Riley's POV:
December 31st, New Years Eve.

Therapy, medication and testing. I am so damn sick of therapy, medication and testing. They ask me how I'm feeling, they dress my wounds and then they scan my body and strap wires onto my head for hours and hours to see if I'm ok.

And how could I possibly be ok? I was raped and beat (but thankfully I'm not pregnant), My mother is learning how to walk again like a toddler, my father has head aches almost everyday when he visits, Harry hasn't even tried to talk to me or even see me and Brian and Dixie are dead. My best friend is fucking dead, buried and resting in a hole at the local cemetery. Apparently her family blames me, so that makes me feel one thousand times worse.

But what about Harry? I need him more than I need any of this testing, he's all the medicine or therapy I could ever need. It sounds so rotten, but when I met Harry it was like a trying a drug for the first time. At first glance I was afraid of him, but when I tried him out I couldn't stop wanting more. I'm craving his dangerous lifestyle, his warm hugs and the feelings I get when I'm around him... It's fucking unexplainable and I don't think I can survive another day without him.

That's why my plan for tonight works out perfectly. I'm getting the hell out of this hospital and I'm finding Harry one way or another. I know it's too early for me to check myself out, but who says I need to? The new years eve party that the hospital is holding is a huge distraction to all the workers and I have my partner in crime coming any minute to bust me out of here--

"Ready to go?!" I hear Perrie's voice as she enters the room, holding a small over the shoulder bag and closing the door. I look back down at my hospital bed and take a deep breath.

"Couldn't be more ready." I laugh, taking the change of clothes she has for me and getting dressed.

I'm gonna find Harry tonight.

---

I slide on my black leggings over my bruised lower half and pull my sweater over any indications that I'm a hospital patient, including bruises, scrapes, IV markings and bandages. Perrie did wonders with her coverup and hair styling and by the time we were finished getting me ready, I looked like I was never injured to begin with.

"Let's go now." I insist, taking Perrie's hand and slowly making my way towards the room door. When I open it, no one is in the hallway lurking around, in fact it's rather silent.

"Perfect!" Perrie squeals, dragging me by the arm and racing towards the staircase. I feel myself almost wobbling, but I ignore it.

We sprint across the hospital and sneak around the main entrance until finally, we make it to her car. To be honest, I did not expect this to be as easy as it was.

"Fuck, are you ok?" Perrie gasps for air as she pulls the car into reverse and exits the hospital parking lot. I roll down the window and breathe in the fresh air, I honestly feel like I haven't been outside in forever.

"Yes!" I smile widely at her. "Where are we going first?" I ask as she turns down the block.

"Well we know that Zayn doesn't have him and Louis told us that he was only at his place for a few days.... So Niall or Liam's maybe?" She suggests, and I tilt my head sideways to think about it. Would Harry be at Niall's or Liam's?

"Try..." I stammer, seriously thinking deeply about it. I feel like if he were at Niall's place I would know by now since Niall visits me often, whereas Liam hardly has been in contact with me since the incident.

"Where?" Perrie asks impatiently.

"Try... Try Liam's place first." I say in an unsure tone with my eyes closed. I pray that Harry is here because if not, I'm just wasting more precious time.

"You got it, we're almost there anyway." She smiles, stepping on the gas faster and turning a few more streets. The closer we get, the more nervous I feel. What will happen if he's here? What will happen if he's angry? Will he be happy to see me? So many questions rattle my already confused brain and I can hardly wait any longer.

"Isn't that Harry's car?" Perrie breaks me from my thoughts and I look up from my lap and see none of than Harry's truck parked on the side of Liam's house, miserably hidden by snow piles.

"He's here." I choke out.

I don't think I'm mentally ready for this, but it's time.


Harry's POV:

"Harry, give me the bottle." Liam pleads with me, but I just roll my eyes.

"It's New Years Eve and I'm fucking fine!" I shout through gritted teeth, and he puts his hands up in the air in anger.

I know I'm getting to him, but I couldn't give less of a shit. The alcohol numbs the pain, if only for a little while. It fills the hole I feel when I'm away from Riley and it makes my brain think of other things like grass and door knobs. I don't really know to be honest, but it takes my mind off of her.

"You're gonna be sick again." He pleads, and I shake my head in frustration. "You can't live like this anymore, you need Riley!" Liam battles with me in the middle of his living room, and in a sudden moment of fury, the bottle goes flying into the wall and glass shatters all over the place.

"Don't mention her fucking name." I spit, and seconds later the doorbell rings. Perfect. Liam's mum and dad are early and are going to see the mess I've made. They threatened to give up my location if I didn't get myself together and looks like I'll be leaving tonight.

"Get a fucking broom and clean this shit up." Liam growls, stalking off to the door. I give him the finger when he turns away and go towards the kitchen the get the next bottle I can find, this one just happens to be vodka. Skyy Raspberry to be exact... Riley's favorite.

Fuck! Why can't I stop thinking about her? She's better off without me, I know it. As I twist off the top and take a swig, I hear shouting coming from the front door... familiar shouting.

"Please, now is not a good time." Liam begs with a strained voice... Is he holding people back? My curiosity gets the best of me, so I stumble over and what makes my whole world stop.

"Harry?!" Riley's weak voice comes out as a sob and before I can react, her arms are clasped so tightly around my waist I can hardly breathe. I let myself accept the hug, but only for a moment. My drunken mind has different plans.

"Get off me." I mumble, shrugging her off of my waist like a 6th grader with cooties. When she pulls away, her reaction is screaming heartbreak.

"I've missed you so much... How are you?" She sniffles, taking a step forward to reach for my hand but I take another step back.

"What are you doing here?" I growl, unscrewing the cap once again and taking another drink. "Riley look, it's your favorite!" I joke, waving it around in her face. She looks frantically to Perrie, then Liam and the back to me.

"I came to find you... what else would I be doing here?" She whispers in a small voice, and without thinking I release a scoff which just adds to the sad display she's sporting so well.

"Fuck Riley..." I groan, taking a sip of the vodka one last time before slamming it down onto the ground, making her jump and Liam to step in front of her.

"Harry!" Liam scolds me, and I roll my eyes at him for probably the thousandth time today.

"For fucks sake, can't you see I don't want you anymore? Wasn't the distance I created between us a big enough sign?" I spit, and she flinches at my words like they're weapons.

"Please... Harry I need you." She says, tears pouring out of her eyes. The sound of the television the background and Perrie shouting at someone on the phone is distracting and so are the concerned glances I'm receiving from Liam, but I'm trying my hardest to stay focused.

"I'm not any good for you Riley... Look where you've been the past few weeks! In the hospital!" I shriek, trying to get this information through her thick skull.

"But you... You saved me from the water Harry! C'mon, I love you and I want to be with you." She cries, coming towards me again but this time my hands shove her away back towards Liam. I scold myself for a second for touching her so aggressively, but the anger boiling inside takes over.

"I don't want anything to do with you! I don't need you anymore!" I shout, grabbing things off the counter and throwing them around. I don't remember having such a large temper but I've lost all control over my actions.

"Harry!" Liam shouts, but Riley steps in front of him, hands shaking.

"Harry... Look me in the eyes." Riley sobs, gingerly coming closer and closer. When I look down into her eyes, I feel sick. She's so torn up and broken I can hardly stand to look at her, I can hardly stand to be mean to her any longer. All I want to do is wrap her in my arms, kiss her and never let go.

"Just go, please Riley... Before I get more angry." I whisper. To my surprise, her small hand grabs the material of my black t-shirt and she pulls it extremely close to her face.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me, and then I'll go." She says so low I can barely hear her, and the tension in the room is thick.

All the noises are getting to me, they're hurting me. The countdown to midnight on the television, the sound of a car pulling up outside and the panicked breathe that everyone in the room is sharing is fucking getting to me. Riley's eyes are leaking tears that I gave to her, tears that I'm fucking causing. I love her so much, so much it god damn hurts... But with my past, present and future, my love isn't good enough.

"I don't love you." I slur the deadly words she never expected to hear out of my mouth, and she collapses to the floor.

I can't look down at her shaking, sobbing body because I know I will cave right in. Liam's face has shifted into a mold a disappointment and hatred and I can hardly stand to look anywhere now except the ceiling.

"He's just drunk, he doesn't mean it!" Perrie tries to calm Riley down, and it works but only for a moment.

"Riley..." Someone's voice cracks from the front door and anger fuels inside of me at how that voice calms her down instantly.

"Thank God." Perrie groans, and Zayn immediately rushes down to Riley and scoops her up bridal style. I don't give a fuck if he's dating Perrie, I've never liked when Zayn was near Riley and I never will.

"Take--me--home." Riley sobs into his chest, and I stand here frozen in time.

I cannot believe I made her feel so low, but I know she will rise up again... eventually, right? She has to. The question is, how am I going to deal with her moving on?

As Zayn, Perrie and Riley all make their way out of Liam's house, I fear that I have just made the worst decision of my life. Her change from good girl to herself was the best thing to happen to her, but I, personally, was the worst.

"Harry." Liam spits from across the room, and when I look over I'm almost seeing double.

"Happy new year, mate!" I chuckle, but I'm so close to tears it's almost unbearable.

"Since you don't have to hide anymore you can go home... You're out of here by sunrise." He growls, slowly walking up the stairs with a pout on his face.

"What kind of a friend are you!" I shout, and he rolls his eyes in what appears to be disbelief.

"Anyone who does that to somebody they love isn't a friend of mine anymore... I mean at first I thought this was a temporary breakdown but now," he pauses, shaking his head slowly, "Now I can't even look you in the eyes without feeling sick. Riley was good for you, and believe it or not you were good for her." He sighs, storming the rest of the way up and slamming his bedroom door.

Now it's just me, a bottle and my regrets.

Notes

I'm so sorry I haven't updated, I had prom weekend and yesterday I got into a car accident... yes I'm fine physically and so was the other driver but it was sort of my fault and I'm in a shitload of trouble. Emotionally I'm so scared and sad about the whole thing and my parents are furious but there's nothing I can do about it. 17 yrs old and sucking at life ha.

if you read my other stories, I will try to update when I can! Lots of my plate atm...

and lots more to happen in this story! i've decided to make it longer :)

vote & comment please so I know that you guys are still reading! x