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Never Let You Go

Chapter 1

Her fingers tapped repeatedly over the rim of the wine glass, the deep red liquid on the opposite side jerking back and forth against the prodding touch. She, Emilia, was situated in the corner of the large pub with her three best friends- Lily, Megan and Sofie- as they sat around a small brown table; chatting animatedly amongst themselves. It was a saturday ritual for the four girls to end up sipping wine in their local, arguing it was always “just the one”- but it definitely never ending that way! A lot of the time, they’d scramble for the last shuttle bus into Manchester and continue drinking there- making a night of it and then instantly regretting it once it became apparent their ways of getting home were limited. Most of the time, after a verbal debate, Emilia’s mother would come to the rescue and collect them. Her mum was protective, especially in recent years, and her daughter’s safety was always a priority, no matter the situation.

“I wonder who the singers going to be anyway.” Lily stated, quizzically, looking from her friends to the ‘stage’ on the opposite side of the pub. It was hardly a stage, more of a rise in the flooring where most of the entertainment took place: merry customers belting out classics on the karaoke on a Thursday, a DJ appearing most weekends and then the occasional quiz and bingo nights. The usual sharade entertainment.

“What?” Emilia asked, none the wiser.

”You spend too much time in Manchester,” Megan scoffed; referring to Emilia’s study at the University there.

”A well known singers playing here in a bit.” Lily answered.

“Well known, that’s likely!” Sofie joked. The other girls joined her in laughter, contemplating who the unknown singer could be but Emilia had shut out their voices, thoughts immediately taking her somewhere else.

It was often like this. Something to trigger the memory like the smell of salt could render ones thoughts to seaside locations of happy childhood or the taste of freshly baked bread configuring the mind to wander to grandmas house of endless days spent in laughter and the contentment of food. But the memories triggered for Emilia in this sense were far from happy. Instead, they made the emptyness she’d felt seem all the more empty. The well known singer. She couldn’t help it. Her mind swam with images of him. She’d try so hard to never picture him but it was sometimes too difficult to escape the thoughts when he’d crop up in her dreams, her calmed heartbeat turning erratic and the notion of the sleeping melody changing in an instant to nightmares. Emilia had not saw him in five years and yet the images swimming through her mind of the teenage boy with over grown curly hair and deep green eyes were as fresh as if he was sitting right in front of her.

“It won’t be him.”

Emilia was pulled back into reality by the hand squeezing hers in attempt of reassurance. Lily spoke quietly so that only Emilia could hear, clearly fully aware of where Emilia’s thoughts had taken her as she’d zoned out.

Emilia and Lily had grown up together. They were inseparable and having been best friends for most of their younger years, Lily knew about the situation with Emilia and had been witness to the majority of her nightmares. When they first began, Lily would stay round at Emilias home- comforting the defenceless girl as her heart rose into an unparalleled state turning to sheer panic, sweat emulating off her face and torso- drowning her hair and clothes in a mass of heated body water, as she’d cry out in deafening roars, begging lily to make the memories stop. It was a horrific sight, one that couldn’t be believed unless witnessed so Lily could understand why Emilia’s face had drained of colour slightly, her lips drying up at the concept of the unknown singer being him but Lily could only try and ease her best friends mind. She knew that Emilia’s heart hadn’t completely healed, even after all these years and the space away from the boy that had broken it but Emilia was in a much better place now and although Lily couldn’t make Emilia truly forget, sometimes she wish she had the power to.

“I’m just going to nip to the loo.” Emilia announced, excusing herself from her friends. Lily thought about following her but instead retreated, not wanting to make a fuss. Although the four girls were best friends, Megan had only moved to the area two years prior and Sofie had attended a different school- therefore, the four girls only connecting after the incident that had tarnished Emilias heart and so were unaware of the majority of the situation; it being too difficult for Emilia to render and Lily taking into consideration that it was Emilia’s story to tell and not hers.

Emilia had allowed her footsteps to coax her into the direction of the ladies’ toilets but once she was out of view of her friends, she turned in a different direction towards a door that led to the outside space at the back of the pub. She needed air. It was silly of her to let herself get in a near panicked frenzy over this, especially since she had been doing so well. Often, she felt as if she would never be rid of this, never be able to live a normal life, breathe happy air but once she had settled into the bustling uni life; things seemed to change. She suddenly stopped thinking about him everyday and although she still hadn’t found a way to stop the nightmares completely, her heart felt the less of the heavy burden that had latched itself to the pumping organ five years ago.

Emilia let out a heavy sigh. It was as if she had taken five steps back. Her intoxicated mind wrapped around the idea of seeing him again was evidently too unbearable to think about. She felt nauseous, sick begging to reach the surface; a lump forming in her throat. Breathe. She convinced herself. Let it go. It had become apparent that within the five years of walking around with a hole in her heart that the only person who could truly get rid of the panicking feeling was herself. She was rooted to the problem and although Lily was always a constant support, she didn’t live with it. She wasn’t the one who had felt the excruciating pain of her heart being metaphorically ripped from her chest. She wasn’t the one who had to live with the unbearable memories. Emilia suddenly felt guilty about feeling jealous of Lily in that moment. Jealous that lily had never experienced heartbreak or pain like it and was instead able to live out her normal teenage years; but this wasn’t Lily’s fault. This was fate. If anything, this was how Emilias life had meant to be. How her story was supposed to unfold, even if it held more bad luck than the average story.

With that, she reentered the pub- the cool air clogging her senses and working as a good mechanism for calming her down. And anyway, she knew that if she had spent anymore time outside, Lily would have came looking for her. Emilia felt even more guilty now for thinking about Lily as a suffocating person. She was unconditionally grateful for her friend and often wondered how Lily had remained putting up with her after all this time but Lily was Emilia’s friend, not her mother. She didn’t need babying.

She nodded at lily in an affirming way, silently telling her that she was fine; taking her seat once more next to Megan.

”He’s on in five!” Megan said, sounding giddy.

”Imagine it was Ed Sheeran!”

“Oh come off it.”

”What?! I could definitely see him, guitar in tow, in a place like this.”

”Sofie has got a point.”

The lights all of a sudden dimmed slightly around the bustling pub. It was crowded more so than ever, the word must have spread about the anonymous singer, all the more enticing customers with the mystery. The pub probably wouldn’t have been this packed if the singer had been announced on posters. The element of surprise a clever goading for business. A figure emerged from the swinging door behind the bar. He was tall and although his figure was silhouetted- his hair was a rally of curls atop his head, obvious even in the diminished light. Emilia watched as his face came more into view, her lips parted as her heart rate picked up rapidly. He was in full view now, a handsome young man. He wore a toothy grin, teeth white under plump pink lips as a deep dimple emerged close to the corner of his upturned mouth on the left side of his face. Even from a distance, his eyes were captivating- big and round, deep green swimming with undertones of blue and hazel and his gaze uncontrollably sexy. He could make anyone get into a trance immediately just by staring with those eyes. A loose fitted blouse hung off his shoulders, sleeves rolled up revealing an assortment of tattoos congregating up and down his arm to form an incoherent sleeve. His black jeans were fitted tightly to his long slender legs, standing as a contrast to the baggy material that sat above and his Cuban heels were lightly scuffed. He fitted the criteria perfectly of flamboyant rocker and Emlia’s breathing hitched up in her throat as she fully observed the figure for the first time in five years. It was him. Her instincts had been correct. She felt sick to her stomach as he took the small stage, addressing the audience and praying to god he didn’t recognise her. She was silly to think he wouldn’t recognise her though. She had not changed at all in the years that they had been separated, maybe apart from a slight hair change but if Emilia’s heart hadn’t been so warped with the reckless boy that stood merely twenty foot from her, she might not have recognised him in a crowded room anymore. He had changed significantly. He had went from obtaining an angelic and sweet exterior at seventeen to a ruggedly sexy demeaner at twenty-two. It was strange to see him like this; the image of the boy that dominated her mind was still seventeen, his eyes glazed over with darkness somewhat manic; yet the man appearing before her now was gleaming, happy confidence radiating off him from across the pub.

Her emotions were sprouting more and more as the seconds passed. Nausea, anger, hurt, sadness, lost. She felt sick that he was here, angry that it was apparent he had evidently moved on with his life not stuck like Emilia with a big hole in her heart, hurt that she had not had the opportunity to watch him grow into this man, the sadness looming over her at how things could have been if it was different- if he had actually cared for her and not listened to his stupid mates, lost in thoughts of what their relationship could have been like if she was interacting with him for the first time tonight instead of at that party in 2011.

”I’m going to be sick.”

She shot to her feet, moving around Sofie and fumbling over the table as her half-full wine glass rocked back and forth before clattering to the floor with an almighty smash. She whipped her head to the exit, keeping her eyes fixed on the door as she fled from the building, praying that none of the prying eyes- looking from her to the commotion she had caused- belonged to Harry.



Notes

Please give me feedback!!!

Comments

Thank You As Well!

BE WARNED, ONLY CHECK OUT // DENUDE // MY FIRST ONE I TERRIBLE!

@PerciaxXXx
Thank you so much for the kind feedback! I'll check out your stories :)

Sorry, yeah, I'mma bit enthusiastic, if not over-enthusiastic...yet again, Magnificent. Your grammar and flow of story are on point. I like your propensity for detail, a lot better than mine. If you see my story denude you'll see my lack of skillz. *sighs* Why can't I be talented to?

This is amazing! Superb! Fantastico!