Riley's POV

He won't come. I know it, Zayn knows it, everyone at the god forsaken party knows it. I was a fool to put Harry in that position, and more importantly, I was a fool to put myself in such a pathetic place. I'm sitting on my front steps, still drunk I might add, and waiting. Waiting for what? Waiting for Harry to turn on his bedroom light, come out the front door of his home and confess his love for me? I should know my distant fairytale dream is a shot in the dark by now.

The goose bumps on my legs rise as I look down at my phone to check the time. It's 3 am. I should be sound asleep, moving on and letting go of all this. I could be back at Maddie's party, kissing Danny and trying to forget everything that's happened over the last couple months, but that's impossible.

How can a girl forget something that's changed her completely? I know when all those guys moved to Red, corrupted Zayn and met me they described me as "dark" but I haven't really given that much genuine though until recently. I am the epitome of darkness on the inside, and in a way I always have been.

Through my cheerleading days, dating Nick, I had issues. Nick was an okay boyfriend, but clearly not the best. Growing up, thriving off of popularity and fake friends, I had issues. Wanting to be the best, can make you the worst.

And then I met Harry. And Niall, and Louis, and Liam. I hated their guts, or so I thought. But then he came by, and he was charming in the most pain in the ass way, and I fell for him, hard. I fell for him like a toddler falls for a stuffed bear -- hard, fast and infatuatedly. I couldn't help myself, and the more I wanted to resist the harder he pulled me. I fucking fell in love with that curly haired punk, and the more being with him tore my life apart the more truly in love I was.

And now, I'm sitting here in the freezing cold dead of the night, body still partially filled with my pick of poison and I don't know what I'll do if he comes outside. How could we work things out? How could I ever want to? How could I not want to?

My thoughts make me want to vomit in my family shrubs, so I stand and pace. I can't tell if it's the adrenalin from the vodka, or if it's the truth about my love finally conquering my body -- I don't want to see Harry, I need to.

My bare feet march me across the wet grass, and my oversized black cardigan is doing no justice against the bitter winter but I am doing this. With one swift and thoughtless motion, my hand raises to collide with his front door, but before I can do so it swings open.

"Are you insane?" A frantic Harry growls, his green eyes piercing through my skull. Has he been waiting for me? Watching me look like a fool? I open my mouth to respond, but I can't form a cohesive word. I cannot even form a single thought. My mouth goes dry at the sight of him, his hair is almost the same as it was at the party, but he's changed into black sweats and a black T shirt. Shit.

"I...I was going to..." I stutter, and lean my hand on the door hinge to prop myself up. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, and when I reopened them he had the same look on his face. This hurt me.

"You were gonna knock on this door, and what, wake up my parents? Real nice move." He whisper shouts at me, shaking his head in disapproval. I blink rapidly at him, wanting to shrink so small that I could disappear. Who is he anymore?

"Harry, I just--" I sigh, and he shakes his head, slowly shutting the door. No, not this fucking time.

"Wait!" I shout, jumping inside after him and closing it behind us. His eyes widen with rage at me, but for a moment I think I see a flash of humor. That was a bold move, and he knows it.

"Did I invite you in?" He asks, and I shake my head. His eyes peer across the hall at the massive grandfather clock, and he sighs. "Go home Riley, it's almost four in the morning and I don't want to do this." He whispers again, this time more gently, but I'm not having it.

"We're going to have this conversation, and we're having it now." I announce matter of factly, and make my way towards the staircase that leads to his basement. Without looking back, I tiptoe my way down the steps slowly, gripping the railing tightly. I wish I hadn't drank so much earlier tonight, but for now I'll consider it my liquid courage. I'm going to need it.

"This is a mistake." Harry mumbles behind me, flicking on the light to illuminate the room. I look around for a moment and take it all in. Memories of the indecent photos Seth posted of me rush back, and my first little break down of many resurfaces in my brain.

"I've had some horrible nights down here." I chuckle, taking a seat on the ground and leaning my back against the wall. I watch as Harry's expression changes from a scowl to a frown, and puts his hands over his face.

"I don't know why you want to talk, or why you've come here... I can't do anything for you." He sighs, and takes me by surprise by sliding down the wall and sitting beside me. The tension between our bodies is too much and I almost feel drunk off of our forsaken love alone.

"There is so much that you can do for me, Harry." I sigh, turning to face him. When I do, he's already facing me, the frown still evident on his face. "You can tell me you love me, and tell me that all this bullshit that you have been putting me through is just an act. I'm going crazy without you Harry, I'm losing my--" I being to ramble, tears welling my eyes but he cuts me off.

"You're going crazy without me? You thinking you're losing your mind when I'm not around? Damn it Riley! That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard!" He stands, his hands shaking and jaw clenched. "Being with me was the craziest decision you could have ever made, and I let you! I ruined your entire life, and the whole entire point of me keeping my distance is so you can get better, not relapse into the type of disaster I created!" He's now screaming, tears pouring out of his eyes.

"How could you feel like that?" I whisper, now crying like he is. "How could you think that me loving you ruined my life? Harry, you saved me life, twice! Maybe even more times than that! You're a hero, and, and, and..."

"Don't call me a hero! Never say that word again! I destroy people! I corrupt their lives, I corrupt their past, their present, and their future! I've damaged you completely! I am your biggest mistake!" He screams, and I can't stop the sob that is begging to escape my lips.

"If you think that's true, then loving you is the best mistake I have ever made. I try and try, everyday to move on, to love new people and new places but nothing makes me feel the same than when I'm with you." I run to him, and grab both of his hands. I slowly bring them to my lips, and the feeling on his skin on mine electrifies me. I want him in my life, no, I need him.

"I'm no good for you Riley..." He pulls away, walking around the room. "Just go! I can't be with you. I can't be your everything, I can't be your anything." He says, crying silently. There are no sobs released from his mouth, but his black shirt is soaked with tears.

"Say it then." I sniffle, wiping my cardigan sleeve over my eyes.

"Say what?" He asks, making his way to the steps. I run across the room towards him, grab his arm tightly and gently put my hand on his chin.

"Say it to me. Right here in this basement where I've felt pain, love, and complete happiness. Tell me again Harry, tell me you don't love me. You're sober this time, and I want to hear you say it. Scream it even. One last time, say it, and I'll go." I say, and he puts his hands on his head, as if he's in pain.

Harry is experiencing a war with his inner self right before my very eyes, and it scares me. I want him to be ok, I want him to be happy, but most importantly, I want him to be honest about his feelings.

"But Harry... If there's any chance that you do love me... You've got to let me know." I cry, before he can reply. "I know you think you ruined me, but it's not the same. Whether I knew you or not, Dixie would have messed with me somehow. I probably would have stayed with Nick in that horrifying relationship, and--"

"Don't say that--" He defends me, but I stop him.

"It's true. You saved me from myself, and you continue to do that over and over again," I explain, "And Harry, I'd like to think I've done something to help you in life too. I know you think you don't need me, and maybe not, but I need you--"

"I need you." He echoes my words so faintly I'm not even sure if I heard it correctly. I look up into his eyes, and they have softened completely. He looks like he's in pain, and he said he needs me. The only think I can even think to do in this moment is wrap my arms around him, and do it tightly. I snake my arms around his neck and to my surprise, his shaky hands rest on my waist.

"Harry..." I whisper, and feel his body slowly slip down to the floor but not letting go of me. We lay there on his basement floor, in each others arms, staring into each other's eyes.

"I can't say it." He sniffles, and pulls me closer. "I want to tell you I don't love you, but I can't." He cries, and my heart starts to beat for what feels like the first time in months. He can't tell me he doesn't love me... He does love me?

"So you do? You do love me back?" I whisper, hope engulfing my raspy voice.

"I just don't want to hurt you ever again, and I'm afraid if I say I do, I'm going to wreck things." He says, and now I'm fully sobbing into his t-shirt. I can feel his hand stroking my back over my hair, and I can't hide the cries anymore. I have wanted to cry with Harry for the longest time, but I've been stuck with my alternatives of Zayn, my family and even Danny.

"You won't hurt me again... Please Harry. Please say it." I pathetically beg. I need to hear it, I need to hear him say those words.

"I love you, Riley. And I never stopped." He finally says those words of intimacy in his deep voice, and I pull back to look at him. His curls are sticking to his tear-stained face and he leans down to kiss my forehead.

"I love you. Oh my god, Harry, I love you so much." I cry, and eagerly sit up. I cry, and I cry, and I cry. I can't stop. I look at him, and he looks afraid. These tears are happiness, sadness, pain, understanding, and peace.

"Please, let me take you home." He whispers, and I shake my head and quickly latch onto him.

"I don't want to leave you." I huff, putting my head next to his. I can hear a small chuckle escape his lips, and he swiftly lifts me up bridal style.

"We have a lot to work out Ri, and you need your energy. We can meet tomorrow, if you'd like." He offers, and my heart nearly leaps out of my chest. This is real, and this is happening.

"Fine." I grumble, nuzzling my face into his neck and without another word he carries me back across the street to my front door within seconds.

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He smiles and I want to melt everywhere. That's all I have wanted to see these past couple weeks, and smile from him.

"Yes, tomorrow." I nod as he turns his back and heads in the opposite direction. I watch his walk, and it's different than it has been lately. He's walking with a purpose now, and I pray that purpose is loving me and loving himself. Just as he gets to his door, I shout across the way just loud enough for him to hear in the dead of the night, "I love you Harry."

"I love you too, Ri." He shouts back, his eyes fiercely red from tears.

As I slide inside my house and close the front door, I feel giddy and sober tired and finally, loved. Knowing that Harry loves me will make sleeping the easiest thing in the world, and I am looking forward to it. Just as I am sliding into bed, I check the messages on my phone.

Zayn: Proud of you tonight, Riley. I know you would never meet that trash outside after all he's put you through. Love you. See you in the AM.
Danny: I know you think our kiss was just a kiss and you still love Harry but... I'm not giving up without a fight.


How am I supposed to explain this kiss to Harry? And more importantly... how am I supposed to explain Harry to Zayn?

Notes

Hi everyone/anyone if they are still reading this story! I am really sorry I haven't updated in the longest time, I have been busy applying to colleges, auditioning for dance scholarships and all that stuff.... I miss writing so much. :(

If you are still reading, please leave some kind of comment so I know I still have at least one reader to update for! If not, I may just can this story and try to start a new one. I really love this one though and have been DYING to write this chapter forever.

P.S. Four is fucking amazing! Totally in love with Stockholm Syndrome, Night Changes, Girl Almighty, Change Your Ticket, Where Do Broken Hearts Go & Clouds... and all the rest of them! hahaha

Thanks! :) x