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Off The Rails

Chapter 7

We decided to order a pizza whilst waiting for the food we were trying to come up with a film we will all agree on watching. I was still sat next to Niall and Louis but currently Louis was taking a phone call but came back in to the room with his worried serious face on.

“Trin can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure”

I got up from the sofa and he walked up the stairs heading towards the room I was staying. I knew this must be a bit serious due to wanting the privacy; he took a seat on the bed and signalled me to join him.

“What’s up Lou?”

“I was... I have just been on the phone to mum, she mentioned about tablets you should be taking... why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

"You suffer with anorexia! Why keep it a secret from me I'm your brother Trinity!"

“No need to shout for fuck sake Louis! I didn’t want to be judged, I didn’t want to feel like the completely damage one compared to you!”

"Trin I’m sorry, you are my sister I would never judge you, let me take care of you yeah come on"

“Why, why does everyone all of a sudden want to take care of me? It’s fucking confusing I’m no good I’m off the rails. I...I don’t deserve anything”

“Yes you do Trinity how could you think like that, you are going through a rough patch in life that’s it but you will overcome it ok. Let me and the rest of the lads help you just let us in sis”

“You will just shut me out again...like mum... the only person I could ever talk to, open up to, count on to support me has gone”

"Trinity is this about...Lola"

“Yes Lola she was the only person who kept me sane, she wasn’t just my older sister I mean our older sister she was like a mother to me and now she’s gone because of me”

“Wait...what because of you...no Trin you can’t think”

“If I was out of dance on time and wasn’t late Lola wouldn’t of been there waiting and then wouldn’t of been in the middle of that car crash”

“It’s not your fault Trin please believe me when I say that, it was some idiotic driver that came off the road and hit Lola it is NOT your fault. That’s why you stopped dance isn’t it?”

“I just couldn’t continue not without her, she was the only person who truly supported me. Without her support how am I meant to carry on”

“With my support, I will always be here sis I miss Lola too and I know you two were extremely close but how about we get close yeah”

Silence appeared all you could hear was me softly sobbing on to Louis shoulder. Taking in what he had just said I started shaking my head realising the reality we were in we couldn’t possibly get that close.

“No you have your band and so much going on great things happening, you don’t need your little sister here bugging you in her fucked up state”

“Well family comes first I’m afraid and like I said at the start I like a challenge and if fixing my so called fucked up sister is the challenge then I accept”

“Thank you Lou...I really have missed you”

“I’ve missed you to now come on the food has arrived let’s go eat it before Niall has it all...oh and have your tablets and only eat what you can ok”

“Yeah will do thank you Lou”

I took my tablets and then me and Louis headed back down to re-join the group. Niall looked over first and simply smiled at me which instantly made me smiled back, moving closer I took my seat next to him once again.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah getting there”

“Good maybe we could have a nice chat later”

“Maybe yeah”

We smiled at each other and turned our attention to the food in front of us. The pizza was really nice but I could actually only manage a slice without feeling to sick. I felt pathetic but with a little smile from Lou I felt a little bit better, Niall would squeeze my leg now and then sending shivers up my spine. I excused myself and headed towards the garden needing some fresh air, after my little chat with Louis I knew a fag wouldn’t be strong enough. Walking to the bottom of the garden taken a seat on the bench I pulled out a joint I had been saving. Taking a drag I felt it over take all my senses making me go numb inside, soon I was joined by none other than Zayn.

“Thought I smelt something heavenly care to share”

“Of course here you go”

He took the seat next to me and took the joint out of my hand taking a drag for himself. We were quiet for a while but no words needed to be exchanged we were just two friends enjoying a joint.

“You know something Trin since you have been here us lads we all care for you a lot like a sister how crazy is that”

“Yeah super crazy, I mean you can’t really see me like a sister though right”

“Haha no I can’t after what we have done but I mean it you can talk to all of us we will all listen no matter how pointless and ridiculous the conversation is”

“Haha thank you I will keep that in mind thank you Zayn”

“No problem now on to another person who can’t see you like a sister Niall any progress there”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s so obvious he likes you and you like him”

“Hmm maybe I will tell you if anything happens”

“Good but I’m going to say this now we need to come up with an agreement”

“Over what?”

“Having sex, we can’t anymore because I know Niall really likes you”

“I understand we can still hang out though yeah”

“Of course we can now how about we get back to watching Thor I know you love Chris Hemsworth”

“You bet I do”

Getting up from the bench we headed back in to the house, instantly I took my seat back next to Niall and Louis. Pulling the duvet up I snuggled up and watched Thor for once in my life since Lola I have actually felt content and comfortable to be indoors. Louis goes on about saving me and fixing me but I believe I am to damaged and broken to be fixed I’m a fuck up. I know I want to change and I’m screaming inside to be saved but I’m too of the rails to be fixed.
***
The film was over and it was time for bed, well time for me and Niall to have a chit chat and relax. Saying goodnight to everyone Harry gave me the longest hug and insisted on carrying me up the stairs to show off how strong he was getting from the gym.

“Alright Harry you can put me down well down you can carry me now try one of the lads”

“Urmm sure after a few more sessions”

“Haha aw bless ya”

Dropping me down I walked in to my room I thought Niall was following but instead I walked in to my room by myself. I got under my duvet and snuggled up not knowing how I was feeling about Niall not joining me. I didn’t need to worry as soon my door opened and Niall was walking in and joining me in my bed.

“Sorry I didn’t want the hassle of the lads just yet”

“Oh right yeah good shout”

“Now would you rather just cuddle and go to sleep, I’m completely knackered”

“Yeah sounds good actually we can have a chat another time”

“Promise”

“Promise”

“Good cuddle up more to me babe”

I did as he asked and got in to his grip feeling so happy in this moment right now.

“Goodnight Niall”

“Night Trin”

Notes

Hope you are enjoying the story :D

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