Chapter 19: Facing the Music

Hours had passed since Lacey informed me of my name being released to the world. I couldn’t get myself to move from the cocoon I made for myself in my bunk. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to check the internet. I didn’t want to do anything really.

My thoughts were consumed with memories of Harry, all being ruined by our very last encounter. Tears began to form in my eyes for what felt like the thousandth time. Harry was both the person I wanted to never think about again for completely leaving me stranded at a time like this, and the person I wanted to run to just so he could hold me and make it all better.

After a few more minutes, I decided just to check Twitter, and get the worst of it over. I shakily grabbed my phone and pressed the little birdy icon. I didn’t even need to type in “@Harry_Styles” to see that hate. They knew my name, and I had more mentions than I could count. I began to scroll through.

@MadelineRae Leave Harry alone! He doesn’t like stupid bitches like you.

@MadelineRae I hate you. Just go die.

@MadelineRae Why would Harry like someone like you? You aren’t anything special!

@MadelineRae Please fall off the face off the Earth, nobody would notice.

The list continued, there only a few of the messages weren’t hate. I felt extremely grateful for those, but I couldn’t read anymore of the completely awful things people were saying. I slammed my phone down beside me, and fresh tears began to fall as I wept myself into a daytime slumber.

Hours later I was aggressively awoken. To add more to my misery, I realized it was none other than a Miss Lola.

“Maddie, wake up! We need you at the merch tent. We start selling in an hour.” She communicated to me.

I groaned at bit, but I didn’t want her to ask about the situation she clearly knew about by that time and decided to quickly climb out of bed. “Okay, I’ll be out there in a few minutes.”

Lola nodded her head and exited, closing the curtain behind her. I was surprised that she didn’t confront me about the whole situation right then and there. I didn’t have much time to ponder. I threw on my work shirt and exited the bus as well.

I walked into the venue because we were set up inside again. The first thing I noticed was that everyone I worked with paused to look at me for a few seconds before continuing with what they were doing before. My face flushed red with embarrassment. Everybody definitely knew. I tried to push it off and keep myself busy. We still had some time to kill before the fans started coming in, so I just helped a few people set out more merchandise.

When we finished, there were still a few minutes to spare. I noticed there were a few TV’s scattered around mounted to the walls playing what looked like some sort of interview of the boys.

I ask a guy I was helping, “What’s that playing on the screens?”

He looked at the TV’s with a scrunched face before replying, “I believe that is an interview of the boys from earlier today.”

I nodded my head before moving around the table to stand before the screen. The volume was extremely low, but I could still make out what they were saying.

The lady interviewer must have asked something about if they were excited to be playing in Phili.

Niall exclaimed, “Totally! We are just really excited to see some of our fans here!”

Zayn continued, “Yeah, it’s going to be sick!”

Liam finished, “We just love all the support we are getting. It’s absolutely amazing. You just never expect to feel the love of so many people.”

Then, to my absolute dreadfulness, interviewer was then easily able to merge into a new topic.

She questioned, “Oh speaking of love… Harry… We are hearing news of a new love interest in your life? We have found her name is Madeline Cooke? We also hear she is on your tour with you guys?”

The other four boys all began to look to each other with concerned looks. Harry’s face, however, remained calm. There was absolutely no surprise, sadness, or any other emotion in his voice. “No, I am not seeing anyone at the moment. Madeline does work on the tour, we just both happened to be in New York the day of our concert’s break. I was there with the lads, I don’t know what brought her there.”

My heart sank even lower than it already was. Of course part of me hoped he would change his mind and just accept me, but the worst thing was that his used my full name, Madeline. That was something he had never done. It just felt so… impersonal.

The interviewer pushed further though, “Weren’t the two of you spotted and pictured together though, also I have hear something odd about your ensemble?” She brought her fingers up to her lips in a mocking manner.

With still an unaffected face he stated, “We had just sort of bumped into each other for that moment. I was coming back from having dinner with a friend, headed to meet the lads. That was all. As for what I was wearing, it’s sort of hard to explain, it was sort of a joke.”

The interviewer chuckled and nodded her head and spoke, “Well, I am sure your fans will be pleased! Now, then you must know I have to ask this question. Who here is all single?” Harry, Niall, and Liam all raised their hands quickly before dropping them back down. The interviewer turned to the camera and said, “Well you heard it girls! There are still three boys here for the taking!”

They all laughed and continued on with the interview. I didn’t move from my position, but wasn’t really listening anymore. I was so stunned. It felt official in that moment. Harry and I were just a memory now. I didn’t think I could take all the hate and also not have anyone to comfort me. My only hope now was that people would believe Harry, and just leave me alone.

I suddenly then felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned to find Lola standing behind me. I wiped my face not even realizing that a few tears had been falling. I hated crying all the time. It made me feel weak.

I stuttered, “I-I’m sorry. I’ll get back to work.”

Lola calmly responded, “Maddie, please. Let me try to help. I know everything… I actually guessed it from the beginning, didn’t I?” She laughed a bit under her breath.

I smiled, it was nice having someone not take it so seriously and just understand. “Yeah, you kind of did there…”

She nodded and continued, “Maddie, I’ve been touring with the boys since their first tour. Let me just be the first to say, I have never seen any of the boys act in the way Harry does when it comes to you.”

A bit taken aback I asked, “What do you mean?”

Rather seriously Lola stated, “I mean… that never have any of the boys, ever, asked someone in particular to join the tour. It usually doesn’t happen.”

“So?” I asked.

She giggled a little at my sternness, “So… it means you are special. I knew if from the moment I was told Harry informed me you were coming.”

I rolled my eyes, “Well, I don’t feel very special at the moment.”

She nodded her head in an understanding fashion, “Yeah…. That makes sense. I have seen how nasty some of those fans can get…. With that said, I know how important the fans are to all the boys.”

“Yeah, this is what I am told.” I stated with a hint of sarcasm.

She laughed a bit again, “Yeah. They take their fans opinions so seriously. Especially Harry I would say. He just wants to please everyone. It’s who he is.” I nodded my head while she continued, “Maybe he will come around.”

I half smiled to please her, because I was certain the ship had sailed. We then returned to the merchandise stand because fans were beginning to rush in.

Only a few people recognized me, but they were too afraid to say anything to my face. The most they would do was point or give me a scornful look. I did my best to ignore it. I wanted to seem like Harry had stated earlier in the day, just a worker for his tour, nothing more. I didn’t want to give anybody reason to cause more drama.

After the hordes of excited fans all had found their seats and the show was started, my fellow merch workers and I took to the stadium to watch some of it as well. It fell strange at first, seeing him in his element, flirting with the audience, and knowing that I had no attachments to him. I eventually felt somewhat used to it, that is, until they announced “Little Things.”

Liam announced something very familiar to me. They would be choosing one girl from the audience to bring up on stage, something they hadn’t done since the concert I attended for my birthday.

It was almost like déjà vu. Harry pointed to a girl amongst the audience and pulled her up. She was practically jumping out of excitement, which seemed to contrast my reactions when it was me. She squealed her name making it hard to understand, but I believe it was something like, “Hayley Vine.”

They pulled out the familiar chair and Harry grasped her hand as he led her over to it. I could feel my heart beating faster in my chest and my fingers turning numb. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing.

Zayn stood next to her and began, “Your hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me…”

I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. My eyes were dead locked on Harry. He was staring so intently upon her with his emerald eyes. I didn’t want to watch, because I knew it was only going to get worse.

I was correct with that statement. When it was Harry’s turn he stepped up right beside her with his mouth directly singing into her ear. She was still facing the audience with the dumbest grin on her face. “I know you’ve never loved the sound of your voice on tape…” He grabbed her hand in his, and continued, “You never want to know how much you weigh. You still have to squeeze into your jeans, but..” the next part she faced him as he sang straight into her eyes, “perfect to me.” Then he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

The crowd roared and the girl Hayley was practically beaming. I was fine with everything he did before, because I always knew his intentions were to be with me. In that moment, I was riddled with jealously and hate. I couldn’t believe he do exactly THAT after everything. I raced out of the stadium.

Lola followed me and embraced me in a hug as soon as we had exited the arena. It was the first time I had actually felt close to her. Sadly, it didn’t make me feel any better. The person I wanted to be comforted by didn’t care as much I thought. I was empty.

Notes

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-Jen