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Mibba

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For Your Eyes Only

Mixed Emotions

Work today I wanted to drag out and be long; I wanted something to go wrong just to have an excuse to not see Niall. With Liam helping we were getting through the paper work really quickly which was great I guess.
“You know Olivia you can go if you want I know Niall wants to play a song”
“Yeah but we still have loads to get through”
“Are you trying to dodge seeing him?”
“No...Maybe just the music I can’t”
“Sis you know he just wants you to listen, we have heard it and love it but he needs another person’s opinion”
“I know”
“If it gets too much then just stop him he will understand, just go I will lock up”
“Fine...”
I grabbed my bag trying to take as long as I could but Liam practically pushed me out of the door. Walking to the car I decided to take the long route home, more time I wasted the less of a chance he would play to me. I wasn’t scared of listening to music I just didn’t want to give my opinion to get involved with music it was worrying for me. I knew I had to just suck it up so I turned around and headed on home, it took me about 5 minutes until I pulled up on to my driveway. I sat in my car just for a few moments before walking on in to my house, Leah came straight up to me seeing if I was ok and just talking when Niall appeared from nowhere.
“I heard your voice, so did Liam let you leave early?”
“Yes, Urmm Leah I will catch up with you later” I gave her a hug and then turned back around to see Niall smiling.
“So let’s hear your song”
“Follow me”
No words were exchanged whilst we walked on out to the garden taking a seat on the sun loungers Niall pulled his guitar from the floor and got ready.
“You were prepared then, how did you know I would even come?”
“Liam phoned me, now I just want you to listen ok and just tell me how you feel after”
“Sure go ahead, what’s it called”
“Temporary fix, you kind of inspired parts of it”
“Oh I’m flattered”
He put his head down and cleared his throat before he started playing his guitar and singing along. I can see how I sort of inspired it I mean I was Niall’s temporary fix and he was mine I guess, it wasn’t long clearly due to not being finished but the tune was catchy so was the lyrics. He looked at me waiting for my response and I just couldn’t form any words so a big smile just appeared on my face.
“So you like it?”
“Yeah I mean when it’s finished it’s going to be a hit Niall”
“Thanks I needed to hear that, the lads always just say it’s good”
“Well it is”
“Maybe you could help me finish the song”
“Urmm”
“Sorry I just, forget I asked”
“No it’s fine, I mean”
“Why don’t you do anything with music no more, those pictures of you and your mum and the CD’s in there of you singing?”
“Wait there still in there?”
“Yeah why?”
“I thought they were gone”
“No there are loads”
My mum’s voice I can listen to her voice again I got up from where I was sat and headed towards the studio. I froze in front of the doors; I know Niall was behind me as he suddenly opened the door stepping in holding the door open for me.
“I can get them for you wanted?”
I thought for a moment but shook my head finally taking my first step in to the studio; last time I was here all I was fixed on was my mother’s song book I didn’t even notice the CD’s on the shelf. Walking over to them Niall just stayed by the door watching me, brushing my hand across the cases of the CD’s memories came back and I just couldn’t fight the tears slowly falling. I picked up a CD with the title My First Love, I turned around and Niall reached out his hand to take the CD from me. I gave it over and he put it in pressing play the oh so familiar tune came flooding back and then my mother’s voice filled the room. I looked up to now see Harry had join us in the room wondering what was going on but took a seat next to Niall taking in my mother’s beautiful voice.
“This was my mum’s and Dad’s song, she wrote it for their first dance”
“It’s lovely”
“Yeah so talented”
“She was, very talented”
I turned back to the CD’s wanting to take them all to my room there were even DVD’s when we would mess around making a music video.
“Can you two help me take these to my room please?”
“Of course we can”
Harry came over first whilst Niall got the CD that was playing out and back in to its case, light conversation was exchanged but that was all when they were all in my room on my bed Harry and Niall just both looked up at me.
“Thank you for helping me”
I gave them both a big hug and they knew they had to leave, I got the DVD’s out and started playing them laughing and crying at the memories. Before I was able to press play on the next video there was a knock on my door.
“Who is it?”
“Liam”
“Come in”
“Thanks, so you liked the song?”
“Loved it yeah”
“Great so you really didn’t know about the CD’s?”
“No I thought Dad got rid of them”
“Oh well Niall and Harry said your mother has a great voice”
“She did”
“What are you watching?”
“Oh come here, these are little music videos me and my mum used to do”
Liam smiled and just took a seat next to me making me cuddle up to him I pressed play and the music began. I watched as it went between me and my mother singing and dancing, with this one my brother was a part of it to which was great to see.
“You have a great voice Olivia”
“Used to”
“I bet you can still hit those notes, did you help your mum right that song”
“Yeah it was a lot of fun she would obviously do most of the work”
“Still you have a talent there sis, who was that guy in the video?”
“That’s my older brother Fred did you not meet him at the wedding?”
“Oh yeah I did sorry just forgot he doesn’t really keep in contact”
“No I mean I haven’t even spoken to him since I have been back, he kind of distanced himself when mum died”
“Oh right anyway I was going to say tomorrow take the day off”
“Why?”
“Well I thought you could use it besides everyone else if off doing their own thing and I have nothing planed”
“Well if that’s what you want to do”
“Yeah, right I will leave you to your videos, thank you for sharing them with me”
“Well you are my brother now might as well share my child hood with you”
“Ha-ha well thank you it means a lot, you really do have a talent maybe this will help you get back in to music”
“Maybe”
With that he left the room and I went back to the DVD once again, I couldn’t help but think this could help me get back in to music. I watched how my mum was laughing and encouraging me to sing more and just be more confident, listening to her sing was just emotional for me. I looked through and there was a DVD that had a blank cover, considering we decorated every single one I wasn’t sure of what this was. Putting it in the player my mother appeared on the screen she was sat up in the hospital bed I began to cry this was when she was on the path to dying.
‘ Hello Livy
If you’re watching this then I’m sorry that I have gone I love you darling so much my little princess. Listen I know it is going to be hard and you will deal with this in your own way just try to not push people away my dear. I know since I got ill you are losing interest in music but please don’t give it up. You have such a talent I mean you’re my girl so of course you are talented. Now my dear in my song book I had an idea for a song before I got ill I never got the chance to start it just had time to think of the concept. For your eyes only, I wanted to write and compose a song about giving your everything to just one person someone you truly love and just want them to see you like me and your father. One day you will find someone who would do anything for you and treat you like the princess you are. You may have to go through a few heartbreaks and I am sorry I am not there to pick up the pieces, but they are worth it when you find the man you love don’t settle for second best. Please even if you don’t do music anymore just try and complete this for me. I love you Livy and I am always with you’
The footage went and I was a mess a complete mess the only thing I did was cry. I must of fallen asleep as the next thing I knew I woke up at two in the morning. I looked around and just thought about what my mum said grabbing the song book I took a walk down to the music room. Taking a deep breath I took a seat behind the piano I didn’t play anything I just sat there staring at the song book with a pen in my hand. This was hard I dropped my head down and cursed to myself, but head jolted straight back up when I heard someone clear there throat. Turning around I saw Harry standing there just looking at me.
“Sorry I couldn’t sleep I will leave”
“No... Harry its fine I was just about to go” he walked over taking a seat next to me holding my arm stopping me from leaving.
“You wasn’t going to leave what are you working on?”
“Urmm it’s nothing” he looked over my shoulder to read the book I had in my hand.
“For your eyes only, is this a song title”
“....My mum”
“Oh look you urmm don’t have to talk sorry”
“No it’s ok Harry this is the song my mum wanted to write...I just watched a DVD of my mother talking to me asking me to finish this song for her”
“Well you are going to do a great job if you ever need help we will help you”
“Thanks Harry”
“Have you thought of anything?”
“Not really I’ve been sat here for ages and I can’t even face to touch the piano how am I going to write a song”
“With time, you have to give yourself time”
“It’s been six years that should be enough time right”
“Everyone is different and you have to give yourself credit in a matter of months you came in to this room you are running a music studio I think that is progress even if it’s not writing a song you are slowly getting back in to it”
“Thank you Harry I guess your right”
“Something will come to you and when it does it will be amazing”
“I just want to do my mum proud”
“And you will babe”
He brought me in to a tight embrace something that me and Harry have never shared, I let a few tears slip that have been fighting to fall through this whole conversation. I wasn’t expecting Harry to be the one to comfort me and help me I thought I would confine in Niall to be honest but it was nice having Harry. We pulled out of the hug and he took a hold of my hands and placed them on top of the piano keys.
“Now you made more progress”
“Ha-ha thank you”
“Play something”
“I can’t”
“Well I will then, you know chopsticks I’m amazing at that Louis taught me”
He took over the piano and played the annoying buy catchy tune making me laugh slightly, without thinking I took to the keys and played along. I forgot just how much I missed playing the piano I smiled to myself as the song came to a end.
“Your right you are amazing at the chopsticks”
“Thanks you’re not so bad yourself”
“Thank you Harry, for everything”
“You’re welcome anyway I don’t know about you but I’m still not tired”
“Same here I had a nap earlier”
“So do you want to watch a film or something?”
“Yeah we can watch it in my room?”
“Olivia your room always gets naughty though”
“Not always besides I want my duvet”
“Fine but I will pick a film”
I nodded and we headed on up to my room, I moved all the CD’s and DVD’s off my bed to make room for me and Harry. He put a film in called Legend and joined my under the duvet acting a little bit awkward.
“Olivia cuddle up to me will you”
“Move your arm then”
He moved his arm and I moulded in to his body I remembered when I was cuddling up to Niall for the first time this was different. To begin with there is less sweat, but also Harry was clothed it was nice to be cuddling up but I couldn’t decide if I preferred Niall or Harry. Harry soon just placed a light kiss on my forehead and pulled me closer to him with slight butterflies I snuggled in and just focused back on to the film. Harry was taken I knew that but know he was making me feel all sorts of things, I wondered if Niall was to walk in if we would be doing the same thing.

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