Finding Balance
Letting Go
I swallowed hard and looked him deep in the eyes. Did I want him to keep going? The truth was, yes, I did. The problem was, sex brought up bad memories for me. I couldn’t keep covering it up with my religion anymore. I had already lost my virginity, whether I wanted to or not, the only thing holding me back was Austin, and I needed to accept that, not to mention that being loved by Harry was all I wanted in this moment, and to show him how much I loved him. With gymnastics, and moving on from Austin, I had already gotten rid of all my fears; all but one; that one being sex, for fear of the memories, and it was time to get rid of that.
I closed my eyes for a long moment before opening and looking deep into his and nodding, then kissing him hard and slow.
He pulled away and pressed soft kisses on my neck and behind my ear while pulling my bra over my head, separating us for a moment before he came back to me, discarding the bra to the floor. He placed gentle kisses on my chest and breast as his finger-tips lingered over my spine down my lower back, making small bumps appear on my skin. My hands entwined under his arms and ran over his upper back muscles before traveling down to remove his white t-shirt that was already sticking to his moist skin on his back. Once we were both skin on skin from the waist up, he rolled over so I was lying face up beneath him, his dark curls dangling down and tickling my cheekbones every time he kissed me. I leaned up on one elbow, pulling him down to me with my free hand and began pressing my lips and tickling him with the tip of my tongue on his neck. He hands tightened slightly beneath me where he was holding me to him on my back and he let out a slight moan, fisting the sheet with the hand supporting his weight.
After a few moments, I pulled away and his lips traveled from mine, down the center of my chest, lower, stopping above the button of my jeans. He pulled himself up and unbuttoned them, pulling them off me, as well as my panties and discarding the two onto the floor where the rest of my clothes lie. I placed my hands on his hips and slid off his pajama bottoms bringing down his boxers with them and through them to the pile of clothes. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, grazing my bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, the rest of his body pressed firmly against mine, skin warm on mine.
“I love you, and I’m not going to hurt you.” He pressed his lips to mine once more.
“I love you too, and I trust you.”
He moved his hand resting on my waist upwards and ran it over my chest, making circles around my nipple with his thumb.
“You’re so beautiful” He mumbled out slowly.
Finally, he pulled back from my face, and I parted my legs and wrapped them loosely around his waist as he pushed himself into me, after pulling on a condom.
I held my breath to keep myself from making any noises in pain, because let’s be honest, Harry was big, and it had been a good two years since I had had sex, not to mention, I used the smallest tampon size I could find when it was that time of the month.
Harry eyes peered into mine deeper than they ever had, like he was reading my mind, before leaning down and kissing me softly. “Are you alright?” He whispered against my lips after pulling away, and I kissed him signifying a yes, and to reassure him that I wanted this.
As he glided in and out of me, we both let out quiet moans, as euphoria slowly came over our bodies and began to peak. I tightened around him and he finally let out a full on moan, and I smiled leaning up and kissing his lips. After we both finally peaked, he slid out of me, discarding the condom to the waste basket by his nightstand and lied down next to me on his side so he could face me, smile on his face.
My whole body felt like gelatin; numb as I lay next to Harry, whose finger-tips were making circles on my stomach. Not only physically, but mentally, had I finally let go; before this night I had never associated sex with love, or pleasure, but fear and pain, and Harry had given that to me.
I rolled over, facing Harry and twirled his curls with the tips of my fingers, while we both lay looking into each other’s eyes, where we both fell asleep that night.
I closed my eyes for a long moment before opening and looking deep into his and nodding, then kissing him hard and slow.
He pulled away and pressed soft kisses on my neck and behind my ear while pulling my bra over my head, separating us for a moment before he came back to me, discarding the bra to the floor. He placed gentle kisses on my chest and breast as his finger-tips lingered over my spine down my lower back, making small bumps appear on my skin. My hands entwined under his arms and ran over his upper back muscles before traveling down to remove his white t-shirt that was already sticking to his moist skin on his back. Once we were both skin on skin from the waist up, he rolled over so I was lying face up beneath him, his dark curls dangling down and tickling my cheekbones every time he kissed me. I leaned up on one elbow, pulling him down to me with my free hand and began pressing my lips and tickling him with the tip of my tongue on his neck. He hands tightened slightly beneath me where he was holding me to him on my back and he let out a slight moan, fisting the sheet with the hand supporting his weight.
After a few moments, I pulled away and his lips traveled from mine, down the center of my chest, lower, stopping above the button of my jeans. He pulled himself up and unbuttoned them, pulling them off me, as well as my panties and discarding the two onto the floor where the rest of my clothes lie. I placed my hands on his hips and slid off his pajama bottoms bringing down his boxers with them and through them to the pile of clothes. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, grazing my bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, the rest of his body pressed firmly against mine, skin warm on mine.
“I love you, and I’m not going to hurt you.” He pressed his lips to mine once more.
“I love you too, and I trust you.”
He moved his hand resting on my waist upwards and ran it over my chest, making circles around my nipple with his thumb.
“You’re so beautiful” He mumbled out slowly.
Finally, he pulled back from my face, and I parted my legs and wrapped them loosely around his waist as he pushed himself into me, after pulling on a condom.
I held my breath to keep myself from making any noises in pain, because let’s be honest, Harry was big, and it had been a good two years since I had had sex, not to mention, I used the smallest tampon size I could find when it was that time of the month.
Harry eyes peered into mine deeper than they ever had, like he was reading my mind, before leaning down and kissing me softly. “Are you alright?” He whispered against my lips after pulling away, and I kissed him signifying a yes, and to reassure him that I wanted this.
As he glided in and out of me, we both let out quiet moans, as euphoria slowly came over our bodies and began to peak. I tightened around him and he finally let out a full on moan, and I smiled leaning up and kissing his lips. After we both finally peaked, he slid out of me, discarding the condom to the waste basket by his nightstand and lied down next to me on his side so he could face me, smile on his face.
My whole body felt like gelatin; numb as I lay next to Harry, whose finger-tips were making circles on my stomach. Not only physically, but mentally, had I finally let go; before this night I had never associated sex with love, or pleasure, but fear and pain, and Harry had given that to me.
I rolled over, facing Harry and twirled his curls with the tips of my fingers, while we both lay looking into each other’s eyes, where we both fell asleep that night.
Notes
So yes, this chapter was PRETTY FREAKIN SHORT. But, I'm almost possitive that it was worth it, don't you think? So anyways, there's only FIVE more chapters 'till the story's end! But no worries, there WILL be a sequel! But, let's not talk about that dose of depression right now, shall we? Anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, because I enjoyed writing it. (Not like that ya pervs). Also, I find that you'll get the mood I was going for if you read it while listening to these:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzlqJ_3kI9M and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4XdnD5c334ENJOY LOVELIES<3 xx
PS: I LOVE feedback! So feel free my loves ;)
9/3/13