Blunt
It got worse.
It had been three days since my last encounter with Harry Styles. Since i’d met him i’d lost my job, friends i’d made at that job and any comfort i’d managed to fabricate here in London. Surprisingly, despite the damage, he and the band had managed to make my sister the most loving sibling someone could ask for, just by providing her a few cheesy photos and obnoxious autographs, so it wasn't all bad.
Naturally, I expected Harry to continue to hound me with texts and calls after my painful ‘episode’ at his home, so when it had reached the third day of his absence and no calls or texts had been sent to my phone, I began to feel hot with worry and regret. I felt like i’d scared him off with my outpour of honesty. I couldn’t blame him for wanting nothing to do with me, that would be horrible, so why did I feel so much resentment?
I needed air, I needed my independence again. I’d been hovering over my phone for hours and all it did was make me feel needy and desperate, which just caused me to fill with anger at my haywire emotions and that always led to horrible things.
After grabbing my sketchbook and i pod, I jumped from my window with plans to relax alone all day. As I walked along the pathway towards the small park around the corner, I thought about my relationship with my mother, she had grounded me that day after I stayed at Harry’s, he’d apologised profusely after he’d insisted on dropping me home, making it a hassle for Louis because he’d had to bring my car home. I loved mum so much, but she understood nothing about the daily abuse my thoughts would attack me with.
Two hours had passed and I was suddenly met with an overwhelming sense of loneliness, this was unnatural for an introvert like me, so to avoid the risk of a panic attack I gathered my things and began to walk home, realising then that i’d forgotten my phone in my room.
The minute I turned the corner panic set in, there was an ambulance parked in my driveway and a stretcher was being rolled into my home. Grace was in the arms of a stranger and before I could think straight, I was sprinting towards her.
“What happened?” I screamed, reaching for Grace from the paramedic’s arms. Grace began to cry as I explained I was her older sister.
The man allowed me to grab Grace and informed me of mum’s heart attack. At that point everything was numb. I could hear Grace asking me questions about mum and I could hear the man telling me I needed to remain calm and then I could hear Grace screaming for mum, but I wasn’t listening, I was watching my mum’s unconscious body as it was hoisted into the back of a van.
“Sweetie, you can sit in the back with your mother if you want” Said a voice I couldn’t recognise. Grace struggled breaking my hold and ran towards the women motioning for us to join her, and that’s how I ended up sitting against a cold white wall in a building which smelt like industrial grade disinfectant with an 11 year old weeping in my arms.
“EMILY!” Her scream echoed off the walls and snapped me from my revere’ about how i’d been such a horrible daughter.
“Sorry, what?” the words sounded wrong, like I hadn’t really said them, like they were inappropriate right now.
“Your phone’s been ringing for hours now” Grace whispered. Hours?
“How did you get my phone?” I asked, finally making eye contact with her devastatingly broken expression.
“I used it to call for mum, sorry” She whispered.
“Grace, it’s alright. I’m so proud of you. You did so good” I held her tightly against me as her body rocked with sobs. My ringing phone broke us from our moment.
“Hello?” I spoke, my voice detached.
“Listen, I’m so sorry, I feel horrible. We’ve been so busy with recording the new album and I know that’s no excuse, especially after everything we went through the other night...honestly, I wanted to be there for you every minute, but management took our phones so we could concentrate and...”
“Harry, mum’s in the hospital” the words were painful and the silence that followed the statement was excruciating. Grace had gone to get water, so i’d let some tears fall, I probably looked like a mess.
“What room?” He stated firmly.
“Harr...”
“What room, Emily?” He fiercely interrupted.
“Level 2, room 231” I whispered. The dial tone that followed made it clear he was on his way and fast.
Naturally, I expected Harry to continue to hound me with texts and calls after my painful ‘episode’ at his home, so when it had reached the third day of his absence and no calls or texts had been sent to my phone, I began to feel hot with worry and regret. I felt like i’d scared him off with my outpour of honesty. I couldn’t blame him for wanting nothing to do with me, that would be horrible, so why did I feel so much resentment?
I needed air, I needed my independence again. I’d been hovering over my phone for hours and all it did was make me feel needy and desperate, which just caused me to fill with anger at my haywire emotions and that always led to horrible things.
After grabbing my sketchbook and i pod, I jumped from my window with plans to relax alone all day. As I walked along the pathway towards the small park around the corner, I thought about my relationship with my mother, she had grounded me that day after I stayed at Harry’s, he’d apologised profusely after he’d insisted on dropping me home, making it a hassle for Louis because he’d had to bring my car home. I loved mum so much, but she understood nothing about the daily abuse my thoughts would attack me with.
Two hours had passed and I was suddenly met with an overwhelming sense of loneliness, this was unnatural for an introvert like me, so to avoid the risk of a panic attack I gathered my things and began to walk home, realising then that i’d forgotten my phone in my room.
The minute I turned the corner panic set in, there was an ambulance parked in my driveway and a stretcher was being rolled into my home. Grace was in the arms of a stranger and before I could think straight, I was sprinting towards her.
“What happened?” I screamed, reaching for Grace from the paramedic’s arms. Grace began to cry as I explained I was her older sister.
The man allowed me to grab Grace and informed me of mum’s heart attack. At that point everything was numb. I could hear Grace asking me questions about mum and I could hear the man telling me I needed to remain calm and then I could hear Grace screaming for mum, but I wasn’t listening, I was watching my mum’s unconscious body as it was hoisted into the back of a van.
“Sweetie, you can sit in the back with your mother if you want” Said a voice I couldn’t recognise. Grace struggled breaking my hold and ran towards the women motioning for us to join her, and that’s how I ended up sitting against a cold white wall in a building which smelt like industrial grade disinfectant with an 11 year old weeping in my arms.
“EMILY!” Her scream echoed off the walls and snapped me from my revere’ about how i’d been such a horrible daughter.
“Sorry, what?” the words sounded wrong, like I hadn’t really said them, like they were inappropriate right now.
“Your phone’s been ringing for hours now” Grace whispered. Hours?
“How did you get my phone?” I asked, finally making eye contact with her devastatingly broken expression.
“I used it to call for mum, sorry” She whispered.
“Grace, it’s alright. I’m so proud of you. You did so good” I held her tightly against me as her body rocked with sobs. My ringing phone broke us from our moment.
“Hello?” I spoke, my voice detached.
“Listen, I’m so sorry, I feel horrible. We’ve been so busy with recording the new album and I know that’s no excuse, especially after everything we went through the other night...honestly, I wanted to be there for you every minute, but management took our phones so we could concentrate and...”
“Harry, mum’s in the hospital” the words were painful and the silence that followed the statement was excruciating. Grace had gone to get water, so i’d let some tears fall, I probably looked like a mess.
“What room?” He stated firmly.
“Harr...”
“What room, Emily?” He fiercely interrupted.
“Level 2, room 231” I whispered. The dial tone that followed made it clear he was on his way and fast.
12/11/13