Fame

Kendall led me out the entrance of the restaurant after we left the bathroom. I don't even think Eleanor or Sophia noticed us slip out; they seemed deep in conversation when I glanced at them. Kendall and I spent the rest of the day together, just the two of us. I felt a little bad leaving Sophia with Eleanor and Perrie after I promised Liam I'd stay with her all day. Oh well, at least they'll have a chance to get to know her now. Kendall and I found a quite little cafe down a line street in Amsterdam city. It was beautifully decorated and really cozy.
“Are you okay now?” Kendall asked, as she placed her cup of coffee back on the saucer.
“Yeah, I just don't want everyone to know, and I wouldn't be surprised if Perrie tells the others” I said.
I was a little mad at myself for not being careful enough and taking my pill in a public bathroom. But I was equally as mad at Perrie for being nosy. I guess I can't really be mad at her; she was just trying to be a good friend. Kendall and I walked around the city until the sky grew darker. We had taken lots of cute pictures all day, getting strangers to take pictures of us together. We must have looked like such tourists. When we arrived back at the hotel, the first thing I did was go onto Instagram and post on of the pictures of Kendall and I. It was of our backs and we were leaning over a little barrier, looking into one of the rivers. I captioned it “my best friend in the world”, posted the picture and locked my phone. I noticed my Instagram followers have increased a tremendous amount since it was first announced that I am Harry's mysterious girlfriend. Before he and I met, I had about 400K followers. Now, four months later, I have 1.9M. It was quite scary to me really. It's the same with Twitter. I have over 4Million on there. 4Million people that are interested in my life and what I have to say. Unfortunately, that also means a lot more hateful comments being written to/about me. It's all a little strange to me, this whole fame thing.

I parted ways with Kendall when she reached her hotel room. She told me to text her later if I'm bored and she'll come hang out in my room with me. Harry had given me an extra key to our hotel room, so I slipped it in the door handle and opened it. The room was empty and freezing when I entered. I pulled out a jumper and sweatpants and changed into them. I went to the bathroom, tied up my hair in a bun and removed my makeup. It was nice to be comfortable and fresh. I went and laid on the bed and turned on the TV.
After watching a few episodes of Gossip Girl, I slowly felt myself drifting off to sleep. I was woken by a loud slam of the hotel room door. My eyes shot open and turned to look in the direction the loud noise came from. A tense Harry came into view and stopped when he saw me on the bed. I could see his chest raising up and down with his heavy breathing.
“What do you think you're doing?” he asked.
I could tell by his tone that he was angry. Extremely angry.
“Uhm trying to sleep.. What's your problem?” I asked rhetorically, laying my head back on the pillow and closing my eyes again.
“What's my problem?” he asked in disbelief at my question.
I ignored him. I was mad that he's been gone all day, hasn't even sent me a text, and then arrives back at our hotel room at nearly midnight slamming doors and asking me stupid questions when I'm trying to sleep.
“My problem is that when I told you my concerns this morning, you left out a pretty important detail” he said, angrily.
I knew what was coming next.
“Why the fuck are you taking diet pills and why the fuck did you lie to me and not tell me this morning?” Harry questioned after I still didn't reply.
I should have expected Perrie would tell Harry straight away. They must have just arrived back from their concert and Perrie stopped him in the hallway when Zayn got back to their hotel room. That means Zayn probably knows now too. Great.
“Answer me” Harry yelled, pulling me away from my thoughts.
I sat up in the bed, feeling the tears forming in my eyes again.
“Because I need to. You won't understand” I say, struggling to prevent the tears from falling.
I quickly wipe my cheek with the back of my hand as I feel the first teardrop stream down my face. Harry's angry expression changed to a worried and concerned expression, before he took a few steps closer to me then finally sat on the bed next to me.
“What do you mean you have to?” he asked, his tone back to normal again.
I ignore his question and stare at the floor as I continue to wipe the tears that keep falling. I feel Harry move closer to me. He takes hold of my wrists and pulls them so that he can see my face. My lip quivers and I avoid eye contact.
“Come on baby, come into bed and talk to me. I want to fix your problems” Harry coos, pulling back the duvet for us to climb into the bed.

After getting comfortable in the bed with Harry, I decide to confess everything to him. His arms wrapped around my waist and my legs are scrunched up and resting on his lap under the duvet.
“A few weeks ago when I was in the hospital with Gigi, I was looking through my twitter and Instagram, reading some of the tweets people were sending me. I noticed..” I paused and took a deep breath, “I noticed that a lot of people – most people actually – had really horrible things to say. Things that no girl wants to read about herself. Most of the tweets were people criticizing the way I look. I mean, I've never been one of those girls who obsess about their weight and diet and count calories, but reading the disgusting things that people think about the way I look just kinda crushed me. That's when I stopped eating. I spent almost all day in the hospital and the food there is so shit. Everyday a nurse would bring a plate of food in for Gigi for in case she woke up; I would eat the apple and the bottle of water each day and that was it. Kendall noticed when Gigi got out of the hospital that I was extremely thin. In a way, I was glad someone had noticed and it made me feel better that I was listening to what people had to say and changing the way I look. Kendall told me that I couldn't keep going without eating, that 3 weeks of eating just an apple a day was awful for my health. That's when she came with me to the doctor and got the diet pills. This way, I can eat normally and still be satisfied that I'm losing weight” I explained, taking another deep breath as I finished.
Harry stared into my eyes the whole time I was talking. He brought a hand up to my cheek and wiped the tears that I didn't realize were still falling. He sighed and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Jess, it really breaks my heart to hear what people are saying to you on the internet. I know I was mad at you for doing something so stupid and dangerous for your health, but after what you've just said, it reminds me of a few years ago when people say horrible stuff about me on twitter after a bad performance on the X Factor. I had never been so hurt and upset in my life. I know how it feels to want to change yourself to what people want, but not changing just shows them how strong you are. I used to always care what people think of me, but now that I'm older, I've realized that their negative opinions are irrelevant. For me, the only opinions that matter to me are my friends', my family's, and most importantly, yours. Jessica you are so beyond beautiful, you don't need to change just because some bitches are jealous of you and decide to write false shit about you online. Just block anyone who says mean things to you and don't even second guess what they have to say. You are so perfect exactly how you are. Your hair is perfect, your body is perfect, and your personality is perfect. Just be yourself, not who people want you to be. But please stop the pills baby. If you want to lose weight, you can come workout with me and my trainer. You have such a toned, sexy body as it is. I'll never beg you to do anything, but stop the diet pills please. I love you so much just the way you are. Fuck everyone else's opinions” Harry finished, stroking my hair the whole time he spoke.
His little speech made more tears fall from my eyes, but these ones were happy tears, tears that were full of love. I nodded, agreeing to stop taking the diet pills.
“I love you Harry” I finally said, drying my eyes with my jumper sleeve.
Harry smiled and pulled me closer to him. I rested on head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his stomach.

Notes