Harry's POV

I don't know how long I've been standing here, but it's been silent for a while. My mum is staring at the picture in Lana's hand. I'm staring at her, and I can see Gemma staring at me from behind my mother.

I didn't want her to find out. Not ever, but if she did have to know I didn't want it to be like this; hearing Lana and I yell at each other about it. I don't even want to think about what's going through her mind right now. When she found out about my...activities in Bradford, she flipped out at me, saying that she wouldn't have me getting some random girl pregnant and ruining my life. Being the idiot I was I just rolled my eyes and assumed that wouldn't happen to me.

Lana and I had talked about telling our families obviously when we found out about the pregnancy. But we were both scared about what our parents would say. Obviously they wouldn't be impressed. Then we lost the baby and it just seemed pointless to make them suffer with us. I'm having a hard enough time trying to deal with it for myself and be there for Lana, nevermind deal with what my family would say or do.

Gemma suddenly steps around my mother, putting her arm on mum's shoulder and looking at me.

"Harry, I think you need to explain what's going on."

"Maybe I should go," Lana says quietly.

"No," mum says harshly, holding a finger up at Lana. She wipes a few tears from under her eyes and glares at both of us. "You're staying right here. Now someone tell me what the hell is going on."

She's pissed. I've only seen my mum this angry a few times. She's scary when she's mad.

"Harry. Now."

I don't know what to say. Where do I start? How do I explain this? I look at Lana for some help, but she just gives me an apologetic look and stares at the ground.

"I don't know what to say," I say quietly, looking at my mother.

"Why don't you start by telling me why you two are talking about your child?"

How much do I tell her? Where do I start? Gemma looks at me and sighs, shaking her head a little. She asks a question to prompt me to start talking. "You guys are pregnant?" I shake my head slowly, a lump growing in my throat. Lana sits on the bed in defeat, looking once again at the picture in her now shaking hands. "Then what were you guys talking about?"

"We aren't pregnant," I say slowly. "Anymore."

Gemma's eyes go wide and her hand drops from mum's shoulder. My mother's face twists in anger and she walks up to me slowly.

"Mum, I-" I'm cut off by her hand connecting sharply with the side of my face.

She slapped me.

My mother just slapped me.

I raise my hand to my face in disbelief, running the tips of my fingers along the now tingling skin that she made contact with. Everything seems to stand still. What just happened?

Lana shatters the silence. "Holy shit," she mutters, standing and walking over to me. She's about to reach up to my face when my mother suddenly raises a hand and shoves her backwards. Lana stumbles back, landing on the bed.

My blood boils. How dare she. I'm her son, so I can see that she thinks she should hit me right now, but don't lay a fucking finger on Lana. I move my body so I'm standing between them and ball my hands into fists.

"Get out, mum." My words are forceful.

"Harry, I'm sorry, I-"

"Get out!" I yell, pointing to the door. She doesn't move. She looks stunned. No one makes any motion to leave, so I turn and take Lana's hand, dragging her down the stairs and out of the house. I can hear my mum calling my name as I slam the door shut, continuing the walk across the street to Lana's house.

That woman is not my mother. I don't know what happened there! My mom has literally never laid a finger on me or Gemma. And I did some stupid shit in the past, let me tell you. Now in the same day not only has she slapped me, but she pushed Lana! Lana isn't even her kid! What the hell got into her?

When we get to Lana's front door she pulls her keys out and fumbles with them, struggling to get the key and push it into the door. I lift some of the hair out of her face and see the tears streaming down her face.

"Lana," I whisper, wiping some of them away.

"I'm fine," she says, voice shaky. I take the keys out of her trembling fingers and slide the right one into the lock, pushing the door open. She stumbles inside, running up the stairs.

I close the door and lock it then follow Lana up to her room. I feel like I'm in shock. I don't even know what to feel right now. Angry. Sad. Hurt. Pissed off. Is this real right now? Did that really just happen to me?

When did this become my life? Falling madly in love, getting pregnant, having a miscarriage, having my mother hit me. It all feels so foreign. When I get to Lana's room she's sitting on the edge of the bed, face buried in her hands while her body is racked with sobs. I can't help but tear up at the sight. The girl I love. So hurt, so broken. And there's nothing I can do to fix it.

I feel helpless.

I walk over to her and sit on the bed beside her, rubbing soft circles on her back to try and calm her down. She continues crying and I can feel tears rolls down my face.

After a while her body relaxes a little, her cries are softer. She keeps her face buried in her hands the whole time. I don't know what to say. I have no idea what to do. I'm about to attempt to comfort her when she suddenly gets up and goes into the bathroom. She leaves the door open, so she's not trying to get away from me. That's a good sign, right? I can hear the water running a few times, and her sniffling a lot. She comes out a few minutes later and walks over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and standing between my legs. I'm surprised and a little confused, but I hug her back tightly. She pulls back and rests her forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" Why is she sorry?

She pulls back and softly brushes the back of her fingers across the place my mum had slapped me. My eyes close at her touch.

Her voice comes out again as just a whisper. "I can't believe she..."

"Neither can I."

"Are you okay?" She runs hand lightly through my hair. I love when she does that; it's soothing.
"I don't really know," I admit quietly. I'm having a hard time believing that whatever just happened actually happened. She sits crawls onto the bed, leaning back against the pillows and staring up at the ceiling. When I don't move she smiles weakly at me and pats the bed beside her.

"Come here."

I stand and remove my coat, then crawl onto the bed. She opens her arms and I lay beside her, but half on top of her, resting my head on her chest. She strokes my hair softly with one hand and laces our fingers together with her other hand.

"Are you angry at me?" I ask after a while, bracing myself for her answer.

She sighs and I lift my head, leaning on my elbow beside her so I can see her face. "No, I'm not mad. I just don't understand why you didn't give me the picture."

"I didn't want to upset you any more than you already were."

"I know. But you had no right to keep it."

"No right? Lana, that's my baby too."

"I know that. But you should have at least told me that you had it. You know how miserable I've been."

I sit up and get off the bed. "And what about me? I know you're having a hard time and I get it. Trust me, I do. But you aren't the only one who lost a child here, Lan. I was just as excited about the baby as you were. We're going through the same thing, together. I'm not just here to help you through it."

"I understand that, Harry, but it's different for me."

"How is it different? You honestly believe that I'm not as sad about this as you are?"

She stands and gets off the bed, standing on the opposite side of it as me and placing her hands on her hips. "Yes! I do! Something died inside of me, Harry. It was physically a part of me. Obviously this is harder for me!"

"How can you be so selfish about this?" I say, my voice growing louder.

"I am not being selfish!" she says, matching my tone.

"Lana, not once have you asked me how I'm doing with all of this. Not one single time. It took my mother slapping me across the face for you to ask if I'm okay. It's all about you. All of the time!" She takes a small step back and I lower my voice as I continue. "I love you, Lana. You know that. I want to be here for you, of course I do. But it just feels like you think that somehow I'm not feeling any of this."

She stares at me for a few moments without speaking. She finally tears her eyes away from mine and turns around, looking out the window. I walk up behind her and put my hand against her arm, but she jerks away from my touch.

"I think you should go," she whispers. She doesn't look at me, but I know she's crying again.

"Lana, please don't shut me out."

"I want you to go," she says firmly, but her voice is still a little shaky.

"Fine." I take a few steps back and look at her before exiting the room and walking out of the house.

Was I being a dick back there? No. I'm not lying when I say she hasn't even asked how I'm doing. I've literally been bending over backwards for her, trying to do anything I can to help her. She realizes that I was the father, right? I feel just as horribly as she does. I get that it was her body and maybe it is harder for her, but that doesn't mean that I'm not just as sad as she is. I need her, now more than ever. How can she not see that?

I start walking to my house, but stop and turn around when I remember what happened earlier. I start walking down the street. I don't know where I'm going, but anywhere is better than here. I don't want to see my family right now. I know they're disappointed and ashamed, but frankly I really don't care. I need my mother right now, not whoever that bitch was before. Who even knows what my sister is thinking. She's so unpredictable with this kind of stuff.

I turn at the end of the street and keep walking, stuffing my hands deeper into my pockets. Someone in my situation right now would probably be really bitter about life. But I don't feel that way for some reason. It kind of feels like I deserve everything that's happened to me. I can't go from being so horrible to having this great life. I should have known it was too good to be true. I was foolish to think that I could just move on and start over.

Like they say, karma is a bitch.

And she was throwing me all kinds of shit. I don't know how to handle this, but I don't feel sorry for myself. I deserve every bad thing that happens to me. No doubt about it.

I step into the park and keep walking through, noting how empty it is right now. It's freezing, though, so it makes sense. I almost piss myself when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder.

"What!" I yell and jump back, turning and looking at the other person that has now joined me.

"Brooke? What the hell! You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry. What are you doing here?" Her eyes go a little wide as she studies my face. "Are you crying?"

I put my hand on my cheek and wipe away a few drops of water. I guess I was. I didn't even realize. I stuff my hands back in my pocket and avoid her eyes. "What do you want, Brooke?"

"I was on my way to Lana's house when I saw you walking. I turned around and followed you here. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't bullshit me, Harry. Obviously something is wrong, you were crying." She folds her arms and waits for my answer. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone.

"Everything is fucked up," I say quietly. Suddenly anger starts boiling up inside me. I turn and see a tree to my right, so I decide to take a swing at it. Big mistake. "Fuck!" I yell, shaking my hand and trying to recover from the impact.

"Shit, Harry." Brooke comes up behind me and takes my hand lightly in hers, examining the new cuts I've given myself. "You are so stupid."

"I know."

She looks up at me and I can feel another tear escape my eye. She sighs and keeps holding my hand as she walks away. "Where are we going?"

"You're freezing and crying and I won't have you assaulting any more wildlife. We are going to my house to talk."

I don't argue as she leads me back to her car. We get in and drive back to her house in silence. I stare out the window and jump a little when she taps my shoulder.

"We're here," she says, giving my a quizzical look. I nod and get out of the car to follow her inside. "Make yourself comfortable," she says as she throws her coat on the end of the couch. "Do you want some tea or something?"

"Sure." I sit on the couch and lean my elbows on my knees, rubbing my hand over my mouth.

She continues doing whatever she's doing in the kitchen in silence, so I just wait. After a few minutes she comes back, carrying two mugs and a plate of cookies, along with a damp cloth for my bloody knuckles. I raise an eyebrow as she hands me a mug and sits on the couch beside me, tucking one of her legs underneath her. She hands e the towel.

"What? I figured you'd want some comfort food. Now what happened? Something with Lana?"

"I guess."

She waits and I take a few sips of my tea. She lets out an impatient sigh. "Harry, talk to me. What's going on, why are you so upset?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes. Tell me everything. I won't tell a soul, I promise."

"Well long story short, I hid a photo of the baby from Lana and she got pissed when she found out, then my mom heard us talking about it so she knows. Then she slapped me in the face and shoved Lana, so we left. Then Lana and I started fighting again, so she told me to leave."

I inhale sharply after my little speech and look at Brooke for a reaction. She stares at me for a few minutes, mouth slightly open. Then she speaks.

"I think I'm going to need the longer version."

Lana's POV

I watch as Harry starts to walk back to his house, then scrunch my eyebrows in confusion when he turns and starts walking down the street. Where is he going? I watch until he turns the corner, then start pacing in front of the window. What is he doing? Was he right? Am I being selfish right now? I've been so wrapped up in my own sadness lately that I haven't really given a lot of thought to his own, while he's doing everything and anything to make me feel better.

He was right.

How could I be such a horrible person? How could I just ignore his pain like that? Of course he's hurting, he lost a child too. Just because I was the one carrying the baby doesn't mean he isn't just as sad about this. We're just experiencing it differently.

The fact that he kept that picture really pisses me off, though. I had just as much right as he did to be able to look at it, to have that small memory. Besides, it's my uterus not his.

No, you can't think like that!

I decide to go after him when my phone starts ringing. It's Brooke. What does she want now, isn't she mad at me?

"Brooke, I can't talk right now."

"I don't really care. I'm coming-"

She stops and the line goes silent for a minute. "Brooke?"

"What? Oh, sorry. Look, we need to talk. But I'll come over another time."

"What is this about?"

"I gotta go, Lan." She hangs up abruptly and I stare at my phone in confusion. What was that about? I throw my phone on the bed and go into my closet, throwing on Harry's sweatpants and his plaid shirt. It smells like him. It's comforting. I put my phone in one of the massive pockets in the pants and go down the stairs to get something to eat. I'm not hungry in the slightest, but I could definitely use some ice cream or something. I take a tub out of the freezer and get a bowl, but decide not to waste time or dishes and just eat right out of the container. I go into the living room and decide to watch The Titanic so I have an excuse to cry.

After about an hour the door opens. I wipe the tears from my face and lift my head to see my dad taking his shoes off.

"Hey dad," I say quietly, laying back down.

He walks over to the other side of the couch and his face drops a little when he sees me. "Did you fight with Harry?"

"What?" I ask, putting more ice cream in my mouth.

"Well, you're wearing his clothes again. And eating ice cream. And watching a sad movie. I've noticed a routine. What happened?"

"I don't really want to talk about it," I say, looking back at the TV. He sighs and walks back to his office. I know my dad is just trying to be there for me, but he's not really good at the whole talking thing. Plus, he has no idea what's really going on. I never got the chance to tell him.

I shoot up from my position when I hear a knock on the door. Who could that be? Harry never knocks. He's more of the break and enter type of boyfriend. I set the ice cream down and pause the movie before walking to the door and slowly opening it.

"Gemma?"

"Hi, Lana." She stands there awkwardly before wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I hug her back, but I'm confused as to why she's here. After a minute she pulls back. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," I shrug, gesturing inside. She walks in and I tell her she can go to the living room. I walk back to my place on the couch, pulling my legs against my chest. "What's up?"

She looks around nervously, fidgeting with one of the pillows. "I don't know what's going on with you and Harry, but I just want to apologize for my mother."

"Gemma, you don't have to. It's not your fault."

"She had no right to do what she did," she says quickly. "I can't believe it really happened. I mean to be honest I thought she would end up beating some sense into Harry at some point, but I can't believe she hurt you."

"She didn't."

"Either way, she was so wrong to do that. I tried to talk to her, but she's locked herself in her room." She looks around again. "Wait, where's Harry?"

"I don't know, to be honest," I admit. "We kind of had a fight. He left."

"About mum?"

"No about the pic-" I stop short and meet her eyes. I don't know if I should be the one to tell her all of this. She's Harry's sister, not mine.

"If you don't want to tell me that's your business, but can I ask what happened? Don't be mad, but New Year's Eve Harry told me about your pregnancy scare. But he said you weren't pregnant. What happened?"

He told her? He never said that. I guess I can't be mad at him. My friends know. "Turns out I actually was pregnant."

"But you aren't anymore?" I shake my head and she looks a little scared.

"I didn't have an abortion, Gemma," I assure her, wrapping my arms around my legs.

"Thank goodness," she sighs. "Wait, then how...?" I fiddle with the bottom of Harry's pants and wait for her to put the pieces together. I can't say it out loud. "Oh." She suddenly stands and sits next to me, putting her arms around me and pulling me to lean against her. I try really hard not to, but I can't help it. The tears stream down my face once again, sobs forcing their way out of my throat. She pats my hair soothingly, rocking me back and forth.

"It's going to be okay," she whispers repeatedly.

I don't know if it is.

Harry's POV

"That doesn't sound like Lana. She's one of the most selfless people I know. She's always concerned about other people."

I shrug and take another cookie. "I know. I don't get it either. And I'm not saying I need her to coddle me and constantly attend to me, but it's nice to know that someone cares about how you're feeling, you know? And I get that she's having a hard time too, probably harder than me, but I need her to be there for me. I've been there for her. That's fair, isn't it?"

Brooke and I have been talking for over an hour now. Well, mostly I've been venting. I told her about all the events of today, from the carnival to my mom hitting me, to Lana kicking me out. She's actually a really good listener, and her advice isn't half bad. It's surprised me.

"That's fair," she agrees. "She needs to be aware of how you're feeling and not expect you to just take care of her. She needs to take care of you, too."

"I feel like I'm the one that has to be strong right now. For her, for me. Now for my family. But it just feels like too much. I don't know how much longer I can do this. It's like I don't have time to even try and work through what I'm feeling."

"It's not your job to make sure everyone else is okay, Harry."

"But it is," I argue.

"No, it isn't. Be there for Lana. Let her lean on you. But you need to lean on someone, too. You and Lana are the only ones that understand what each other is feeling. Talk to her."

"She won't listen."

"Yes, she will. Lana is the most sensible person on the planet. And she loves you."

I know she's right. Are eighteen year olds supposed to know what to do in these situations? I don't think so. I sure as hell don't.

"Let me take you home," she says, standing up. I follow her back out to the car. She pulls up in front of Lana's house instead of mine and smiles at me in encouragement.

"Thanks Brooke," I say shyly. We've never been that close. After today I feel like that's different. "For everything."

"Any time. Take care of her. I think you're the only one that can right now."

I nod and step out of the car, waving before stepping into Lana's house.

Notes

I GOT TICKETS FOR THE WHERE WE ARE TOUR!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!
love love love the new album. its incredible. so proud<3

this story is literally going to make me fail my exams. so i hope its worth it and you guys are enjoying it.

im not going to lie, im not sure where this is going to go at this point. I'm probably only going to have maybe five more chapters in this story before I end it or start a sequel. if i do a sequel it wont be extremely long.
ill let you know when i figure it out!

please vote and subscrive. and comment! i love to know how you guys are finding the story. all comments are welcomed :)

thanks so much for reading. it means the world to me.