Mistreated
Clear
Monday January 27th Continued
Iris’s POV:
After a few minutes of full on sobbing into Niall’s chest, he pulled away and removed the headphones from my ears. He gestured for me to hand him the iPod to which I slowly complied. I could feel my body hiccupping and shaking from the cries. Niall soothingly continued to rub my back as he placed my iPod into my purse, finding the hearing aids as he did so. He handed me my hearing aids and waited for me to put them on.
“Why don’t we go somewhere less public?” he asked after I had the hearing aids in and turned on, his blue eyes scanning the park to look at the few people who were staring. Not trusting my voice, I just nodded and grabbed my stuff.
During the car ride, he was trying to lighten up the mood by blasting his music and singing obnoxiously along with the lyrics. All he could get out of me were a few weak smiles. Riding in his convertible used to always be so fun, but right now I just feel so drained. Fun isn't something I've exactly earned anyways.
Niall wound up taking me to his house because his family was at fancy party or something like that. I didn’t really listen to him as I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Am I crazy? I felt like another person, yet all my behavior was strangely familiar. It reminds me of someone…but who?
“I don’t know about you, but I’m parched,” Niall stated as we walked into his house. I followed him to his kitchen where he threw his backpack onto the counter and began searching his cabinets for a glass. “Do you want anything? I’ve got water, juice, Kool-Aid, tea, and coffee,” he listed with his back facing me. “Oh, I’ve got smoothie mix too.”
I let out a light laugh, “No, I’m fine Niall.”
“Kool-Aid it is,” he turned around and placed two glasses onto the countertop.
I shook my head, “I said I was fine.”
He raised his brows, “Yeah, you been saying that for days, yet here you are, with dry tears covering your cheeks.”
I sigh, “Okay.” He knows me better than I thought. He had some Kool-Aid already mixed into a container that sat in his refrigerator that he pulled out and poured into both of the glasses. “Niall?” I asked as he placed the container back into the refrigerator.
“Hm?” he hummed, walking back over to the counter to slide my drink to me.
I gripped the glass tightly in my hand, “Am I crazy?”
“No,” he said without hesitation. “Far from it, really. You just didn’t realize what you were doing. What even made you finally see it?”
“Harry,” I half-smiled. “He told me he wanted Iris, not me. I guess that’s when I finally saw the light.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean it rudely,” he said before bringing his glass to his lips.
I played with my thumbs, still holding onto the glass as I stared at the red liquid, “But he did mean it. It’s okay though. I needed to hear that, whether I liked it or not.”
“Yeah, you did,” he curled his lips.
“So what do I do now? How do I move on from here?”
He exhaled deeply and positioned himself so he was leaning his crossed arms onto the counter, “Well, you need to ameliorate things.”
I shot him a puzzled look, “What does that even mean?”
“It means you need to mend things,” he chuckled. “Fix the damage.”
“Nerd,” I playfully rolled my eyes. His eyes suddenly widened. He leaned across the table and placed his cold hand on my forehead. “What the hell are you doing?” I laughed.
“Checking to see if you’re sick,” he smirked. “You’re starting to sound a lot like Iris.”
I smiled, “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Harry really does have an effect on you,” he said before poking my cheek and making a ‘tsk’ noise with his tongue. “I’m happy for you, Flower.”
“Thanks.”
We talked for what seemed like hours. Not once did we mention what has been going on during the past few days, and in a way, I was grateful for that. Niall was a shoulder to cry on, but he wasn’t who I wanted to talk about everything with. No, that was a conversation I should have with my boyfriend. Harry wasn’t there for it all and deserves to know the truth: what happened with Scott, the disgusting flirting with my principal, my relationship to Riley, all the things I’ve done, and the reason I pushed the group away. I plan on telling him, first thing tomorrow morning.
Once it got dark, Niall gave me a ride home. I had a nice dinner with my family later that night. I listened to stories about my mom and dad as teenagers. In a way, I was similar to them. My mom was the rebellious type of kid. She hated drinking because of the taste and found ways to fake being drunk around her friends, but she admitted that she smoked a lot and let her grades slip without a care in the world. My dad was surprisingly a quiet kid who had very few friends. He still enjoyed his years of school because that’s when he met my mother and got to dance with her at prom, as well as marrying her years later. It’s crazy how they met their senior year, just like Harry and I. Who knows, maybe Harry and I will wind up married someday. That sounds silly from a girl my age, but I have no plans on ever breaking it off with Harry. I plan to be with him forever, and forever happens to include marriage at some point.
After helping Brielle clean up the kitchen, I headed upstairs to my room. The darkness made everything in my room look like silhouettes. I hated the darkness for such a long time, but tonight, I love it. I pulled a pillow off of my bed and placed it onto the window seat. I laid myself onto the window seat, my head resting on the pillow and my legs sticking straight up as they lean against the wall. Then, I stared out my window and scanned the stars.
When I was a little girl, I believed that when you died, you’d become a star. Growing up, I grew apart from my family which only made me want to add myself to the collection of flaming balls of gas in the galaxy. I used to think the stars were all happy. But what if they aren’t? What if they look down on us and think ‘Wow, those people are lucky to live’?” They just sit there, looking pretty as ever but they’ll never get to do the things we all do: listen to music, text friends, dance, eat, watch a movie, and go to the beach. None of them.
If there’s anything this experience and Riley’s dad’s death taught me, it’s that we choose to live the life we want to live. Not the people at school, not our parents, not anyone. Nobody but us. I need to stop worrying about shaping myself to please others. I need to just be me. That’s freedom. Being who I want without caring what anyone else thinks. Not the thing I was.
The thing I was. I grew sadder, angrier, and blander. I put distance between my friends and me, pushing them further and further away with every breath. I buried my true emotions deep down and put on an act to make people think I was okay when I wasn’t. I refused any help I was offered. I didn’t want people to see how torn I was deep inside and pity me. I hurt people without even realizing it. People warned me I’d become a bully and I didn’t listen. I acted stubborn and…wait…
It’s suddenly clear. I know exactly who I was. I knew the behavior seemed familiar. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before. It’s the last person I expected to turn into.
Tuesday January 28th
“There’s a way to dress like you, and still have style,” Skye stated. She walked over to my closet and began pulling out jumpers and tossing them onto my bed. “Pick one of these out and wear some skinny jeans with it.” I asked her for help to look like me again, but I still wanted to have some of the sexy components I’ve worn the last few days.
I walked over and examined all of the shirts she had picked out. There was a plain orange one, a mint green one that said “SELFIE” on it, and there was a striped one. I wound up picking the striped one. It has blue, grey, and green stripes covering the whole shirt, each color being separated by a small white stripe. Then, Skye threw me some black skinny jeans to wear with it.
“Your grey Vans will look good with that,” she smiled as she handed them to me. “Okay, so now you need to add a splash of style. So the reason I gave you the grey Vans was because your sweater has that color on it, so you’ll want to match your accessories with those stripes.”
She knelt down in my closet and dug in my collection of purses for the perfect one. She pulled out my sky blue, leather purse and proudly handed it to me. “The purse matches the blue stripes on your sweater. Now, you need something green. This is going to sound silly, but you said you don’t like lipstick, so I bought you this.” She shoved her hand into her jacket pocket, pulled out an egg looking thing, and handed it to me.
“What’s this?” I furrowed my brows as I examined it.
“It’s an EOS lip balm. The flavor is Honeysuckle melon, and even better, it matches your sweater,” she chuckled. “I didn’t plan that, but I like to think I did. Okay, so the last thing on you sweater is white. If you wore a white beanie, it’d be perfect. Now you’re all set.”
“What do I do with my hair and makeup?”
She curled her lips into a light smile, “Iris, your makeup has always been good. Just don’t put too much on. Maybe just a few things rather than everything. As for your hair, you should just curl it like usual. It’d go good with your beanie.”
I placed my stuff onto my bed and practically skipped over to my sister to attack her with a big hug, “Thanks Skye.”
“No problem,” she chuckled. “Now get dressed so I can take you to school.”
“Yes Ma’am,” I saluted her, earning a playful eye roll and a laugh.
After she walked out of the room, I changed into the outfit she picked out for me. Once I was done with that, I walked into the bathroom to do my hair and makeup. I decided on just curling the ends of my hair since my beanie will be covering half of it anyways. For my makeup, I followed Skye’s advice on not putting everything on my face. I narrowed it down to three things: foundation, blush, and mascara. This way you can still tell I’m wearing makeup, but you can still see my natural features. I noticed that this outfit makes my eyes stand out more, but maybe that’s just because they were hard to find through all the cosmetics on my face before. It’s nice to finally look and feel free.
I walked back into my room and grabbed a white knit beanie off of my dresser and placed it on my head, being sure that the curls in the front were still showing. Lastly, I placed everything from yesterday’s bag into today’s purse. I took one last look in the mirror, proud to see Iris again. She’s no longer hidden under a behavior I had learned from someone else. I’m me again, and it feels so good.
When I walked up to the school, I was a little nervous. I had a lot of work to do today, and I just hoped everyone would forgive me. I decided to start with the easy amends first before moving to the biggest apology of all: saying sorry to the school. I don’t have to say anything to them, but I feel guilty for the things I did. I don’t want to be known as “the scary girl who was overcame by power” as everyone has been saying I am. I’d rather be STD Girl than the girl that even I was scared of. I need to ameliorate things with them, just as Niall said.
I spotted Harry in front of the school and walked over to him, “Hey.”
“Oh hey,” he scoffed. “Is this Iris?” Even though he was dead serious, I curved a corner of my mouth into a smile. I didn’t want him to know how much those words hurt and not for the same reasons as before. I’m not trying to hide my true emotions anymore, I just don’t want to make him feel guilty for hurting my feelings when I deserved those harsh words. I squeezed his groin and ran away when he begged me not to leave, so yeah, he has every right to be angry with me.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I said softly.
He crossed his arms, “Look, I didn’t appreciate the way you acted yesterday.”
“I-“
“No,” he stuck out his hand, not allowing me to tell him I agree. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings with what I said yesterday, but it was the truth. I don’t like this you. You’re not my girlfriend. Mercy, I want to be there for you, but how can I stand by someone when I don’t even like what they’re becoming? You’re so caught up with yourself that you don’t even realize how much you’re hurting others. I only saw you yesterday, and I’m already tired of it. So when you see my girlfriend, tell her I want her back.” Ouch. That stung.
He didn’t even let me speak, turning away from me and walking into the building. Basically, he waited outside for me so he could tell me off. Everything he said, I was going to apologize for and he didn’t let me get two words in. So he’s angry, but I’m not going to run away crying or beg him for forgiveness. I need to give him a little time, maybe just wait till after school, and then I can talk to him about it.
I waited a good five minutes before I walked into the hallway myself. I just didn’t want people to know Harry was fuming from talking to me, so I made it look like I came a little bit later. When I walked in, a few girls ran up to me and asked me where I got my purse. I surprised myself by chatting with them about fashion. The girls were so sweet, yet so style obsessed. They were pretty fun to talk to though.
“Iris?” a voice asked from behind me. By the looks on the girls’ faces, I could tell it was someone I wasn’t going to like.
I turned around to find Kyle, Dakota, and Liz all standing before me. I rolled my eyes, “What do you want?”
“Can we talk to you?” Dakota lightly smiled.
I sighed and politely asked the girls to let me speak to them alone. Once they were out of sight, I turned to the three people I once called my friends and said, “Hey um, before you say anything, I have something to say.” They nodded for me to continue. “I’m angry for what you guys did. I just um, I’m really sad too because you were the first friends I made on my own in a long time. I’m introduced to people by Harry all the time, and I love them, but I just liked making my own friends for once. I’m disappointed to find out I’m not that great at picking friends.” I began fiddling with my fingers nervously, “Anyways, um, as mad as I am at you, I shouldn’t have pulled that stuff on you. I should’ve just let you guys explain on Thursday. So I’m sorry, for being so rude.”
Liz let out a laugh that left me confused. “Can we explain now?” I nodded. “Iris, we weren’t the ones who made those fliers or vandalized your locker.”
“Then why were you painting my locker?” I scrunched my brows together.
Kyle slid his hand down his face, “We saw these two girls painting it and they were muttering things like how you ‘deserved it’ and shit.”
“Yeah, I kind of told them off,” Dakota said proudly.
“Too bad yelling at them caused them to hand us the paint brushes and tell us to do it ourselves,” Liz groaned.
I let out a soft breath, “Wait, so you guys really didn’t do it?”
Kyle shook his head with a smile, “No, we’d never do that to you. We were bullied too, remember?”
“Why’d you actually paint my locker then? It wasn’t your job.”
Dakota made a popping noise with her lips, “I felt really bad since I caused them to run off and the job was only half finished.”
“Yeah,” Liz smiled and threw her arm over Dakota’s shoulders. “We just thought you could use some help after all you did for us.” I guess I make good choices on friends after all.
I smiled widely, “Thank you guys. I’m sorry for not letting you explain.”
Kyle waved his hand, “Don’t worry about it.”
“So you guys knew I was going to prank you?” I asked, feeling curious as to why they let me.
“Yup,” Dakota said popping the ‘p’. “We figured you would since you did it to our bullies.”
“And we let you because we would’ve done the same if we were you,” Liz clarified. “Plus, they weren’t all that bad.”
“Easy for you to say,” Kyle scoffed.
I giggled, “Oh, come on. You were such a baby. I only put in like three drops.”
“Three big drops,” he exaggerated, making us all laugh.
“Hey, uh, who were the two girls that did it then?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Liz shrugged.
I bit my lip, “Can you describe them?”
“One had cherry red hair and tannish skin,” Liz stated. “That’s all I really remember about her.”
“The other one and I had an argument about you,” Dakota’s knuckles turned white as she clenched her fists at the memory of the girl. “She had brown eyes and dark brown hair. Her hair was partly shaved on the left side. Oh, and she had a couple of tattoos on her wrists.”
Quinn and Georgia AKA my ex friends. I should’ve known.
“Hey guys,” I slightly smiled at Harry’s friends. It was now lunchtime and I was standing in front of Harry’s table.
“Hey Flower,” Niall smiled. Everyone else shot me half smiles except Harry who couldn’t even make eye contact with me.
The first thing I did was walk over to Liam and give him a big hug. He was surprised at first, but his muscles relaxed as he finally hugged me back. “I’m sorry, Li. I know you don’t hate me, I was just pushing you away. I was a jerk.”
“Yeah you were,” he chuckled. I pulled away and shot him a smile. “Apology accepted,” he grinned back.
I faced the rest of the group, “I’m sorry for pushing you all away and not listening to you. I have no excuses for the way I treated you all.”
Perrie cooed, “Aww, Iris, its okay.” She got up from her seat and walked over to me to pull me into a soft hug, “I’m just really glad you see it all now.”
I nodded against her shoulder, “Me too, believe me.”
“I missed you, Flower,” Louis smiled and hugged Perrie and I. Before I knew it, everyone in the group joined the hug, except Harry. Through all of the bodies, I could see Harry sitting in his seat, looking shocked and guilty. I think he realizes I was trying to apologize this morning, or maybe he just thinks what he said this morning got to me. I don’t really know what‘s going through his mind right now.
Once the hug was broken, I sat down between Harry and Sophia. Sophia and I had a long chat about my outfit that everyone is seeming to enjoy. I guess I can be me and still be fashionable. I kept feeling Harry’s gaze on me, but the one time I faced him, he turned away. I studied his expression as he stared hard at his meal, pretending like he never looked at me.
I couldn’t just not touch him. He’s my boyfriend and I miss being in his arms. It’s my fault it’s been so long since I’ve felt his gentle touch. I placed my hand on his thigh and gave it a light squeeze. His gaze met mine as a small smile formed on his lips. That small smile gave me hope: hope that he’ll finally forgive me.
A shrill voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I whipped my head towards the sound. There they were, Quinn Brady and Georgia White. Just the people I wanted to see. An evil grin plastered my face as I stood from my seat.
Before I could even take a step, Harry grabbed my wrist, “Where are you going?”
“Oh, just to pay some old friends a visit,” I smiled. As confused as he was, he let go of me and allowed me to walk over to the two girls.
“Hello Quinn,” I smiled genuinely at Quinn. “Georgia,” I glared at the brunette. I have to say Georgia was the worst of the two, not to mention that she’s the one who fought with Dakota. At the moment, she’s the one I dislike more.
“Iris,” Georgia sneered as she shifted her weight to her right leg.
“So I heard the funniest thing today,” I forced a laugh. “I heard you guys happened to be the ones who trashed my locker and Photoshop that picture of me.” I watched as Quinn’s face grew pale which she immediately hid by dropping her head. Georgia kept her poker face on, continuing to glare. “And I thought, well gee, my old pals wouldn’t do such a thing.”
“So maybe we did do it,” Georgia shrugged. “Whatcha gonna do about it?” she inched closer and stared hard at me.
I smirked, “This.” My hand suddenly made contact with her face. I’ve been waiting to do that for a year and a half now. As she rubbed her stinging cheek, people began crowding around us. “How dare you disrespect me. I loved you two like sisters, and you treated me like shit. The breakup with Andrew was just your excuse to 'escape' from me.”
Quinn stomped her foot, “You became a tramp and a Bitch and what you did just now proves it!”
“Shut your mouth since I was going to spare you the pain I caused Georgie here,” I growled at Quinn. She took a step back, making an excellent choice. “I don’t know why you two are so worked up about it anyways. So what, if I slept with him? Big deal! Why does that concern you so much? And for the record, I never did sleep with him.”
“I liked him!” Quinn snapped. “I liked him and you knew it!”
I rolled my eyes, “No, I didn’t know! You know why?! Because you two never told me shit like that! All you guys ever did was complain about each other!”
“Shut up!” Georgia screeched. “Shut the fuck up! Don’t play the victim! You became the joke of the school because of all the things you did! Do you know how humiliating it is to be friends with the ‘Manipulative Deaf Freak’?!”
I chuckled, “Fuck you,” and brought my fist to her face. If she wants a fight, she’s going to get one.
I pulled her by the hair and yanked her to the ground, causing her to let out a bloodcurdling scream. She clawed at my face as I pinned her underneath me. I slapped her hard across the cheek, twice in a row, before she brought her fist to my mouth. I let my guard down as I brought my hands to where the girl’s fist had collided with my lips, causing her to flip us so I was underneath her. She gritted her teeth as she threw her fist at my stomach. She should’ve had someone hold her earrings because that’s the next thing I went for, tugging at them to force a scream from her throat. I pushed her off of me and charged after her again, only to be stopped by two large arms. I kicked my legs and clawed at the grip, wanting to finish that Bitch off.
“Iris stop,” his voice caused my eyes to widen in horror. Boy, am I in for it.
Harry’s POV:
I carried her out of the cafeteria and set her down on the tile. “I can’t believe you!” I yelled, gripping my curls tightly as I paced in front of her.
“Harry,” she said softly.
“You just won’t stop, will you?!” I slammed my fist into a locker, making her jump a little. “I'm stupid to think I got my girlfriend back! You’re still that Bitch that won’t go away!”
I could tell my words triggered something in her mind since I could practically feel the heat rising off her skin. “It’s me!” she jabbed her finger at her chest. “And FYI, I changed for you!”
“I never asked you to do that!” I snapped.
“No, you didn’t!” she admitted. “But you made me feel trapped! You babied me! You cut my food and made me feel stupid! I felt weak!”
I snarled, “That doesn’t mean you have to act like Riley!”
“NO, HARRY! NOT RILEY! I TURNED INTO YOU!" she screamed. My heart hurt at her words. How could she say that?
Iris’s POV:
After a few minutes of full on sobbing into Niall’s chest, he pulled away and removed the headphones from my ears. He gestured for me to hand him the iPod to which I slowly complied. I could feel my body hiccupping and shaking from the cries. Niall soothingly continued to rub my back as he placed my iPod into my purse, finding the hearing aids as he did so. He handed me my hearing aids and waited for me to put them on.
“Why don’t we go somewhere less public?” he asked after I had the hearing aids in and turned on, his blue eyes scanning the park to look at the few people who were staring. Not trusting my voice, I just nodded and grabbed my stuff.
During the car ride, he was trying to lighten up the mood by blasting his music and singing obnoxiously along with the lyrics. All he could get out of me were a few weak smiles. Riding in his convertible used to always be so fun, but right now I just feel so drained. Fun isn't something I've exactly earned anyways.
Niall wound up taking me to his house because his family was at fancy party or something like that. I didn’t really listen to him as I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Am I crazy? I felt like another person, yet all my behavior was strangely familiar. It reminds me of someone…but who?
“I don’t know about you, but I’m parched,” Niall stated as we walked into his house. I followed him to his kitchen where he threw his backpack onto the counter and began searching his cabinets for a glass. “Do you want anything? I’ve got water, juice, Kool-Aid, tea, and coffee,” he listed with his back facing me. “Oh, I’ve got smoothie mix too.”
I let out a light laugh, “No, I’m fine Niall.”
“Kool-Aid it is,” he turned around and placed two glasses onto the countertop.
I shook my head, “I said I was fine.”
He raised his brows, “Yeah, you been saying that for days, yet here you are, with dry tears covering your cheeks.”
I sigh, “Okay.” He knows me better than I thought. He had some Kool-Aid already mixed into a container that sat in his refrigerator that he pulled out and poured into both of the glasses. “Niall?” I asked as he placed the container back into the refrigerator.
“Hm?” he hummed, walking back over to the counter to slide my drink to me.
I gripped the glass tightly in my hand, “Am I crazy?”
“No,” he said without hesitation. “Far from it, really. You just didn’t realize what you were doing. What even made you finally see it?”
“Harry,” I half-smiled. “He told me he wanted Iris, not me. I guess that’s when I finally saw the light.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean it rudely,” he said before bringing his glass to his lips.
I played with my thumbs, still holding onto the glass as I stared at the red liquid, “But he did mean it. It’s okay though. I needed to hear that, whether I liked it or not.”
“Yeah, you did,” he curled his lips.
“So what do I do now? How do I move on from here?”
He exhaled deeply and positioned himself so he was leaning his crossed arms onto the counter, “Well, you need to ameliorate things.”
I shot him a puzzled look, “What does that even mean?”
“It means you need to mend things,” he chuckled. “Fix the damage.”
“Nerd,” I playfully rolled my eyes. His eyes suddenly widened. He leaned across the table and placed his cold hand on my forehead. “What the hell are you doing?” I laughed.
“Checking to see if you’re sick,” he smirked. “You’re starting to sound a lot like Iris.”
I smiled, “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Harry really does have an effect on you,” he said before poking my cheek and making a ‘tsk’ noise with his tongue. “I’m happy for you, Flower.”
“Thanks.”
We talked for what seemed like hours. Not once did we mention what has been going on during the past few days, and in a way, I was grateful for that. Niall was a shoulder to cry on, but he wasn’t who I wanted to talk about everything with. No, that was a conversation I should have with my boyfriend. Harry wasn’t there for it all and deserves to know the truth: what happened with Scott, the disgusting flirting with my principal, my relationship to Riley, all the things I’ve done, and the reason I pushed the group away. I plan on telling him, first thing tomorrow morning.
Once it got dark, Niall gave me a ride home. I had a nice dinner with my family later that night. I listened to stories about my mom and dad as teenagers. In a way, I was similar to them. My mom was the rebellious type of kid. She hated drinking because of the taste and found ways to fake being drunk around her friends, but she admitted that she smoked a lot and let her grades slip without a care in the world. My dad was surprisingly a quiet kid who had very few friends. He still enjoyed his years of school because that’s when he met my mother and got to dance with her at prom, as well as marrying her years later. It’s crazy how they met their senior year, just like Harry and I. Who knows, maybe Harry and I will wind up married someday. That sounds silly from a girl my age, but I have no plans on ever breaking it off with Harry. I plan to be with him forever, and forever happens to include marriage at some point.
After helping Brielle clean up the kitchen, I headed upstairs to my room. The darkness made everything in my room look like silhouettes. I hated the darkness for such a long time, but tonight, I love it. I pulled a pillow off of my bed and placed it onto the window seat. I laid myself onto the window seat, my head resting on the pillow and my legs sticking straight up as they lean against the wall. Then, I stared out my window and scanned the stars.
When I was a little girl, I believed that when you died, you’d become a star. Growing up, I grew apart from my family which only made me want to add myself to the collection of flaming balls of gas in the galaxy. I used to think the stars were all happy. But what if they aren’t? What if they look down on us and think ‘Wow, those people are lucky to live’?” They just sit there, looking pretty as ever but they’ll never get to do the things we all do: listen to music, text friends, dance, eat, watch a movie, and go to the beach. None of them.
If there’s anything this experience and Riley’s dad’s death taught me, it’s that we choose to live the life we want to live. Not the people at school, not our parents, not anyone. Nobody but us. I need to stop worrying about shaping myself to please others. I need to just be me. That’s freedom. Being who I want without caring what anyone else thinks. Not the thing I was.
The thing I was. I grew sadder, angrier, and blander. I put distance between my friends and me, pushing them further and further away with every breath. I buried my true emotions deep down and put on an act to make people think I was okay when I wasn’t. I refused any help I was offered. I didn’t want people to see how torn I was deep inside and pity me. I hurt people without even realizing it. People warned me I’d become a bully and I didn’t listen. I acted stubborn and…wait…
It’s suddenly clear. I know exactly who I was. I knew the behavior seemed familiar. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before. It’s the last person I expected to turn into.
Tuesday January 28th
“There’s a way to dress like you, and still have style,” Skye stated. She walked over to my closet and began pulling out jumpers and tossing them onto my bed. “Pick one of these out and wear some skinny jeans with it.” I asked her for help to look like me again, but I still wanted to have some of the sexy components I’ve worn the last few days.
I walked over and examined all of the shirts she had picked out. There was a plain orange one, a mint green one that said “SELFIE” on it, and there was a striped one. I wound up picking the striped one. It has blue, grey, and green stripes covering the whole shirt, each color being separated by a small white stripe. Then, Skye threw me some black skinny jeans to wear with it.
“Your grey Vans will look good with that,” she smiled as she handed them to me. “Okay, so now you need to add a splash of style. So the reason I gave you the grey Vans was because your sweater has that color on it, so you’ll want to match your accessories with those stripes.”
She knelt down in my closet and dug in my collection of purses for the perfect one. She pulled out my sky blue, leather purse and proudly handed it to me. “The purse matches the blue stripes on your sweater. Now, you need something green. This is going to sound silly, but you said you don’t like lipstick, so I bought you this.” She shoved her hand into her jacket pocket, pulled out an egg looking thing, and handed it to me.
“What’s this?” I furrowed my brows as I examined it.
“It’s an EOS lip balm. The flavor is Honeysuckle melon, and even better, it matches your sweater,” she chuckled. “I didn’t plan that, but I like to think I did. Okay, so the last thing on you sweater is white. If you wore a white beanie, it’d be perfect. Now you’re all set.”
“What do I do with my hair and makeup?”
She curled her lips into a light smile, “Iris, your makeup has always been good. Just don’t put too much on. Maybe just a few things rather than everything. As for your hair, you should just curl it like usual. It’d go good with your beanie.”
I placed my stuff onto my bed and practically skipped over to my sister to attack her with a big hug, “Thanks Skye.”
“No problem,” she chuckled. “Now get dressed so I can take you to school.”
“Yes Ma’am,” I saluted her, earning a playful eye roll and a laugh.
After she walked out of the room, I changed into the outfit she picked out for me. Once I was done with that, I walked into the bathroom to do my hair and makeup. I decided on just curling the ends of my hair since my beanie will be covering half of it anyways. For my makeup, I followed Skye’s advice on not putting everything on my face. I narrowed it down to three things: foundation, blush, and mascara. This way you can still tell I’m wearing makeup, but you can still see my natural features. I noticed that this outfit makes my eyes stand out more, but maybe that’s just because they were hard to find through all the cosmetics on my face before. It’s nice to finally look and feel free.
I walked back into my room and grabbed a white knit beanie off of my dresser and placed it on my head, being sure that the curls in the front were still showing. Lastly, I placed everything from yesterday’s bag into today’s purse. I took one last look in the mirror, proud to see Iris again. She’s no longer hidden under a behavior I had learned from someone else. I’m me again, and it feels so good.
When I walked up to the school, I was a little nervous. I had a lot of work to do today, and I just hoped everyone would forgive me. I decided to start with the easy amends first before moving to the biggest apology of all: saying sorry to the school. I don’t have to say anything to them, but I feel guilty for the things I did. I don’t want to be known as “the scary girl who was overcame by power” as everyone has been saying I am. I’d rather be STD Girl than the girl that even I was scared of. I need to ameliorate things with them, just as Niall said.
I spotted Harry in front of the school and walked over to him, “Hey.”
“Oh hey,” he scoffed. “Is this Iris?” Even though he was dead serious, I curved a corner of my mouth into a smile. I didn’t want him to know how much those words hurt and not for the same reasons as before. I’m not trying to hide my true emotions anymore, I just don’t want to make him feel guilty for hurting my feelings when I deserved those harsh words. I squeezed his groin and ran away when he begged me not to leave, so yeah, he has every right to be angry with me.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I said softly.
He crossed his arms, “Look, I didn’t appreciate the way you acted yesterday.”
“I-“
“No,” he stuck out his hand, not allowing me to tell him I agree. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings with what I said yesterday, but it was the truth. I don’t like this you. You’re not my girlfriend. Mercy, I want to be there for you, but how can I stand by someone when I don’t even like what they’re becoming? You’re so caught up with yourself that you don’t even realize how much you’re hurting others. I only saw you yesterday, and I’m already tired of it. So when you see my girlfriend, tell her I want her back.” Ouch. That stung.
He didn’t even let me speak, turning away from me and walking into the building. Basically, he waited outside for me so he could tell me off. Everything he said, I was going to apologize for and he didn’t let me get two words in. So he’s angry, but I’m not going to run away crying or beg him for forgiveness. I need to give him a little time, maybe just wait till after school, and then I can talk to him about it.
I waited a good five minutes before I walked into the hallway myself. I just didn’t want people to know Harry was fuming from talking to me, so I made it look like I came a little bit later. When I walked in, a few girls ran up to me and asked me where I got my purse. I surprised myself by chatting with them about fashion. The girls were so sweet, yet so style obsessed. They were pretty fun to talk to though.
“Iris?” a voice asked from behind me. By the looks on the girls’ faces, I could tell it was someone I wasn’t going to like.
I turned around to find Kyle, Dakota, and Liz all standing before me. I rolled my eyes, “What do you want?”
“Can we talk to you?” Dakota lightly smiled.
I sighed and politely asked the girls to let me speak to them alone. Once they were out of sight, I turned to the three people I once called my friends and said, “Hey um, before you say anything, I have something to say.” They nodded for me to continue. “I’m angry for what you guys did. I just um, I’m really sad too because you were the first friends I made on my own in a long time. I’m introduced to people by Harry all the time, and I love them, but I just liked making my own friends for once. I’m disappointed to find out I’m not that great at picking friends.” I began fiddling with my fingers nervously, “Anyways, um, as mad as I am at you, I shouldn’t have pulled that stuff on you. I should’ve just let you guys explain on Thursday. So I’m sorry, for being so rude.”
Liz let out a laugh that left me confused. “Can we explain now?” I nodded. “Iris, we weren’t the ones who made those fliers or vandalized your locker.”
“Then why were you painting my locker?” I scrunched my brows together.
Kyle slid his hand down his face, “We saw these two girls painting it and they were muttering things like how you ‘deserved it’ and shit.”
“Yeah, I kind of told them off,” Dakota said proudly.
“Too bad yelling at them caused them to hand us the paint brushes and tell us to do it ourselves,” Liz groaned.
I let out a soft breath, “Wait, so you guys really didn’t do it?”
Kyle shook his head with a smile, “No, we’d never do that to you. We were bullied too, remember?”
“Why’d you actually paint my locker then? It wasn’t your job.”
Dakota made a popping noise with her lips, “I felt really bad since I caused them to run off and the job was only half finished.”
“Yeah,” Liz smiled and threw her arm over Dakota’s shoulders. “We just thought you could use some help after all you did for us.” I guess I make good choices on friends after all.
I smiled widely, “Thank you guys. I’m sorry for not letting you explain.”
Kyle waved his hand, “Don’t worry about it.”
“So you guys knew I was going to prank you?” I asked, feeling curious as to why they let me.
“Yup,” Dakota said popping the ‘p’. “We figured you would since you did it to our bullies.”
“And we let you because we would’ve done the same if we were you,” Liz clarified. “Plus, they weren’t all that bad.”
“Easy for you to say,” Kyle scoffed.
I giggled, “Oh, come on. You were such a baby. I only put in like three drops.”
“Three big drops,” he exaggerated, making us all laugh.
“Hey, uh, who were the two girls that did it then?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Liz shrugged.
I bit my lip, “Can you describe them?”
“One had cherry red hair and tannish skin,” Liz stated. “That’s all I really remember about her.”
“The other one and I had an argument about you,” Dakota’s knuckles turned white as she clenched her fists at the memory of the girl. “She had brown eyes and dark brown hair. Her hair was partly shaved on the left side. Oh, and she had a couple of tattoos on her wrists.”
Quinn and Georgia AKA my ex friends. I should’ve known.
“Hey guys,” I slightly smiled at Harry’s friends. It was now lunchtime and I was standing in front of Harry’s table.
“Hey Flower,” Niall smiled. Everyone else shot me half smiles except Harry who couldn’t even make eye contact with me.
The first thing I did was walk over to Liam and give him a big hug. He was surprised at first, but his muscles relaxed as he finally hugged me back. “I’m sorry, Li. I know you don’t hate me, I was just pushing you away. I was a jerk.”
“Yeah you were,” he chuckled. I pulled away and shot him a smile. “Apology accepted,” he grinned back.
I faced the rest of the group, “I’m sorry for pushing you all away and not listening to you. I have no excuses for the way I treated you all.”
Perrie cooed, “Aww, Iris, its okay.” She got up from her seat and walked over to me to pull me into a soft hug, “I’m just really glad you see it all now.”
I nodded against her shoulder, “Me too, believe me.”
“I missed you, Flower,” Louis smiled and hugged Perrie and I. Before I knew it, everyone in the group joined the hug, except Harry. Through all of the bodies, I could see Harry sitting in his seat, looking shocked and guilty. I think he realizes I was trying to apologize this morning, or maybe he just thinks what he said this morning got to me. I don’t really know what‘s going through his mind right now.
Once the hug was broken, I sat down between Harry and Sophia. Sophia and I had a long chat about my outfit that everyone is seeming to enjoy. I guess I can be me and still be fashionable. I kept feeling Harry’s gaze on me, but the one time I faced him, he turned away. I studied his expression as he stared hard at his meal, pretending like he never looked at me.
I couldn’t just not touch him. He’s my boyfriend and I miss being in his arms. It’s my fault it’s been so long since I’ve felt his gentle touch. I placed my hand on his thigh and gave it a light squeeze. His gaze met mine as a small smile formed on his lips. That small smile gave me hope: hope that he’ll finally forgive me.
A shrill voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I whipped my head towards the sound. There they were, Quinn Brady and Georgia White. Just the people I wanted to see. An evil grin plastered my face as I stood from my seat.
Before I could even take a step, Harry grabbed my wrist, “Where are you going?”
“Oh, just to pay some old friends a visit,” I smiled. As confused as he was, he let go of me and allowed me to walk over to the two girls.
“Hello Quinn,” I smiled genuinely at Quinn. “Georgia,” I glared at the brunette. I have to say Georgia was the worst of the two, not to mention that she’s the one who fought with Dakota. At the moment, she’s the one I dislike more.
“Iris,” Georgia sneered as she shifted her weight to her right leg.
“So I heard the funniest thing today,” I forced a laugh. “I heard you guys happened to be the ones who trashed my locker and Photoshop that picture of me.” I watched as Quinn’s face grew pale which she immediately hid by dropping her head. Georgia kept her poker face on, continuing to glare. “And I thought, well gee, my old pals wouldn’t do such a thing.”
“So maybe we did do it,” Georgia shrugged. “Whatcha gonna do about it?” she inched closer and stared hard at me.
I smirked, “This.” My hand suddenly made contact with her face. I’ve been waiting to do that for a year and a half now. As she rubbed her stinging cheek, people began crowding around us. “How dare you disrespect me. I loved you two like sisters, and you treated me like shit. The breakup with Andrew was just your excuse to 'escape' from me.”
Quinn stomped her foot, “You became a tramp and a Bitch and what you did just now proves it!”
“Shut your mouth since I was going to spare you the pain I caused Georgie here,” I growled at Quinn. She took a step back, making an excellent choice. “I don’t know why you two are so worked up about it anyways. So what, if I slept with him? Big deal! Why does that concern you so much? And for the record, I never did sleep with him.”
“I liked him!” Quinn snapped. “I liked him and you knew it!”
I rolled my eyes, “No, I didn’t know! You know why?! Because you two never told me shit like that! All you guys ever did was complain about each other!”
“Shut up!” Georgia screeched. “Shut the fuck up! Don’t play the victim! You became the joke of the school because of all the things you did! Do you know how humiliating it is to be friends with the ‘Manipulative Deaf Freak’?!”
I chuckled, “Fuck you,” and brought my fist to her face. If she wants a fight, she’s going to get one.
I pulled her by the hair and yanked her to the ground, causing her to let out a bloodcurdling scream. She clawed at my face as I pinned her underneath me. I slapped her hard across the cheek, twice in a row, before she brought her fist to my mouth. I let my guard down as I brought my hands to where the girl’s fist had collided with my lips, causing her to flip us so I was underneath her. She gritted her teeth as she threw her fist at my stomach. She should’ve had someone hold her earrings because that’s the next thing I went for, tugging at them to force a scream from her throat. I pushed her off of me and charged after her again, only to be stopped by two large arms. I kicked my legs and clawed at the grip, wanting to finish that Bitch off.
“Iris stop,” his voice caused my eyes to widen in horror. Boy, am I in for it.
Harry’s POV:
I carried her out of the cafeteria and set her down on the tile. “I can’t believe you!” I yelled, gripping my curls tightly as I paced in front of her.
“Harry,” she said softly.
“You just won’t stop, will you?!” I slammed my fist into a locker, making her jump a little. “I'm stupid to think I got my girlfriend back! You’re still that Bitch that won’t go away!”
I could tell my words triggered something in her mind since I could practically feel the heat rising off her skin. “It’s me!” she jabbed her finger at her chest. “And FYI, I changed for you!”
“I never asked you to do that!” I snapped.
“No, you didn’t!” she admitted. “But you made me feel trapped! You babied me! You cut my food and made me feel stupid! I felt weak!”
I snarled, “That doesn’t mean you have to act like Riley!”
“NO, HARRY! NOT RILEY! I TURNED INTO YOU!" she screamed. My heart hurt at her words. How could she say that?
Notes
Oh snap.
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11/18/17