Class Clowns
Chapter 14: Tears
Claire's POV
"Claire, please just sit down for minute." The policeman urges me, but I refuse. As the ambulance pulls away down the block and news helicopters circulate my house, my heart beat quickens.
"I've gotta get out of here." I murmur, shoving past all the neighbors, police and bystanders who are standing outside of my home.
"Claire, where are you going?! We have to deal with this together!" Mark shouts after me, but I just continue sprinting towards my car. When I get inside, I make sure I have my wallet, my dance bag with a spare outfit and my phone charger. I'm set. Mark tugs on the door handle, pleading for me not to to leave but I feel as if I don't have a choice.
"I can't do this." I shout through the glass, pressing the pedal hard and speeding away.
I turn up the music all the way, trying to drown out my thoughts. My mom is dead. My mom is dead. My mom was lifeless, cold and not breathing on a stretcher. How is an 18 year old supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to go on without a mom?
Without thinking twice as I drive down the highway, I dial Zayn's number. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't even know what I'm thinking calling him but I just need to scream, cry or talk to someone.
"Hello?" Someone answers on the last ring, someone that isn't Zayn. It takes me a moment to realize who it is... Harry? Why the hell does Harry have Zayn's phone?
"Is--Zayn--there?" I choke into the phone, and I hear him stirring around in the room.
"He's at Perrie's doing the apartment painting," he says and I mentally face palm, "Claire, are you alright?" He asks, and I continue zooming down the highway at 85 miles per hour. The speed feels good, if I go faster I might not feel anything at all.
"No." I whisper, sniffling back the faint sobs that I continue to release.
"What happened? Where are you?" He asks, his voice full of concern. I look to my right and see a police car, causing me to slow down. The slower I go, the harder I cry. I see a sign that says 'Needham', and I pull onto that exit quickly.
"I... I am in Needham. At a park." I reply, pulling into an empty park just off of the exit.
"What are you doing in Needham, why are you crying?" He asks, and I get out of the car and sit on a swing. My whole body is trembling in the chilly October air and my mind is reeling.
"My mom is dead." I say into the phone, looking up at the sky. The stars only shine half as bright as they used to.
"Claire, stay where you are... I'm coming." He sighs into the phone and hangs up. I take one last look at my screen and anger boils inside of me. I throw my phone as far as I can, and sit down on the ground.
My mom died. She is no longer living. Who is going to be there for me at prom? Who is going to help me pick out my wedding dress or give me advice on how to do my makeup? Who will be the grandma that is going to spoil my children? She's gone and she's not coming back... and I'm supposed to just deal with this? No thanks, this isn't the life for me.
Harry's POV
Thoughtlessly, I hop into my car and drive to Needham. I don't understand what is going on with Claire, but I know that she's not ok and I have a gut feeling that she needs someone and that someone is me. I turn the dial on the local news to listen to what's going on and what I hear shocks me.
"Local mother Julie Saint John committed suicide this evening in her home here in Boston. Her ex husband is now at the scene with two out of their three children, meanwhile their daughter is no where to be seen. There is no word yet on her methods of suicide, reasoning or if she left a note but the story is developing and we will have the latest soon."
I listen to all the different radio coverages about Claire's mom and my heart breaks for her. I can't imagine what she's going through but when I pull into the parking lot of the park and see her curled into a ball on the ground, I get a small glimpse of it. Quickly I grab the blanket in my backseat followed by an umbrella and rush over to her.
"Claire!" I shout over the small drizzling rain that is falling from the clouded sky. I notice that the stars are grey rather than their normal bright white.
"I--want--to--be--alone." She sobs as I sit down beside her and drape the blanket over her body.
"No one wants to be alone in a time like this." I whisper, opening up the umbrella and holding it over her head. I wish there was something I could do to fix this, to fix her but there is absolutely nothing. All I can do or even think to do is put my hand on her shoulder and sit silently while she cries her bloody heart out.
"It's not fair." She sniffles into the ground as the wind picks up. In my mind, I'm thinking that this is some shit out of a movie, because I can't imagine this happening in real life. But it's happening, to Claire of all people.
"It's gonna be ok, I promise." I whisper, and she looks up at me for the first time since I arrived with a swollen face and bloodshot eyes.
"How can you say that? How can you tell me that things are going to be ok? My mom is... my mom is d--" She stops herself and collapses down again, this time into my chest. I drop the umbrella and wrap both of my arms around her, rubbing light soothing circles on her back. She pulls away for a moment and without thinking, I take her hands in mine and whisper,
"I'm here."
"Give it time, love. I know it's hard now, I know." I whisper into her hair as she sobs into my chest. We stay like this for maybe an hour, rain pouring down on our backs and Claire's harsh and loud sobs turning to faint whisper-like cries as time passes. She finally looks up at me, eyes swollen and nose runny... She honestly looks beautiful, even when she's so broken.
"It just hurts." She whispers, wiping her eyes. Before I can respond, a crack of thunder startles us both and we both jet towards the cars. I stop on my way to pick up Claire's phone which was laying across the grass. When she gets inside her car, I watch as the tears flood back.
"Claire, you can't drive." I shout through her window and pull the handle open. She stays put, and I reach inside and scoop her out of the drivers seat. She doesn't protest, she just relaxes in my grasp like a rag doll. She's numb, she truly is numb.
"My bag... can you grab my bag." She sniffles, shivering the passenger seat of my car. I nod my head and pull out of her bag out of the backseat of her car, lock the door and get into the drivers side of my car.
"Where should I take you?" I ask, and she doesn't respond, she just stares blankly out the window. "We will have to get someone to pick your car up from here, Cassidy or Mark maybe." I suggest and she nods robotically.
"Take me to your place." She looks over at me with big, wondering eyes. I almost protest, but she cuts me off. "I can't go home, I can't be in that house." She whispers and I nod, understanding. My mind is screaming at me how inappropriate this is and how much trouble I could get into but my heart is the danger signs. I also know that Zayn won't be happy I went to get Claire, but he'll just have to suck it up.
"Just for tonight, ok?" I suggest and she nods, pulling her knees to her chest and sniffling softly. "Don't get my seats dirty." I try to make her smile, and succeed.
"Such an asshole." She sniffles with the slightest chuckle. I know the real Claire is in there underneath this zombie of a girl, it's just going to take a while before she comes out.
Pulling into my apartment building about 45 minutes later, Claire hasn't said a single word. We listened to the news radio just a moment but she quickly turned it off--She's shutting down, I know it. She wants to push everyone who truly loves her away, and that means all her friends and family. I'm selfishly thankful we aren't that close because I wouldn't want her to push me away, I want to help her.
"Let's get you inside, yeah?" I whisper, grabbing her bag and helping her out of the car. She slowly hops outside and wraps her arm around my lower half for balance, the tears in her eyes are most likely giving her foggy vision.
As I help her up the steps, I can sense Claire's breathing get heavier... She's nervous?
"Relax, love." I whisper and she nods slowly. I put the key in the door and open it, immediately revealing a panicked Zayn.
"Claire! Oh my gosh I've been worried sick about you, come here." He shouts, and Claire rushes into his arms. She sobs into his chest and collapses to the floor with Zayn following her down. He puts his hand on her back and rubs large soothing circles up and down--something I couldn't do because I'm not her boyfriend.
"She tried calling you but you left your phone here when you went to Perrie's house so--" I start to explain but he cuts me off.
"So you just decided to go find her and save her? Why didn't you come find me or call Perrie or something!" He growls from the ground and Claire pulls away from him.
"He was just trying to help me." She defends me, and a scowl forms on Zayn's face. "Thanks Harry." She croaks out, giving me a sincere look before facing Zayn again.
"Is it ok if I sleep on your couch tonight? Just for one night, I can't go home and..." her voice trails off and tears fall from her swollen eyes.
"You don't have to sleep on the couch, you can sleep with me, in my arms." He whispers, scooping her up so she's settled in his arms bridal-style. She wraps her arms around his neck and rests her head on his shoulder.
As she heads to his bedroom, I hear faint sobs release her lips and 'shhhs' from Zayn's. He gives me one last angry glare before closing his door, leaving me standing alone, holding Claire's bag and feeling dumbfounded.
I want her to be ok, I really do. I sit down on the couch and soak in everything that happened from the night and release a large sigh. Moments later, Zayn pops out of his room without a shirt on and goes to grab a few water bottles from the fridge.
"How's Claire?" I ask curiously, and Zayn enters the living room to face me.
"She's barely spoken a word yet. She's just sitting there, crying." He sighs and I shake my head.
"She's got a rough road ahead of her." I warn him, and he nods.
"I'm gonna be there for her." He assures me, cracking his neck side to side. When doing so, I notice a mark on him that I hadn't noticed this morning... a hickey? My mind is jumping to conclusions, but there really is only one conclusion. Claire couldn't have just given that to him, so someone had to have done it earlier... and that someone is Perrie.
"Nice hickey." I scowl, and Zayn's sympathetic face turns to anger in the matter of two seconds.
"You don't get to judge me!" He whisper shouts, and I roll my eyes. "Perrie doesn't mean anything to me... Not the way Claire does." He growls and I roll my eyes.
"She's so hurt already, why add to it? She's gonna find out." I stand up to face him. I may be only a few inches taller than him but right now it feels like three feet.
"Claire is the only one for me, mate... Just stay away from my girlfriend, alright?" He growls, brooding off back into his bedroom. I cringe at the thought of him being with Perrie and then sleeping in the same bed as Claire, but it bothers me even more that I heard him call her his girlfriend. I honestly didn't think it would get to this level of... relationship?
All I know, is that I'm going to be there for Claire whether Zayn likes it or not. I can see she needs me just as much as I need her for my own selfish reasons. She's like a light for a room of darkness, and I'm not going to let that burn out of anyones behalf whether it be her mother or Zayn.
"Claire, please just sit down for minute." The policeman urges me, but I refuse. As the ambulance pulls away down the block and news helicopters circulate my house, my heart beat quickens.
"I've gotta get out of here." I murmur, shoving past all the neighbors, police and bystanders who are standing outside of my home.
"Claire, where are you going?! We have to deal with this together!" Mark shouts after me, but I just continue sprinting towards my car. When I get inside, I make sure I have my wallet, my dance bag with a spare outfit and my phone charger. I'm set. Mark tugs on the door handle, pleading for me not to to leave but I feel as if I don't have a choice.
"I can't do this." I shout through the glass, pressing the pedal hard and speeding away.
I turn up the music all the way, trying to drown out my thoughts. My mom is dead. My mom is dead. My mom was lifeless, cold and not breathing on a stretcher. How is an 18 year old supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to go on without a mom?
Without thinking twice as I drive down the highway, I dial Zayn's number. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't even know what I'm thinking calling him but I just need to scream, cry or talk to someone.
"Hello?" Someone answers on the last ring, someone that isn't Zayn. It takes me a moment to realize who it is... Harry? Why the hell does Harry have Zayn's phone?
"Is--Zayn--there?" I choke into the phone, and I hear him stirring around in the room.
"He's at Perrie's doing the apartment painting," he says and I mentally face palm, "Claire, are you alright?" He asks, and I continue zooming down the highway at 85 miles per hour. The speed feels good, if I go faster I might not feel anything at all.
"No." I whisper, sniffling back the faint sobs that I continue to release.
"What happened? Where are you?" He asks, his voice full of concern. I look to my right and see a police car, causing me to slow down. The slower I go, the harder I cry. I see a sign that says 'Needham', and I pull onto that exit quickly.
"I... I am in Needham. At a park." I reply, pulling into an empty park just off of the exit.
"What are you doing in Needham, why are you crying?" He asks, and I get out of the car and sit on a swing. My whole body is trembling in the chilly October air and my mind is reeling.
"My mom is dead." I say into the phone, looking up at the sky. The stars only shine half as bright as they used to.
"Claire, stay where you are... I'm coming." He sighs into the phone and hangs up. I take one last look at my screen and anger boils inside of me. I throw my phone as far as I can, and sit down on the ground.
My mom died. She is no longer living. Who is going to be there for me at prom? Who is going to help me pick out my wedding dress or give me advice on how to do my makeup? Who will be the grandma that is going to spoil my children? She's gone and she's not coming back... and I'm supposed to just deal with this? No thanks, this isn't the life for me.
Harry's POV
Thoughtlessly, I hop into my car and drive to Needham. I don't understand what is going on with Claire, but I know that she's not ok and I have a gut feeling that she needs someone and that someone is me. I turn the dial on the local news to listen to what's going on and what I hear shocks me.
"Local mother Julie Saint John committed suicide this evening in her home here in Boston. Her ex husband is now at the scene with two out of their three children, meanwhile their daughter is no where to be seen. There is no word yet on her methods of suicide, reasoning or if she left a note but the story is developing and we will have the latest soon."
I listen to all the different radio coverages about Claire's mom and my heart breaks for her. I can't imagine what she's going through but when I pull into the parking lot of the park and see her curled into a ball on the ground, I get a small glimpse of it. Quickly I grab the blanket in my backseat followed by an umbrella and rush over to her.
"Claire!" I shout over the small drizzling rain that is falling from the clouded sky. I notice that the stars are grey rather than their normal bright white.
"I--want--to--be--alone." She sobs as I sit down beside her and drape the blanket over her body.
"No one wants to be alone in a time like this." I whisper, opening up the umbrella and holding it over her head. I wish there was something I could do to fix this, to fix her but there is absolutely nothing. All I can do or even think to do is put my hand on her shoulder and sit silently while she cries her bloody heart out.
"It's not fair." She sniffles into the ground as the wind picks up. In my mind, I'm thinking that this is some shit out of a movie, because I can't imagine this happening in real life. But it's happening, to Claire of all people.
"It's gonna be ok, I promise." I whisper, and she looks up at me for the first time since I arrived with a swollen face and bloodshot eyes.
"How can you say that? How can you tell me that things are going to be ok? My mom is... my mom is d--" She stops herself and collapses down again, this time into my chest. I drop the umbrella and wrap both of my arms around her, rubbing light soothing circles on her back. She pulls away for a moment and without thinking, I take her hands in mine and whisper,
"I'm here."
"Give it time, love. I know it's hard now, I know." I whisper into her hair as she sobs into my chest. We stay like this for maybe an hour, rain pouring down on our backs and Claire's harsh and loud sobs turning to faint whisper-like cries as time passes. She finally looks up at me, eyes swollen and nose runny... She honestly looks beautiful, even when she's so broken.
"It just hurts." She whispers, wiping her eyes. Before I can respond, a crack of thunder startles us both and we both jet towards the cars. I stop on my way to pick up Claire's phone which was laying across the grass. When she gets inside her car, I watch as the tears flood back.
"Claire, you can't drive." I shout through her window and pull the handle open. She stays put, and I reach inside and scoop her out of the drivers seat. She doesn't protest, she just relaxes in my grasp like a rag doll. She's numb, she truly is numb.
"My bag... can you grab my bag." She sniffles, shivering the passenger seat of my car. I nod my head and pull out of her bag out of the backseat of her car, lock the door and get into the drivers side of my car.
"Where should I take you?" I ask, and she doesn't respond, she just stares blankly out the window. "We will have to get someone to pick your car up from here, Cassidy or Mark maybe." I suggest and she nods robotically.
"Take me to your place." She looks over at me with big, wondering eyes. I almost protest, but she cuts me off. "I can't go home, I can't be in that house." She whispers and I nod, understanding. My mind is screaming at me how inappropriate this is and how much trouble I could get into but my heart is the danger signs. I also know that Zayn won't be happy I went to get Claire, but he'll just have to suck it up.
"Just for tonight, ok?" I suggest and she nods, pulling her knees to her chest and sniffling softly. "Don't get my seats dirty." I try to make her smile, and succeed.
"Such an asshole." She sniffles with the slightest chuckle. I know the real Claire is in there underneath this zombie of a girl, it's just going to take a while before she comes out.
Pulling into my apartment building about 45 minutes later, Claire hasn't said a single word. We listened to the news radio just a moment but she quickly turned it off--She's shutting down, I know it. She wants to push everyone who truly loves her away, and that means all her friends and family. I'm selfishly thankful we aren't that close because I wouldn't want her to push me away, I want to help her.
"Let's get you inside, yeah?" I whisper, grabbing her bag and helping her out of the car. She slowly hops outside and wraps her arm around my lower half for balance, the tears in her eyes are most likely giving her foggy vision.
As I help her up the steps, I can sense Claire's breathing get heavier... She's nervous?
"Relax, love." I whisper and she nods slowly. I put the key in the door and open it, immediately revealing a panicked Zayn.
"Claire! Oh my gosh I've been worried sick about you, come here." He shouts, and Claire rushes into his arms. She sobs into his chest and collapses to the floor with Zayn following her down. He puts his hand on her back and rubs large soothing circles up and down--something I couldn't do because I'm not her boyfriend.
"She tried calling you but you left your phone here when you went to Perrie's house so--" I start to explain but he cuts me off.
"So you just decided to go find her and save her? Why didn't you come find me or call Perrie or something!" He growls from the ground and Claire pulls away from him.
"He was just trying to help me." She defends me, and a scowl forms on Zayn's face. "Thanks Harry." She croaks out, giving me a sincere look before facing Zayn again.
"Is it ok if I sleep on your couch tonight? Just for one night, I can't go home and..." her voice trails off and tears fall from her swollen eyes.
"You don't have to sleep on the couch, you can sleep with me, in my arms." He whispers, scooping her up so she's settled in his arms bridal-style. She wraps her arms around his neck and rests her head on his shoulder.
As she heads to his bedroom, I hear faint sobs release her lips and 'shhhs' from Zayn's. He gives me one last angry glare before closing his door, leaving me standing alone, holding Claire's bag and feeling dumbfounded.
I want her to be ok, I really do. I sit down on the couch and soak in everything that happened from the night and release a large sigh. Moments later, Zayn pops out of his room without a shirt on and goes to grab a few water bottles from the fridge.
"How's Claire?" I ask curiously, and Zayn enters the living room to face me.
"She's barely spoken a word yet. She's just sitting there, crying." He sighs and I shake my head.
"She's got a rough road ahead of her." I warn him, and he nods.
"I'm gonna be there for her." He assures me, cracking his neck side to side. When doing so, I notice a mark on him that I hadn't noticed this morning... a hickey? My mind is jumping to conclusions, but there really is only one conclusion. Claire couldn't have just given that to him, so someone had to have done it earlier... and that someone is Perrie.
"Nice hickey." I scowl, and Zayn's sympathetic face turns to anger in the matter of two seconds.
"You don't get to judge me!" He whisper shouts, and I roll my eyes. "Perrie doesn't mean anything to me... Not the way Claire does." He growls and I roll my eyes.
"She's so hurt already, why add to it? She's gonna find out." I stand up to face him. I may be only a few inches taller than him but right now it feels like three feet.
"Claire is the only one for me, mate... Just stay away from my girlfriend, alright?" He growls, brooding off back into his bedroom. I cringe at the thought of him being with Perrie and then sleeping in the same bed as Claire, but it bothers me even more that I heard him call her his girlfriend. I honestly didn't think it would get to this level of... relationship?
All I know, is that I'm going to be there for Claire whether Zayn likes it or not. I can see she needs me just as much as I need her for my own selfish reasons. She's like a light for a room of darkness, and I'm not going to let that burn out of anyones behalf whether it be her mother or Zayn.
Notes
happy valentines day! hope you all had a great day!! xplease comment your reactions and thoughts and VOTE!! :)
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1/25/15