Seven months later, Christmas Day

Adison's POV

"What should we watch?" Zoe asks me, kneeling down in front of the TV. She pulls out a drawer where Gemma and I keep all of our DVDs.

"Doesn't matter." I put away the last of the now clean dishes and join her in the living room. "Something Christmas-y."

"Oh! Love Actually?" she says, holding it up. My stomach twists and I quickly shake my head.

"No," I say quietly. She frowns and goes searching again. I can't watch that; it reminds me of Harry too much. He's probably going to be watching it tonight.

We finally decide on Home Alone and a few minutes in my other friend, Sam, shows up. We're missing one in the group I usually hang out with, but she's gone home to see her family for the holidays. Zoe had to work so she had to stay and I just didn't know what I would do if I went back to Holmes Chapel.

I've been back a few times to see my friends, but I don't stay at Anne's house anymore. It's too hard. Harry and I haven't spoken in months and whenever I'm home he's never told about it. For about a month after we broke up I didn't hear a word from him and then suddenly there was an onslaught. He called me every day at least once and texted me all the time, begging me to return his voicemails and at least talk to him. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I always keep a few of them on my phone so I can listen to his voice when I miss him too much. About a month ago I got my number switched, finally, so that I could have a London area code instead of a Cheshire one. I asked Gemma and the others not to give it to him. He needs to move on. That was the point.

I wonder what he's doing right now. Gemma is home to celebrate the holidays with them. My mind wanders back to last year when Harry and I spent Christmas together, a day filled with stolen glances and secret kisses in the hopes that his mother wouldn't catch us. The bracelet he gave me still adorns my wrist, just like it always has. I wonder if he still wears the ring.

I excuse myself to the bathroom, feeling tears form in my eyes. I didn't tell my friends about him much, though they know that I had a horrible break up before I moved here. They've never met him, though, since he hasn't come to London. I lock myself in the bathroom and sit on the edge of the tub, opening my camera roll to flick through all the images I still have. I tried to delete them, but there were a few I just couldn't let myself get rid of. This one in particular:



The others are mostly silly photos he took of himself on the many occasions he stole my phone from me. There's a few videos too, and as a Christmas present to myself I allow a lapse in self control so I can watch one. I just need to see him.

When the video is over I have a smile on my face while silent tears fall from my eyes. I just miss him. It still hurts so much not to have him here with me. I wonder if he feels the same, if he misses me as much as I miss him. Probably not. Harry is the charming type, the kind of guy girls throw themselves at. I'm sure he's moved on already. The thought makes my heart feel like splitting in two, but that's what I wanted. He deserves to live his life freely. He couldn't do that with me.

His number is still in my phone. I haven't looked at his contact information for months now, since the option of calling or texting him just isn't there. I can't let myself even contemplate it; it would be too easy to go back to all of that. But then the last months would be for nothing and the hurt I caused us both would be for nothing. I had a reason for breaking up with Harry. He deserves better than me.

Without realizing my finger taps the call button and the phone is raised to my ear before I can stop myself. It rings a few times and I'm sure he isn't going to answer. In my stupidity I forgot how late it had gotten; it must be close to midnight by now. I'm about to hang up when his raspy voice comes through the speaker.

"Hello?"

My whole body freezes. My brain turns to mush. My fingers clutch desperately at the phone as I hear his deep breathing on the other end.

"What...is someone there?"

I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall. I think this is the creepiest thing I've ever done, but I don't care. Hearing his voice again...it's like a drug. I feel a little lighter from it. To my surprise he doesn't hang up like most people do when there appears to be no one on the other end. He continues breathing into the phone and more tears roll down my cheeks.

"Adie?"

My eyes close when he speaks my name. The sound is therapeutic. I don't know how he knows it's me, but I don't care. Even if I wanted to speak at this point, I have no idea what I would say.

"Ads..." he whispers, testing me again. "I miss you."

Those words shatter my heart. Not desperate or pleading, just simple. Obviously sad, though, and it breaks my heart to hear them come from his mouth. I don't want him to miss me. I mean I do, but I don't. He needs to find someone else, as much as it destroys me to think about that.

I take a deep breath without thinking, and I know that he hears it. His own catches in his throat and I can hear him shifting, probably sitting up in his bed. I can picture him right now, running his fingers through his messy curls as his elbows lean against his knees. I sit there for a while, just listening to his breathing. He appears to be doing the same.

Harry's POV

"Fuck," I groan. My eyes open and the vibrating on my bedside table continues. I reach blindly for my phone and look at the caller ID, confused when it's an unknown number. Weird. Curiosity gets the best of me and I hesitantly press the answer button.

"Hello?" Nothing. The other line stays silent. What the hell? Who calls at this time of night and then says nothing. For some reason though, I feel like I shouldn't hang up. "What...is someone there?"

I hear someone breathing on the other ends, soft, shallow breaths. Something hits me then. It couldn't be...no she wouldn't call me. She has cut me out of her life completely, even refusing to come back here for Christmas. But who else could it be?

"Adie?" I ask softly. No response. It's her, I know that it's her. After months and months of her not replying to any of my attempts she's finally here.

"Ads..." I whisper. "I miss you."

I've been waiting for this opportunity for I don't even know how long, and now that it's here and I can talk to her I have no idea what to say. My mind is completely blank and the only thing I can think about is that she actually exists. The way she was cut out of my life so completely made her feel like a ghost to me, a figment of my imagination. But it was real, it was all real.

I hear her breathe deeply and the sound wakes me up from my half-sleeping state. My breath catches in my throat and I sit up in my bed, my hand brushing through my hair to keep it out of my eyes. I'm desperately trying to think of something to say, but there's nothing there. I don't know what to say.

I hear some commotion on the other side and another voice just faintly somewhere near her. She sniffles and I close my eyes. She's crying. I don't want her to cry. I know this is it, that she's going to hang up soon and I'm desperate to keep her. But I still can't think of anything to say. There are no words that can accurately communicate how much I miss her, how much I still love her. I hold my breath, waiting for it to end.

"Bye," she whispers.

The line goes dead.

Well I'm an idiot. I should have said something. Anything. At least now I have her phone number; she changed it a few weeks ago and I hadn't been able to convince anyone to give it to me. Adie thinks she's doing the right thing by leaving me, but letting me be by myself. But she's wrong. I just need her.

I know I should be angry with her. She hurt me worse than anyone ever has when she broke up with me that day in London. I have no idea how I didn't see it coming with the way she had been acting, but I was completely blindsided. And I was, I was pissed off. I was so angry for a long time after that. I couldn't even be hurt or sad. I was just angry. How could she think that I'd be better without her? I wasn't and I'm still not. It was even more infuriating that she made the decision for me. Without me. She decided what was best for me without talking to me about it first. To top it all off we had sex the night before. It was so perfect and it made her leaving a little less painful. But then she ripped my heart out.

Once the anger I felt towards her had faded I realized that I needed to fight for her. That would convince her that we were meant to be together. I did everything I could think of; writing to her, calling her, texting her, everything. But she wouldn't respond to any of it. Even still, I kept trying. There was no way I was giving up on her. I still haven't. Maybe that makes me pathetic, but it doesn't matter. I still love her and I know that sooner or later she'll come back to me. I just can't give up.

Adison's POV

"Adie, you're missing the end!" Zoe calls through the door, knocking a few times. "You okay? You've been in there a while."

When I don't respond she gives up on it. I wipe my tears away one last time and sniffle softly. A few more seconds, then I hang up. One. Two.

"Bye," I whisper.

Three.

---

The next morning I wake up with a terrible headache. Probably from crying. Weirdly enough, I haven't cried like that in a while. It's not a luxury I allow myself. I slowly force myself to get out of bed. My friends went home last night instead of sleeping over when they realized that I was so upset. Zoe insisted on staying with me, but I told her that I'd rather be by myself. What a great Christmas.

Someone knocks on the door then and I'm sure it's the mail guy. I don't bother answering; he'll slide it under the door like he usually does.

I brush my teeth and go out to make a pot of coffee. After the door has been pounded on a third time I lose my patience. I am not in the mood to make pointless conversation right now and this guys is getting on my last nerve. I walk quickly to the door and swing it open, ready to give Bill or Will or whatever his name is a piece of my mind. But it's not him.

"Hi," Harry says hoarsely. My eyes go wide and I stare at him for a moment before swinging the door shut and locking it. What the hell? Harry is here?

"Adie, come on." He knocks on the door a few more times. "Talk to me. Please open the door."

My body feels heavy with the weight of the responsibility of this situation. I've spent last six months, and I'm sure he has too, on a complete detox. One hit isn't going to do us any good, right? Nothing has changed here. My body leans against the door and I wait for something else to happen.

"Ads," he says lowly. "I know you called me last night."

My body slides down the door and I pull my knees against my chest, biting my lip against the words that want to come out. My fingertips dig into my arms as I hold them down so I don't do something stupid.

"Alright, fine. If you're not going to let me in them I'm just going to stay out here until you do. I'll wait as long as I have to."

I hear his body slide down the wood of the door and I imagine it gone for a moment, our back pressed together while we sit here. It's just a door, but at the same time it feels like miles. He's so close to me. It would be so easy to open the door and throw my arms around him. I know it would be a bad idea, though. I broke up with him for a reason. It was...

What was it again?

"Louis and Eleanor are dating," he says. His voice is a bit muffled but I can hear him clearly. "I'm sure he already told you that, though. My mum is seeing someone. He seems alright but..I don't know. I don't want her to get hurt, you know? I'm applying for school soon."

A tear rolls down my cheek. It's so good to hear his voice in person. It's a little deeper I think.

"I was thinking of coming here to the city. I like it here. My dad actually lives here so I was thinking maybe...I don't know, Gem said he's alright. Maybe I could talk to him again. You always thought that was a good idea. Lately I feel a little bit bad about not talking to him. We have presents for you at home, you know."

I close my eyes and laugh a little bit. Of course Anne would buy me presents. I called her a few weeks ago to tell her I wouldn't be coming and she almost cried she was so upset. I just couldn't do it. She understood, but she said I could change my mind at any time. I didn't. Obviously.

Harry continues to talk for who knows how long. He tells me so many things and just thinks out loud for a while. He goes through a bunch of memories of us together, laughing to himself. I laugh too, but he doesn't hear or see that. He can't know that he's breaking me right now. I can't for the life of me remember why I ever left him. It's so easy to be around him, even though he's on the other side of the door. Eventually he runs out of things to say and I just sit there, half hoping that he's still there and half hoping that he's gone.

"Please Ads," he says quietly. He sounds sad now. Apparently he's out of things to talk about. "Please talk to me."

I can't. I just can't. What do you say to someone you hurt so badly? If I could just think of the damn reason....why did I break up with him!?!?

"Adie, we've had our time apart. I still need you. I know you think this is helping us, but it's not. It's just hurting us. I don't understand why you did it. We were so perfect."

"Yeah," I whisper. I just wanted to do the right thing. He's better without me. I took too much from him.

"I can see why you thought we were too dependent," he continues. "I get it now. We spent all of our time together and maybe it was a bit much. But we can do better this time, Ads. I mean hell, you're living in bloody London. We can't do that anymore."

Maybe. Maybe he's right. But then everything would be for nothing and I would just break even more.

"I still love you," he says gently. "Please. Open the door, Ads."

My eyes close and another tear rolls down my cheek. I can't. I want to. I want to so badly. But I can't. I can't let his being here break my resolve. I broke up with him because he deserves someone that isn't so broken. And I'm broken beyond repair at this point.

"Adie," he says again. I can do it. Just a few more minutes and Harry will give up. I know he will. He loves me, but I don't think even he will wait this long. There's only so much begging a person is capable of.

After about ten minutes there's nothing, so I stand and step back from the door. My hand reaches for the handle, but I don't want to risk it. Instead I walk back to my room and get dressed and ready for the day. Sam is having a bunch of people over tonight for a part while we have time off. I'm officially done school and just preparing for the start of my new semester so I have nothing better to do. Might as well meet some new people.

When I step out of my room I just stare at the door. I don't hear anything. He's probably gone by now. It's been two hours since he first go here. Even still, I'm not going anywhere near it. So I busy myself with cleaning the apartment instead, making it completely spotless from top to bottom. My eyes are constantly drawn to the front door. A really tiny part of me is hoping he's still there. But I know that he isn't. I'm just too afraid to look.

Eventually it's just getting ridiculous. I slowly walk towards it, making my steps as light as possible. I look slowly through the small peephole and go each way as far as possible so I can see as much of the hallway as possible.

He's not there.

Sad waves of relief wash over me and I pull out my phone to call Sam. He tells me that Zoe is already there so I can come whenever. I've been alone all day so I might as well. I get my stuff and my purse and swing the door open, stumbling back and falling on my bum when Harry falls back against my legs. His head hits my knee and he lays back against me in the surprise of the fall.

"Harry?"

"Oh hey," he says cheekily. He laughs a little and sits up, rubbing the back of his curly head where he hit it on my knee.

"You..you're still here?" I whisper. He looks around a bit and nods.

"Seems like it."

I try to scramble backwards away from him but he takes hold of my ankle and tugs me back to him, pulling my directly under his body.

"Stop," I plead. My eyes start tearing up. It's so overwhelming to see his face and have it so close to mine. He crawls over me and I try to crawl away again but he pins me down, holding both my wrists in his large hand above my head. He looks a little bit older now, his cheekbones more pronounced. He hasn't shaved in a while and he actually has some real stubble on his jaw. His eyes, though. They're the exact same sparkling green. The same green I fell in love with.

"I haven't seen you since June and you tell me to stop?" he asks lowly. He looks all over my face and his free hand gently picks up the hair laying over my shoulder. "You cut your hair."

"Yes."

"I like it," he says calmly. I don't know how he's keeping his shit together but my mind is racing and I have no idea what's going on right now. I don't even know how to think.

"Now," he begins, setting my hair down professionally. "I drove all the way here to talk to you and I'm not leaving until we have a real conversation not through a door."

"Harry..." I warn. I'm not ready for this. I wasn't expecting to see him at all much less have him on top of me. His eyes roam my face and I feel his breath against my skin, raising goosebumps along my arms.

"You have no idea how much I missed you," he says quietly. His eyes lock into mine again. Really?

"Yes I do," I argue, my voice practically silent.

"Then why didn't you answer my calls? Or texts? How is it that I never knew you were home until after you had left again?"

"Harry-"

"No, explain it to me. Cuz I've fucking missed you, Ads. So much that most of the time there's this weird ache in my chest that never goes away. Do you know what that's like?"

"Of course!" I answer, louder this time. "How do you think I feel?"

"Clearly not as bad as me, because if you did you wouldn't have stayed away for so long. You wouldn't have completely ignored me and cut me out of your life. Seven months. Seven. That's a long fucking time to be away from the person you love. You know what? I'm so fucking angry at you. You hurt me. You told me you didn't want me anymore and the day after we had sex for the first time, too. Great timing, by the way," he says sarcastically. "But then I realized something. You only said that because you knew it would make me leave and that's what you were trying to make me do. And it worked. But now I'm back and we're going to talk about this the way we should have seven months ago."

"You don't think that was hard for me?" I ask, kind of angry. I was completely broken, just like him.

"No," he says simply. There's something in his eyes...he's trying to provoke me. It's working.

"You have no idea what I went through after you left."

"Yes I do. I can guarantee it was worse for me, though. You actually knew what happened. I had no fucking idea."

"It was hard for both of us!"

"Nope," he disagrees again. "You ripped my heart out without any warning at all."

"It hurt me too," I whisper. His eyes dart back and forth between mine and he slowly leans down a little closer to me.

"Prove it."

Notes

so...is that my third update today or second? i cant remember but either way i cant wait for these last chapters. theyre really depressing but also really fun to write for some reason...i also just really want to post the last one because ive had it for like two days and im really happy with it. but theres going to be one or two more first. probably just one but we'll see. im either going to do one more super long one or two shorter ones and then the last chapter.

so theres my rant. i hope you guys like this :) dont be too angry with adie. shes just kind of dumb, it's fine.

but whats gonna happen next?!?!?! "prove it." i love it.
i hope you guys dont hate me for the way the last part of the story is playing out :S

please keep commenting :)