Never Let You Go

Vomit left Emilia’s mouth in a splutter. Hunched over, one hand leaning against the brick wall close to the entrance doors in support, Emilia wiped the remainder of sick from her mouth the back of her other hand, harshly, whilst grimacing down at the bubbly substance that was splattered over the large flower pot in front of her. A tear gently rolled down her face, confirming her emotions as she fought back the urge to fully cry out. Although her emotions were higher than ever, she still felt numb fixed to the spot as the bitter air whipped aprubtly at her face; not realising how cold it had become. She crossed her arms closely to her waist, tightening her jacket around herself to get warm, ready to take off from the scene. She couldn’t stay here.

”Don’t go Em!”

The door to the pub had swung open, enscapsulating the females cry with the husky voice of the distant melody inside. Lily placed a hand on Emilia’s shoulder, guiding her to face her. Emilia hadn’t been able to fight back the tears, her face a complete mess- red and blotchy as she whimpered helplessly before Lily.

”I... I can’t,” Emilia whispered between broken sobs.

“Please.” Lily pleaded with her friend. “Not for his sake but for your own.”

The two girls stood looking at each other for a moment, nobody speaking. Emilia’s breathing started to ease as Lily stroked her arm, desperately trying to calm her down. Emilia looked at a pleading Lily. Lily didn’t say anything but she allowed her eyes to do all the talking. They were determined to get Emilia back into the pub, it was the only way to make ease with demons buried deep inside her. Emilia had two options; flee from the scene like a coward or re-emerge inside the pub and face him.

After a brief hesitation, she took a step towards the door; opting for the latter. She swung the pub door back open, the familiar smell of alcohol and the warm atmosphere smacking her in the face. She knew lily was hot on her heels however, it felt like nobody was around her; as if she was in a bubble. A spotlight on her, anxiety kicking in hard.

He was stood in front of a microphone stand, both arms behind his back as he leaned into the sound device; his husky voice rolling off his lips with ease as he sung a song Emilia had never heard before.

Sweet creature,
We’re running through the garden
Oh, where nothing bothered us
But we’re still young
I always think about you and how we don’t speak enough

She wanted to cry out at how familiar the lyrics made her feel; how relatable they could be between the two entities that stood within close proximity but who’s souls were on completely different metaphorical time zones. She knew it was drastically ridiculous to think that this boy could ever write something about her but as he stood, his eyes closed, head lifted to reach the microphones head as he’d crouched into it; she began imagining a life in which the pair had coexisted as one. It had been good with them in the beginning, even with Harry’s threatening demeanour but that just intrigued Emilia all the more. Even after she’d turned him down, said no to him taking her out, he was persisting; slightly frightening but that just made Emilia feel more interested than ever and soon she fell hard for the troubled boy who usually just gave her a small nod of his head whenever they’d see each other.

They had been acquaintances for years; their fathers being friends, and thinking about it from the present perspective all Emilia could ever do was scoff at how stupid she had been to think Harry’s intentions with her had been real.

Why hadn’t he tried it years earlier if he had been interested?

Why didn’t I see through it all?

Why did I think he was going to treat me any differently to how he treated other girls?

These were always the same questions that permenantly rested in her brain; both sides of her conscience battling between different answers, different speculations but them evidently never being the correct answer. The only person who could truly put her mind at ease was Harry. The fact she’d not had closure with him was another contributing factor to why she still felt this way towards him. So full of love and hate all at the same time, the line so thin it was hard to distinguish between the two emotions.

His set came to a close after the melodic tones of the song, Sweet Creature, died out. The crowd erupted into applause, everybody on their feet, cheering at the young star that stood before them. His outstretched hand waved to the audience, thanking them for their support. He stepped from the small stage and headed towards the bar, one hand tangling through his hair as he brushed the loose strands from his face. His eyebrows inverted into a frown, something he did out of habit and Emilia knew this only too well. She coiled further into her seat in the corner, biting at the skin around her nails nervously.

Once she had returned to her seat, she was met with gobsmacked questions from Megan and Sofie, wanting to know what was going on. They knew vaguely about Harry Styles but it had been downplayed majorly mainly by Lily but from the way Emilia had reacted to his return, they knew there was more to the subject than the two girls had let on. However, Emilia couldn’t even speak. Couldn’t let her eyes remove themselves from his body, burning her gaze deep into his skin.

She was getting angrier and angrier as the seconds passed, watching him gulp down the pint that had been bought for him, his face concocting in a smile as he stood at the side of the bar; a queue of eager people waiting to get their hold on him. He wasn’t paying attention to the people around him though, barely even listening to what they were saying as his eyes scanned the room from his peripheral vision. He knew it had been her who’d caused the commotion earlier, knew her body well enough to make out it was her from behind as she’d fled the pub. Even after all these years, it was obvious even from the short scan of her, that she had not changed much. Sometimes he found himself thinking about her, all the things he wished had happened instead and when he’d come home to visit family on breaks from his singing, he’d find himself strolling towards her street, attempting to knock on her door but then retreating his courage not up to scratch.

He suddenly looked away from the woman who had been talking to him about something that he didn’t seem to care about. Their eyes met through the crowd. Bright green meeting dark blue. Both pairs of eyes not straying from the other, both hearts beating in perfect sync, both mouths parting as they both took each other in properly for the first time in what had felt like forever.

He felt his footsteps carry him without hesitation, towards the young girl who had all his attention. His hands were started to get clammy with sweat as he wiped them on his jeans, unsure of what he was actually going to say to her. What could he say? Nothing would make up for it, but he had to try.

She watched as he moved towards her, his heavy feet gliding with such grace. His hands fell to side of his jeans, wiping up and down as his body neared. He heart rose faster and faster beneath her mustard blouse. She was on her feet now also, this time avoiding the table as she retreated towards the door. She couldn’t do it. She was angry. She was upset. She was scared.

Her hand reached for the door, pushing it open, the cold air whipping at her face once more as she heard him speak directly to her. His voice low and raspy.

”Mi...”

Notes