Mistreated
Reflection
[Dream]
Iris’s POV:
I’m in a long white hallway, covered in colored doors: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, and lastly, black. What is this place? Where am I? I turn around to find a mirror standing behind me. I take a good look at what I’m wearing. All black. Just like my heart. I felt like I was dressed for my own funeral. There wasn’t any make-up on my face and I found something fairly odd: my hair was black too. I look how I feel: dark, empty, and ugly.
“You think so low of yourself,” a boy fades into my view beside me. Niall. He’s wearing all white: blazer, button-up shirt, trousers, and dress shoes.
“Niall? What are you doing here?”
He chuckles, “You don’t even know where you are and you’re asking why I’m here? Iris, this is your mind: your imagination. In here holds your memories.”
“Only bad memories,” I scoffed.
He made a ‘tsk’ noise with his tongue, “What did I tell you about this? Think positive. You don’t only have bad memories. See for yourself.” He walked over to the red door and opened it before gesturing me to go in.
I exhaled deeply wondering what could possibly be so amazing behind that door. I doubt anything can save me from where I am. I did what Niall wanted anyways, and I walked through the door.
Inside was a memory of me and Harry:
“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t give a fuck about what all of them think?”
My shoulders dropped, “Harry…”
He waved his finger, “No, no, no, no, no. I get it: you care. Believe me I understand, but what you don’t realize is that if we were to walk hand-in-hand through that hellhole, those people wouldn’t judge you; they’d envy you. There’s a difference.”
“Someone’s a little full of themselves,” I joked.
“Maybe so,” Harry chuckled.
I remember that day. It’s the day we spoke of the kiss I gave him when I was high and he was drunk. I stood, mesmerized by those dimples of his. I knew right then and there that I’d fall in love with him someday. I know someday may be far, but I always thought it’d be worth it all. It’d be worth the pain and worth the falls.
“Mercy, I want you to take that chance with me. I mean, what do you have to lose? I’d still be there even if your world came crashing down on you.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to take the risk,” I sniffled. “I’m just scared to be broken again.”
And I was…but what happened next made me sure he’d never hurt me.
He stepped closer to me, “Angel, I’d never let that happen to you.” A slight smile appeared on my face as relief flooded through my body and mind. He held my waist and pulled me closer to him before leaning in for a kiss. I met him halfway, my lips soon melting into his. I surprised myself by wrapping my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.
As I watched the kiss, I felt it. I remember exactly how it felt and what was running through my mind. I pressed my fingers to my lips in awe of the site of us.
(A/N: If you're confused: Iris is standing farther away and can see both her and Harry. She's there, but she's watching the memory like it's a t.v. show.)
He nibbled at my bottom lip as he pulled away from the kiss, our faces holding nothing but smiles.
“I trust you,” I nodded.
I did and I still do. I trust him more than I trust myself. Watching this memory made my heart flutter again. I’d miss this. I can’t let go of what he and I have. We’re meant to be, I just know it.
“It’s not enough though,” Niall walked around me and stood before me. “You need more, right? Even with Harry in your life, you still need more light.”
I nodded with a frown, “He means the world to me, but I feel like I’m just dragging him down with me. There’s so much darkness inside me and it scares me. I probably scare him.”
Niall gives me a comforting smile, “That’s what I’m here for, Flower. I’m helping you see what you’ve failed to see. You’re not alone.”
“Yeah cause I have Harry,” I sigh.
He chuckled, “Like I said, it’s not enough. I need to show you more.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the hallway, leading me to the orange door. He pulled me in to reveal yet another memory.
This one was with me and Perrie:
Perrie and I were sat in her kitchen surrounded by tons of nail polish.
“Just pick a color,” she playfully rolled her eyes.
I bit my lip, “I seriously can’t pick. You have the whole rainbow and more.”
I remember this day too. Of course, these are my memories. Anyways, this was after Riley’s dad's funeral and my fight with my parents. This was when I moved into Perrie’s house with Harry, and the whole time Perrie treated me as a sister would. She wanted me to have everyday experiences that I never had.
“Come on,” she groaned.
“You’re the one who wanted to paint my nails,” I smirked.
“And you’re the one who’s never had her nails painted,” she snorted. “I can’t believe you’ve never had them painted.”
“My family sucks like that,” I shrugged.
She grabbed my hand and placed it on the counter, “I wish we would’ve met like forever ago. We would’ve had tons of sleepovers, tons of Denny’s dates and-“
I interjected with raise eyebrows, “Denny’s dates?”
“Darling, you’re the only one I hang out with that will go there with me,” she stated as she tapped a bottle of blue-green nail polish against her hand.
“That’s just sad,” I fake pouted.
“Shut up,” she laughed. “I'm going to paint your nails teal since they’ll make your eyes pop. Have I ever told you how pretty your eyes were?”
I nodded, “Only like a hundred times.”
“And I’ll tell you a hundred more,” she chuckled before painting the beautiful polish onto my nails.
I could feel the wetness of the polish on my nails as I watched Perrie paint them. I know exactly what was running through my mind then. I finally felt like I had a friend. Don’t get me wrong, Harry and I are friends, but what Harry and I have is more than this. Perrie and I have a friendship that I felt could last a lifetime. She’s there for me whenever I need her and she doesn’t treat me like the hollow person I am. She makes me feel sane.
“Harry and Perrie are the first people who come to your mind as caring,” Niall stood at my side. “You know that you can count on them for anything and trust them with your heart.”
“Can you read my mind or something?”
He chuckled, “This is your mind.” Oh yeah. “Let’s go, I have more to show.” He grabbed my hand again and I noticed I had orange nail polish on. Was that there before?
Once we were in the white hallway again, Niall opened the yellow door and led me inside. This memory was of Brielle, Skye and me:
“Is this good?” I stood before them, modeling my hair. I had put my hair in a regular bun and I wasn’t sure how I felt about the style.
“No,” Brielle laughed. “Just fishtail it. That’ll work.”
I groaned, “I don’t know how to do a fishtail.”
“I’ll do it for you,” Skye chuckled. “We can’t have Harry seeing you like this.”
“Ha, ha,” I laughed sarcastically.
This was shortly after I moved into Derek’s place with my sisters. I finally felt like I had a family again.
Skye pulled out a chair from Derek’s dining table and patted it for me to sit on. Once I sat down, she went to work on my hair.
“This is weird,” I admitted.
Brielle laughed, “Why? She does my hair for me sometimes.”
I shook my head, “Not that. It’s just that neither of you ever did this kind of stuff with me.”
“I regret that,” Skye sighed. “We never treated you like our sister, and that was really awful of us.”
Brielle nodded and ran her skinny fingers through her wavy hair, “If we could take it all back, we would. We talked about this after you left the house. We wish we were there for you.”
“But we’re here now,” Skye chirped, still tugging at my hair. “And we always will be. Whenever you need us, we’ll drop what we’re doing and run to your side. You are our top priority now.”
“And we plan to keep it that way for as long as we live,” Brielle waved her finger with a smile plastered to her face.
I loved this day. It meant the world to me. My sisters finally were my sisters and no longer the bullies I once viewed them as. I could feel my hair being lightly tugged as I watched this memory. Why do I keep feeling the things I watch?
“You guys have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that,” I whispered, trying to hold my happy tears back.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Skye said as she rubbed my shoulder. “All done.”
Brielle jumped up, “How about I teach you some basic make-up skills?”
“Sounds good,” I nodded.
Why did I let the bad override moments like this? My sisters are finally there for me and I repay them by trying to kill myself. I can’t believe I didn’t think about this moment before stealing the knife from my parent’s house. Not everything is evil.
I suddenly noticed my hair resting on my shoulder in a braid. It was blonde again and scattered white flowers were placed in it. When did this happen?
“No time to think, let’s go,” Niall pulled me out of the memory, into the white hall, and into the room behind the green door before I could look at myself in the mirror down the hall.
This memory consisted of me and Zayn:
“Thanks for coming with me,” he bit his lip and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure what I’m doing.”
“What are you saying?” I furrowed my brows. What he didn’t realize was that I was just messing with him.
His eyes widened, “I-I didn’t mean it that way. I-“
I chuckled and placed my hand on his shoulder, “Its okay, Zayn. You’re nervous, I understand. This is a big deal.”
Zayn and I went to the mall in search of one specific store. This was a big day for me, but more so for him. I learned something huge this day…
It seemed like he exhaled all the air out of his lungs before he spoke again. “A huge deal.”
“Can I ask you something though?” He nodded. “Why didn’t you just bring one of the boys?”
“Are you kidding me? They’d make fun of me,” he chuckled.
“Boys will be boys,” I rolled my eyes. “Why not Eleanor or Sophia then?”
He shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe I just trust you more.”
“That’s new,” I chuckled.
“What do you mean?”
“No one really tells me their secrets,” I shrugged.
Zayn scratched his jawline, “Harry does.”
“Yeah, but you know why,” I sighed. “I just mean not even my old friends would tell me a secret.”
“Well I’m honored to be the first to trust you’ll keep quiet,” he bowed.
I giggled, “And I’m honored to be the first to know about this. I think what you’re doing is so sweet. I’m jealous, really.”
“Can I try this one?” Zayn asked the employee as he pointed into the glass box. “You never know Iris. This could be you one day.” He grabbed the ring from the employee and held up my hand with his free one. “Do you think she’d like this one?” he asked as he slid the ring on my finger.
Seriously, every memory I see, I feel like I’m reliving. I can feel the cold air that sat in this room, I could feel Zayn’s warm skin against mine, and I could feel the ring being placed on my finger. I looked down at my hand and saw a silver ring with a green jewel had been placed on my finger. Does this stuff appear every time I walk through a door?
“She’d love it,” I smiled at the diamond ring. “Honestly Zayn, she wouldn’t care if you proposed with a twist-tie twisted into a circle. I think she’d say yes no matter what.”
He smiled the biggest smile I’ve ever seen from him, “Thanks Iris. You really are a great friend. I hope you know that.”
“I do now,” I laughed. When I tried taking the ring off, it was stuck. “I don’t think Perrie would be too happy with you being stuck with me though,” I giggled as I struggled to take it off.
He chuckled, “Only you would have this problem.”
I laughed at the memory. He was so right. Problems like that don’t just happen to anyone, but it was funny. It took him and an employee a couple of tries before the damn thing actually came off. I didn’t try on anymore rings but I helped him look at a few. It was amazing to be part of this experience. It felt incredible to know someone believed in me to keep something so special quiet. Zayn made me feel better about myself. He made me realize I can be reliable to others and on myself.
“There’s more,” Niall smiled and pulled me out to the hall and to the blue door. “This one is you and I.” Then, he opened the door to reveal us at the ice skating rink:
“You suck,” I giggled as Niall tried getting back onto his feet after falling on his ass.
“Well it could be easier with your help,” he shook his head and he leaned on the rail of the rink to pull himself up.
This was when Harry and I weren’t talking and Niall and I started to hang out after school.
I rolled my eyes and chuckled, “Come on.” I held my hand out for him and he soon took it. “I’ll take it slow…” I paused and smirked. “…for now.”
“Oh, well that’s reassuring,” sarcasm easily rolled off his tongue.
I slowly glided forward dragging him behind me. He didn’t even move his feet, keeping his skates flat against the ice as pulled him along. I just rolled my eyes more and laughed at his lack of skills. In his defense, he’s never done this before. Unfortunately for him, neither have I, and I was doing great.
“I’m going faster,” I warned him before picking up my pace. I felt his grip tighten on my hand as I dragged him across the rink.
After a bit, I felt him try to step forward, which failed. He fell backwards and because he was holding my hand, I fell backwards with him and landed on my butt. I glared at him at first, but I soon started busting up laughing. That was fun, even if we did fall. Niall knew how to make me have fun.
“Fun,” I chuckled. “You are the master at teaching that.” And yes, when I fell in the memory, I felt the pain on my butt just from watching it happen.
“I try,” he smirked. “I did it for you. You needed it. In fact, you deserved to have some fun after all you’ve been through.”
“Yeah,” I smiled. “I really did.”
He held his arm out for me, “There’s two more doors.”
I linked arms with him, “Take me then.” We walked out of this memory, to the hall again, and straight to a purple door.
“Ready?” he asked with his hand on the doorknob. I nodded and he opened the door for me. I freed myself from him and walked into the new memory.
This one was from the Christmas Eve party:
“So Iris. Are you and Harry a thing?” Sophia asked as she walked into the kitchen. “He can’t stop talking about you over there.”
I bit my lip, “Sort of, it’s complicated.”
Perrie rolled her eyes, “Beyond complicated.”
“Shut up,” I giggled.
It fast-forwarded a bit, skipping the part with Niall rudely interrupting.
“But seriously,” Sophia continued while chipping away the red nail polish on her nails. “I’ve never seen Harry so talkative over a girl.”
“It’s true,” Perrie nodded. “He barely even spoke about Riley and he’d get mad if we brought her up.”
“Oh God, I know,” Eleanor rolled her eyes in frustration. “He freely brings you into the conversation though,” she smiled. “He really likes you.”
I smiled shyly and turned to steal a glance of the curly-haired boy, only to see him already staring at me. He turned to Zayn and laughed at something he said before turning his head back to me and checking me out. I watched as his eyes wondered from my toes back to my face and then he waved me over.
“Go get your man,” Sophia giggled and pushed me towards him. I rolled my eyes, with a smile of course, and walked over to him.
Every step I took towards him, my heart raced faster. I remember. That day was when I realized I just had my first conversation with a group of potentially amazing people. I felt like I’ve known these people for a long time and that they were capable of having a real relationship with me. I felt normal.
I looked down at my black boots which were now replaced with purple Vans.
“One more,” Niall whispered. “I think you’ll really like this one.”
I nod and allow him to guide me back into the hallway and to the pink door. I was in shock from the sight before me. My dad and I:
“Iris,” my father smiled and wrapped his arms around me. “I missed you.” What is he doing? He doesn’t hug me…
“Y-y-you d-did?” Why the fuck am I stuttering? Oh right, because this is fucking unusual.
I felt him nod, “Of course I did. I’m very sorry for everything, Baby Girl.” Baby Girl? Everything?
I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I finally brought myself to hug my father back. Does he really mean that? Does he finally understand?
He pulled away and held me at arm’s length, “It’s going to get better, I promise.” I nodded and hugged him again.
I smiled at this memory. His hugs felt so warm and so welcoming. I felt like I had my dad back. How could I be so blind? For so long, I just wanted to be numb. All along I thought no one understood me, but I never even looked at what was right in front of me. Harry, Perrie, Zayn, Niall, Eleanor, Sophia, my sisters, and my father. They all made me feel again. After all the emptiness, coldness, and pain, they made me feel whole again.
“Come on,” Niall grabbed my hand and finally led me to the mirror that sat in the white hallway. I was no longer wearing all black. Instead, I was covered in hue.
“Behind the red door, you kissed Harry. You felt it. The red lipstick appeared on your lips after you relived that memory,” Niall explained. “Same with all the others. The orange nail polish was from Perrie painting your nails behind the orange door. Your hair became blonde again from getting your hair done by your sister behind the yellow door. The green ring was from Zayn placing a ring on your finger behind the green door. The blue shorts is from falling on your butt with me at the ice skating rink behind the blue door. The purple shoes are from taking your first steps to realization behind the purple door. Lastly, your pink top is from the hug you received from your father from behind the pink door.”
“Wow,” I stared at my reflection. I was blown away. Not at my outfit but at the emotions that were flowing through me: happiness, pride, and hope. It felt amazing to not be held down by the dark anymore. I still felt sad about my life, but a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders knowing I have so much to live for. “Wait,” I noticed I was wearing a black necklace. The necklace held a black heart with two silver chains wrapped around it. It was like the evil I bear was chained to me. “But I still carry the demons inside me.”
He shook his head and stared at me through the mirror, “No.” He gently gripped my shoulders and turned me to face the doors. “See the black door?” he pointed to it.
“Yeah?”
He soothingly rubbed his hand up and down my back, “The demons are trapped in there. You control them Iris, you always have. It’s time to lock that door and throw away the key. Forget about the past and focus on the future. Start over if you need to.”
I held the necklace in between my index finger and thumb, “Then what’s this?”
“Everyone carries around a little darkness with them. It’s just how life goes. You’ll always remember what happened. What happens now, that’s up to you.” He sighed and pulled me into a hug.
“It’s time to make new memories,” his voice changed. It sounded like…
He pulled away and showed his face. Harry appeared before me with his dimples flashing at me. “Better memories. What do you say, Angel?”
“I say that sounds perfect.”
Notes
This is sort of a filler chapter. I hope you liked it though, I tried to make it as interesting as possible.
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11/18/17