Kiss Me
The Addictions
“Nevaeh! Over here! Nevaeh!” I heard several people say. I pushed my way past the paparazzi because I couldn’t handle the questions anymore. "Who are you dating?" "Are you addicted to drugs? Are you in rehab?" "What's your go-to drug?" "Are you depressed/unsatisfied with your life?" I've heard all of the questions. There was nothing that I wanted to talk about, I knew what I had done and I knew that I needed help.
It began 7 months after winning X-Factor; everything earlier on seemed to be going great and I was loving the attention, being in the spotlight and singing my heart out at the few gigs I had. My only problem was that it seemed like it wasn’t enough for me, and that made me want more. Everyone was slowly forgetting my name, but it barely had enough time to get out. The friends I made only seemed interested in me for my fame and fortune and I felt like I had absolutely nothing left. I lost contact of Liam for a while because he was busy with voice lessons and practicing for the next X-Factor while I was in the studio. Every now and then we’d talk, but nothing like before.
One day, I went to an after party for a show that I had and I ran into the wrong people that night. I wasn’t feeling on top of the world and one of my friends noticed so she took my hand and led me to the bathroom. “Here, this is Charlie, he’ll help you relax.” my friend told me. “Hi.” I hesitated to shake the hand he was holding out. “You want to have a good time?” he asked and my friend nodded for me. “I don’t know, I’m not that kind of girl so I think I’ll pass.” I said, worried. He looked at me and laughed, knowing that I misinterpreted what he had said. “No, sweetheart, you’re a little too young for me. What are you, 10?” I rolled my eyes,
“I’m actually 15. I’ll be 16 in 6 months.”
“Yeah, like that’s any better. Here, take one of these.” he took out a bottle of pills. “What is it?” I asked. “Nothing bad, don’t worry. It’ll help you…relax. Take it with this” he said as he handed me a pill with a shot of Vodka. There was a part of me that knew I shouldn’t, but the other part didn’t care so I threw it back with the shot. “Good girl. Now you should feel it in a few minutes.” He left with my friend. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and suddenly slid down to the floor, laughing. “Oh my God. I didn’t say thank you to the sweet, sweet man. Wow this is going to be a great night.” I said, stumbling around, trying to get up. Walking out of the bathroom, I said hello to everybody that I passed.
I was walking into the kitchen to take more shots when I tripped and fell on top of someone. “LIAM!” I screamed and hugged him. “Oh God, you wreak of alcohol.” He said, trying to push me off of him. “Don’t let go, let’s roll around!” I said laughing, attempting to roll on the floor with him. “Nevaeh, you’re drunk.” He pushed me off and sat up. “No I’m not.” I giggled and sat up as well. “I’m flying higher than a bird in the sky and everything feels right.” I hugged him tight. “We have to get you home, I knew this party was a bad idea for you because of the state you’ve been in lately.” He said, helping me up. “I don’t want to go, it just started! I feel really good, Liam. My mind is completely clear and I realize that I need to spend more time with my friends. I love them so much, and I love you too.” I pet his face. “No, we’re leaving. NOW.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the house. I ended up staying the night at Liam’s and waking up the next day on his chest. He was sitting up, lying against the wall. It felt really strange but okay at the same time. I tried getting up without waking him, but his eyes shot open. “Good morning.” He smiled at me. “Good morning. I’m really sorry about last night. What were you doing at the party, anyway?” I asked. “My friend was going and asked if I wanted to join him. At first I said no, but he convinced me when he said that you were going.” He replied. I smiled, looked up at him and I could feel he wanted to kiss me, but I got up before anything could happen. “I really should get going. I need to go home and get ready for the day.” I said. “What are you doing today?” he asked, his voice implying he wanted to spend time with me. “Um, well, I’m going shopping for an outfit. I’m probably going to record more songs and then go to another party.” I hesitated a bit with my answer. I could tell that he was upset but he knew there was no stopping me.
At the party all I could think about was waking up on Liam. I couldn’t date my best friend; I didn’t want to lose the greatest friend I ever had. My mind was plagued with all of these thoughts on top of all of my stress and I felt like I couldn't handle it. “What are you guys doing?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen to see white powder in a line on the table. “Coke. Come have some, it’ll make you feel-“ before he could finish, I sat down and snorted a line. I laid back in the seat. “Fuck, my nose hurts.” I covered my nose and the table full of guys laughed. Everything was spinning, maybe it was a bad high, but I was numb and dizzy. Standing up and trying to make my way to the alcohol I heard, “Hey baby, you want to take some body shots?” It was an older guy around the age of 24. He was getting close and I could smell the booze coming off of him which made the room spin even more. I declined, but I grabbed a bottle of Malibu and started to chug it like it was water. “Slow down! Stop!” my friend said as she snatched the bottle out of my hands. “Oh THERE you are, darling. Where have you been you bitch?” I laughed and playfully punched her. “Girl, you need to go home.” She said. “I don’t need to go anywhere. I’m staying right here!” I pointed at the floor and fell down. “Your friend needs to get out of here, she’s way underage and I can’t afford to get in trouble incase the cops stop by.” The host said. “Hey shut the fuck up, prick! I’m almost 16!” I said, pushing him. A couple of guys grabbed me by the arms and dragged me out of the house. Since I was drunk and high, I decided it’d be a great idea to walk home. After a mile, I ended up falling down and passing out in the grass, hoping I’d never wake up.
Again, I woke up to see Liam and felt him holding onto my left hand. I had no idea how I got where I was. “Where am I?” I asked as I looked at the IV’s in my right hand. “You’re in the hospital, they had to pump your stomach because you drank too much last night…Vae…why are you doing this to yourself?” he asked with tears in his eyes. “It doesn’t concern you. It’s the only kind of happiness that I can find now. Nothing is going right and when I drink/do drugs it makes me feel like I’m not a fuck up. Like I’m successful. Like I’m perfect.” I didn’t look at him when I responded. “Stop it, you’re perfect to me.” He brushed my hair back as he said it. “Liam, please don't. You’re too wonderful to associate yourself with me and I don't want to bring you down with me. I can't bring you down with me, I won't allow it. Please just stay away from me, for your sake.” I said. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’m going to help you. That’s what friends do. I’ll never stop being your friend, no matter if I want more than a friendship and you don't, I never want to lose you.” A tear rolled down his cheek.
I had progressed and gotten somewhat better, but the stress levels rose again and I turned to drugs and alcohol. This time I was careful about how much I had. It went from Marijuana, to Cocaine, to Heroin. My career was failing, my friends disappeared. Liam knew, and knowing that I was hurting him, killed me more than anything in this world but I couldn’t stop. I needed help but no one cared except Liam, and he couldn’t stop me. We were both so young, neither of us knew how to stop my addiction.
"Nevaeh! Is Liam part of this whole drug scandal? You've spent an awful lot of time with the previous X-Factor contestant." one of the papz said. "Don't bring my friend into this. He's not a part of this and has never done drugs a day in his life, nor will he ever. Leave him alone." I snapped as I got into a car. It was a new beginning for me.
I was finally going to rehab.
It began 7 months after winning X-Factor; everything earlier on seemed to be going great and I was loving the attention, being in the spotlight and singing my heart out at the few gigs I had. My only problem was that it seemed like it wasn’t enough for me, and that made me want more. Everyone was slowly forgetting my name, but it barely had enough time to get out. The friends I made only seemed interested in me for my fame and fortune and I felt like I had absolutely nothing left. I lost contact of Liam for a while because he was busy with voice lessons and practicing for the next X-Factor while I was in the studio. Every now and then we’d talk, but nothing like before.
One day, I went to an after party for a show that I had and I ran into the wrong people that night. I wasn’t feeling on top of the world and one of my friends noticed so she took my hand and led me to the bathroom. “Here, this is Charlie, he’ll help you relax.” my friend told me. “Hi.” I hesitated to shake the hand he was holding out. “You want to have a good time?” he asked and my friend nodded for me. “I don’t know, I’m not that kind of girl so I think I’ll pass.” I said, worried. He looked at me and laughed, knowing that I misinterpreted what he had said. “No, sweetheart, you’re a little too young for me. What are you, 10?” I rolled my eyes,
“I’m actually 15. I’ll be 16 in 6 months.”
“Yeah, like that’s any better. Here, take one of these.” he took out a bottle of pills. “What is it?” I asked. “Nothing bad, don’t worry. It’ll help you…relax. Take it with this” he said as he handed me a pill with a shot of Vodka. There was a part of me that knew I shouldn’t, but the other part didn’t care so I threw it back with the shot. “Good girl. Now you should feel it in a few minutes.” He left with my friend. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and suddenly slid down to the floor, laughing. “Oh my God. I didn’t say thank you to the sweet, sweet man. Wow this is going to be a great night.” I said, stumbling around, trying to get up. Walking out of the bathroom, I said hello to everybody that I passed.
I was walking into the kitchen to take more shots when I tripped and fell on top of someone. “LIAM!” I screamed and hugged him. “Oh God, you wreak of alcohol.” He said, trying to push me off of him. “Don’t let go, let’s roll around!” I said laughing, attempting to roll on the floor with him. “Nevaeh, you’re drunk.” He pushed me off and sat up. “No I’m not.” I giggled and sat up as well. “I’m flying higher than a bird in the sky and everything feels right.” I hugged him tight. “We have to get you home, I knew this party was a bad idea for you because of the state you’ve been in lately.” He said, helping me up. “I don’t want to go, it just started! I feel really good, Liam. My mind is completely clear and I realize that I need to spend more time with my friends. I love them so much, and I love you too.” I pet his face. “No, we’re leaving. NOW.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the house. I ended up staying the night at Liam’s and waking up the next day on his chest. He was sitting up, lying against the wall. It felt really strange but okay at the same time. I tried getting up without waking him, but his eyes shot open. “Good morning.” He smiled at me. “Good morning. I’m really sorry about last night. What were you doing at the party, anyway?” I asked. “My friend was going and asked if I wanted to join him. At first I said no, but he convinced me when he said that you were going.” He replied. I smiled, looked up at him and I could feel he wanted to kiss me, but I got up before anything could happen. “I really should get going. I need to go home and get ready for the day.” I said. “What are you doing today?” he asked, his voice implying he wanted to spend time with me. “Um, well, I’m going shopping for an outfit. I’m probably going to record more songs and then go to another party.” I hesitated a bit with my answer. I could tell that he was upset but he knew there was no stopping me.
At the party all I could think about was waking up on Liam. I couldn’t date my best friend; I didn’t want to lose the greatest friend I ever had. My mind was plagued with all of these thoughts on top of all of my stress and I felt like I couldn't handle it. “What are you guys doing?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen to see white powder in a line on the table. “Coke. Come have some, it’ll make you feel-“ before he could finish, I sat down and snorted a line. I laid back in the seat. “Fuck, my nose hurts.” I covered my nose and the table full of guys laughed. Everything was spinning, maybe it was a bad high, but I was numb and dizzy. Standing up and trying to make my way to the alcohol I heard, “Hey baby, you want to take some body shots?” It was an older guy around the age of 24. He was getting close and I could smell the booze coming off of him which made the room spin even more. I declined, but I grabbed a bottle of Malibu and started to chug it like it was water. “Slow down! Stop!” my friend said as she snatched the bottle out of my hands. “Oh THERE you are, darling. Where have you been you bitch?” I laughed and playfully punched her. “Girl, you need to go home.” She said. “I don’t need to go anywhere. I’m staying right here!” I pointed at the floor and fell down. “Your friend needs to get out of here, she’s way underage and I can’t afford to get in trouble incase the cops stop by.” The host said. “Hey shut the fuck up, prick! I’m almost 16!” I said, pushing him. A couple of guys grabbed me by the arms and dragged me out of the house. Since I was drunk and high, I decided it’d be a great idea to walk home. After a mile, I ended up falling down and passing out in the grass, hoping I’d never wake up.
Again, I woke up to see Liam and felt him holding onto my left hand. I had no idea how I got where I was. “Where am I?” I asked as I looked at the IV’s in my right hand. “You’re in the hospital, they had to pump your stomach because you drank too much last night…Vae…why are you doing this to yourself?” he asked with tears in his eyes. “It doesn’t concern you. It’s the only kind of happiness that I can find now. Nothing is going right and when I drink/do drugs it makes me feel like I’m not a fuck up. Like I’m successful. Like I’m perfect.” I didn’t look at him when I responded. “Stop it, you’re perfect to me.” He brushed my hair back as he said it. “Liam, please don't. You’re too wonderful to associate yourself with me and I don't want to bring you down with me. I can't bring you down with me, I won't allow it. Please just stay away from me, for your sake.” I said. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’m going to help you. That’s what friends do. I’ll never stop being your friend, no matter if I want more than a friendship and you don't, I never want to lose you.” A tear rolled down his cheek.
I had progressed and gotten somewhat better, but the stress levels rose again and I turned to drugs and alcohol. This time I was careful about how much I had. It went from Marijuana, to Cocaine, to Heroin. My career was failing, my friends disappeared. Liam knew, and knowing that I was hurting him, killed me more than anything in this world but I couldn’t stop. I needed help but no one cared except Liam, and he couldn’t stop me. We were both so young, neither of us knew how to stop my addiction.
"Nevaeh! Is Liam part of this whole drug scandal? You've spent an awful lot of time with the previous X-Factor contestant." one of the papz said. "Don't bring my friend into this. He's not a part of this and has never done drugs a day in his life, nor will he ever. Leave him alone." I snapped as I got into a car. It was a new beginning for me.
I was finally going to rehab.
Notes
Surprises are in store in the next chapter! :) I had a hectic day, but I somehow managed to fit in a chapter today. Proud of myself. :P Thanks much for reading, I hope you enjoy the next chapters. x
ALSO! I'll have different POV's starting in the next chapter, all the way until the end.
2/17/13