Los Angeles to London
The Test
Harry's POV
December 11
I've been home from Australia for almost a month now and my relationship with Alex these past few weeks has been almost non existent. I understand that she thinks she's doing the right thing by keeping me at an arms length away, and she doesn't want me to be hurt if we find out that Max is indeed the father. Sure I understand why she's doing what she's doing, but I wish that she would just let me-, let me prove to her that I'm more than willing to be the person she needs me to be. She's only ever had her mom to lean on, she's created this wall around her to keep people out. I want so badly to knock that wall down, as soon as I feel like I'm making progress with destroying the wall, she puts up yet another wall of bricks around her.
"Alexandra Leon?" I'm pulled from my thoughts at the sound of her name. I look over at her and squeeze her leg, I see her entire body stiffen at my touch. She pushes my hand from her leg, stands, and walks toward the nurse that called her name.
I follow behind her, we're lead to a pretty small room, I take a seat on the chair in the corner, while Alex sits down on the paper lined table.
The nurse asks her the usual questions; like how she's feeling, what she's eating, and if she's having any morning sickness. When the nurse is finished examining Alex she leaves to go retrieve the doctor.
"I wish you didn't have to be here for this." She spoke quietly, but with a shaky voice.
"I know." I sighed. "But I kinda have to be here for this appointment."
"I feel like I'm going to let you down." She spoke, softly again, looking down and playing with her fingers.
"Why can't you see that I love you and that I'm not going anywhere."
She looked up at me before speaking again.
"I do see it, but I wish you would just stop. Stop being so nice to me, because if the results of this test come back in Max's favor then I know I won't be able to live with myself. I can't- no I won't let you take on the responsibility of a child that isn't yours. You deserve to have the family you always pictured, and if it turns out that the baby is his, then I can't give you that."
"Let's just talk about all of this later, after we get the results, okay?"
She let out a deep breath, "Okay."
We sat in silence for a few more minutes before the doctor came in.
"Alexandra, good to see you." A lady with dark hair walked in.
"Dr. Croft." Alex forced a smile her way. "This is Harry, my- my um," she stumbled over her words.
"I'm her boyfriend, nice to meet you." I extended my hand to her and smiled warmly.
She returned the smile before speaking.
"Nice to meet you. So I guess today we are going to go ahead with the paternity test, correct?"
Alex shook her head yes, looking a little nervous.
"Alright, so I'm going to start by taking blood from Harry," the doctor glanced in my direction.
"And then I'm going to go ahead and insert a needle into the cervix so I can get a sample from the fetus."
Alex nodded her head again before saying okay.
The doctor dismissed herself to go retrieve the items she needed to go ahead with the test.
I looked over at Alex, she was looking down at her pants, picking at a nonexistent fuzzy. I got up to stand in front of her. I tilted her head up to look at me. I took her face in my hands and kissed her. It had been a month since I felt her lips against mine. It was a feeling that I missed terribly. I pulled away and looked her in the eye. She looked so hurt and so broken.
"Will you please stop beating yourself up?" I asked in a hushed voice.
She looked back at me but didn't say anything. Dr. Croft returned at that moment, I let go of her and sat back down in my chair.
"Ready?" Dr. Croft asked me.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I mumbled. I hate needles.
I rolled my sleeve up to give the doctor access to my arm. She found my vain and sanitized my arm before sticking me with a needle.
After she finished with me and cleaned up the mess she made she turned her attention to Alex.
"Your part of this is going to be invasive, so it's your choice, either Harry can stay or he can wait out in the hall."
She looked over at me, but I wasn't going to hold my breath, I knew she would want me to stand out in the hallway. I got up and made my way over to the door, my hand was on the doorknob before she spoke.
"No. No Harry. You- you can stay. I want you to stay. Please."
I honesty didn't think I would hear those words from her, my heart sank at the pain laced in her words.
I nodded my head and turned around and walked over to her.
I think Dr. Croft could sense the tension between us. "Uh, ok. Alexandra, I'm going to need you to change into a hospital gown and then you'll need to lay down and place your feet in the stirrups. Here's the gown, I'll step out, let me know when you're ready."
"Okay." Alex responded to the doctor.
Dr. Croft stepped out into the hall and I turned to Alex, "Do you want me to leave while you change?"
"No, it's ok. You can stay."
"Okay." I sat back down in the chair and looked down at my fingers, trying to give her a little privacy while she changed.
Alex's POV
"Will you let Dr. Croft know that I'm ready?" I asked Harry.
I felt terrible for making him go through this. Why did I have to take this job in London? Why did my flight have to be the same as his? Why did I agree to go to dinner with him that night? Why did I agree to stay with him that night? Why did I have sex with him? Why did he have to be the man of my dreams? If I would have stayed in Los Angeles I could have just saved both of us all this heartache. I already hurt him once, I know in my gut that Max is the father; he has to be, I can't bear to hurt Harry again. Sure right now he says that he'll stay with me even if the baby turns out to be Max's, but I know he'll change his mind after we find out the results. It'll be a wake up call to him, he'll realize that he doesn't have to do this with me. He'll realize that he still has his entire life ahead of him. Once we find out that Max is in fact the father Harry will have dodged a bullet, while I'll be stuck raising the child of a man I never loved. Don't get me wrong I will-, no I already do love this child with every part of my heart and soul, but I don't think I'll ever truly be happy again. No man in their right mind will want me after I've had a child. They'll look at me with my baby and won't even think twice about getting to know me. I'll grow old and alone, just like my mom did. My father was the love of her life and once she lost him she never met anyone who could fill his shoes, that's how it was going to be with me and Harry, I just know it.
"Uh sure." Harry spoke quietly.
I sat on the table and waited for Harry and Dr. Croft to return.
"Okay Alexandra," I hated when she called me that, I only got called by my full name when I was in trouble with my mom, and right now in this moment I felt like I was in a world of trouble. "I need you to lay down and place you're feet in the stirrups. I'm warning you now, this will be painful, so you might want to hold Harry's hand, and Harry, you should stay up by Alexandra's head."
We both nodded, my stomach was in knots. I hate needles and to have a needle that was going to go in "down there" really freaked me out. Harry came over and stood next to the head of the table I was sitting on. I flung my feet up and into the stirrups and laid back. I looked up to the ceiling waiting for Dr. Croft to begin. I felt her glove clad hands adjust my feet to her liking.
I grabbed Harry's hand and held it tightly.
"Okay, I need you to take a deep breath."
I did as the doctor told me and felt a sharp pain in my lower region.
"Ow." I cried out, tears filling my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. Harry turned so that he was facing me, his back to the doctor. He wiped away a few of my tears with his thumb before leaning down and placing a kiss on my forehead.
After Dr. Croft had finished, she dismissed herself again so I could get dressed, and also so she could clean herself up.
When I was dressed again she came in to explain some things to me before she sent us home.
"Alright, so we'll get the results in the next couple of days. I can call you at home and relay the results to you or you can come back to my office, it's your choice. You will feel some discomfort for the next 24-48 hours, so I wouldn't recommend having sex." I blushed at that, even though I was currently pregnant and in my OBG/YN's presence it was awkward to talk about my sex life, well my none existent sex life. I haven't had sex with Harry since before he left on tour, I just feel too disgusted with myself to even go there with him. I was actually a little shocked when Harry introduced himself as my boyfriend, if anything I'd say right now we were more like roommates, but we never officially broke up, so I guess it makes sense for him to call himself my boyfriend, but at the same time I've been so distant towards him this last month. I feel terrible, but I'm just trying to prepare him for what's bound to happen after we get the results. "But other than that, you'll be fine. We already have your next appointment scheduled for later this month, just before Christmas, so I'll see you then. Or actually I'll possibly see you later this week if you wish to come in for the results. Do you have any questions?"
"No I don't think so." I looked over at Harry and he just shook his head no.
"Alright, then you're free to leave."
"Thank you Dr. Croft."
"You're welcome, have a good day."
Harry and I were back at home, I was taking a bath and Harry was downstairs cooking dinner. I sat in the tub and thought about the entire situation. I tried to think of the pros and the cons of Harry and I staying together even if the baby isn't his.
Pros
*Harry and I would be together
*He would make an amazing dad, better than Max ever could
*We would be financially stable enough to raise the baby
*I love him and he loves me
*I would get to stay in London and keep my dream job
Cons
*The baby isn't biologically his
*He would eventually resent me and the baby
*Our situation would be fodder for the media
*Max could try to take the baby away, or fight for partial custody
*Harry's family would hate me for allowing there son/brother to raise someone else's child
The list was pretty even, but the cons out weighed the pros.
After I fished with my bath, I got dressed and headed down to the kitchen, I was hungry and whatever Harry was making smelled amazing.
We ate in silence, just like we had done every night for the past month. I know that if Harry had it his way that we would be talking and acting like nothing was wrong. I loved that he respected the fact that I didn't want to talk, but at the same time I felt awful because I knew that he did want to talk about everything.
"This is really good." I complimented the dinner he had made, it was some sort of pasta dish, I didn't know exactly what it was, all I knew was that it was delicious.
"Thanks." He mumbled. "It's just Carbonara."
"We'll it's delicious."
Harry's POV
"We'll it's delicious."
I dropped my fork and looked at Alex for the first time since we sat down to eat. "I can't keep doing this Alex, this- this small talk shit. I need you to talk to me, really talk to me, about everything that's going on in your mind. I hate that you're shutting me out like this. I understand that you don't want me to be hurt by the results, but I could give two shits about that test. This baby-" I motioned towards her stomach. "this baby is mine no matter what that stupid test says. I want to be here for you so bad, but you keep pushing me away. This last month has been hell not being able to hold you and kiss you, I'm starting to feel like I can't even call you mine anymore. I know you're scared, and to be honest I'm scared too, but not about the same thing you are, I'm afraid to loose you. I don't want to loose you, but you can only push a person so far before they walk away. I don't want to walk away Lex, I want to be there for you, please let me be there for you." My voice cracked on the last word, and the tears I've been fighting for the last month rolled down my cheeks. "A month ago you asked me to talk to you, to tell you what was going on in my head, well now I'm the one asking you, please talk to me."
Alex's POV
"....now I'm the one asking you, please talk to me." Harry's cheeks were stained with tears as he poured his hear out to me. My stomach clenched and my heart dropped at the sight of him breaking down.
"I'm so so sorry Harry." I started to cry too. "I'm just afraid. Afraid, that once we learn that Max is the father that you'll smarten up and leave me. I'm afraid to get close to you again because every person I've ever gotten close to in my past has left me, I can't go through that heartbreak again, not with you. You mean the world to me, and I'm just so sorry."
"Stop saying that Max is the father, it's a 50/50 shot, just because you had a dream that he was the father doesn't mean he is." I could see the anger in Harry's eyes, I hated seeing him like that, before it registered in my mind what I was doing, I got up from my seat at the table and went over to Harry. I pulled his head into my chest and kissed the top of his head, he wrapped his arms around my waist and held on tight; like he was afraid to lose me.
"You're right. But please, please don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you." He squeezed me tighter and pulled back to look me in the eye. "I could never be mad at you, I love you too damn much." A slight smile spread across his face as he stared up at me.
I returned the smile before speaking. "I love you too damn much also."
He released his grip on my waist and took my face in his ginormous hands, he pulled my face down to his and his lips crashed into mine. The kiss was full of want, desire, love, and need. Everything I felt for Harry, all wrapped up into one kiss.
December 11
I've been home from Australia for almost a month now and my relationship with Alex these past few weeks has been almost non existent. I understand that she thinks she's doing the right thing by keeping me at an arms length away, and she doesn't want me to be hurt if we find out that Max is indeed the father. Sure I understand why she's doing what she's doing, but I wish that she would just let me-, let me prove to her that I'm more than willing to be the person she needs me to be. She's only ever had her mom to lean on, she's created this wall around her to keep people out. I want so badly to knock that wall down, as soon as I feel like I'm making progress with destroying the wall, she puts up yet another wall of bricks around her.
"Alexandra Leon?" I'm pulled from my thoughts at the sound of her name. I look over at her and squeeze her leg, I see her entire body stiffen at my touch. She pushes my hand from her leg, stands, and walks toward the nurse that called her name.
I follow behind her, we're lead to a pretty small room, I take a seat on the chair in the corner, while Alex sits down on the paper lined table.
The nurse asks her the usual questions; like how she's feeling, what she's eating, and if she's having any morning sickness. When the nurse is finished examining Alex she leaves to go retrieve the doctor.
"I wish you didn't have to be here for this." She spoke quietly, but with a shaky voice.
"I know." I sighed. "But I kinda have to be here for this appointment."
"I feel like I'm going to let you down." She spoke, softly again, looking down and playing with her fingers.
"Why can't you see that I love you and that I'm not going anywhere."
She looked up at me before speaking again.
"I do see it, but I wish you would just stop. Stop being so nice to me, because if the results of this test come back in Max's favor then I know I won't be able to live with myself. I can't- no I won't let you take on the responsibility of a child that isn't yours. You deserve to have the family you always pictured, and if it turns out that the baby is his, then I can't give you that."
"Let's just talk about all of this later, after we get the results, okay?"
She let out a deep breath, "Okay."
We sat in silence for a few more minutes before the doctor came in.
"Alexandra, good to see you." A lady with dark hair walked in.
"Dr. Croft." Alex forced a smile her way. "This is Harry, my- my um," she stumbled over her words.
"I'm her boyfriend, nice to meet you." I extended my hand to her and smiled warmly.
She returned the smile before speaking.
"Nice to meet you. So I guess today we are going to go ahead with the paternity test, correct?"
Alex shook her head yes, looking a little nervous.
"Alright, so I'm going to start by taking blood from Harry," the doctor glanced in my direction.
"And then I'm going to go ahead and insert a needle into the cervix so I can get a sample from the fetus."
Alex nodded her head again before saying okay.
The doctor dismissed herself to go retrieve the items she needed to go ahead with the test.
I looked over at Alex, she was looking down at her pants, picking at a nonexistent fuzzy. I got up to stand in front of her. I tilted her head up to look at me. I took her face in my hands and kissed her. It had been a month since I felt her lips against mine. It was a feeling that I missed terribly. I pulled away and looked her in the eye. She looked so hurt and so broken.
"Will you please stop beating yourself up?" I asked in a hushed voice.
She looked back at me but didn't say anything. Dr. Croft returned at that moment, I let go of her and sat back down in my chair.
"Ready?" Dr. Croft asked me.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I mumbled. I hate needles.
I rolled my sleeve up to give the doctor access to my arm. She found my vain and sanitized my arm before sticking me with a needle.
After she finished with me and cleaned up the mess she made she turned her attention to Alex.
"Your part of this is going to be invasive, so it's your choice, either Harry can stay or he can wait out in the hall."
She looked over at me, but I wasn't going to hold my breath, I knew she would want me to stand out in the hallway. I got up and made my way over to the door, my hand was on the doorknob before she spoke.
"No. No Harry. You- you can stay. I want you to stay. Please."
I honesty didn't think I would hear those words from her, my heart sank at the pain laced in her words.
I nodded my head and turned around and walked over to her.
I think Dr. Croft could sense the tension between us. "Uh, ok. Alexandra, I'm going to need you to change into a hospital gown and then you'll need to lay down and place your feet in the stirrups. Here's the gown, I'll step out, let me know when you're ready."
"Okay." Alex responded to the doctor.
Dr. Croft stepped out into the hall and I turned to Alex, "Do you want me to leave while you change?"
"No, it's ok. You can stay."
"Okay." I sat back down in the chair and looked down at my fingers, trying to give her a little privacy while she changed.
Alex's POV
"Will you let Dr. Croft know that I'm ready?" I asked Harry.
I felt terrible for making him go through this. Why did I have to take this job in London? Why did my flight have to be the same as his? Why did I agree to go to dinner with him that night? Why did I agree to stay with him that night? Why did I have sex with him? Why did he have to be the man of my dreams? If I would have stayed in Los Angeles I could have just saved both of us all this heartache. I already hurt him once, I know in my gut that Max is the father; he has to be, I can't bear to hurt Harry again. Sure right now he says that he'll stay with me even if the baby turns out to be Max's, but I know he'll change his mind after we find out the results. It'll be a wake up call to him, he'll realize that he doesn't have to do this with me. He'll realize that he still has his entire life ahead of him. Once we find out that Max is in fact the father Harry will have dodged a bullet, while I'll be stuck raising the child of a man I never loved. Don't get me wrong I will-, no I already do love this child with every part of my heart and soul, but I don't think I'll ever truly be happy again. No man in their right mind will want me after I've had a child. They'll look at me with my baby and won't even think twice about getting to know me. I'll grow old and alone, just like my mom did. My father was the love of her life and once she lost him she never met anyone who could fill his shoes, that's how it was going to be with me and Harry, I just know it.
"Uh sure." Harry spoke quietly.
I sat on the table and waited for Harry and Dr. Croft to return.
"Okay Alexandra," I hated when she called me that, I only got called by my full name when I was in trouble with my mom, and right now in this moment I felt like I was in a world of trouble. "I need you to lay down and place you're feet in the stirrups. I'm warning you now, this will be painful, so you might want to hold Harry's hand, and Harry, you should stay up by Alexandra's head."
We both nodded, my stomach was in knots. I hate needles and to have a needle that was going to go in "down there" really freaked me out. Harry came over and stood next to the head of the table I was sitting on. I flung my feet up and into the stirrups and laid back. I looked up to the ceiling waiting for Dr. Croft to begin. I felt her glove clad hands adjust my feet to her liking.
I grabbed Harry's hand and held it tightly.
"Okay, I need you to take a deep breath."
I did as the doctor told me and felt a sharp pain in my lower region.
"Ow." I cried out, tears filling my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. Harry turned so that he was facing me, his back to the doctor. He wiped away a few of my tears with his thumb before leaning down and placing a kiss on my forehead.
After Dr. Croft had finished, she dismissed herself again so I could get dressed, and also so she could clean herself up.
When I was dressed again she came in to explain some things to me before she sent us home.
"Alright, so we'll get the results in the next couple of days. I can call you at home and relay the results to you or you can come back to my office, it's your choice. You will feel some discomfort for the next 24-48 hours, so I wouldn't recommend having sex." I blushed at that, even though I was currently pregnant and in my OBG/YN's presence it was awkward to talk about my sex life, well my none existent sex life. I haven't had sex with Harry since before he left on tour, I just feel too disgusted with myself to even go there with him. I was actually a little shocked when Harry introduced himself as my boyfriend, if anything I'd say right now we were more like roommates, but we never officially broke up, so I guess it makes sense for him to call himself my boyfriend, but at the same time I've been so distant towards him this last month. I feel terrible, but I'm just trying to prepare him for what's bound to happen after we get the results. "But other than that, you'll be fine. We already have your next appointment scheduled for later this month, just before Christmas, so I'll see you then. Or actually I'll possibly see you later this week if you wish to come in for the results. Do you have any questions?"
"No I don't think so." I looked over at Harry and he just shook his head no.
"Alright, then you're free to leave."
"Thank you Dr. Croft."
"You're welcome, have a good day."
Harry and I were back at home, I was taking a bath and Harry was downstairs cooking dinner. I sat in the tub and thought about the entire situation. I tried to think of the pros and the cons of Harry and I staying together even if the baby isn't his.
Pros
*Harry and I would be together
*He would make an amazing dad, better than Max ever could
*We would be financially stable enough to raise the baby
*I love him and he loves me
*I would get to stay in London and keep my dream job
Cons
*The baby isn't biologically his
*He would eventually resent me and the baby
*Our situation would be fodder for the media
*Max could try to take the baby away, or fight for partial custody
*Harry's family would hate me for allowing there son/brother to raise someone else's child
The list was pretty even, but the cons out weighed the pros.
After I fished with my bath, I got dressed and headed down to the kitchen, I was hungry and whatever Harry was making smelled amazing.
We ate in silence, just like we had done every night for the past month. I know that if Harry had it his way that we would be talking and acting like nothing was wrong. I loved that he respected the fact that I didn't want to talk, but at the same time I felt awful because I knew that he did want to talk about everything.
"This is really good." I complimented the dinner he had made, it was some sort of pasta dish, I didn't know exactly what it was, all I knew was that it was delicious.
"Thanks." He mumbled. "It's just Carbonara."
"We'll it's delicious."
Harry's POV
"We'll it's delicious."
I dropped my fork and looked at Alex for the first time since we sat down to eat. "I can't keep doing this Alex, this- this small talk shit. I need you to talk to me, really talk to me, about everything that's going on in your mind. I hate that you're shutting me out like this. I understand that you don't want me to be hurt by the results, but I could give two shits about that test. This baby-" I motioned towards her stomach. "this baby is mine no matter what that stupid test says. I want to be here for you so bad, but you keep pushing me away. This last month has been hell not being able to hold you and kiss you, I'm starting to feel like I can't even call you mine anymore. I know you're scared, and to be honest I'm scared too, but not about the same thing you are, I'm afraid to loose you. I don't want to loose you, but you can only push a person so far before they walk away. I don't want to walk away Lex, I want to be there for you, please let me be there for you." My voice cracked on the last word, and the tears I've been fighting for the last month rolled down my cheeks. "A month ago you asked me to talk to you, to tell you what was going on in my head, well now I'm the one asking you, please talk to me."
Alex's POV
"....now I'm the one asking you, please talk to me." Harry's cheeks were stained with tears as he poured his hear out to me. My stomach clenched and my heart dropped at the sight of him breaking down.
"I'm so so sorry Harry." I started to cry too. "I'm just afraid. Afraid, that once we learn that Max is the father that you'll smarten up and leave me. I'm afraid to get close to you again because every person I've ever gotten close to in my past has left me, I can't go through that heartbreak again, not with you. You mean the world to me, and I'm just so sorry."
"Stop saying that Max is the father, it's a 50/50 shot, just because you had a dream that he was the father doesn't mean he is." I could see the anger in Harry's eyes, I hated seeing him like that, before it registered in my mind what I was doing, I got up from my seat at the table and went over to Harry. I pulled his head into my chest and kissed the top of his head, he wrapped his arms around my waist and held on tight; like he was afraid to lose me.
"You're right. But please, please don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you." He squeezed me tighter and pulled back to look me in the eye. "I could never be mad at you, I love you too damn much." A slight smile spread across his face as he stared up at me.
I returned the smile before speaking. "I love you too damn much also."
He released his grip on my waist and took my face in his ginormous hands, he pulled my face down to his and his lips crashed into mine. The kiss was full of want, desire, love, and need. Everything I felt for Harry, all wrapped up into one kiss.
Notes
I hope you enjoyed the double update today! Let me know what you thought about this chapter! I think in the next chapter we will finally find out who the father is! (I haven't even made up my mind yet! I'm toying with a few different ideas, and I'm trying to figure out which one would be the best and which one would make for the better story... leave me your ideas in the comments.) ALSO! I added Dr. Croft to the character list so you can see how I'm imagining her!That's all I think, so like I said leave me your ideas and thoughts in the comments!
I love you guys, and I love reading what you all think. I'll reply to everyone who comments!
xx -L
Random Fact!
One of my favorite music artist is a guy by the stage name T. Mills. (his real name is Travis Mills.) Anyways, he isn't main stream, like at all, but he's really good, he just came out with a new sing called Riverside Girl (it's worth a listen), but not only is he an amazing artist, but I've seen him in concert 3 times (I think) and I've met him, AND he's tweeted me twice. Lol. I've listened to him for YEARS and earlier this year I was scrolling through instagram and I saw that he posted a picture of himself with Harry (as well as some other people) I seriously had to do a double take at the picture because I never thought that they would ever meet, like ever. haha, anyways you can see the picture on T. Mills instagram or you can click here.
Some of my favorite songs by T.Mills
1.She Got A
2.Vans On
3.The Boom
4.Scandalous
5.Purr Like A Cat
6.Asstrology
7.LA It Down
8.Leaving Home
Who is one of your favorite artist, and have you met them before?
I hope you're okay, love. You can always talk to me if you feel the need.
8/11/14