Crossroads

The first few days of consciously knowing I was pregnant were strange. All the weird changes I'd noticed before finally made sense. There was a baby growing inside of me, a teeny, tiny seed that would soon grow into a living a breathing human being. This tiny bean inside my womb was apart of me now. We were bound to each other. It depended on me for its life.

What a wild concept. A concept I still wasn't completely sure I was ready to accept as a reality.

I'd never really given having children a passing thought until I'd met Harry. I was certain that if one day I ever decided to have a baby it would undoubtedly be with him. Fast forward years later when actually being pregnant with his baby feels like the worse mistake ever.

Ever since my poorly planned pregnancy announcement, he's done nothing but give me the silent treatment. It's almost as if he never came home because his presence is just as empty as it was while he was gone.

Part of me feels like I deserve it for using it as some form of revenge but a larger part of me feels hurt and angry by his reaction. He wasn't happy like a husband ought to be when a wife shares such life-changing news. He thinks I've done it on purpose. He thinks our marriage is too troubled for us to have made a baby out of love.

He's not wrong about that part at least.

Harry's silent punishment did little to disturb me. I was much too occupied with how I was going to cope for the next seven months. It didn't matter much of what he thought. I was the one the one who had to deal with the physical and emotional changes that would come with the baby I still wasn't exactly sure I wanted.

Having trouble sleeping, I woke up just before dawn and decided to drive out to the beach to see my mom. I didn't even bother giving Harry's sleeping figure a second glance as I tossed on a t-shirt and some jeans.

My mother owned a Bed and Breakfast right along the coast of Carolina beach. The minute she drove her beat-up station wagon along shore she'd fallen in love with the small community. Four year old me had fallen in love with it too. She quickly found work at a hotel with lots of tourist action, a suite with double beds and a kitchen would be our home for the next five years until a hefty inheritance allowed Mom to buy out the hotel. There was a small little antique store next door, an older couple with two rowdy boys lived just above it, the youngest one was just my age and awfully chatty.

All of my best memories had happened along that shore but my desire to branch out grew right along with me. I'd been so eager to leave and so excited to come back once I'd finished culinary school and settled down with Harry but sometimes I wonder just what life would be like now if I'd never left.

The tide was low and the sky was grey, the beach towels and chairs that usually lined the shore were missing as a result of the impending bad weather. The familiar smell of sea salt greeted me as I stepped out of the Range Rover, somewhat calming the raging nausea in my stomach.

"River, back again so soon?" Adele, the head receptionist smiles at me upon my entrance.
Adele was an older lady who'd worked in the hotel long before my mother had been employed. She was very pretty and elegant, the kind of woman who belonged with the likes of Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly back in her day.

I grinned, perching my sunglasses on top of my head.

"Mom needs my help more than she'll admit. Speaking of which is she is in?"

"Right in her office," she replies.

"Thanks, Adele."

She nods as I head around the reception desk in route of my mother's office.

"Say," she speaks just as my hand meets the doorknob. "you look different lately,"

I chew at the corner of my lip, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Different? How so?"

"You look, radiant," she replies simply.

Radiant? With the lack of sleep I've been getting lately I was positive I looked like the living dead.

"Oh, it's a new foundation I'm using. Thanks for noticing," I answered quickly.

I'm greeted with the endless sight of pictures of my mom and I throughout the years that line the walls of her office. There was no denying how close we were, we'd practically grown up together. Apart from Ryan, she was my best friend.

"Look what the wind blew in, my little Moon River," Mom cooes staring up from her laptop.
I grin.

"Hi, Mom,"

I head over to the Keurig and pour myself a cup of coffee hoping to fill my empty stomach with something.

"There's not a single thing left to help with unless you want to fix the leaky faucet in room 28B, " she speaks.

I sit down in the chair in front of her desk.

"At least let me look at the menus and update them or something. I'm sure these couples would like a bit of variety. Love makes you hungry you know," I reply matter of factly.

Mom chuckles, the corner of her blue eyes crinkling.

"It's just like you, always looking for something to fix and take care of,"

Well, right about now I was doing a bang-up job of fixing my marriage.

"Harry's home, isn't he? Shouldn't you be spending more time with your husband than trying to help an old lady run a business?"

I tense at the words "husband" and "Harry".

"Well, you know Harry. He's always busy. Business is especially busy this time of year."

I never exactly knew how Harry's job went. We'd never really discussed it. I was just the small town girl who'd lucked up by marrying a wealthy, British investment banker. Word on the street is I'm in it for the money but money was no object when it came to what I felt for Harry.

"You two should take a vacation or something. Maybe you could shack up here for a few weeks. Or maybe fly out to England and spend some time in the countryside? I'm sure you two have quite a lot of catching up to do," she replies.

If only you knew, Mom.

"It's an idea I can definitely pitch,"

Things are silent between us and I go back to sipping my coffee. I really wanted to tell my Mom about the pregnancy but I wasn't sure it was the right time. As jumbled as my emotions were, I was sure she'd be excited about the announcement and I wasn't quite sure if I could take her reaction. In addition to that, I didn't know when Harry would want us to start telling people. I wasn't out of the first trimester yet and it was pretty unorthodox to make announcements before you knew you were out of the woods. I really needed to talk to someone though. Someone who can make me see the positives in this.

My eye catches a glimpse of a picture of my mother and I sitting on her desk. I couldn't have been older than four months, she stares loving at the chubby bundle in her arms.

"Mom," I ask, the question burning at the tip of my tongue. "how'd you feel when you knew you were going to a mom?"

The question sounds all too random after our previous topic of conversation.

She sighs.

"Oh, I felt so many things. I was scared as hell to tell my parents and I'd never taken care of anything in my entire life." she answers simply.

I chew at my bottom lip.

"Were you happy?"

Mom smiles.

"Initially, not so much. But the more you grew inside me, when I started to feel your kicks and watch you grow it all became worth it. I was smitten. I can't even begin to describe to you how incredible it is. Why do you ask?"

I smile, shrugging sloppily.

"I just - I think you're a great mom. Just wondering how the journey started,"

I blink back the tears I feel stinging the corner of my eyes and Mom grins even wider.

"What do you say we blow the rest of the morning off and just have a girl's day? Just you and me? How's that sound?"

"Perfect, Mom. Perfect."
*****
Harry's Range Rover had not moved from it's spot in the garage. I was a bit surprising and unbelievable that he'd spent the entire day at home and I almost wish I'd stayed out longer. A day out with just my mom had been just what I needed to relieve a bit of stress, I just had to work extra hard on my excuses for why I'd turned down the bottomless mimosas.

I took my shoes off at the kitchen door not wanting to trail sand into the house. The house is silent and I close the door softly behind me assuming Harry was working in his office. Upon entering my eyes immediately catch sight of a bouquet of gorgeous pink flowers. Peonies had always been my favorite.

I eyed the fresh bouquet on the countertop with suspicion, my stomach twisting into knots upon spotting creme-colored envelope trapped between the stems. I chewed at my bottom lip in curiosity and I tore away at the envelope, two simple words staring back at me.

I'm sorry.

That you are.

With an aggravated sigh I crumble the note up, tossing it into the waste bin without a second thought. I'd throw the flowers away too if they weren't so beautiful.

"I see you found them, yeah?"

His deep voice startles me and I roll my eyes before turning to face him.

"Yeah." I reply plainly, folding my arms across my chest.

Harry runs a hand through his messy hair with a deep sigh, hardly able to meet my penetrating glare.

"I know it's really not much to you but I am sorry. Really, I am," he speaks, approaching me.

I'd heard the same tired speech too many times to count.

" I - I just, I just didn't know how to react it was all so sudden, so abrupt,"

I scoff.

"Your first reaction was to accuse me of getting pregnant just to 'trap you'. What a lofty expectation for someone who didn't know how to react," I reply sharply.

"Babe,"

His hands go to rest on my waist and I'm not sure why I hadn't stopped him.

"I didn't mean any of that. Forgive me?"

He leans forward as if to kiss me but I turn my head. This is one of his most serious offenses yet and he thinks he can fix it with some flowers and kisses? I was done falling for his tricks.

Harry sighs deeply drawing back slightly.

"C'mon, River, don't be like this,"

His fingertips brush against the hem of my shirt causing my breath to hitch in my throat. The gaze of his gorgeous green eyes are penetrating and I seem to lose my track of thought. He leans in once more, tilting my chin upwards before stooping down and pressing a gentle kiss to my mouth. My hands instantly reach for his hair, the pressure of his body against mine pushes me against the countertop. His large hands find freedom to roam under my shirt and gasp in surprise as his tongue slowly parts the seam of my mouth, brushing languidly against my own.

Maybe I could forget this for the time being.

I groan in protest once he pulls away, his mouth redirecting it's attention to my neck. He peppers gentle kisses along my collarbones, his teeth grazing against my skin for good measure.

"Let me make it up to you, " he drawls. "come upstairs with me, darling."

My mind instantly screams no but my flesh has other plans and I find myself slowly nodding my head and taking his hand. The trek upstairs is short and clumsy, hands and mouths falling in awkward places. We're a mess of passion and adrenaline once we finally make it to the bedroom, no words between us, just breathless moans. I try to replay the events in my head, wondering how all this as escalated so quickly but my mind feels cloudy and all I can think about is him and how much I want him.

"Harry," I pant, my fingers dancing against the buckle of his jeans. "I need you. Right now."

He nips at my earlobe with his teeth, a dimpled smirk forming on his lips.

"Say no more, love,"

He softly pushes me onto the california king bed before swiftly tossing his thin t-shirt over his head, as he stands between my legs. In a bit of daze I wiggle out of my own shirt, dying to get out of this restrictive bra and snug jeans. Any ill feeling I had before had completely diminished at the sight of his length springing from boxer shorts.

"Shit," I mumble.

He stoops down, hands reaching out to grope my breast but I'm reminded of their new found soreness and I shake my head. I'm too hot and bothered for any technicalities. I just need to feel him, every inch, every curve. Just him.

"Hurry up and fuck me already," I growl, hands tugging at his hair.

He doesn't waste anytime hoisting my legs over his shoulders and quickly pushing into me. I hardly have time register the sensation before he's already moving at a quick and steady pace.

"Fuck, River. You feel so fucking good."

Low, animal moans escape him and he buries his face in the crook of my neck, hardly able to contain himself at the feeling of me contracting against him. My fingertips trail up and down his spine and I hold onto him as tight as I possibly can. In this moment we're as close as two humans can physically be but somehow we still feel so far apart.

The way he moves lately is so different. He'd always been so sweet, gentle and slow and savoring every inch of skin and passing breath. But now it was touch and go, carnal passion fueled more by anger than by love.

His strokes soon grow faster and sloppier, the strong sensation of forth coming release building in my gut. I bite onto his shoulder, lifting my hips to meet his thrust and causing his moans to turn into ragged, groans.

" Shit. 'M almost there," he pants.

It's only a matter of a few short, forceful thrust before my body withers in ecstasy. As I struggle to catch my breath, Harry finally releases with a spew of incoherent expletives. I blink rapidly in a attempt to regain normal vision, still in a daze of post orgasmic bliss as he slowly rolls off of me. His body hits the mattress with a lazy thud and his chest heaves as he tries to steady his breathing.

"Good, yeah?"

I nod in agreement before turning on my side and nuzzling into his chest. I gently grab hold of his face, pressing tender kisses to his mouth and jaw. It's moments like these that I realize just how much I miss being near him.

His fingertips absent mindedly brush against my skin.

"We're havin' a child," he announces slowly as if he'd just suddenly remembered.

"Yeah. We're having a baby,"

I seem to have gotten the weight of those words myself and that familiar anxiety returns.

"Yeah,"

His disinterest in this pregnancy couldn't be more obvious. He'd had yet to asks me how far along I was or when I was due or how I was managing morning sickness. All that seemed to matter to him was that I was indeed carrying a baby in my womb. The details were trite.

Harry suddenly sits up, swinging his legs to the other side of the bed. I frown.

"Where are you going?"

He stands up, running a hand through his mess of curls that's been ruined by my passionate tugging.

"To shower. And I've got a few calls to make,"

I watch him pad off to the bathroom with a heavy sigh, tears pricking the corner of my eyes. Every time I think there's a sliver lining, a chance for things to be the way they once were he goes and shuts down.

Why can't he ever just listen? Why can't he ever just stay?

Notes

Surprise!

I have been bit with the writing bug thankfully and I wanted to give you all another chapter. It will probably be the last for a few weeks because I really really should be working on final papers and studying for finals but I'm too into this fic.

So, in this chapter we get a lot. We see more of River's background and somewhat her life before meeting Harry. What do you think about her Mom and their relationship? Does Kathryn(Her mom) seem to like Harry and be supportive of her daughter's choice? Do you think River will come clean to her about her pregnancy soon or will someone else know before Kathryn?

Now finally to River and Harry's little afternoon rendevous. (First I would like to apologize if all of that was cringy. I'm still the virgin who can't drive who wrote the her first sex scene in LPIL almost two years ago. Nothing has changed folks .) Do you see anything wrong with what they did? I mean obviously they didn't do anything wrong because they're a married couple and can get down and dirty whenever they please but do you feel that something is missing? Are peonies and a good lay really a good enough apology for what Harry said? Are they enemies or allies or both? *Cue "Pillowtalk" by Zayn* Is River really in it for the money? And again, why is he so cold and distant?

Also, check out this playlist to set the mood for what's to come:
Playlist

So many questions but I love to hear what you all think! Thanks so much for reading and feel free to leave a little review! It only takes but a minuet!

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