Looking Forward

jenna p.o.v
his kissing me. I can't believe it. Harry is actually kissing me right nnow .

I ran my fingers through his hair pulling him closer to me. He stopped for justna second surprised that I kissed him back, but quickly recovered and kept kissing me.

He made me feel something I've only felt once before a long time ago.

loved.

He pulled me up to I was sitting on his lap and my legs were wrapped around his waist. never breaking the kiss. god I still couldn't believe that this was happening. I wanted this moment to last forever and ever.

as I wrapped my arms around his shoulder I felt his hand tug the hem of my shirt. my body suddenly tensed at this. he must've felt it because he removed his hand from there.

Although he had stopped, I was still scared. I mean what am I doing. I never let anyone in since my father died. and look at this I've barely known Harry for a day yet, were making out in the back of my car.

I know I should just enjoy this moment while I can but I can't let it go any further. I mean, from what I've learned about harry ( through Kelsy and Ian) harry isn't the type to just kiss and that it.

I know he'll want to go further but I can't. not because I don't want to, but because of the things that happened in my past. and I can't let them happen again.

Not to mention that the people that I've let in haven't exactly done a good job at loving back or at staying by my side. I do not want to go through it again. AAnd especially not with harry.

I've been cheated on, used and abuse my entire life, I can't let that happen. I have charlie to think about and can't let anything or anyone get in the way of that.

I must've stopped kissing harry while I was thinking cause I felt him shake me back to reality.

"are you okay" he asked, concerned feeling his voice.
I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything was okay but I had to stay strong. for charlie, I kept telling myself.

"um yea"i said getting off him.
"are you sure cause you don't look alright to me "
god I just wanted to kiss him again but I had to stay strong.
for Charlie.

"I'm fine okay jeez" I yelled at him. he stared at me in disbelief, hurt written all over his face. I was dying on the inside but I had to stay strong I kept telling myself.
for Charlie.

I can't be hurt again and if this is what I have to do to prevent it, then so be it. It hurt to push him away but it was the right thing to do. or so I keep telling myself.

"look im sorry if I did anything to hurt you, I didn't mean to..." he started speaking again after he recovered from my earlier outburst but I cut him off.

"why do you care." I yelled at him again.
"is not like the kiss actually meant something" I said. every word was killing me but I had to stay strong.
For Charlie I kept telling myself.

" jenna don't say that. You don't really mean it. " he said.
I didn't I thought but...

" yes I do" I said looking at the ground holding back my tears with all the strenght I had left.

"look me in the eye and tell me that the kiss we just shared meant nothing to you. " . god this was going to be the hardest thing I'll ever I have to do butni knew I had to push him away before he hurts me.

I slowly turned my head to meet his eye before I spoke again. removing any kind of emotions on my face. I took a deep breath before I spoke.

" it didn't mean anything to me" I said refusing to show him any types of feelings that I had.
" besides, your harry styles. I'm sure you've shared plenty of kisses with lots of other girls. and I'm just another girl added to your list." I said unemotionally.

he stared at me in utter and complete shock. he was hurt, I could see it in his eyes. he shook his head before he spoke.

" your right. you're just another girl"he said before he got out the car and slammed it shut behind him.

As soon as he left I left the tears fall freely down my face. I didn't mean anything I said, but I had to say those words and hurt him before I let him in and he hirts me. like they all do.

I stopped crying when I felt my phone buzz in my pockets. I took it out to see that I had received a text from Kelsy.

K- hey r u okay? I didn't see you at lunch today or in 4th block. please text me back when you get this I'm really worried.

I smiled at her text. its been a while since someone worried about me. I know you probably think I'm a hypocrite for shutting down Harry and letting in Kelsy, but I feel like Kelsy would never hurt me.

I know is weird, I've only known her for half a day, how can I say that but. I don't know, she just seems different.

Anyway, I texted her back saying I was good and I just fell sick and had to go home. I knew she wouldn't believe me but whatever. I looked at the time on my watch and almost had a heart attack.

I completely forgot to pick up charlie from school. I called her to say that I was on my way and she seemed quite happy to hear my voice.

anf in case you're wondering, yes Charlie has a phone. she doesn't like to talk to people so if she's not with me and she needs someone to talk to, then she calls me.

I rushed home to get my Toyota since it contains charlie car seat.

Notes

um its kinda long so there would ne a part 3.

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