Fanfiction 101
Am I Really?
Before I begin this review, I would just like to say that I respect "Larry" and I also respect "Elounor" so none of what I have to say next is biased just because I ship one over the other. I'm not saying I ship either of them, but I'm saying that I respect them equally and fairly.
(6) So you've already told me that you know you have (quite) a few mistakes here and there and that your chapters can be short. I completely agree with you and would go into detail about it but you want to know more about your detail and plot.
Detail: you could definitely use a lot more detail. A lot of your story is just what the characters are thinking from their point of view, but it's boring. Try to experiment with more adjectives and go into great description about what is happening. I want to know the before, the after; use all five senses. Describe to me the sights, the smells, the sounds, the taste, the feels. You can also try adding similes and metaphors to make your writing better.
Ex:
Scenario - eating pizza
Without detail - I ate pizza. (boring right?)
With detail - My mouth watered at the sight of the gooey cheese laying on top of the red sauce and thick crust. I brought the slice to the entrance of my mouth, the aroma growing stronger, then sunk my teeth into it. The incredible taste made my mouth feel as if it had just won the lottery.
Plot: You have an interesting plot; it's different and unique. I don't honestly like the idea, but I'm sure many other people may like it. The only thing missing is the detail^.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16