*Two months later*

Lana's POV

"Wait, let's play this one!" I shout excitedly, pulling Harry towards the booth to my left. I could hear him chuckling behind me.

I've probably been acting like a little kid, but I don't really care. I love it where there's a carnival or some sort of fair in town. They're so fun! The junk food, the rides that spin until you throw up, the games. I love it.

Harry and I sit down on the stools and Harry hands the guy a few tickets so we could both play. It was one of those racing games where you shoot a water gun into a button to make your played go across the board. We've already played this one four times today.

"I'm going to win this time," I say confidently to Harry as more kids sit down to play with us. He smirks at me.

"In your dreams, Forester."

"Whoever wins gets to pick what we do next," I say as the attendant moves to the side, announcing that we'll be starting soon.

"Deal."

We shake hands and turn back to our water guns. When the buzzer goes off I aim for the button and hit it almost right away, much to my surprise. I keep watching the little round circle so I don't move at all, and suddenly the bell goes off, announcing that someone has won. The attendant stands in front of the little girl next to me and tells her she's won a prize. My mouth drops open a little and I look over at Harry, who looks equally surprised. She's probably eight years old and she just beat both of us. I start giggling and Harry shakes his head.

"What just happened?" he asks, laughing and standing from his stool.

"I have no idea. Apparently we suck at this game. We still haven't won anything and we've played it like one hundred times," I whine, taking Harry's hand and continuing to walk. He chuckles at my disappointment. "Actually, we've played a lot of games today and we haven't won a single prize."

"Well I could win one of those massive ones," he says confidently. I raise and eyebrow at him.

"You think so? Because I haven't seen any sort of skill in these games coming from you."

"That's because I'm trying to be a good boyfriend and let you win."

"Liar."

"It's true! But either more kids come and beat you anyway or you can't knock over the cans or get the penny in the bottle."

"Hey, those games are hard!"

He laughs and releases my hand so he can put his arm over my shoulder. "Whatever you say, love."

He kisses my temple and I smile and take the hand that's hanging over my shoulder. This is one of the best days I've ever spent with Harry, despite everything that's happened to us. I haven't even thought about it much; I think that was Harry's plan. I've been so miserable the last two weeks, and I can't imagine I've been much fun to be around.

We continue walking through through the crowd, dodging kids running around, taking a look at some of the vendors in the centre.

Harry found a beanie that he likes, so he's paying for that. I decide to continue walking a bit, looking at the rest of the display for this table. I stop short when I come to the next one.

Harry's POV

"Thank you," I smile to the woman as I walk away, taking the tag off the hat and sliding it over my hair. I look around trying to find where Lana wandered off to. My eyebrows scrunch together when I see her. She looks like she's just seen a ghost. I walk up her her quickly and put my hand on her back.

"Babe, what's wrong?" She doesn't respond, so I turn to look at whatever is capturing her attention right now.

Shit.

The table she's looking at is covered in baby clothes. Onesies, little shoes, mittens, hats, pyjamas, jackets. Normally I would think this is all adorable and we would probably look at all the miniature clothing spread out in front of us. But not anymore. Not yet. It's too soon.

"Lana, come on," I rub her back to try and pull her out of her thoughts. I walk to her other side and take her hand, trying to lead her away, but she rips her hand out of mine before I can move her at all. "Don't do this to yourself."

I watch with a pained expression as she reaches down for a onesie. She picks it up with both hands and rubs the words with her thumb. She closes her eyes and holds it against her chest and I see a tear start to roll down her cheek. A lump raises in my own throat and I walk over and kiss her face, catching the tear on my lips.

"This is adorable," she whispers finally, smiling weakly at the clothes and then at me. I try to return one, but I know it looks pained at best. She reaches up with one hand and puts her palm against my cheek. She rubs something wet off my cheek. "Baby, don't cry."

Was that a tear on my face? She sighs and looks at the tiny piece of fabric in her hands again before setting it back in its place. Silently taking my hand in her own she starts walking again, staring off into the crowd. We walk up to the ferris wheel and I stop her.

"Let's go on this," I suggest, pulling her towards the line.

"Harry, you know heights freak me out," she says nervously, looking up at the towering circle.

"I'll be right there," I encourage, handing the attendant our tickets. I hold my arm out and she climbs in first, clearly uneasy. I follow and sit next to her in the round cup-like structure before we move a little higher so the next people can get in their seats. I put my arm around her and pull her close to me, looking over her head at the ground below. I just needed a minute with her, away from all the people.

Lana has been miserable. I don't know what to do about it.

We sit in silence as we slowly move around while more people get on the ride. When we are getting closer to the top she wraps her arms around me tightly. I kiss the top of her head and rub her back so she knows it's okay.

"It's my fault," she whispers quietly, so soft I almost don't hear it.

"What are you talking about?"

She doesn't respond, but I can feel her tears start to run on the front of my shirt. I know exactly what she's talking about.

During the first week of school after Christmas we went back to the doctor's office, just as we had planned to. We found out that Lana was indeed pregnant. I was really freaked out and assumed Lana would be too, but she was surprisingly calm. When we got home she acted like nothing had changed. When I finally asked her about it she replied very simply, "We're having a baby and I'm going to love it more than anything else in the world." Then she went back to whatever she was doing. And that was that. We were having the baby, and we would make it work. I don't know how we managed to handle it so well, but we did. I was even excited, and I know Lana was as well, even though we are still in high school and we had no idea how to take care of a baby.

Then everything fell apart.

*Flashback* (two weeks earlier)

"What about Darcy for a girl?"

Lana looks at me skeptically and tries to hold back a smile. "Baby names? Don't you think it's a little soon for that?"

I shrug and sit at the island while she cuts some vegetables. "You don't think about names?"

"I'm female, Harry, I've been thinking about baby names since I was like fourteen."

I laugh and shake my head. "Okay, what do you like?"

"For a boy, I really like Aiden. Or Ryan."

"And for a girl?"

"Peyton."

"That's nice," I agree, taking a sip of my water.

"Or Blake."

"For a girl? That's a boy's name, babe."

"Blake Lively! I love the name, I don't know why," she says, smiling and dumping some carrots into the pot of soup on the stove behind her.

"Okay, what about Darcy?" I say again.

She laughs and shakes her head. "Absolutely not."

"What? Why!"

"I do not like that, Harry. How did you even come up with that?"

"I don't remember. I just like it."

"Well if we have a girl we aren't naming her Darcy. Sorry," she winks and continues cutting.

"Fine. Then I'm veto-ing Blake."

"You're just saying that because I said no to yours."

"I'm really not." She rolls her eyes at me and starts laughing quietly. I'm so excited about this, even though Lana is only about 9 weeks pregnant.

It's Friday and we have a day off for a long weekend, so Lana and I decided to schedule our first ultrasound for today. I look at my watch.

"We should get going soon," I say, standing and stirring the soup. She finishes cutting up some celery and dumps that in.

"Okay, I'm all done. Just let me go get changed," she says, putting some dishes in the sink. She kisses my cheek quickly before going upstairs to her bedroom. After a few minutes I hear a groan come from upstairs.

"Lana?" I go up to her room to see her laying on her bed, trying to do up her jeans. I smile and try not to laugh at the scene in front of me. "Having some troubles?"

"Don't laugh!" she whines, giving up and laying back on the bed. "I'm getting fat."

"You're pregnant," I remind her, sitting on the bed next to her.

"Yeah, but I shouldn't be showing yet," she says, putting her hand on her stomach.

"The doctor said it would be normal to be gaining weight by now."

"I'm going to get so fat," she complains again, putting her feet on the bed to attempt to do the top button of her jeans up. I laugh a little this time and she kicks my leg. "Finally!" she exhales, releasing her jeans when she's got them buttoned up. She sits up and whacks the back of my head before standing and going back to her closet.

"What was that for!"

"For laughing." She comes back out and slides her arms into her jacket. "I think you should stop working out so you get fat, too."

"Why's that?" I ask, holding her coat up for her when she struggles to her her second arm in the sleeve.

"It's only fair," she reasons. "If I'm going to get fat and have my body ruined, then you should get fat with me."

"You don't really want that," I say, laughing. I lift my shirt up a little and pat my stomach. "I know you love my abs."

She stares at my stomach and bites her lip, then quickly pulls my shirt down for me. I chuckle as she turns and gets her phone off the bed. "May I remind you that my hormones are going insane right now, so unless you want me to jump you I suggest you keep yourself covered." She blushes a little and walks out of the room and I follow her down the stairs.

"That wouldn't be very much fun."

***

"Langley?" She looks up when the nurse calls her name. "The doctor will be ready in about five minutes. Come with me and we'll get you set up," the nurse says, gesturing for her to follow. Lana stands and starts walking away, then turns back to me.

"Are you coming?" she asks, holding her hand out. I smile and stand, taking her small hand in mine. I wasn't sure how to act in these situations. Also, her new OBGYN is alarmingly attractive, as Lana so kindly pointed out after our last appointment. We go into the room with the nurse and Lana changes into a hospital gown, then sits on the bench, laying back.

"Okay, put your feet up on the stirrups," the nurse says, putting a blanket over Lana's lower half, then positing the stirrups for her. This is the first time she's had this kind of appointment, so I can tell she feels a little embarrassed. I walk over and take her hand in mine. She smiles a little at me, blushing. "The doctor will be in shortly." The nurse leaves and Lana lets out a sigh.

"This is so weird," she says, fiddling with her blanket and shifting awkwardly in her current position. "I wish the doctor wasn't so damn cute."

"I'm right here," I remind her. She rolls her eyes and smiles at me.

"I know, Harry. You're way hotter than him, don't worry. It's just weird having an attractive male that isn't my boyfriend between my legs.

I laugh and nod, understanding how that could be weird for her. "Trust me, I don't really like it either. I told you we should have gotten a female doctor."

"Probably. Oh well, too late now. Plus this one was supposed to be one of the best in Holmes Chapel."

"I know," I say. She's only told me that a thousand times, trying to convince me it would be a good idea to go to him instead of a woman. Why would a man even become one of these doctors? I think it's kind of creepy.

"Hello," he says, coming into the room. "Good to see you again, Lana. Harry." I give him a slight nod.

"Hi, Dr. Crawford," Lana says, shifting again in her seat. That does look like a super awkward position to sit in.

"How's everything going?" He asks, sitting on the stool beside the end of the bed and sliding on some latex gloves.

"Great, I feel really good," Lana says. I smile down at her and squeeze her hand.

"How's the morning sickness?" Lana had it pretty bad lately.

"It's a little better." That's a lie. She throws up all the time.

"Well just keep taking that medication I gave you. It should start to help. Alright, so we are going to do your first unltrasound today. Have you ever had one before?" She shakes her head and he continues. "Well, I'm going to apply a bit of this jelly-like substance to your belly. It makes it easier for the transducer to slide over your skin. It's a bit cold." She jumps a little, then giggles when he puts the clear substance on her.

"It is cold," she agrees, smilling. I chuckle at her. She's so adorable.

"Alright, here we go." He slides the monitor closer and points to the screen. "You'll be able to see the baby on here." He starts gliding the tool on her skin where the weird goo is. Lana sits up a little so she can see better. I lean down on the bed, smoothing my hand on her hair. Then I look at the screen. "Alright," he says, clicking a few buttons, taking pictures I assume. "That would be your baby," he says, pointing to a small peanut-shaped spot on the screen. I hear Lana gasp softly beside me. Wow.

That's our baby.

She squeezes my hand, smiling up at me. There's tears in her eyes as she looks back at the screen.

"Hmm." I look at the doctor.

"What is it?" I ask, looking between him and the monitor.

"Nothing. I'll be right back," he says, putting the tool in his hands back down and taking off the gloves.

"Is something wrong, doctor?" Lana asks nervously.

"I don't think so. We should be able to hear a heartbeat, but sometimes it's too faint this early in the pregnancy for the ultrasound to detect. I'm going to get a doppler to see if that picks it up." He walks out of the room and I look down at Lana.

"It's okay," I say, stroking her cheek. She looks nervous.

"I have a bad feeling," she says quietly. "I've been feeling weird all morning."

"What? Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I didn't want you to worry and we were coming here anyway. I figured it was just morning sickness."

"Lana, everything's going to be fine. I'm sure," I say. She smiles weakly and stares at the monitor. I don't think I convinced her, or myself for that matter. The doctor comes back with another instrument, putting a smaller rod on Lana's stomach the same way he did with the other one. He fiddles with the buttons on the thing in his hand, moving the rod around.

After what feels like forever, he retracts the instrument and sets it on the table beside the monitor. He turns back to us and wipes Lana's stomach with a paper towel. When he's done she moves into a sitting position, putting her legs over the side of the bench. She's squeezing my hand tighter than I thought was possible. It hurts a little bit.

"I'm really sorry to tell you this, but I can't find a heartbeat. It looks like you may have lost the baby."

"What?" Lana whispers, putting her hand on her stomach. My mouth drops open. Did I hear that correctly?

"I'm going to do some more tests, but it doesn't look good. I'm very sorry. I'll give you two a minute, then we'll do a few more tests." He says sorry again and walks out. I stare at the door when it's closed, processing what he just said. Lana releases my hand and buries her face in her hands, sobbing. I pick her up and sit down so she's on my lap, kissing the top of her head and holding her tight against me. Tears start to roll down my face while she soaks the front of my shirt with her own.

"This can't be happening," she says between sobs, fisting the front of my shirt.

But it is.

*End of Flashback*

The ride continues going in slow circles while she cries against my chest, not for the first time since that day at the doctor's office. A few days after we found out she passed the baby naturally. I've never seen someone cry so hard in my life. For hours. I couldn't help but cry with her. It didn't feel real. It felt like we were in a dream or living someone else's life for them. I couldn't believe this could happen to us.

After we'd gone around twice I pulled her back so I could look at her face. As I took her face in my hands she closed her eyes, sniffling.

"Please don't cry, love," I beg, wiping her tears with my thumbs.

"How could this happen?" she breathes. I lean my forehead against hers.

"I don't know." I kiss her forehead gently before pullling her against me again. She stops crying, but we don't speak anymore until we get off the ride. We must look like a mess, because everyone is giving us sympathetic glances as we walk off and away from the ferris wheel. I hold her hand tightly and lead her back to my car, knowing without asking that she'll want to go home. We drive in silence. I can hear her phone vibrating, but she just stares blankly out the window.

"Lana, your phone."

"Oh." She pulls her phone out of her pocket and answers without looking at the screen. "Hello?"

Lana's POV

"Hi, Lana. It's Dr. Crawford. How are you?"

"I'm alright."

"I'd really like to schedule that follow up appointment. The nurse says you haven't returned any of our calls. We need to evacuate the pregnancy, sooner than later."

I close my eyes. This guy is kind of insensitive. I don't like him. "That's not a problem. That's why I didn't answer before."

"Did you pass the pregnancy?"

"Yes."

"I still would like to have you come in for a follow up appointment."

"I'll just see my family doctor," I say. I don't like this guy. It probably isn't his fault. But he is the one who told me that my baby died. Seeing him upsets me. Sue me.

"Alright, if that's what you would prefer. But please see someone."

"I will. Goodbye." I hang up before he can respond. I don't care if I'm being rude.

"Who was that?" Harry asks.

"Dr. Crawford."

"What did he want?" Harry and I both harboured some ill feelings toward the man.

"He wants me to go see a doctor."

"Okay. That sounds like a good idea."

I snap my head in his direction. "I'm fine. It's done."

"Don't you think you should have a check up to make sure you're okay?"

"No, I don't. The bleeding stopped. I don't have any cramps. I'm fine."

"Lana, I think-"

"Just drop it Harry! It's not your body, it's mine. It's my decision," I snap, raising my voice. He looks at me, surprised by my outburst, but looks back at the road without saying anything else. "Just take me home."

"Why? Mum and Gemma are probably back at the house by now. I know Gem wants to see you, and mum has been asking why you haven't been to the house lately."

I sigh. I miss them, too, but I just couldn't stand being around people right now. No one knows what happened. We never got to telling our families about the pregnancy, and then we lost the baby. Now we're both forced to act like nothing happened, like everything's fine. We're just two teenagers in love.

But now we have this horrible secret.

"I know, I'm just not up for it right now, Harry."

He's about to argue again when my phone starts ringing again.

"Hello?"

"Lana!" Shit, it's Brooke. I've been avoiding El and Brooke like the plague for the last two weeks. They're the only ones that know, since I told them before when I thought I was pregnant.

"Hey, Brooke."

"What are you doing? Me and El were going to go out for dinner tonight. Do you want to come?"

"I'm busy." Looks like I'll be going to Harry's after all. I can't deal with their pity. It's too much for me.

"Lana, come on. Please don't shut us out."

"I'm not. I have plans with Harry." I can feel Harry look at me, probably surprised since I just said I didn't want to go to his house.

She sighs into the phone. "Lana, I understand that you're going through a rough time but-"

"No, you don't," I say sharply, cutting her off. "You have no idea, Brooke. Don't act like you have any kind of understanding about this."

"Well I'm trying! But you're shutting me out, you won't talk to me. I just want to help."

"Well I don't need your help."

She scoffs into the phone. "Fine."

"Fine."

She hangs up and I do the same.

"Why are you being so hard on them?" Harry asks carefully. "They care about you, they're just trying to help."

"They can't help, Harry. The only one that has any chance of being there for me right now is you." It comes out a lot bitchier than I meant it to. "You are the only one that can understand what I'm feeling right now," I say, softening my voice and reaching over to put my hand on his leg.

"You know I'll do anything for you," he says tenderly, covering my hand with his massive one. "But don't shut your friends out of your life. Let them be there for you."

"I can't handle being around them. Every time they look at me there's so much pity. I told them that I just want them to act normal, like nothing happened, but instead they treat me like a piece of glass. They think I'm going to break at any moment and fall apart. If I'm going to hang out with them I want it to be a distraction. They would be my way of forgetting and trying to be happy. They just make me upset."

"Do I make you upset?" he asks quietly, pulling into his driveway.

"Of course not," I whisper, reaching over with my other hand and brushing my hand through his hair. His eyes close at my touch, head leaning towards my hand. "I don't know what I would do without you right now."

"Good, because I'm not going anywhere," he says firmly, leaning over the console to kiss me softly on the lips before getting out of the car. I do the same and follow him into the house. His mom's car isn't here, so Robin and Anne must still be driving back with Gemma. We go inside and I go straight up to his bedroom without saying anything. He follows.

I really was having fun today. Until I saw those adorable baby clothes. Harry had this magical way of distracting me, of making me feel like things are back to normal. He was the only one who could make me forget and feel somewhat happy. I thought I wouldn't want to see him at all, that it would be too hard for me. He should remind me of the baby the most, right? I ignored him the day after we found out, but after that I realized that being away from him was way worse. He was the only one that could fix me.

I lay down in the middle of his bed, staring up at the ceiling. I assumed Harry would join me, but when he doesn't I sit up. He's standing in front of his desk, looking at something. It looks like a picture.

"What is that?" I ask, pointing to his hands.

"It's...umm..." he looks around nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "It's a picture."

"Of what?" I ask, standing and holding my hand out. He looks down at it and sighs as he hands it to me. My hand goes to my mouth and I take a few steps backwards so I can sit on the bed. "Where did you get this?"

"At the doctor's office."

I stare down at the picture; it's an image from the ultrasound, a picture that shows clearly where the baby is. "How long have you had this?"

"Two weeks," he says nervously, putting his hands in his pockets.

"What? You've had it this whole time and you kept it from me?"

"You ran out before they could give it to us, so they gave it to me. I didnt want to upset you more so I just figured I'd hold on to it for a little while."

I stand and glare at him. "How could you do that? You had no right to keep this from me!"

"Lana, I was trying to protect you. You were so upset, and then there just never seemed to be a good time to give it to you."

"Harry, you do understand what this is right?" I ask, holding the picture up.

"Of course I do!"

"Obviously not, because if you did you would have given it to me. This is the only thing left of our child. How dare you keep it to yourself."

"Child?"

My head snaps in the direction of Harry's door, and he turns quickly as well.

"Mum?" he says, shocked by her presence. She stares at the picture in my hands, mouth hanging open. I lower it slowly, hands hanging by sides. Shit.

"What's going on?" She asks, looking at Harry. I can see Gemma standing behind her. How did we not hear them come home?

Harry stands there, frozen, staring at his mother. She stares back, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Harry?"

Notes

sorry its been a while since ive updated! i had an idea for where i wanted this to go but i just didnt know how to do it so it took a while.

i hope you guys like this chapter. its kind of depressing, i know.

just so you guys know i think i'll be wrapping up this story relatively soon. i might make a sequel, but im not sure yet.

comments :)