That L word

I've locked myself in my room for the last two days. I won't talk to Louis. I won't. He said he didn't love me. I layed my heart on the line ..I took a risk. I'm done doing that. Just done. All the boys have tried getting me out of my room but I'm not. I've been crying, laying up all night thinking. Where did I go wrong?
I roll over and face the wall. I scrape my nail against it putting another line. For the third day of misery. I didn't understand. What didn't I have that Louis wanted. I mean I've tried changing for him. Being less clingy. I've tried and apparently I didn't try hard enough. I know I'm only 19 but I know what I'm feeling is love. I know. I thought Louis felt It too. I truly did.
I pick up my phone and go back into tumbler. I made a fake account so I could keep up with the fans. I followed a few larry accounts because they are fans too and deserve attention. I see a few posts. Some of them say the way they look at eachother.. There so in love. Let them be free. Never surrender. Fight for larry. I quickly close out getting overwhelmed. Looks like Louis has fooled the whole lot of us into believing we were in love. When in reality it was for show. I was the only one in love. And it takes two to make a commitment. I groan going Into guilt. I hear a rap on my door.
" GO AWAY." I shout. I hear a mumble then another rap. " Oh my god." I stand up and go to the door. I rip it open.
" hey little brother!" Gemma wraps her arms around me. Flinging me back into the room. I hug back twice as hard. It felt good that she was here but I'm extremely surprised.
" what? How did you get here?" I ask smiling hiding my pain from her.
" well I got a call from Louis. He said he was worried for you." She sits down on my bed. I snort. Why would Louis care. " what was that for?" Gemma looks up at me. I bite my tongue so I won't speak.
" Harry tell me." She looks serious now. " Louis wouldn't call me if he wasn't worried.-" I cut her short.
" He's the one who made this happen Gemma.! It's his fault so why would he all of the sudden give two fucks about me!" I am nearly shouting. she looks shocked.
" What do you mean he did his to you? HARRY. you didn't tell him did you. I told you to wait! " She sounds worried.
" No Gemma I didn't. Don't worry nobody knows. But it's useless now. He doesn't even know what he wants to eat. In the morning let alone who he.. He loves." I look Down.
" harry your a great guy really. And if Louis doesn't see that in you. And want you as much as you want him then his loss. But don't let it get you down. There are plenty of-"
" fish In The sea. I know I know." I sigh. " I just feel like all these years have just been a lie. A practical joke on little harry." I sit down and manage to look at Gemma in the eyes.
" Harry. Stop okay. He will come around. he's sick right now and more than anything needs a friend. He needs you." She is trying but I don't understand how he said he didn't love me. How can I go back to that?
" I can't be his friend Gemma. I need to be his boyfriend! I need to love him and kiss him! I need him. He is only mine. I have to have him before Eleanor takes him from me again.." I tear up thinking about.
" Listen to yourself. You sound damn selfish. You can't rush into these things harry. Your two men for Christ sakes. I know your feelings for him and I know he has feelings for you too. He just needs time. And a friend!" She says friend again. Maybe she's right... I'm being a dick head for wanting Louis so badly while he's in a weak mental state. I sigh.
" Your right Gemma. I'm sorry. I'll loosen up. I'll be his friend..." I mutter. She smiles brightly and stands up.
" Well. Good talk. Listen I love you harry never forget that okay. And save the ring. Your going to need it someday. Just dont rush into it. I'll call tomorrow." She wraps her arms around me tightly. I press my head into her shoulders as she stands on her toes. " stay strong harry. He needs that from you." She whispers.
" Bye I love you too." She walks out. I close my door and run over to my drawers. I yank it open and see the box. Where the ring is at. I bought it a little while ago now. It's a promise ring from me to Louis. Giving him my love forever. But that's when I thought he actually loved me. Things are so chaotic right now. But gems right, I will need it someday. Because Louis lives me he just doesn't know it yet. I have to stay strong for him. I need bravery and I need strength. I out the ring back and sit up.
" LOUIIIIIIIIIS." I scream for him to come into my room. I hear faint footsteps then he walks in.
" We need to talk." We almost say in unison. Not only do I have something to say but he does too.

Notes

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