Bad News from Britian
Author: Lnp99
Rate: 5

Your grammar was okay, but there were a lot of errors in your dialogue. If you want to learn how to write dialogue properly and compare to how you – incorrectly – write it, check out this page written by someone on here even: [Link]. A good handful of your word choices also tended to be a bit confusing (e.g.: This annoyed one second his full attention was all on me and the next it was on someone else, it was so rude, and so gross.). Make sure your writing makes sense before posting it.

I didn’t particularly like how the boys were somewhat like foreign exchange students due to their bad behavior and being shipped out of the country. For one, if they were being delinquents, they should have sent them to some sort of counselor or some scared straight shit like that. Second, even if they needed to switch schools, they wouldn’t be shipped out of the country; maybe just to a school somewhere in their local area, or country at least, for people like them. Lastly, I’m pretty sure that not all of their parents would want them to leave the country even if they were acting juvenile, nor would they be able to afford to send their child to a uniform school in another country.

Another thing I didn’t like is the realisticness of your story. Close to the very beginning of the story, she invites her friends over to hang out and her parents won’t be home for the weekend. The boys show up at their door, and what does she (or her friend anyway) do? She lets them stay, in her house. She barely knows them, minus the fact that their freaking delinquents who got shipped out of their country for doing some horror that is unknown to her for the time being. It just isn’t likely that someone would let that person stay in her house for those facts, especially if she freaking knows that. Why did she let them in in the first place?

I didn’t honestly read most of the story because of my lack of interest in it. It was pretty good, but it just didn’t grab my attention and stick out compared to a lot of the other stories on here. I have a feeling that a lot of people will actually enjoy reading this, but it just wasn’t for me.

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If you found this review to be disappointing, I'm can't say I'm sorry. As I said, I am a brutally honest person, or so people tell me. If you would like me to take this down, I will, just ask me. Don't bitch about it either; I don't care what you think, I'm just telling you what I think. Don't get mad, you asked for it. Don't rate this badly just because you don't like what I say. But on the off chance you like what I'm telling you, I'm glad you could learn something from me.

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