Loving You
Unwell
"Come in!" I yelled from the kitchen. I poured two glasses of wine and then pressed the bottle to my lips, letting the liquid fill my throat. After a quick chug, I set the bottle down and took the glasses into the living room to meet Eleanor. I'd been a total mess at the supermarket, but since then I'd only been numb. I knew nothing about the story on the cover of the magazine that involved my husband and a big part of me didn't want to know any of it - to just forget I'd ever seen it and to go on with normal life.
But Eleanor went by and bought the magazine to bring it over so we could hash things out and try to figure out if the cover story was just media and their usual lies, or if there was any truth to the insane story they'd published.
Kirsten was watching Devon for the night and Eleanor had her own au' pair looking after Sophie. I didn't want Devon to see me in a mess and I desperately needed Eleanor to keep me calm.
"Want me read it to you?" El asked as we settled on the couch with our wine. I nodded in response, putting my glass to my lips as she began.
"Hunky heartthrob and married man, Harry Styles, has been accused of fathering another woman's child. Aspiring model, Caroline Upshaw, says she and Harry had a fling a few years back, resulting in her daughter, Raya Upshaw. Raya is five years old. Harry and Caroline briefly dated while Harry and his then girlfriend - now wife, Leah Sadler, were taking a break from their relationship. Sources close to Harry say that he's been paying Caroline to keep quiet about the ordeal, but she's decided to push for complete child support, publicizing the story. DNA testing is scheduled to find out if the woman's accusations are true. If they are, a hearing will be held to determine the outcome of the situation. Some sources reveal that Harry and Leah's relationship remains stable, while others say Leah has no idea. Well, Leah, if you're reading this, we hope we're not the first to tell you, but your husband's got some explaining to do! More info on the story is to come in our next issue." Eleanor finished reading the whole column. I couldn't decide if I wanted to vomit or cry. So I just screamed - to the top of my lungs. I sat on the couch and just screamed.
"Le, there's got to be a good explanation for him not telling you about this." El rubbed my back, trying to comfort me, but there was no comfort to be found when I'd just found out that my husband had a child with another woman, but didn't have the balls to tell me.
"Not one that's good enough." I went into the kitchen and found a bottle of tequila before finding my seat on the couch again.
"Leah, you don't need to drink to get through this, baby. Get up and call Harry." Eleanor tried to take the bottle from my hand, but I moved from the couch and into the floor, putting the bottle to my lips and tilting my head back.
"No. I don't need to talk to him. I just need to wake up from this nightmare." I put the bottle to my lips again, closed my eyes, and chugged.
++
I woke up to an annoying beeping. I felt around for my phone, not wanting to open my eyes. My head hurt and that beeping, which I assumed was my phone, was only making it worse. After searching for a few seconds and not being successful at finding my phone, I cracked my eyelids open to bright light. "Shit." I cursed as my eyes adjusted. I was in a small white room, hooked up to a machine - which was causing the pesky beeping sound. I had wires hooked everywhere on my body. What the hell happened? Why am I in here? I saw Harry across the room in a chair. He was asleep and looked really uncomfortable. He had one long leg tucked in the chair with him while the other one was spread out in the floor. His head was tilted over and he'd probably have a stiff neck when he woke. I could see the dark circles under his eyes and his hair was everywhere. He looked a wreck. For a split second I wanted to wake him and tell him I was okay - that he didn't have to worry, but that was quickly replaced with anger when I suddenly remembered the night before.
I was just about to wake him when the door opened, doing the job for me. Harry looked straight to the door. Eleanor walked in, but stopped when she saw me awake. "Oh, sorry! I'll leave you two alone." Harry looked confused, but when he saw my eyes open, it clicked.
"Leah!" He stood and was by my side in an instant.
"Do not touch me!" I warned. He removed his hand from mine and tears filled my eyes. Through my own tears, I could see that his eyes were watery as well.
"Le, I'm so sorry. You have to let me explain." His eyes pleaded with me to let him continue, but my head hurt and I really just wanted to see someone I could trust - Eleanor.
"Can you please tell Eleanor I want to see her?" I diverted my eyes from him, hoping he would take the cue to leave. He did and quietly slipped out. Moments later El burst through the door.
"Oh my God, Leah I am so sorry. I never should have left you! I'm a shitty friend. I love you. Are you okay? How are you feeling? Shit, I'm sorry!" She was talking so fast. I rubbed my temples.
"El, slow down. I'm fine. What happened?"
"Honey, you were a complete mess. You drank and drank and I kept trying to get you to stop and just talk to him, but you wouldn't. You told me to fuck off so I left. I was upset with you. You wouldn't even hear me out, you were just being stubborn. So, I left you to your sorrows and a few hours later Kirsten called me. She'd found you passed out in the living room. You almost died from alcohol poisoning, baby." Tears spilled onto her cheeks and she hugged me tightly.
"Oh my God. Eleanor, I am so sorry for being a brat." I cried. How could I have let myself get so out of control? What if I would have died? How would Devon ever grow up properly without his mama? DEVON! "Eleanor, where's Devon?!"
"He's home with Kirsten. He's fine, honey." She was still embracing me. "Le, it's all okay. If I was in your position, I don't know, I might have done the same thing. But you have to remember that you're not the only one affected by your decisions any more. Devon needs you and he needs you well. Just promise me you'll think of him before any more of your stubborn fits." She'd pulled away from me and laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
"I honestly don't know what I'd do without you, El. You comfort me, but you scold me and get me back on my feet, all at the same time. Thank you." I squeezed her hand.
"That's what sisters are for." She smiled. A knock on the door interrupted our conversation and we both turned to see who it was. A man in a white coat came in and I assumed it was the doctor.
"Ah, good to see you awake! I'm Dr. Wellington. I've been in charge of your health the past three days." Three days? Are you kidding me?! "I just wanted to give you the good news, that since you're awake and normal, we're just going to run a few simple tests and then you're free to go home!" He smiled.
"Thank you." I forced a smile back. He used a flashlight to check my vision, checked my vitals, and asked me a few questions. When he was done he shook my hand and gave me instructions on checking out of the hospital. I still hadn't seen Harry. Eleanor had been the only one in the room besides Dr. Wellington and a nurse.
"So, Harry's going to have to take you home. I have to pick up Sophie from Johanna's. Plus, you two need to talk. Let him explain himself, Le. Don't be so stubborn. Remember what I told you earlier about Devon? He's going to face the consequences of all of your decisions, too." She wagged her finger at me as I pulled my clothes on.
"I know." I sighed. "Bye, love you! Thank you for everything!"
She nodded as she left the room. I continued to get my things together as Harry entered the room.
"Hey." He mumbled.
"I'll drop this paperwork off at the front desk and meet you at the car." I spoke, surprising him.
"Don't you need help? You're still not completely well, Le."
"I'm fine." I cut him off. I turned around to get my things and when I looked up he was gone.
I knew deep down that Eleanor was right. But it wasn't my actions we were currently suffering from, it was Harry's. This was his fault. Not mine.
++
The car ride home was silent. Harry knew I didn't care to talk to him so he let me be. Once we pulled into the driveway I slipped out of the Range Rover and hurried inside to see Devon. His bedroom and his playroom were empty. I called Kirsten's name as I made my way back to the living room, but no one answered. "Harry, where's Devon?" I demanded as he walked into the house.
"My mum's." He sat on the couch.
"Why?" I placed my hand on my hip, suddenly feeling tired, and desperately trying to hide it.
"Leah, we have to work things out. Or at least talk." He leaned forward in his seat, placing his head in his hands.
"We could have talked about this when you first found out, or maybe when you were cheating on me." I spat. I knew he didn't cheat, but I felt like accusing him. Stupid, I know.
"Leah." He lifted his head to look at me with tired, defeated eyes. "I didn't want you to get hurt. I know how you are. You would have found out and overreacted about me having a daughter - by someone else. I knew it would kill you. Please. I tried to pay her off and get her to leave us alone. It worked at first, but then it blew up in my face. It was my mistake. I'm sorry. Please listen to me." His voice cracked and I could see the hurt all over his face.
"Harry, I - I..." I suddenly felt so weak that I could barely stand. Harry was by my side within a second and pulled me into his arms.
"Baby, you need to sit." His words were the last thing I remembered.
++
I woke with my head in Harry's lap and a cool washcloth on my forehead. Harry was playing with my hair and singing to me. Stop it right now. I'm mad at you. Don't be so nice. Fuck. I sat up, removing his hands from me and taking the washcloth from my head. "What happened?" I growled.
"Dr. Wellington said it was normal for you to be weak, and to even pass out. Your body is exhausted. I'm sorry for starting the argument. Let me fix you something." He stood from his place on the couch. "Fajitas, maybe?"
"No, thanks. I'm just going to go to bed." I lifted myself from the couch to go upstairs. I saw the look on Harry's face as he mentally debated on whether or not to follow me and sleep upstairs, or to stay on the couch. Thankfully, he decided to stay and sleep on the couch.
I climbed into bed, tears soaking the pillowcase. I needed Harry more than I needed air. But he'd kept something so huge from me and I didn't even know how to begin to let him back in, much less forgive or trust him. My world had been shattered by a flimsy, paper magazine.
But Eleanor went by and bought the magazine to bring it over so we could hash things out and try to figure out if the cover story was just media and their usual lies, or if there was any truth to the insane story they'd published.
Kirsten was watching Devon for the night and Eleanor had her own au' pair looking after Sophie. I didn't want Devon to see me in a mess and I desperately needed Eleanor to keep me calm.
"Want me read it to you?" El asked as we settled on the couch with our wine. I nodded in response, putting my glass to my lips as she began.
"Hunky heartthrob and married man, Harry Styles, has been accused of fathering another woman's child. Aspiring model, Caroline Upshaw, says she and Harry had a fling a few years back, resulting in her daughter, Raya Upshaw. Raya is five years old. Harry and Caroline briefly dated while Harry and his then girlfriend - now wife, Leah Sadler, were taking a break from their relationship. Sources close to Harry say that he's been paying Caroline to keep quiet about the ordeal, but she's decided to push for complete child support, publicizing the story. DNA testing is scheduled to find out if the woman's accusations are true. If they are, a hearing will be held to determine the outcome of the situation. Some sources reveal that Harry and Leah's relationship remains stable, while others say Leah has no idea. Well, Leah, if you're reading this, we hope we're not the first to tell you, but your husband's got some explaining to do! More info on the story is to come in our next issue." Eleanor finished reading the whole column. I couldn't decide if I wanted to vomit or cry. So I just screamed - to the top of my lungs. I sat on the couch and just screamed.
"Le, there's got to be a good explanation for him not telling you about this." El rubbed my back, trying to comfort me, but there was no comfort to be found when I'd just found out that my husband had a child with another woman, but didn't have the balls to tell me.
"Not one that's good enough." I went into the kitchen and found a bottle of tequila before finding my seat on the couch again.
"Leah, you don't need to drink to get through this, baby. Get up and call Harry." Eleanor tried to take the bottle from my hand, but I moved from the couch and into the floor, putting the bottle to my lips and tilting my head back.
"No. I don't need to talk to him. I just need to wake up from this nightmare." I put the bottle to my lips again, closed my eyes, and chugged.
++
I woke up to an annoying beeping. I felt around for my phone, not wanting to open my eyes. My head hurt and that beeping, which I assumed was my phone, was only making it worse. After searching for a few seconds and not being successful at finding my phone, I cracked my eyelids open to bright light. "Shit." I cursed as my eyes adjusted. I was in a small white room, hooked up to a machine - which was causing the pesky beeping sound. I had wires hooked everywhere on my body. What the hell happened? Why am I in here? I saw Harry across the room in a chair. He was asleep and looked really uncomfortable. He had one long leg tucked in the chair with him while the other one was spread out in the floor. His head was tilted over and he'd probably have a stiff neck when he woke. I could see the dark circles under his eyes and his hair was everywhere. He looked a wreck. For a split second I wanted to wake him and tell him I was okay - that he didn't have to worry, but that was quickly replaced with anger when I suddenly remembered the night before.
I was just about to wake him when the door opened, doing the job for me. Harry looked straight to the door. Eleanor walked in, but stopped when she saw me awake. "Oh, sorry! I'll leave you two alone." Harry looked confused, but when he saw my eyes open, it clicked.
"Leah!" He stood and was by my side in an instant.
"Do not touch me!" I warned. He removed his hand from mine and tears filled my eyes. Through my own tears, I could see that his eyes were watery as well.
"Le, I'm so sorry. You have to let me explain." His eyes pleaded with me to let him continue, but my head hurt and I really just wanted to see someone I could trust - Eleanor.
"Can you please tell Eleanor I want to see her?" I diverted my eyes from him, hoping he would take the cue to leave. He did and quietly slipped out. Moments later El burst through the door.
"Oh my God, Leah I am so sorry. I never should have left you! I'm a shitty friend. I love you. Are you okay? How are you feeling? Shit, I'm sorry!" She was talking so fast. I rubbed my temples.
"El, slow down. I'm fine. What happened?"
"Honey, you were a complete mess. You drank and drank and I kept trying to get you to stop and just talk to him, but you wouldn't. You told me to fuck off so I left. I was upset with you. You wouldn't even hear me out, you were just being stubborn. So, I left you to your sorrows and a few hours later Kirsten called me. She'd found you passed out in the living room. You almost died from alcohol poisoning, baby." Tears spilled onto her cheeks and she hugged me tightly.
"Oh my God. Eleanor, I am so sorry for being a brat." I cried. How could I have let myself get so out of control? What if I would have died? How would Devon ever grow up properly without his mama? DEVON! "Eleanor, where's Devon?!"
"He's home with Kirsten. He's fine, honey." She was still embracing me. "Le, it's all okay. If I was in your position, I don't know, I might have done the same thing. But you have to remember that you're not the only one affected by your decisions any more. Devon needs you and he needs you well. Just promise me you'll think of him before any more of your stubborn fits." She'd pulled away from me and laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
"I honestly don't know what I'd do without you, El. You comfort me, but you scold me and get me back on my feet, all at the same time. Thank you." I squeezed her hand.
"That's what sisters are for." She smiled. A knock on the door interrupted our conversation and we both turned to see who it was. A man in a white coat came in and I assumed it was the doctor.
"Ah, good to see you awake! I'm Dr. Wellington. I've been in charge of your health the past three days." Three days? Are you kidding me?! "I just wanted to give you the good news, that since you're awake and normal, we're just going to run a few simple tests and then you're free to go home!" He smiled.
"Thank you." I forced a smile back. He used a flashlight to check my vision, checked my vitals, and asked me a few questions. When he was done he shook my hand and gave me instructions on checking out of the hospital. I still hadn't seen Harry. Eleanor had been the only one in the room besides Dr. Wellington and a nurse.
"So, Harry's going to have to take you home. I have to pick up Sophie from Johanna's. Plus, you two need to talk. Let him explain himself, Le. Don't be so stubborn. Remember what I told you earlier about Devon? He's going to face the consequences of all of your decisions, too." She wagged her finger at me as I pulled my clothes on.
"I know." I sighed. "Bye, love you! Thank you for everything!"
She nodded as she left the room. I continued to get my things together as Harry entered the room.
"Hey." He mumbled.
"I'll drop this paperwork off at the front desk and meet you at the car." I spoke, surprising him.
"Don't you need help? You're still not completely well, Le."
"I'm fine." I cut him off. I turned around to get my things and when I looked up he was gone.
I knew deep down that Eleanor was right. But it wasn't my actions we were currently suffering from, it was Harry's. This was his fault. Not mine.
++
The car ride home was silent. Harry knew I didn't care to talk to him so he let me be. Once we pulled into the driveway I slipped out of the Range Rover and hurried inside to see Devon. His bedroom and his playroom were empty. I called Kirsten's name as I made my way back to the living room, but no one answered. "Harry, where's Devon?" I demanded as he walked into the house.
"My mum's." He sat on the couch.
"Why?" I placed my hand on my hip, suddenly feeling tired, and desperately trying to hide it.
"Leah, we have to work things out. Or at least talk." He leaned forward in his seat, placing his head in his hands.
"We could have talked about this when you first found out, or maybe when you were cheating on me." I spat. I knew he didn't cheat, but I felt like accusing him. Stupid, I know.
"Leah." He lifted his head to look at me with tired, defeated eyes. "I didn't want you to get hurt. I know how you are. You would have found out and overreacted about me having a daughter - by someone else. I knew it would kill you. Please. I tried to pay her off and get her to leave us alone. It worked at first, but then it blew up in my face. It was my mistake. I'm sorry. Please listen to me." His voice cracked and I could see the hurt all over his face.
"Harry, I - I..." I suddenly felt so weak that I could barely stand. Harry was by my side within a second and pulled me into his arms.
"Baby, you need to sit." His words were the last thing I remembered.
++
I woke with my head in Harry's lap and a cool washcloth on my forehead. Harry was playing with my hair and singing to me. Stop it right now. I'm mad at you. Don't be so nice. Fuck. I sat up, removing his hands from me and taking the washcloth from my head. "What happened?" I growled.
"Dr. Wellington said it was normal for you to be weak, and to even pass out. Your body is exhausted. I'm sorry for starting the argument. Let me fix you something." He stood from his place on the couch. "Fajitas, maybe?"
"No, thanks. I'm just going to go to bed." I lifted myself from the couch to go upstairs. I saw the look on Harry's face as he mentally debated on whether or not to follow me and sleep upstairs, or to stay on the couch. Thankfully, he decided to stay and sleep on the couch.
I climbed into bed, tears soaking the pillowcase. I needed Harry more than I needed air. But he'd kept something so huge from me and I didn't even know how to begin to let him back in, much less forgive or trust him. My world had been shattered by a flimsy, paper magazine.
This made me happy, then sad, then happy all over again!!! I was devastated with Leah when she learned about him having another child, especially when it was a girl. Then I was absolutely ecstatic when Raya became apart of their family!! Although, my favorite One Direction child has to be Sophia!! She has just as much sass as Louis and it made me smile like an idiot!! Although I know the odds are against it, I'm still holding out for the third story!!!
2/10/15