Crossroads

"He fucked up big time."

My ears perk up at the sound of Harry's voice booming from the other side of the door as the glass door of the shower slides shut, a billow of steam following behind me. Unbothered by his outburst I grab a clean towel from the bathroom rack, wrapping it around my drenched hair.

"No! That wasn't his call to make,"

His tone is cold and saturated with annoyance, a tone I know all too well. If I hadn't learned anything about Harry in all the years we'd been together I knew for sure that he had quite the temper. He was usually calm and collected but when pissed off was almost a totally different person. I often tried to avoid him when he was in a mood, not wanting to get stuck in the crossfire of his rage. No one wanted to be his target.

As I pad over to the sink I catch sight of my reflection in the foggy, full-bodied mirror attached to the bathroom door, water droplets cling to my skin giving it a unique shine. Pregnancy had made me more aware of my body than ever before. I frequently found myself standing in front of the mirror and inspecting my body for any changes. I knew the process was gradual but I was too afraid I'd blink and miss it all.

At 13 weeks my body still looked relatively the same from a distance. My breast were swollen and tender, making them appear larger in size but my hips and waist had yet to expand to accommodate the little bean growing inside me. My stomach was still flat and boring to the naked eye but as I dragged my fingertips along the skin I could make out the hardened bump just right above my hips, the baby's way of making me hyper-aware of its presence.

"Hello there," I whisper quietly, gently pressing my fingers against the swollen skin.

It was still so crazy to think that in about 6 months time this tiny bump would be a living breathing human being I'd call my own. How could something so small and so sublime belong to me?

I brush my teeth in a hurried daze, deciding against blow drying my hair before finally heading out to the bedroom. Harry is perched at the edge of the bed, still shouting into his cell phone as I pad over to the dresser to retrieve some bedclothes. His gaze quickly shifts to my naked figure but is quickly short lived.

"He's a fucking intern! I will not let him ruin everything I've worked for!"

I settle on a frilly baby doll top with a matching pair of shorts and toss the wet towel around my head into the hamper, feeling his eyes on me once more.

"Look, we'll talk more about this tomorrow," he seethes. "someone will pay for this."

He ends the phone call without so much as a good-bye before tossing his mobile on the bed with a frustrated sigh. Avoiding his gaze I climb onto my side of the bed. Despite how distant we were we still shared a bed. Neither of us had expressed any discomfort in sleeping next to each other. The bed was large enough for both of us to have our own personal space when we needed it and with Harry being gone frequently, it really didn't make a difference. In fact, I don't think I'd be pregnant right now if we couldn't stand each other that much.

"Everything okay?" I ask quietly, weaving my fingers in my damp hair to make a braid.
Harry sighs running a hand through his unruly hair.

" Just some incompetent twat at the firm. Nothing I can't handle," He collapses onto his back with another long sigh. "you look beautiful. And you smell great, too."

He turns on his side to face me a sheepish dimpled grin settling on his lips. All through the complement sends a jolt of electricity coursing through my veins, I can't help but feel somewhat uncomfortable. We were so awkward when we weren't arguing or shoving our tongues down each other's throats.

"Thanks" I reply softly.

"Doin' okay?" he asks.

I suppose the small talk is to make up for him missing dinner.
I nod slowly, my mind goes back to my new found bump and I quickly remember the memo in the back of my head.

"I'm having my thirteen-week appointment tomorrow," I speak slowly. "We- I'll get to see the baby for the first real time. Can you make it?"

I can feel my cheeks heating up in embarrassment and I can't figure out why I'm too shy to ask my husband such a normal question.

He bites the corner of his lip in thought, sighing deeply
"I wish you'd told me this earlier, River."

The tone of annoyance returns and I mentally prepare myself for the argument that's bound to ensue.

I finish the braid with a huff, crossing my legs in front of me.

"I know, Harry. I just didn't know if you'd be interested or not."

He hums softly to himself as if it's suddenly all clicking, his jade eyes softening.
"I'd like to see it." he replies simply.

A weight feels like it's been lifted from my shoulders and I curl my legs up under me.

"Really? I wouldn't be interfering with any of your business affairs, would I?"

Harry shrugs.

"Screw 'em. They'll want me out of the office for a few hours after I'm done with them."

I bite back the grin threatening to form on my lips and my stomach is a swarm of butterflies as he grabs hold of my waist, pulling me closer to him. I can smell his intoxicating Tom Ford cologne and I find it hard to keep my hands to myself. I reach out to adjust the button on his shirt when I suddenly get an idea.

"I think we should make the announcement. I'm bound to start showing in a few weeks. "

"You're right," he hums, a hand trailing mindlessly along my thigh.

"I was thinking we could invite Mom over for dinner this weekend," I continue. "maybe we can Skype your parents sometime this week."

Harry's expression changes to something I can't quite read.

"I reckon that will work."

I realize this is the first real conversation we've had about my pregnancy and I can't help but feel like I'm bursting with excitement. There's a short silence between us until I speak again.

"I've got a bump. D'you want to see?" I ask excitedly.

He hasn't got time to respond before I'm already lifting up my blouse, exposing my abdomen to him.

He narrows his green eyes slightly.

"Can I?" he ask shyly.

I nod slowly as his fingertips gently probe my skin until his index finger makes contact with the hardened bump.

His eyes widen once he realizes he's struck gold.

"Wow."

The corner of his lips turn up into a dimpled grin and the corner of his eyes crinkle in wonder.

It's the first time I've seen him genuinely smile in a long time.

At that moment, I was more than certain that everything was right with the world.
****
My excitement from the night before seemed all too premature when the next day I found myself standing in the elevator of the Women's Health Clinic headed to the obstetrics floor with no Harry by my side.

I hadn't seen him at all that morning and assumed he'd left for work early but by the time noon rolled around and there were no calls or text messages I began to worry. A large part of me felt stupid for getting over-excited and investing so much hope into this. He'd never exactly promised he'd come and with his unpredictable schedule, I knew better than to expect it. The emptier the waiting room became the more my hopeful attitude diminished and when I was finally called back and sitting on the exam table I threw the idea out of my mind completely.

"Happy first trimester!"

The doctor from my last visit shatters my thoughts as she enters the room with a smile on her face, clipboard tucked under her arm.

I plaster on a smile, shifting on my hip to sit in a more comfortable position.

"Hi. Nice to see you again." I reply.

She goes over to the stool to have a seat, squinting at a laptop briefly before turning back too me.

"You look much better than you did when I saw you last. How do you feel?"

I shrug.

"Not much different really. Morning sickness is still horrible but doesn't last as long as before and I have a bit of an appetite. I'm very fond of fruit and veg lately. Especially fruit."

She smiles the same tight-lipped smile.

"That's great. Once you get into the groove of the second trimester you'll feel a lot more like yourself. Lots more energy, a solid appetite, and a renewed sex drive- "

An abrupt knock on the door interrupts her spill and I feel my heart fluttering with newfound hope.

"Come in,"

The face I'd been looking for all morning peeps its head in the door and I can't hide my grin.

"Styles in here?" his deep voice questions.

"Oh, yes," the doctor replies quickly, glancing down at her clipboard. "come on in."
A dimpled grin permeates his features once he finally catches sight of me sat on the exam table.

"Sorry I'm late, darling. I hope I didn't miss anything."

He presses a chaste kiss to my temple.

"I take it you're Dad? Fairchild. Nice to meet you." the doctor extends her hand for Harry to shake which he gently returns.

"Harry. Same here."

He settles for a chair next to the exam table.

"So, as I was saying, it only easy sailing from here, " Dr.Fairchild continues. "every woman is different and since you're a first-time mom this pregnancy is bound to be more difficult than any you might have in the future. However, I think a celebration is warranted now that your risk of miscarriage is significantly lower."

I glance over at Harry who seems engrossed in every word.

"So if there's not any more questions lets have a look at your little tadpole, shall we?"
I watch as she snaps on a pair of gloves and turns on a confusing looking machine.

"Can you lie back and lift up your shirt for me, River? "

I do as I'm told, resting my bare feet in the foot supports and resting my head against the cotton pillow.

"This will be a bit cold, okay?"

As she rubs the cold gel along my skin I find myself in a state between eager and anxious energy. I am eager to see the baby for the first time but the thought of the million and one things that could be wrong makes me anxious.

I'd hardly noticed Dr. Fairchild moving the wand around my abdomen and squinting at the machine when a smile settles on her slightly aged face.

"There they are!"

She moves the machine so that Harry and I can both see and I find myself tearing up at bit at the sight of the small creature on the screen. The image is grainy and what's supposed to be a baby looks a bit more like an alien but the tiny bean is still the prettiest thing I'd ever laid eyes on.

"That's our baby?" Harry ask, his voice cracking. "It's so tiny. And beautiful."

Dr. Fairchild smiles.

"Yep. At thirteen weeks the baby is approximately the size of a lemon."

I gasp in awe thinking of how the baby is now small enough to hold in the palm of my hand and will soon grow to be big enough to hold in my arms.

"Can I ask a question?" Harry speaks up. "Why is its head so big?"

"The doctor chuckles.

"It's nothing to worry about. The head will be a bit disproportionate until the rest of the body grows and develops. If you listen carefully you can hear its heartbeat."

The room falls completely silent and I immediately hear the sound of the tiny, rhythmic thumping.

"It's the most beautiful sound," I exclaim.

She smiles.

"I'll print some copies of today's ultrasound and let you two have a moment,"

Once Dr. Fairchild is gone I turn to Harry with a grin.

"It's all so beautiful, isn't it?" I ask.

"Lovely,"

He leans over, pressing a gentle kiss to my mouth.

"It's perfect timing." I brush my thumb along his jaw. " we'll have something to show everyone. "

He nods slowly and Dr. Fairchild returns, handing the prints of the ultrasound to Harry.

"River," she speaks catching my attention going back to her stool. "there's something I want to talk to you about."

My heart drops in my stomach as I turn to face her.

"Yeah?"

"I've noticed that the baby's heartbeat is quite elevated. Have you been consuming a lot of caffeine? Coffee perhaps?"

I bite my lip in guilt avoiding her gaze.

" I-Yes," I slowly admit. "it was my only source of energy for the past few weeks."

I can feel Harry's eyes practically burning a hole through my soul.

"Coffee is not completely forbidden but if you feel as if you must have it, reduce your intake to one and a half to one cups a day. If you keep drinking such large amounts you risk the baby having a low birth weight and increase your risk of miscarriage."

The eleven letter word causes me to stiffen and the room goes silent again. I suddenly feel smaller than the baby growing in my womb.

"I can recommend some pregnancy teas. They're great for lactation and are super safe."

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks."

Harry completely avoids looking at me the whole entire elevator ride down and it absolutely drives me crazy. We've just seen our baby for the first time and suddenly he's back to being distant.

This hot and cold with him was so exhausting. I could never prepare myself for his mood swings.

"Why can't you just do as you're told?" he finally booms once we're in the parking lot.

I kink an eyebrow whilst shrugging back into my cardigan.

"Do as I'm told?"

My tone is sharp and I'm not entirely sure what he means but his way of approaching me is enough to get me riled up myself.

"You're so bloody hard-headed, River. I told you not to drink coffee and you did it anyway."
I scoff once I realize he's decided to raise hell over coffee.

"So I've drank a lot of coffee. I'm growing a human being! I'm exhausted all the time. You have no idea how much stress my body is under."

My eyes scan around the parking lot for my Rover. I don't feel like trying to reason with him. I just want to go home.

He spins around to face me, that dimpled, smart-ass smirk on his lips.

"Just be honest, River. You do what you wanna do. And you're selfish."

I stop rummaging through my purse to glare at him.

"Me? Selfish? Looks like you're having this conversation with yourself."

I finally retrieve my keys and stomp over to my vehicle hearing his footsteps behind me.
I can't quite figure out what happened to the sweet, supportive Harry that was in the room a mere 30 minutes ago. He's so confusing.

" Yes! Selfish," he rasps. "You'd put our baby in danger for a cup of coffee? If you can't take proper care of the baby now, how can I be sure you won't be a neglectful parent when it's born?"

As he shouts the words at me I feel the anger coursing through my body so violently have to take a deep breath. I blink back the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

"How dare you!" I shout pivoting on my heel. "You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that, Harry? You've hardly shown any interest in me since I've been pregnant. You won't even check up on me when I'm spilling my guts out every morning. This baby is just as much yours as it is mine and I don't need you around if you're only going to give a damn when it's convenient."

The words taste like venom coming out of my mouth and I can't even bear to look at him, quickly climbing into the Range Rover.

Through the windshield his face appears to hold some trace of remorse but I can't bring myself to believe that it's genuine.

I don't believe anything anymore.

"River," he shouts, rapping his knuckles against the glass of my window.

I swallow the lump in my throat, sliding on my sunglasses so that he can't see the tears in my eyes.

"Just fuck off,"

I'm not sure if he can read my lips but I really don't care. I just want to be as far away as possible from him.

I couldn't even focus on traffic and tears with shades was not a good combination for driving. I couldn't stop thinking about the words we'd exchanged in the parking lot. Selfish. Neglectful.

Besides being quite hurtful I couldn't help but take our conversation as a horrible foreshadowing. The arrival of a baby is supposed to be the start of a new beginning but it just looks like the beginning of the end. I can already picture our marriage ending in a nasty divorce shortly after the baby is born and Harry draining me for every penny with the help of one of his big shot lawyer buddies. He might even stoop as low to make it a custody battle. He's got connections all over town. There's no way I'd win.

I didn't stand a chance. We didn't stand a chance.
****
I refused to stay in a depressive state after my appointment and did what I usually did, force a smile and press on.

Grocery shopping had always had the tendency to lift my spirits so I made a Whole Foods run in search more fruits and vegetables to feed my newfound habit, gorging myself samples from the olive bar and ignoring the constant buzzing of my mobile. I made sure to take my sweet time, even looking at some of the prenatal supplements and picking up the recommended teas. When I finally arrived home Harry's Range Rover was missing from the garage but I was much too exhausted to care. I could hardly put the groceries away without falling over, stumbling up the staircase and diving right into bed.

I woke a few hours later to an overactive bladder and an empty stomach. The sun had long set, casting shadows in the bedroom. The mattress felt light and the other side of the duvet was undisturbed, confirmation that Harry was still not home yet. With a heavy yawn, I changed into bed clothes and trudged down the stairs. I rubbed my eyes in surprise at the sight of Harry sat at the small kitchen table quietly eating by himself by the light of the kitchen stove.

"Where've you been?" he rasps, his back turned to me.

The annoyance from earlier today returns and I roll my eyes before padding over to the refrigerator. To my surprise, today's ultrasound hangs proudly on the freezer with the help of a company magnet.

"Off being a neglectful mother," I retort.

I grab a carton of blueberries and a bottle of water sitting across from him. He's still dressed in his office clothes and his green eyes are practically begging for sleep.

"I called so many times," he speaks again, staring up from his half-eaten sandwich.

"I know."

I toss a few blueberries in my mouth with a shrug.

"You could've gotten into a crash speeding off that way."

"I know."

Harry runs a hand through his disheveled curls, sighing in irritation. Slowly, he snatches up his plate and rises from the table.

"Why do we carry on like this?" I speak firmly.

He spins around to face me.

"Like what?"

I sigh.

"Like this," I gesture vaguely around us. "miserable."

Harry chuckles.

"I think you mean another m-word- married. We're hardly miserable, darling."

The tears sting the corner of my eyes.

"And hardly married. We're just going in circles now."

His penetrating green eyes meet mine and he strides back over to the table plopping himself down with another sigh.

"That's what marriage is supposed to be like, yeah?"

He rests his hand on top of mine. I'm surprised he even wears his ring still.

"Oh, what would you know! I- sometimes I just want you to act like you give a damn."

I brush away the tears before they can really fall and something about his expression changes.

"There's no need to act, River," he gently grabs hold of my face. "I love you. And I'll love this baby just the same."

I don't know what to say or how to feel so I simply press my mouth against his. I tangle my fingers in his hair as he buries his face in the crook of my neck, peppering kisses to the exposed skin.

"Take me to bed," I whisper.

"Are you asking or telling?" I feel him smirk against me.

"Demanding."

I'm still awake when it's all over, Harry having rolled over in exhaustion almost as soon as he finished. I'm kept awake from our earlier conversation, replaying the words over in my head. I love you. I love you.

How can I be so sure?

Wrapped in his arms for what feels like the first time in forever, I close my eyes hoping to find sleep in the safest and most chaotic place in the world.

Notes

Hiya! I've been on a small hiatus but after soaking up a lot of inspiration, writing, deleting and writing again I've produced another chapter, longer than expected and jam packed.

Sooo, there was a ton to see,yeah? River has survived the first trimester albeit not even know she was pregnant for more than half of it. Baby Styles is slowly growing into a small bump! How do you think their pregnancy announcement will go?

So there's a lot more Harry action going on in this chapter. He seems a lot more interested in the baby but is there still some enthusiasm missing? Do you think he handled the coffee situation appropriately? Do you think he was overreacting ? Or maybe River was the one overreacting? Would Harry actually try to take the baby away from River once it's born?

Now to Harry and River? What do you think about their late night conversation? Is it time for them to just throw in the towel and give it up or is it worth fighting for? Is Harry sincere?

Sorry for all the questions! I just love to hear what you all think!

Well that's all for now, we'll be seeing much more of Baby Styles' progress in the upcoming chapters, seeing the reactions of the families and possibly get a glimpse into Harry and River's past in the upcoming chapters. I'm excited to get to it all!

Thanks so much for reading, feel free to leave a little review!

Until next time!

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