The Fire in His Eyes
Author: Zaynlove
Rate: 8
Original Review: [Link]

For one, I don’t know how I didn’t catch the grammar error in using names in dialogue. What this is, is when you address a specified person in a character’s dialogue, you need to add a comma as you would with an interrupter.

E.g.:
(Instead of) "Liam stop!" She screamed.

(You should have written) "Liam, stop!" she screamed.

Also, “she” should not have been capitalized, but that was only in the quote I used from your story, not an all the time grammar error. This also applies for when someone addresses someone as s general name (e.g. “I hate you, bitch” or “I love you, boo.”). That was a terrible example, but I hope you get the idea.

There are a few other grammar errors, but it’s just a few minor spelling and punctuation mistakes that can be corrected easily, so don’t sweat it.

I didn’t specifically enjoy the prologue due to yet another thing I hadn’t caught before. You ended the prologue with a question in the second person while the rest of it was in the third person. Of course we’re already asking ourselves that question, but I think it’s something you save for the author’s note, not to be put in the chapter.

I still really enjoy the plot, though. I’ve been subscribed since the last review, have kept up with your story, and I still think it’s amazing. I do, however, wish you updated a little more often. I know this can be very annoying to hear, but it’s been like forever and I’m dying to read more.

The last thing I’m addressing is that after you make a chapter just to make an author’s note to read something and it has been up for a while and there are other chapters between them, you might consider taking them down? I know you’re just promoting some other stuff you do, but it’s nice for first time readers to read all the way through without advert chapters. Plus, it looks neater when you look at the list of chapters.

Other than that, I still love your story, and the rating only dropped by one due to some grammar mistakes I picked up on the second time through. <3

---

If you found this review to be disappointing, I'm can't say I'm sorry. As I said, I am a brutally honest person, or so people tell me. If you would like me to take this down, I will, just ask me. Don't bitch about it either; I don't care what you think, I'm just telling you what I think. Don't get mad, you asked for it. Don't rate this badly just because you don't like what I say. But on the off chance you like what I'm telling you, I'm glad you could learn something from me.

Notes