Adie's POV

It's been a while since I left Louis' house, but I haven't been able to think clearly. Harry..how could he do this to me? I've never depended on someone so completely, probably not even my mother. Harry is the one person I thought would never hurt me, but now look what he's done. How could I have trusted him so much? I should have known better.

Now I may have a broken heart on my hands. Even if Harry didn't kiss her, there's still the slight possibility that he did and it hurts that he can't be sure if he did or not. What if he actually did? Is this some sort of cosmic sign that I'm supposed to move on and go to London and completely leave my life behind? I'm living with his sister, so I guess I can't completely cut him out of my life, but maybe this is a sign that we shouldn't try to make things work. How am I supposed to trust him now?

I always promised myself that I wouldn't be the pathetic girl that stays with a guy after he cheats on her, no matter how sorry he is. Now I understand why those girls have such a hard time. I love Harry, I do. How can I just leave him? I don't know if I could handle not having him in my life. But he broke my trust and I don't know if there's any going back at this point. I feel broken all over again but for a completely different reason and because of someone that I never thought he would hurt me. What am I supposed to do now?

Part of me wants to just forget about this. Don't look into it, don't think about it, don't try to figure it out. If he did kiss her, that part of me doesn't want to know. He doesn't either and ignorance is bliss right? If we never find out for sure then we can just move on and act like it never happened.

The other part of me is slapping that part in the face. I can't be that naive. I don't like Ashlee one bit, and I already know that she's willing to take whatever is in front of her. She did it with Liam, why not Harry? I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of her mouth. It just makes me so nervous that Harry doesn't remember it. If he doesn't remember, he can't deny it, and that still leaves the possibility that it did happen. And then...I don't even know.

As I'm walking I come across a park with a playground in the centre of it. I walk over to it and take a seat on one of the swings, watching as a few toddlers play on the slide and the monkey bars. I wish my life was still this simple. Now I've got a dead mother, an early acceptance into school, a best friend that doesn't talk to me anymore, and a boyfriend that may or may not have cheated on me. When Harry and I were friends as kids, the biggest problem we had was trying not to let our mothers find out that we left the yard without permission or took cookies when no one was looking. Now things are so complicated.

I've done the whole not having Harry in my life thing. Having and then not having him is the worst thing ever. I didn't really realize how much I actually missed him until I got him back and now the thought of him not being in my life...I would rather break up and just be friends than not have him at all, as painful as that would be. At this very moment, not seeing him would be the easiest thing for me to do. The problem is that I know after I've gotten over the initial shock and hurt of all of this, I'm going to miss him like crazy. I don't know if I can handle that. But I also can't just push him away and pull him back again. He's only going to come back so many times before he decides that I'm too broken and damaged to be worth the trouble.

"Adie?"

I jump a little in surprise and turn around to see Louis walking towards me, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. Without a word he comes and sits on the swing beside mine. We don't speak for a while and it's nice to have him here. Just sitting with me. I've become so used to Harry being with me all the time that I don't like being alone anymore.

"You know, don't you?" I ask finally. I don't look at him, but I hear him sigh deeply.

"Does it matter?"

"So that's a yes."

"Adie, you know how much he cares about you. If he could take that night back he would. He didn't want to come with us in the first place, he wanted to stay with you. We all thought it would be a good idea."

"Don't do that," I say, closing my eyes. "Don't try to justify this or make excuses for him. He did what he did."

"But you don't know that he did it," he disagrees weakly.

"If you knew he didn't do it, you would have said it," I say quietly, finally looking over at him. The look on his face tells me exactly what I need to know. Harry kissed Ashlee.

The confirmation brings on a fresh batch of tears. I don't bother trying to stop them. Louis sits in silence beside me; he knows that he can't excuse Harry's behaviour as well as I do. No point in trying, not anymore. Maybe he was forced into going to the party, but he could have chose to not drink, or to drink less, or not to hang out with someone that would tempt him or that he'd be tempted by. It was his decision to do what he did. I don't want to try to justify it; that would make me pathetic.

"Adie, you need to talk to him. He's freaking out," Louis says finally after I've cried for a few minutes.

"What am I supposed to say? I'm leaving in two weeks, Lou."

"What?" he asks, practically shouting in surprise. I nod my head.

"I'm moving to London for the summer. Harry doesn't know it yet. There's no way we'll be able to fix this by the time I leave." I hold the chains on either side of me and kick the pebbles underneath me. I won't be able to forgive him by the time I need to move. But I'm not staying, not for this.

"Shit," Louis sighs. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I didn't know how," I say, shrugging. "I guess it's better this way anyway."

"What is?"

"Now we don't have to try to make the long distance thing work. I can move and we can both try to forget."

"Hold on," he says, standing in front of me. "You're breaking up with him? Yeah, what he did was wrong but she kissed him and it was a drunken mistake. You're going to break his heart, Adie!"

"He broke mine!" I defend, more tears falling. "He made the mistake, Lou. Not me. I don't see how I'm supposed to just forget this. When I move to London and we either act like everything is fine between us when it's not, or try to work things out while doing the long distance thing. How am I supposed to trust him? How do I know he won't do this again the next time he gets drunk and I'm not even around?"

"Because he just won't! He's completely a wreck over this. Trust me, Adie, he won't make this mistake twice. He's terrified of losing you. He punched a bloody tree after you left, he's freaking out." He steps closer now, looking as terrified as if he was the one being dumped. "He's been by your side through everything, Adie. He's been so committed. He made one mistake, don't ruin what you guys have over it."

"He's the one that ruined it," I whisper.

"You won't find anything better," he tries to reason.

"I know," I agree, smiling sadly. "I at least need some time, Louis. I'm dealing with so much already, I can't think about this now. That may sound harsh or unfair, but I just can't do it."

"You're emotional. It's fresh news. At least wait a few days before you decide," he says quietly.

"Okay," I agree. "That sounds fair."

"Come on, let's go back to my house," he says, holding his hand out to me. I take it and pull myself up, walking with Louis while he puts his arm around me. It's nice to have him to comfort me, although the person I wish would comfort me is the very person I'm angry with.

Louis tries to cheer me up on the way home, but after a few minutes he gives up. I get back in my car and drive as slowly as I can manage back to the house. Harry's car is there, unfortunately. I slowly walk inside and shut the door as quietly as possible. to my dismay, it doesn't make a difference. Harry is in the bathroom and can see my reflection in the mirror. I notice drops of blood on the floor leading to him and the part of me that loves this boy takes over my thought processes.

"Shit, are you okay?" I ask, walking over to him and taking his large hand in both of mine. I inspect his hand.

"Did you just cuss?" he asks hoarsely. I look up at him quickly and he's half-smiling down at me. I ignore the playful comment and continue inspecting his hand, though it's not easy considering all the blood oozing out of it.

Without another word I turn on the tap and gently place his bloody knuckles under the cool water. He winces but doesn't protest, holding it there while I look in the medicine cabinet for some peroxide and bandages to clean him up.

"Adie-"

"We should make sure it doesn't get infected," I interrupt, not giving him a chance to try and talk to me.

"Okay, but I need to-"

"Is your hand broken?" I ask. He doesn't respond right away so I look up at him. He slowly shakes his head, sadness overtaking his features.

"It doesn't feel broken," he says quietly. I nod and get a towel so I can clean up the cuts. I dab them dry first as carefully as I can, then pour some peroxide on a clean part of the towel. Without any warning I gently press it against the cuts.

"Fuck," he hisses, ripping his hand out of mine. I hold my hand out again and he inspects himself before slowly giving it back to me. "That fucking hurts."

"Then you shouldn't have punched a tree," I say simply. I refuse to feel bad for him. I continue to press the peroxide onto it as gently as I can. When I'm done I wrap it up and tape the bandaid down. He moves his fingers around a bit and I clean up after myself before turning and walking out without a word. He obviously follows.

"Ads-"

"Don't," I bark, stopping abruptly. His eyes go wide and he stops walking as well. "Don't call me that. Not now."

I turn again and walk into my room, swinging the door shut and locking it behind me. I slide down the wood and hug my knees against my chest, letting more tears fall from my eyes. I hear Harry knock once, which I'm assuming is him leaning against it as well.

"Adie, please talk to me," he begs hoarsely. He sounds like he's trying not to cry and it absolutely breaks my heart. But I can't give in to him. "Please open the door."

I lean my head back and let the tears flow down my face. How could he do this? To me, to himself, to us? We had something so perfect and he ruined everything.

"Adie please," he begs again. I hear him choke back a sob and I pull at my hair. I don't want him to be hurting. After a moment I realize it's quiet. I sit against the door with my eyes closed and try to control my crying. I can't deal with this, I don't know how.

"Adie."

I jump at how close Harry's voice is. My eyes fly open and I see him standing above me.

"What the hell?" I ask, standing up. I look behind him and realize he came in through the bathroom. "Get out, Harry. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Please, just let me try to explain," he pleads.

"Explain? Explain what? Why you kissed her? Why you went? Why you were spending time with her at all? Why she keeps trying to talk to you? Why you waited two fucking months to tell me about all of this?" I ask, now feeling more angry than sad. How dare he come in here and demand to speak with me. He's the one who messed up, he doesn't get to do what he wants. He takes a step closer to me and it takes everything in my power not to slap him.

"Adie, I honestly don't remember what happened," he says.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I spit.

"Yes. No. I don't fucking know! I don't know, I'm just trying to make this okay! I'm so sorry, Adie you have no idea how sorry I am. I screwed up so bad, I know that. Please, you have to believe me when I tell you that there's nothing going on with her. It was a mistake. A one time mistake, please," he repeats, coming over and taking my hand in his. I rip it away and shake my head.

"I was here, lying in this damn bed, Harry," I remind him, pointing to the bed. He looks down at the floor, shame clear on his face. "I was lying there depressed and you went out and kissed another girl." I feel bad making him feel even more guilty, but at this point I'm just mad. I thought I would be able to deal with this calmly, but apparently that's not happening.

He pulls at his hair and I see a tear roll down his cheek. I want to hug him and comfort him, but I can't. I know that. My anger starts to mix with sadness and I can't help but cry as well.

"Get out," I whisper. He looks up at me and shakes his head.

"Not until you forgive me," he says shakily.

"That's not going to happen right now."

"Don't push me away!"

"Push you away?" I repeat. I walk up and shove him backwards slightly. "I'm not the one who fucked this up, Harry! If you didn't want to be with me while I was fucking depressed, you should have just told me that!" I shove him again and he stumbles backwards. "I trusted you!" Another shove. "We had something amazing and in one moment you managed to ruin everything!" I reach to push him back again but he grabs my wrists and holds them in front of him. I wriggle them around and try to get out.

"Let go!" I rip my hands from his grip. I tangle my fingers into my hair and pull slightly. My sadness starts taking over and I just cry more. "You lied to me. you...you cheated on me," I whisper.

"No," he whispers. "No, Ads."

"Just leave me alone, Harry," I plead quietly. I can't even look at him right now. I'm embarrassed for crying and yelling and swearing and being so angry. I'm angry with him and so completely hurt by what he did. Him being here isn't helping.

"I can't, I can't leave you," he says softly. I take a deep breath and blink my tears away while I walk to the closet. I throw a duffel bag on the floor and throw some clothes in it, not even paying attention to anything that I'm grabbing. I can't be here. Harry won't stop until we work this out, but I just can't do that right now. I just need some time to think and be sad and work through this. I need to go.

"Where are you going?" he asks, his voice breaking. I cry harder as I zip the bag up.

"I can't stay here right now," I explain shakily. I walk past him and out of my room, phone stuffed in my pocket. I don't even know where I'm going to go right now, but I need to go somewhere. Harry follows me to the front door.

"Please just let me go, Harry. I need space, I need to think about everything," I say, fighting back sobs. A muffled sound escapes his mouth and I allow myself to look at the broken boy in front of me.

"You...you're coming back. Right?" he asks in a breathy voice. My eyes meet his and I memorize the colour through his and my own tears. I nod my head slightly and pull the door open, tearing my eyes from his and running to my car.

Notes

oh goodness. that made me sad to write. like really sad..
on a better note, double update wooo

more comments please :)