Fanfiction 101
Survival
(2) My first thought: oh look... another story about a zombie apocalypse... yay?
Okay, first of all - before I get into deep shit about how your story pisses me off - you plot line is way overused. I've seen tons of stories on the apocalypse, and they're all shit. Yours however? Probably even worse.
There aren't many details, so how am I supposed to know what the house from Walking Dead looks like? I'm sure there are a lot of other people who don't watch that show.
Then, there's the really short paragraphs. A paragraph isn't just a sentence or two. It's a couple. Even worse? Most of the time it's just dialogue or thoughts. I don't want to know what the characters are saying if there isn't any detail.
But the thing that pisses me off the most?!?! YOU! Not as in you, the author, but the way you write the story. Either write in the first person or write in the third person. Do not narrate the story using "you".
Ex:
How you write (from the very first chapter): "You start screaming at the boys. James and Liam are carrying the guy you guys found, he was trying to fight off the zombies when you found him. He is seriously injured and passed out not too long after you found him. Louis, Zayn, and Niall are trying to fight off the zombies as best as they can, but there are a lot and they can't hold them for too long."
Writing like this is a big "no-no" in my book. It's really annoying! The only reason I write "you" i to address you in your review. Start writing in the first or third person.
First person: "I start screaming at the boys. James and Liam are carrying the guy we found, he was trying to fight off the zombies when we found him. He is seriously injured and passed out not too long after we found him. Louis, Zayn, and Niall are trying to fight off the zombies as best as they can, but there are a lot and they can't hold them for too long."
Third person: "She start screaming at the boys. James and Liam are carrying the guy the group found, he was trying to fight off the zombies when they found him. He is seriously injured and passed out not too long after they found him. Louis, Zayn, and Niall are trying to fight off the zombies as best as they can, but there are a lot and they can't hold them for too long."
Also, please be consistent with your verb tense. Either write in the present tense or past tense throughout your entire story.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16