himself of. All I’d be able to tell him is that I don’t care about his past and how I love him so much, but I highly doubt that’d have much effect on his decision he’s dead set on.
I haven’t seen him for two weeks, unless you count the occasional bumping into each other at school. I’ve been thankful that the group still hangs out with me even though Harry and I are broken up. We just hang out outside of school, and at lunch I sit with Kyle, Riley, Dakota, and Liz. When I hang out with the group, they always promise me Harry won’t be there first, and surprisingly they haven’t tried to trick me yet. I thought for sure they’d tell me he wouldn’t come, and then he would wind up being there. Never. It hasn’t ever happened.
Perrie, Eleanor, Liz, and I have done a ton of work to make up for the lost time we needed to prepare for the talent show. Liz did an amazing job designing the dresses Perrie and I asked for: I figured since she was making something for me, she might as well make Perrie a dress. I can’t even describe how excited I am to be on that stage, shocking the whole school with what I can do. I once had a plan to go up as Clarissa and once the show was over, I was going to toss my wig into the crowd and flash my middle finger at them all. It’s funny how things changed so quickly, and now I’m able to be just Iris on that stage. I know I’m still not everyone’s favorite person, but is anyone really liked by everyone?
I’m still sad. Everything reminds me of him, and a permanent image of him remains in my head. I still love him and wish he’d come back. I have to respect his wishes, even if he did make this decision without talking to me first. If he feels like this is the right thing for us, then I should let fate guide us where we’re supposed to go. My mother told me, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. If it’s not, you’ll know.”
For now, all I can do is continue on with my life because it goes on. I wish I could say the same for him…”life goes on”…
Friday March 7th
“Your dress is amazing,” I squealed at Perrie. I had told her about how I once believed when we die, we become stars. She thought it was an interesting concept, and for some reason, she wanted to incorporate it in her dress. Liz designed her a casual black chiffon dress that has white stars in different sizes scattered all around it. The dress stopped halfway to her knees, and its sleeves ended at her elbows. Because the dress is so loose, Perrie wore a tiny black belt around her waist to show off her skinny figure. It looks so beautiful. Of course, Perrie being Perrie, she insisted on wearing a headband that held white flowers. Shocker.
“Mine? I love your’s?” she gushed. We decided it’d be best if we matched for our performance. Liz designed me a black dance dress that is like a silk bathing suit. A triangular slit in the solid black material is apparent from the right side, all the way around, mostly showing off my belly button and left side. The right sleeve is see-through and has galaxy print on it. From the top of the slit to the bottom of the dress, the same fabric as my right sleeve is attached like a skirt. I’m in love with this dress. Of course, I had my hair in a sock bun to keep it out of my face and decided on wearing no shoes or socks with it.
“Liz did an amazing job,” I nodded. “I’m so excited! Are your parents here?”
She grinned widely, “Sitting next to Zayn’s. Your’s?”
“Surprisingly, yes,” I snickered. “I never thought they’d show up to anything that was important to me.”
“Edwards, Mercer,” Mrs. Clark peaked into the crowded dressing room. “You guys are up after the next act, so I suggest you hurry and get back stage.”
Perrie and I exchanged large grins before nodding to the teacher. We did one last examination of ourselves in the mirror before we headed out of the room and into a cold hallway. I hugged myself in attempt to keep warm as we walked to the end of the hall where the stage door was. Perrie twisted the doorknob and allowed me to step in before she followed me and gently closed the door behind us. We were given strict instructions that we had to close that door softly and speak in whispers while we’re backstage to be respectful of those who are on stage.
Perrie grabbed my hand and pulled me to the right side of the room where we had a side view of who was on stage, and we were still hidden from the crowd by a wall. A couple of girls had just finished their act of baton twirling and the crowd was roaring with cheers and applause. Sudden nervousness flooded my mind. It sounds like hundreds of people are here, and I’ll be dancing in front of them all. That’s crazy. I can only hope they’ll enjoy our talents.
Mr. Sanchez walked onto the stage as the girls disappeared behind the curtains. “Thank you Adeline and Meredith for that lovely performance. Up next is Christina Cooke who will be doing a dramatic reading of a poem she wrote, called 'Us'.”
Mr. Sanchez did a small bow before walking off the stage. The stage lights turned off before the curtains slowly opened to reveal the silhouette of a girl standing before a microphone. A soft spotlight slowly shined over her head as she began her reading.
I didn’t get to hear much before a strong hand gripped my wrist, making me jump a little. The hand was too big and strong to be Perrie’s, so I slowly turned to find the source. Niall.
“Flower, can we talk?” he asked quietly with the corners of his lips tugged down into a frown. I haven’t spoken to him in what feels like ages. I’ve ignored him since Harry and I got into that fight the day before we broke up. I feel bad for Niall in the same sense that I don’t. I didn’t want Harry to be suspicious of Niall and I when there’s nothing going on, so I figured avoiding him would be best, but now Harry and I are over. There’s no reason to hide from him anymore.
“Not right now,” I shook my head. “We’re about to go up. After?”
“We’re after you,” he bit his bottom lip. “How about I drive you home after the show?” My parents planned to take me out to dinner afterwards, but I don’t feel like going in this attire since I’m pretty much half naked. I guess it couldn’t hurt to have him take me home to change and drop me off at the restaurant afterwards.
I lightly nodded in agreement before furrowing my eyebrows in confusion when I noticed his black eye. I lightly brushed his swollen eye, careful not to hurt him as I observed it. “What happened?”
He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it.”
I was about to protest, but the rest of the boys entered the room, including Harry. I felt my heart pounding in my chest at the sight of him. It didn’t necessarily help that he had the sleeves of his black shirt rolled up to flash his tattoos and his toned muscles. Fuck, Iris, he broke your heart. Stop drooling over him. I forced myself to look away as soon as I saw him lift up his head to look in my direction. I cannot bear to look in those emerald green eyes that I long to see.
“We’ve got to get in position,” Perrie stated, leaning so close to me her lips were almost touching my ear. She grabbed my hand and dragged me behind the second set of curtains as Christina was finishing her poem. Perrie ran to the other side of the stage and took the microphone from Mrs. Clark that she’d be needing. As soon as we heard applause, we waited for the second curtains to open up before finding our spots in front of them. I stood in the middle of the cold hard stage as Perrie remained off to the side where she wasn’t visible to the audience.
“Up next, we have Perrie Edwards singing and Iris Mercer dancing to ‘Try’ by P!nk,” Mr. Sanchez announced before an eruption of applause was heard. As soon as I heard my name, my breath caught in my throat. I’m really doing this and while Harry’s standing to the side. It’s ironic how I chose this song based on me not allowing myself to be pushed around anymore, but the song is actually about moving on after a breakup. I wish I would’ve picked a different song, but now’s too late to think about that.
Once the music started, the curtains opened slowly to reveal me as a white spotlight hit me. I stumbled forward to the beat before running backwards on my tiptoes and swiftly twirled to face the curtains.
Ever wonder about what he's doing?
How it all turned to lies?
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why
Perrie sung as she walked out onto the stage, still standing off to the side to remain out of my way. Another spotlight fell on her, and people began to shout things like “I love you Perrie!” and “You’re hot!” to her. I know that they’re more excited to see her than me, but I guess I enjoy expressing myself through dance too much to care. At least my family is in the crowd, that’s something I’m able to be happy about.
Harry’s POV:
I watched as Iris continued to dance to Perrie’s voice and the beat. I know it’s not possible that she could’ve picked this song recently since it takes too long to practice for a song, but knowing that she’s performing to it hurts. She’s definitely allowed to move on since I’m no longer holding her back, but I don’t want that. I’m being so stupid and so selfish, but I can’t be without her.
Being away from her for the past two weeks have been hard, but I know she’s been doing much better. Just from passing her in the hallway at school, I can tell she’s been laughing and smiling again. I can always feel the happiness radiating off of her until she sees me. Immediate sorrow would take over her expression, and I could see her try to hide it, but I can see right through her just as she can do to me.
I did that to her. It’s my fault that whenever she sees me, she’s upset. I hurt her. I can’t sleep at night knowing how much pain I put her in. Although, I deserve every bit of guilt that is engulfing me. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this. I need her so much it hurts. I love her, and I should’ve just confided in her rather than dumping her and blaming it on our stupid arguments. She deserves to at least know the truth to why I broke up with her, and now I have every intention to tell her.
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
For the last bit, Iris was pushing her head harshly from side to side with her dainty hands before she’d do two violent bows. She did one twirl before looking up at the ceiling and motioning her fists as if she was climbing a rope. She repeated that process one more time, this time ending with her head dangling and her arms to her sides as Perrie mirrored her final position.
Cheers erupted through the crowd as the applause grew louder and louder. I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if they received a standing ovation. Iris was incredible. And Perrie, of course.
The spotlight faded into darkness on the stage before Iris and Perrie disappeared behind the curtains. It was now the lads and I’s turn to give it a go. We ran out behind the first curtain and got in our positions to perform the song. I took one more glance to the side of the room before Mrs. Clark announced our names, finding Iris and Perrie sitting on stools to watch us. I’m not surprised Perrie is there, but Iris? I thought she’d head back to the dressing rooms so she wouldn’t have to look at me, yet there she was. I must’ve been staring for longer than I needed to since she shot me a forced smile. I partially smiled back, actually meaning to be genuine towards her.
I didn’t even get a chance to look at her reaction since I heard Mrs. Clark say, “Give it up for One Direction performing their very own song, ‘Up All Night’!”
Sudden excitement took over me as the curtains opened up to reveal the hundreds of people in the crowd. Girls were screaming on the top of their lungs and I knew our appearance had to do with that. I chuckled to myself when I remembered Niall suggesting we should wear what we’d wear at a party, and today Lou showed up in a white tank with holes in it. He said he’d never wear something nice to a party which made us get a good laugh out of it. Liam and Niall decided to go for the casual grey t-shirts as I did with a black one. Zayn decided on dressing up in a black button up shirt with grey suspenders. Of course, don’t be too surprised, we all wore black skinny jeans.
After what seemed like minutes of staring at the fans, we finally began the song:
It feels like we've been livin' in fast forward
Another moment passing by
(Up up up all night)
The party's ending but it's now or never
Nobody's going home tonight
(Up up up all night)
Liam started us off the song with Niall harmonizing “Up, up, up, all night” in the background.
Katy Perry's on replay
She's on replay
DJ got the floor to shake, the floor to shake
People going all the way
Yeah, all the way
I'm still wide awake
It was now my turn to sing, rocking my shoulders with every word. I humped the air as I sung “all the way,” causing girls to detonate into screams.
I wanna stay up all night
And jump around until we see the sun
I wanna stay up all night
And find a girl and tell her she's the one
The boys and I all sung the chorus together as we jumped around the stage. We waved our free hands around like loons as we jumped in patterns around the stage. When we sang “tell her she’s the one,” we’d stop and point to the crowd before holding up our pointer finger as if to say they were the one.
Hold on to the feeling
And don't let it go
'Cause we got the floor now
Get out of control
I wanna stay up all night
And do it all with you
As we continued the chorus, I grabbed Lou’s hand and pulled him close to me so our sides were touching. I released him and twirled a couple of times before winking jokingly over at Iris and Perrie who didn’t find it funny at all…
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
We had Louis sing this part as we all stood in a line, tapping our foot to the beat.
Don't even care about the table breaking
We only wanna have a laugh
(Up up up all night)
I'm only thinking 'bout this girl I'm seeing
I hope she'll wanna kiss me back
(Up up up all night)
Zayn took over this verse as Niall harmonized the “up, up, up, all night” yet again. Liam and Louis picked me up by the sides of my legs and waist and spun us all in a circle.
Katy Perry's on replay
She's on replay
DJ got the floor to shake, the floor to shake
People going all the way
Yeah, all the way
I'm still wide awake
They had set me down just in time for my part to sing. I did the same thing as last time: swaying my shoulders to the beat and air humping at “all the way” to receive another round of screams from the many girls that were in the crowd. I’m sure Mrs. Clark is not too fond of that move, but hey, the audience is enjoying it.
I wanna stay up all night
And jump around until we see the sun
I wanna stay up all night
And find a girl and tell her she's the one
We all started jumping around like buffoons again as we sung the chorus. I fist pumped the air as I circled Zayn on the stage.
Hold on to the feeling
And don't let it go
'Cause we got the floor now
Get out of control
I wanna stay up all night
And do it all with you
I ran and jumped onto Liam’s back as we all continued to sing the chorus. I noticed Niall do the same to Lou while Zayn slid onto his knees between all of us.
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
Like this, all night, hey
Up all night
Niall and I got off of the boys’ backs so we could all line up and tap our toes to the beat as we harmonized. After the last “up all night” we did our “Badass Poses” that Mrs. Clark didn’t necessarily like at the try-outs: Liam and Zayn were back-to-back holding their hands up like they’re guns, Lou and I were squatted and on one knee as our hands hid Zayn and Liam’s crotches, and Niall was laying in front of us with his head resting on the hand of his propped up arm and his other hand resting on his propped up leg. We mostly did the poses to bug Mrs. Clark, and I’m sure she knows it.
There was more to the song, but Mrs. Clark and Mr. Sanchez had us shorten it for time purposes. We don’t need to keep these poor people here for hours just to watch everyone’s full act, so even though we were disappointed, we completely understood. Perrie and Iris’ song was also shortened, as well as anyone else who did one.
For now, we were just satisfied with the standing ovation we received along with more ear-ringing screams. We did a bow before the lights that were shining on the stage shut off and the curtains closed in front of us. I quickly turned to see Iris’s reaction, but she wasn’t there anymore. Perrie frowned at me as if to tell me Iris couldn’t handle watching us anymore. I shouldn’t be so surprised, but I can’t help it. I’m stupid to even think she’d stick around to watch me pretend to be so fucking happy. It was fun, I won’t deny it, but I’m not happy at all. I could never be happy without her in my arms.
Liam peaked through the backstage door to the hallway before turning to me with a frown, “You don’t want to go in there.” I immediately knew that meant Iris was in the hallway. “Want me to go calm her down?” Calm her down? Is she crying? Fuck.
I slowly nodded my head to him, fighting the urge to go in there myself and wrap my arms around her. When he disappeared behind the door, I slid my back down the wall until my bum was on the floor. As I rested my head in my hands, I thought about how I was gonna get her back. I have to get her back, and I’m going to do it. Tonight.
Iris’s POV:
I was furious. How could he mock my twirls and wink at me like he never stomped on my heart and tossed in the garbage? He had no right. How fucking dare he do that when I still hurt from all he’s done.
“Iris, Iris, Iris,” Liam gripped my wrists to prevent me from waving my fists around any further. I was pacing the cold hallway with rage, and I wouldn’t be surprised if people were staring since Liam and I weren’t alone in the hallway. “Hey, hey, Iris. What’s wrong?” I was still pacing, Liam’s footsteps mirroring mine so he could keep his grip on my wrists.
“It’s not fair, Li!” I growled, trying to throw my hands around.
“What’s not fair?” he frowned. He knows damn well what’s not fucking fair.
I yanked one of my hands free of his grip and pointed at the backstage door as if Harry was standing there, “Him! He broke me, and he’s acting like we’re fucking fine and dandy! He can’t do that to me! I love him, and I miss him! He’s only toying with my heart when he does that! He’s making me believe I have a chance when I clearly don’t!”
Before I could get another word out, Liam put his hands on the back of my head and around my shoulders to pull me into his chest. He hugged me there and rocked us a bit to calm me down. “It’s all an act, you know?” No, I don’t fucking know. “He misses you just as much, but you know how we blokes are. If we were to walk around sulking, we’d be pussies.”
“Well, men are jerks,” I mumbled into his shirt.
I felt the vibrations of his laughter in his chest before he pulled me back at arm’s length, “Sadly, I can’t deny that.” I couldn’t help but smile at what he said. Who knew that Liam would be the one to cheer me up one day? I certainly never saw this coming. “I’m sorry he played with your emotions. I’ll have to talk some sense in that Knob. I’ll even give him a good jab in the jaw if you’d like.”
I snickered and shook my head, “No, it’s okay. Thanks for talking to me, Li.”
“EVERYONE, COME ON!” Mr. Sanchez’s voice echoed in the hallway as he clapped his hands together. “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE THE CROWD VOTE AFTER THIS LAST ACT! WE NEED YOU ALL BACKSTAGE!”
Finally. Liam grinned eagerly at me before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and leading me to the door. I couldn’t wait to hear the results.
Mrs. Clark and Mr. Sanchez set up this cool thing where the crowd could vote with their cellphones by texting the act number to a six-digit phone number. Of course, they had each act’s number projected on a screen since not everyone in the audience was gonna memorize when each act went up. Lucky for the teachers, the application already tallies the votes for them, so all they had to do was set a time limit on how long people could vote for.
Once the votes were tallied, all acts were asked to stand behind the curtains. If our name was called, we were instructed to push through the thick fabric and receive our prize from the teachers. There was only three chances of being called, seeing as there was only a first, second, and third place prize. Anyone who wasn’t called was to remain backstage at all times. That’s kind of a shitty for the people who don't get called, but whatever, I guess.
Perrie and I held each other’s hands tightly as we anxiously waited for the winners to be announced.
“In third place, winning free coupons to Chick-Fil-A and ten dollar Juice-It-Up gift cards is…” Mrs. Clark paused for dramatic affect. “Perrie Edwards and Iris Mercer!”
I smiled up at the blonde, happy to even be placing at all. We pushed through the curtains and were immediately hit with sounds of delight coming from the crowd. We walked over to Mr. Sanchez and Mrs. Clark, giving them both big hugs before taking our prizes from them.
Ew. I don’t even like Chick-Fil-A, but I know Perrie and I will definitely be going on a Juice-It-Up trip pretty soon.
“In second place, winning free movie tickets and fifteen dollar gift cards to Juice-It-Up is…” Another dramatic pause came from Mr. Sanchez this time. “The Flow Masters!” (A/N: That name though haha) The crowd began another wave of applause as four guys walked out from behind the curtain. They’re the parkour team at our school, so I’m not really surprised that they placed in the top three and above Perrie and me. They’re lucky they get free movie tickets. Maybe I can convince one of them to trade with me…doubt it.
“And the one you’ve all been waiting for! In first place, the winners of this talent show…” Yet another dramatic pause came from Mrs. Clark. “Who win a trophy, twenty dollar gift cards to Juice-It-Up, and free tickets to Grad Night at Disneyland is…” God, the suspense is fucking killing me. Out with it already! Damn! “One Direction!”
Perrie and I found ourselves jumping for joy as soon as we heard the boys’ group name. I think I can speak for Perrie when I say we’re so proud of them. The boys came out from behind the curtains and waved at the energetic crowd before exchanging hugs with the teachers. They all collected their prizes and each placed one hand onto the trophy as they held it up for the audience to see.
As Mrs. Clark and Mr. Sanchez thanked everyone for coming, I found myself getting lost in a pair of green eyes. As Harry and I were gazing into each other’s orbs, I blocked out every noise, every person, and every object. It felt as if it was just him and I in the room at that moment. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself, making myself more miserable by allowing him to give me butterflies that shouldn’t be there. I can’t help it though, his eyes are so hypnotizing: just one look and I’m lost in them. This is why I tried to avoid them earlier. I love him and I’d take him back in a heartbeat, but right now all he’s doing is hurting me more. He needs to stop doing this to me.
I found my parents and sisters in the theater lobby, and I let them know Niall is taking me home to change and bringing me to the restaurant. They congratulated me and gave me hugs before heading out to meet me there.
I had Niall wait for me in the backstage hallway while I went in the dressing room to slip on my Ugg boots and grab my purse. Of course, when I came out Niall had to make jokes about how my boots don’t go well with my dance attire. Now, we’re in his car and are headed to my house.
“I really wish we got those movie tickets,” Niall sighed.
I giggled, “Porky, the Grad Night tickets are like one hundred dollars, you’re lucky to get them for free.” Grad Night is a Senior Class trip to Disneyland for graduates in all high schools that are around the theme park. I heard there’s clubs there too: not clubs were you drink or anything, but lit up dance floors and DJs are scattered around the park. That’s pretty cool, I guess.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t planning on going to Grad Night,” he stated as he turned onto my street. “Are you going?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted as I shook my head. I haven’t really thought about it or even prom. They have been the last thing on my mind since I know Harry won’t be at my side enjoying it with me. Maybe I need the distraction, but seeing all the couples in both places won’t necessarily help.
“You should.” He pulled into my driveway and put the car in park before putting the emergency brake on and turning the ignition off. “You could use some fun right now.”
“Maybe.” I stepped out of his car, closed the door, and walked to the front door of my house. I pulled the house key out of my purse to unlock the door. Once I walked in, I didn’t even bother to close the door knowing Niall will follow me in and close it himself. We walked upstairs and to my room which I don’t think he’s ever been in before since he was observing every inch of it.
He smiled widely, “I like your room. It’s so neat and simple.”
“Thanks,” I half smiled. “So what did you want to talk about?”
“I uh…” he paused and shook his head with a humorous laugh falling from his lips. “I didn’t. It was just an excuse to see you and talk to you.”
I sighed, “Niall-“
He interrupted me and waved his hand, “I know you’ve been avoiding me, Flower. I don’t know what I did, but whatever it was, I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” I frowned. “I’m the one who should apologize. I have no reason to avoid you anymore.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I placed the palm of my hand over my mouth as if I were trying to push the words back in.
“Anymore?” he furrowed his brows. “Does that mean this has to do with Harry?”
“Niall, why do you have a black eye?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
He crossed his arms, “It is, isn’t it? Harry told you to steer clear of me.”
“No,” I snapped. “He didn’t tell me to do anything. I just did it, okay?” Harry, Harry, Harry. Everything is about fucking Harry. I can never catch a break. I’m constantly reminded of the pain he has caused me, no matter how hard I try to avoid it. I’m going insane from everything, and I’d do anything to rid myself of the pain.
“He’s the reason you did it then?” he narrowed his eyes at me.
“Why do you have a black eye?” I repeated my previous question, hoping to forget about Harry.
“Stop dodging the question!” he shouted. God, why is he being so fucking infuriating? Can’t he see it’s hard for me to speak about the curly haired boy?
“WHY DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING BLACK EYE?!” I screamed so loud that my body was shaking in anger.
“BECAUSE HE HIT ME!” he blared with just as much force.
My face immediately softened and froze that way, “What?”
“Harry punched me! Are you happy now?!” his voice was still elevated as he threw his hands in the air.
My hands fisted my hair, pulling it out of its once neat sock bun. I began pacing as I tried to calm myself. Harry is in every topic. He’s everywhere even when he’s not here. As much as I don’t want to talk about him, I’m curious as to why he’d hurt Niall.
“W-w-why?” I stuttered, continuing to pace around the room.
“Because…”
“Because what?!” I scowled at him. He’s making me angry again. If he wants to fucking talk about him, he needs to just lay it all out right now. I can only handle listening to this for so long.
“Because I like you!” he breathed.
I stopped pacing for a millisecond, only to glance at him and ask, “What?” The information wasn’t really processing in my mind since it was clouded with images of Harry and I. Why won’t he just get out of my head? I don’t want to talk about him, see him, or even think about him. I hate it. I want it all to go away. I can’t cut anymore, I can’t drink anymore, and dancing didn’t even block the pain out today. What else can I do?
“I like you,” he sighed. “I’ve had this huge crush on you since we met.” I didn’t speak, still trying to figure out a way to rid myself of all the pain. What was it about Harry that made the misery disappear? Then it hit me…
“I know it’s too late,” Niall continued. “It sucks because you guys weren’t talking at the time, and all I wanted was to-”
I interrupted him by placing my hand on the back of his neck and pulling him down to crash my lips into his. A kiss. Whenever Harry and I would kiss, it was like nothing bad had ever happened to me. It was almost as if we were the only two people left in the world.
Niall didn’t kiss back, nor did he even hold me. He can probably sense that I’m just using him. I’m such a horrible person.
“I knew it,” a voice croaked from behind us. I detached my lips from Niall’s and whipped my head towards the source. When I realized who it was, tears pricked my eyes.
“Harry,” my lip quivered as I examined his hurt features. Why is he even here? Hasn’t he tortured me enough?
“I fucking knew it,” he shook his head frustratingly before running out of my room. I chased him down the stairs and to the front of my house, shouting after him the whole time.
“You broke up with me!” I bawled as he yanked his car door open. “It’s not like I was cheating on you! You can’t seriously be pissed because I kissed someone while being single!”
He slammed his door shut and turned to me with gritted teeth, “You’re right! I shouldn’t be angry, but I am!” He pointed towards my front door, “Its Niall! I told you over and over that he fucking liked you, and you kept denying those feelings! Just now, you were swapping spit with him!”
“I wouldn’t have kissed him if you didn’t push me away!” I fought back. He has no right to be angry at me when he put the blame on me for the fall of our relationship. He was the one who tossed me to the side over his past: something I wasn’t even part of.
“I’m trying to protect you!” he stomped his foot and clenched his fists at his sides. His eyebrows were scrunched together, his face was bright red with fury, and his glare was intensifying second-by-second. I've never seen him so angry before: this must be the side of him that he never wanted me to see.
“From what?!” I glared hard into his angered orbs. “You?! You once said that God brought us together to help each other! Why won’t you just let me help you rather than pushing me away?!”
He scoffed, “Yeah, well, I was clearly wrong. God only wanted us to break each other more.” What? Does he really mean that?
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched him yank his car door open. He plopped into the seat, slammed the door shut, and turned on the car. He didn’t even bother buckling his seatbelt as he began pulling out of my driveway.
I cried and tried chasing after his car, running down the street as far as my shaky legs would take me. Eventually, I feel to my knees and began sobbing uncontrollably in my hands. I need him. Why would he just leave me like that all over again? I know he’s just using Niall as another excuse to push me away, and it hurts that I gave him another “reason” to. I don’t want Niall though, I never did. I only want Harry.
BLAM! My head shot up to find the source of that noise. What I saw made my heart stop beating and my lungs stop working. I felt lightheaded as everything began spinning around me. Even the tears that were once flowing down my cheeks were now at a halt. No, no, no. This can't be real. I placed my hands on either sides of my head in attempt to regain focus.
Harry’s car had collided into a light pole, and the hood of his car was crushed.
“HARRY!”
Life goes on...
Notes
I'm sorry this took me FOREVER to update. I've been trying to keep up with "The Bucket List," this story, homework, and my sick kitty. My cat had gotten way worse, and today we had to put her down. She was sixteen years old, so we knew her time was coming, I'm just sad because she's been a part of my life since I was three. Anyways, I'm okay, or at least I will be...
So I hope this long chapter made up for taking forever. Sorry, but not sorry about the cliffhanger.
IMPORTANT:
I've been getting those "Update" comments again and they are seriously my biggest pet peeve. I appreciate that you all love my story, seriously, and I promise you I'm going to update. I just have other things to do with my life too, you know? I'm not being paid to write for you, so these comments are unnecessary and only make me feel like I have to rush. I get if you're disappointed in me for taking "too long," but I've been busy. You're pestering me, and it's really getting on my nerves. I'm very sorry if this seemed rude, I'm just in a shitty mood since my cat...yeah.
Anyways, subscribe and vote please, it means the world to me. Be sure to leave me a comment as well, just NOT "update". Please and thank you. I love you guys a ton, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. <3
Question Time:
Will Harry be okay?
I love this story so much!!!
11/18/17