Things I Can, Things I Can’t

I was half way through Titanic when I heard a knock at my door. A moment of panic ensued: my outfit consisted of one large baggy t-shirt and a pair of Spongebob pyjama shorts. I currently had two wads of tissue stuffed into each nostril and I was sweaty and disgusting.

I quickly made myself presentable. When I thought about it, it would probably just be one of the crew or someone who worked at the hotel since all the boys were out. I made my way over to the door.

“Harry?!” I wanted to die. I seriously underestimated this one. I folded my arms across my chest, feeling very vulnerable. Harry stood with one arm resting on the doorframe and the other on his hip. I stepped aside and let him in. “What are you doing here? It’s-“ I checked my watch. “Only 12:15."

“I just wasn’t feeling it.” He said, running both hands through his hair sheepishly. He held his arms out and I was instantly confused. Harry and I had formed a good friendship but he wasn’t really the touchy-feely type. Besides, our argument today was still fresh in my mind. I went in for an awkward hug. “I was just sitting there, and just, something wasn’t right. So I thought I’d come home. Then I realised you’d still be up so I thought we could chill."

I was still confused when he sat down and started removing his clothes. It was then I realised, through a combination of the smell of alcohol and his behaviour that he was drunk. I watched him struggle to pull his shoes off. “Here,” I offered, bending down and pulling each boot off. “You’re drunk, Harry.”
“A bit.” He sighed. “What are you watching? Can we watch something?”
“Harry,” I began, looking him over as his underwear clad body moved up to the pillows on my bed. He pulled the duvet over him. “I’m not well, I feel and look like shit.. do you have to?”
“Yes, I’m always here for you and now it’s your turn. And I don’t care how you look, Annie, I’m drunk and naked, I’m more vulnerable.”
I frowned and sat beside him on the bed. He was so gone that his eyes were red and bleary.
“Well, what’s wrong with you?” I asked, laying beside him, my attention half-focused on the movie and half on him.
“I’m lonely, and I upset everyone, and I’m annoying. And I upset you earlier.”
I gave a small laugh. “You’re just drunk, and I don’t care Harry, honestly.”
“You’re my best friend.” I could tell he had blurted that one out. I propped my head up on my elbow. “You’re just a really nice person. I wish I could take away what happened from you, you don’t deserve it. Just like my Mum.”

Oh bless him. His face was so downtrodden that I realised this was something more than just drunken attention seeking.

“Harry, you’re a great friend to me too.” I said, getting up and making the tea. I knew he would appreciate that.
“Nice shorts Ans.” He said. I felt myself dying inside at the embarrassment of these bad-boys.

Harry and I talked for hours, taking selfles and making vines of how drunk he was. It was three in the morning before he finally fell asleep. I watched him with the dim light of the street lamp outside. He was so vulnerable like this, so different to his usual do-as-I-say attitude. He had fallen asleep across the bed, with half of his head on my pillow. I crawled down and arranged myself so I wasn’t touching him, not wanting to disturb him in his sleep. In some ways I felt like I had just gotten my baby off to sleep. It was a peaceful feeling.

I turned on my side and checked my phone, nothing. I closed my eyes and Harry stirred, throwing an arm around me in his slumber. I laughed inwardly at his drunken state. I thought about how he had come home from the club so early. Maybe he was changing, maybe he didn’t want to hook up with randoms anymore.

Maybe I was just hoping he didn’t want to.

***

My alarm chimed at 6:30 a.m, waking both Harry and I. I awkwardly slipped out from under his grasp, which had gone from one arm wrapped over me to his legs and basically whole body.

“Waaaater Annie.” He groaned, shielding his eyes from the sun with my pillows.
“You shouldn’t have gotten so messed up.” I sighed, passing him some painkillers.
“You snore.” He replied. “And you talk in your sleep."
“You smothered me, so I’m not surprised.” I threw his clothes at him and got in the shower. I felt pretty comfortable around Harry now, and it was altogether a nice feeling. The best way to get over pain is to have a distraction, and he was quickly becoming my best new friend. When I exited my shower, I jumped to see Eleanor on my bed. I wrapped my towel around me. Harry had obviously left.

“Hello, lovely!” She smiled. “We need to talk.”
“We do?” I said, pulling some underwear from my case. She nodded.
“Harry let me in here on his way out.”
I understood what she was going to say. “El, nothing happened..”
She nodded. “He left that club to come back to you last night. Lou saw him and he was just like, I think I’m going to leave, and Lou was like what for, Annie? And he just sort of didn’t reply, just left.”
I stared at her.
“Annie I think he’s starting to like you..” She was smirking a bit and rolling a strand of her around her fingers. I turned away from her and pulled on my clothes.
“We’re just really close. We just vent to each other.”
She shook her head. “And the way he went crazy at you yesterday? Is that normal?”
“He’s protective.”
“He’s smitten, that’s what he is.”

We both paused.

“Harry doesn’t get like this over girls, Annie. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. t think he’s just really taken a liking to you, but don’t be freaked out when he shows it in weird ways. Do you think you could like him too?”
I frowned, looking at her strangely.
“I’ve never thought about it, he’s just, Harry.”
She nodded. “You’re still in love with Will, too. God Harry gets so annoyed about him. Louis spoke to him the other day, sort of said maybe he should back off a bit because you might need some time alone.” She shook her head. “He was not impressed. He’s just constantly like, where’s Annie, is she alright, what’s she doing.."

My stomach clenched. That feeling of a protector felt lovely.

“Anyway. I’ll leave you to get ready.” She said. I watched her leave and shut the door. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, but I couldn’t believe what I had heard.

Our relationship just reached a whole new level of complicated.

Notes