That L word

I can still head the boys jabbering as I make my way to the bathroom. I see all the razors perfectly inline. I grab one and hold it up to look at it's smoothness. It was so sharp. I wanted pain. Not emotional but physical... Something I could handle. I close and lock the bathroom door and take off my pants and shirt. I didn't want blood getting on them. I hold the blade up and press it against my arm. NO! I can't.. Not on my arm. I lift the blade off my arm and look for a good spot. My hip. I take the blade and hold it against my hip. I'm scared because I've never done this before but I hear it's relaxing in a weird way. I count to three.
one...two.. Three. I quickly slide the blade across my skin and a sharp pain goes throughout my body.
" woah.." I breathe heavily. I do it again. For Louis. I do another one. For my heart. And I do four more for the hate I have for elenour. I loved it the pain felt so good. And when I saw the blood I felt better. Knowing that no one could hurt me more than I can hurt myself. I quickly clean up and take the blade to my bag. This one was a keeper. I wasn't going to tell anyone about this it was my little secret. This is my pain reliever. The side affect... Blood loss and relaxation.
" hiiii!" It try to put on a fake smile . Louis turns around and looks at me.
" Ey mate! What's going on?" I look directly at Louis. I can't do it.
" uhmm..erm.. Need to go outside!" I just grab my sweater and run out the door. I hear someone chasing after me. I'm pretty sure it's Niall. I make a final sharp turn and fall on the ground. I'm sobbing uncontrollably and I feel arms around me in an instant. " what's going on harry." Niall asks in a worried tone. I can't tell him about Louis. I can't but I have too.
" Louis... I.. I.." I stop. What am I suppose to say.
" What.. What about Louis.?" Niall asks. Whatever I guess should tell him.
" I like Louis. Like I love him Niall." Niall just kind of smirks.
" We already knew you two were crazy for eachother but.. Then why are you crying?"
" because Niall! I told him how i felt and got rejected completely. Then he comes I to my room and kisses me and says he loves me. But it was bullshit! He only did it because he didn't have el anymore! I was used for his personal gain!" Niall stops to think for a moment.
" He broke up with elenour..." Niall looks at me. No he didn't.
" Then Why did you guys say she broke up with him? " I was confused.
" well that's what we thought harry but he explained to us that he had feelings for so done else. And we figured it was you actually." Niall laughs a little. Now I feel terrible. Was I the one he had feelings for I had to be right? I say okay and stand up we go back to the house. My phone vibrates. I look at it. Tears come out again. Oh my ducking god! How many times can I get hurt in one fucking day!" It was a picture of Louis and some other girl. The tweet read was " I knew If I told you you would understand." And it was a fucking girl with my Louis. I can't take it. Not another second.
" how long were we in the woods." I look at Niall.
" uhm idk hour maybe." He walks inside. Good that means Louis is probably still with this girl. I go i. And ask who she is. Her name Alyson and I know where she lives. Good. I'm going to confront Louis in front of her. I need Louis. I have to have him.

Notes

Blah blah this chapter is more of a filler but... Oh well haha. The next one is great thoooooo. It's long and it's a. Good chapter.