The second that alarm went off, I wanted to burst into tears. I squinted and tried to sit up, but Harry had moved in the night and was sleeping on my stomach. I ran my fingers through a curl on his head, trailing my hand down his neck and resting it on his shoulder blade. I had a boyfriend. A new boyfriend. This was my boyfriend.

He stirred and looked up at me, and although he had just awoken he had a knowing look in his eye that just said this is it.

He had set his alarm earlier than necessary so we could have breakfast together. We didn’t really speak over our bacon and eggs. There was a knock at the door, one of the managers had shown up to ride with Harry to the airport.

“I said I didn’t need a ride.” Harry was annoyed, and looked at me. “I wanted Annie to drive me to the airport.”

His manager looked at me awkwardly, and didn’t speak. Harry stormed upstairs and I heard the shower running. Not wanting to spend another awkward moment with this random man, I introduced him to the coffee machine and told him I would go and see to Harry.

Harry left the bathroom door wide open, showering and belting out The Rolling Stones. I slipped in and sat on the toilet seat. When he had finished he hopped out of the bath, completely naked and wrapped a towel around himself. He brushed his teeth and I just hugged him from behind, not caring about making my t-shirt wet. When he had finished he set the toothbrush down and held his hands over my own on his torso. We stayed like that for a minute, and then he broke free. There was no dialogue between us that morning. It’s like if we spoke, we knew we’d upset ourselves even more.

I followed him to his bedroom and just flopped onto the bed. I watched him get dressed, every tattoo on his body becoming animated as he moved, dragging his black jeans over his legs. He put on a plain white t-shirt, and an awful old vintage sweater that I hated. I smiled at his odd fashion sense. If he wasn’t so famous, you’d say he looked homeless.

He finally stopped and looked at me. He sat down on the bed and once again his head found my chest. He squeezed himself so tight against me, like I was protecting him from something. How wrong he had it, he was protecting me. I stroked his face with my finger tips, kissing his damp hair over and over again.

“Don’t want to leave you.” Was all he said, barely more than a whisper.

I felt a lump in my throat and paused before I spoke so it didn’t make my voice sound weak.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” I sighed, and the lump just came straight back up and I could tell he heard it. He turned and looked up at me.
“Don’t get upset.” He kissed my cheek, and then my lips. “Just, please don’t get upset."

He pulled his sleeve over his knuckles and brushed away my tears. I heard his manager call up from downstairs.

“Harry, we really need to leave if we’re going to make this flight!"

Harry stared at where the noise had come from. “Oh fuck off!” He said, and the other end went silent. I gave a small laugh at his impatience. He turned back to face me. “I’ve left you my spare key, so if you want to come and stay here at any time, you can. All my numbers are saved in the phone, Lou, and the boys, Eleanor as well."

I nodded smally.

“I..” He sighed, not knowing what to say so he stopped. “Come on.” He patted my leg and made his way for his bags, dragging them out of the room.

I followed him down the stairs with a heavy heart. Harry dropped his bags and his manager took them out to the car.

“Well, this is it.” He sighed, running a hand through his curls. The icy January air made me shiver. “Hopefully you can fly out at some stage."
“I’ll definitely try to.” I said, my bottom lip quivering again. Harry pulled me into him, his thick arms around my neck.
“I’ll talk to you everyday, if I can get back to London, even just for twelve hours, I’ll try.” He said, still not letting go.
“I love you.” I whispered, the words falling out of my mouth like verbal vomit. He pulled me away from him and looked straight down at me.
“What did you just say?” He asked, a pained smile on his lips. My heartbeat spiked.
“I-I.. sorry.” Was all I could manage.
“Forget it, I love you too.” He said, and brought me into another hug. I clung onto him like a life support machine, because really, that’s what he had become. His manager came over and stood awkwardly, too afraid to say anything, but his stance made Harry aware that he needed to leave. He kissed me one more time, so passionately that my head whirled. He started to walk towards the car, and then ran back, pulling me in for another hug.
“Go!” I laughed, trying to be brave for him.
He nodded, straightening himself out. “Right.” He said, and made another go at getting into the car. This time he was successful.

The windows were tinted so I couldn’t even see his face as the car went out of the gate. When it opened I saw the flashes of cameras and sighed, coming back inside and shutting the door.

I leant against it, trying to compose myself for a second. That was the last time I would see him in up to three months. The thought made my chest tight. I sulked into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on, hoisting myself up onto the counter. The house was so empty, and quiet without Harry walking around, singing, shouting, laughing. I picked up my phone from where I had left it this morning, our plates stained with ketchup a vivid reminder that Harry was here, and now he was gone. I decided I should probably call my Mum. It was time to go home, back to ordinary life.

---

“I almost forgot we had a daughter!” My mum said, smiling at me from the hallway as I pulled my key out of the door. I shut it behind me and my bags. I had left a suitcase at Harry’s, I had a feeling I would be spending a lot of time there. She ran over to me and pulled me into a huge hug. “Well? Where have you been? Or do I need not ask.”

She went back into the kitchen and I followed. Holding up a copy of Hello! magazine with Harry and I on the front. The caption was titled “JUST FRIENDS?” I sighed, sitting down at the table. My brother, Frankie sat across from me. Rather than hug me, he held out his knuckles.

“Chips me.” He said, and we touched fists. “Respect for banging a band member.”
“Frankie!” My mother exclaimed. “Well, darling, tell us about him!"

Oh my god, the last thing I needed.

“Yeah, he’s great. He’s 20. In a band. Nice guy. Met him on tour. Louise’s friend."

My mother was jubilant, but Frankie being the asshole he is, he ruined her moment.

“So no Alex, then?”
“Fuck off Frankie.” I hissed, not bothering to look at him. I had been in the house five minutes and we were already fighting. I winced, remembering Gemma, and Harry. How nice they were to each other all the time.
“Yes.. darling, we were upset to hear about Alex. Your brother saw him out the other week. He was very upset, wasn’t he Frankie?”

Frankie nodded with wide eyes, exaggerating what my mother had just said jokingly. My mum rolled her eyes.

“Well, I’m going to go and get used to my room again.” I said, excusing myself. On my way upstairs I embraced my dad, who asked little questions about my love life, and I was thankful for that. I flopped onto my bed, the whiteness of my room just reminded me of Harry’s. I already wanted to be back there, in his sheets, sheets that still smelled of him. I looked over my phone. Harry was probably near landing by the time I made it back here. I sighed, impatient to hear his voice already.

I pulled out another one of Harry’s ghastly knitted jumpers. I decided to take something with me just to wear of his, sad, I know. But in that moment I would have done anything just to feel closer to him. It wasn’t long before the tears started up again.

Notes

SAD! :( thanks for the lovely comments and subs!!