Songs of Lust
Woman
I'm selfish, I know
But I don't ever want to see you with him
I'm selfish, I know
I told you, but I know you never listen
I hope you can see, the shape that I'm in
While he's touching your skin
He's right where I should, where I should be
But you're making me bleed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Why don’t you invite Harry?” My mom says over the phone as I clean around my room. I look over at the sleeping man who is half naked on my bed. I smile move the blankets up Harry’s back, knowing how cold my flat can get.
“I don’t know, mum. He’s busy a lot and I’m not sure if he wants to even come.”
“Oh nonsense, Eleanor. He would never say no to you.” Heat rises to my cheeks; she’s right. There’s never been a time where Harry has said no to an invitation.
“I’ll ask him and see what he says.” I sigh.
“Perfect! Call me when you get an answer.”
I hang up with my mum and sit at the edge of my bed, next to Harry. I move the hair that has fallen on his face away and stroke his cheek. He stirs but doesn’t wake up. His lips are pouty and his never-ending lashes rest on the tops of his cheeks. I don’t want to wake him up because he looks so serene. But I have to get him up before Lily comes back home. I lean down and kiss his eyelids. He groans and furrows his eyebrows. “Harry,” I whisper. “You gotta get up, baby.” He sighs, his eyes fluttering open; the green in his eyes shine bright even as he wakes up. I scratch behind his ear and smile. “Mornin’ sleepyhead.”
“Mornin’, pet.” He stretches his arm, flopping them around my waist. “What time is it?”
“8:37.” He moves to his side, facing me and smiles. “What?” I giggle.
“Nothing. You’re just so beautiful. Even early in the morning,” his eyes trail down my body, taking in the clothes, well lack thereof, that I’m wearing. “And especially in my t-shirt.” His finger trails up my leg and under the t-shirt.
I push his hand away and stand up. “Down boy.” I bite my lip and smile. “I need to do stuff today so you need to change.” I pat his bum, encouraging him to get up.
“I wanna stay in bed with you baby.”
“Another day. I promise. I’m just super busy today.” I lean down and kiss his lips lightly. When I pull back, I feel nauseous. I run to the bathroom and lift up the toilet seat, purging into it. Harry follows me, standing at the door. Once I feel like I emptied my insides, I slouch against the tub and groan, wiping my mouth with the bottom of Harry’s shirt.
“You okay, pet?” Harry asks, sitting next to me.
“Yeah.” I lean my head against his shoulder. “I must’ve ate something my stomach didn’t agree with.”
“I didn’t think my breath smell that bad this morning.” I giggle and shake my head.
“It’s never you.” I stand and wash my mouth at the sink.
After a good half an hour, we end up in the shower together. Which I wasn’t planning but definitely not complaining. I watch Harry wash his hair; the water falling down his toned back. The muscles contrast every time he scrubs his scalp. When he turns around, he catches me staring at him and smirks. “Like what you see?” I roll my eyes and snatch the shampoo from his hands. He chuckles and kisses my head.
“What d’you have planned today?” Harry asks me when I slip on my shoes.
“I’m visiting my mum for lunch. We are meeting Simon’s parents and she’s planning dinner.”
“I like Simon. He’s a good kid.” I nod and agree.
“That reminds me. Mum wanted to know if you wanted to come to dinner.”
“Me? Why does she want me to go?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “She likes you I guess.”
“Do you want me to come?” He questions.
“I wouldn’t mind.” I look up at him shyly.
“Then I’ll go.” I smile.
I meet my mother for lunch at a cafe that has been owned by an older couple for the last 25 years. I remember coming here with mum, Billy, and dad all the time. When I finally spot my mum, she is sitting in the usual booth we sit at and smiles. I sit across from her and sigh. “Did you talk to Harry yet?” She asks just as I sit.
“Hello mother, nice to see you too! It’s been so long!” She rolls her eyes.
“Hi. Did you ask him?”
“Yes I asked him. He said yes.”
“Didn’t I tell you that he wouldn’t say no to you.” I roll my eyes back at her. “Got you coffee, darling.” She pushes the caffeinated drink towards me and grimace. “What is it?”
“That smell is making me sick.”
“Coffee? You love coffee.”
“I know, mum. It’s just the smell of it is making me nauseous.” She pulls it away and frowns.
“Are you alright, Eleanor? You feeling sick?”
“I think I might have caught some sort of stomach flu. I woke up this morning and I ran to the bathroom to vomit.” She reaches across the table and strokes the back of my hand.
“Go visit the doctors, Eleanor. I don’t need you feeling sick when we need Simon’s parents.” Her eyebrows raise. “Which reminds me!” She delves into full detail on what she has planned. She has everything planned to the T. She even has seating arrangements.
When the day finally comes to meet Simon’s parents, my mum is running around the house like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Billy and I are sitting on the sofa watching Towie until my mum stands in front and frowns. “It would be nice if I would get some help.”
“Sorry, mum.” Billy gets up and dusts off his pants.
“Eleanor, when is Harry coming?”
I shrug. “Said he’ll be here in 10 minutes.”
“Maybe he’ll help me since his girlfriend isn’t.”
“Girlfriend? Billy, you didn’t tell me that you and Harry were dating. Congratulations, mate.” He frowns and flips me off.
“She’s talking about you, you little shit.”
I giggle and stand up. “We aren’t dating, mum. He’s just a friend.”
“Friends that greet each other with their genitals.”
“Oh piss off, Billy.”
“Eleanor!” My mother scolds me.
“He lying, mum!”
“I don’t have time to be angry right now. Both of you, upstairs and change. I laid out your outfits in your rooms. Go.” She snaps her finger and we both take our time to go upstairs to our old rooms.
When I change, I make my way downstairs to find Harry here, talking to my dad. Harry is laughing at something my dad says, his dimple popping out and the corners of his eyes crease. The sound that emits from him sounds so angelic, I bet it’s the sound that plays when the Heavens gates open. My heart races and there is a lump in my throat, like I’m about to cry. I shake it off and walk into the kitchen. Harry turns to me and his whole face lights up.
“Hello, Lenny.”
“Hi, Harry.” He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. He stays close to me until Simon and his parents come. And even then, he still manages to hold me.
We all greet each other, until someone else emerges from the door. He is tall-not as tall as Harry but still tall- and broad. Simon greets him as his brother, Max. He looks over to me and smiles. “Hi. You must be Eleanor; Billy’s sister.”
“Hi.” I blush. He sticks out his hand and I shake it. He smiles at me; it is warm and comfortable.
“Hey, man. I’m Harry.” I feel Harry wrap his arm around me like he did earlier but it was more possessive this time.
“Hey! I’m Max.” His hand drops from mine and makes it’s way to Harry’s.
Harry sat next to me at dinner, keeping his hand on my thigh. Max and I engaged in a conversations pretty quickly, finding out we have a lot in common. Harry’s grip tightens as the conversation grows. I try to pry his fingers away but it fails, being he is stronger than I am. “Harry please.” I whisper. He looks over to me and winks but doesn't let me go.
He leans down and kisses the side of my head. “You are mine. Don’t forget that or else you will be punished again. Understood?” I sigh and nod.
As the night goes on, Harry’s hand never left me. Almost as if he wanted to claim me a his. When it’s time for Simon and his family to leave, Max hugs me. “I hope we can have a cup of coffee sometime.” He smiles.
“I would like that.” Harry clears his throat, catching Max’s attention.
“Nice to meet you, mate.” Max says to Harry. Harry just nods to him with a tight lipped smile.
I manage to get out of Harry’s grip once they leave. He looks down at me with a confused look.
I scoff and walk away, but I feel him following me. Harry closes the door behind him when we enter my childhood bedroom. “What the fuck was that?”
“What was what, love.”
“Oh don’t act like you don’t know, Harry. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”
“He was being nice!”
“He was looking at what is mine.”
“I’m not yours, Harry! We aren’t dating!”
“I thought we were past this shit, Lenny.”
“I never agreed to be your girlfriend.” He sighs and pulls his hair back. “I think you should go.”
“Yeah, I think so to.” He turns the door nob but turns his head to look at me. “I tried, Lenny. But you are the one pushing me away.” With that, he leave and shuts the door behind him. I plop on my bed, letting the tears fall from my face
But I don't ever want to see you with him
I'm selfish, I know
I told you, but I know you never listen
I hope you can see, the shape that I'm in
While he's touching your skin
He's right where I should, where I should be
But you're making me bleed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Why don’t you invite Harry?” My mom says over the phone as I clean around my room. I look over at the sleeping man who is half naked on my bed. I smile move the blankets up Harry’s back, knowing how cold my flat can get.
“I don’t know, mum. He’s busy a lot and I’m not sure if he wants to even come.”
“Oh nonsense, Eleanor. He would never say no to you.” Heat rises to my cheeks; she’s right. There’s never been a time where Harry has said no to an invitation.
“I’ll ask him and see what he says.” I sigh.
“Perfect! Call me when you get an answer.”
I hang up with my mum and sit at the edge of my bed, next to Harry. I move the hair that has fallen on his face away and stroke his cheek. He stirs but doesn’t wake up. His lips are pouty and his never-ending lashes rest on the tops of his cheeks. I don’t want to wake him up because he looks so serene. But I have to get him up before Lily comes back home. I lean down and kiss his eyelids. He groans and furrows his eyebrows. “Harry,” I whisper. “You gotta get up, baby.” He sighs, his eyes fluttering open; the green in his eyes shine bright even as he wakes up. I scratch behind his ear and smile. “Mornin’ sleepyhead.”
“Mornin’, pet.” He stretches his arm, flopping them around my waist. “What time is it?”
“8:37.” He moves to his side, facing me and smiles. “What?” I giggle.
“Nothing. You’re just so beautiful. Even early in the morning,” his eyes trail down my body, taking in the clothes, well lack thereof, that I’m wearing. “And especially in my t-shirt.” His finger trails up my leg and under the t-shirt.
I push his hand away and stand up. “Down boy.” I bite my lip and smile. “I need to do stuff today so you need to change.” I pat his bum, encouraging him to get up.
“I wanna stay in bed with you baby.”
“Another day. I promise. I’m just super busy today.” I lean down and kiss his lips lightly. When I pull back, I feel nauseous. I run to the bathroom and lift up the toilet seat, purging into it. Harry follows me, standing at the door. Once I feel like I emptied my insides, I slouch against the tub and groan, wiping my mouth with the bottom of Harry’s shirt.
“You okay, pet?” Harry asks, sitting next to me.
“Yeah.” I lean my head against his shoulder. “I must’ve ate something my stomach didn’t agree with.”
“I didn’t think my breath smell that bad this morning.” I giggle and shake my head.
“It’s never you.” I stand and wash my mouth at the sink.
After a good half an hour, we end up in the shower together. Which I wasn’t planning but definitely not complaining. I watch Harry wash his hair; the water falling down his toned back. The muscles contrast every time he scrubs his scalp. When he turns around, he catches me staring at him and smirks. “Like what you see?” I roll my eyes and snatch the shampoo from his hands. He chuckles and kisses my head.
“What d’you have planned today?” Harry asks me when I slip on my shoes.
“I’m visiting my mum for lunch. We are meeting Simon’s parents and she’s planning dinner.”
“I like Simon. He’s a good kid.” I nod and agree.
“That reminds me. Mum wanted to know if you wanted to come to dinner.”
“Me? Why does she want me to go?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “She likes you I guess.”
“Do you want me to come?” He questions.
“I wouldn’t mind.” I look up at him shyly.
“Then I’ll go.” I smile.
I meet my mother for lunch at a cafe that has been owned by an older couple for the last 25 years. I remember coming here with mum, Billy, and dad all the time. When I finally spot my mum, she is sitting in the usual booth we sit at and smiles. I sit across from her and sigh. “Did you talk to Harry yet?” She asks just as I sit.
“Hello mother, nice to see you too! It’s been so long!” She rolls her eyes.
“Hi. Did you ask him?”
“Yes I asked him. He said yes.”
“Didn’t I tell you that he wouldn’t say no to you.” I roll my eyes back at her. “Got you coffee, darling.” She pushes the caffeinated drink towards me and grimace. “What is it?”
“That smell is making me sick.”
“Coffee? You love coffee.”
“I know, mum. It’s just the smell of it is making me nauseous.” She pulls it away and frowns.
“Are you alright, Eleanor? You feeling sick?”
“I think I might have caught some sort of stomach flu. I woke up this morning and I ran to the bathroom to vomit.” She reaches across the table and strokes the back of my hand.
“Go visit the doctors, Eleanor. I don’t need you feeling sick when we need Simon’s parents.” Her eyebrows raise. “Which reminds me!” She delves into full detail on what she has planned. She has everything planned to the T. She even has seating arrangements.
When the day finally comes to meet Simon’s parents, my mum is running around the house like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Billy and I are sitting on the sofa watching Towie until my mum stands in front and frowns. “It would be nice if I would get some help.”
“Sorry, mum.” Billy gets up and dusts off his pants.
“Eleanor, when is Harry coming?”
I shrug. “Said he’ll be here in 10 minutes.”
“Maybe he’ll help me since his girlfriend isn’t.”
“Girlfriend? Billy, you didn’t tell me that you and Harry were dating. Congratulations, mate.” He frowns and flips me off.
“She’s talking about you, you little shit.”
I giggle and stand up. “We aren’t dating, mum. He’s just a friend.”
“Friends that greet each other with their genitals.”
“Oh piss off, Billy.”
“Eleanor!” My mother scolds me.
“He lying, mum!”
“I don’t have time to be angry right now. Both of you, upstairs and change. I laid out your outfits in your rooms. Go.” She snaps her finger and we both take our time to go upstairs to our old rooms.
When I change, I make my way downstairs to find Harry here, talking to my dad. Harry is laughing at something my dad says, his dimple popping out and the corners of his eyes crease. The sound that emits from him sounds so angelic, I bet it’s the sound that plays when the Heavens gates open. My heart races and there is a lump in my throat, like I’m about to cry. I shake it off and walk into the kitchen. Harry turns to me and his whole face lights up.
“Hello, Lenny.”
“Hi, Harry.” He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. He stays close to me until Simon and his parents come. And even then, he still manages to hold me.
We all greet each other, until someone else emerges from the door. He is tall-not as tall as Harry but still tall- and broad. Simon greets him as his brother, Max. He looks over to me and smiles. “Hi. You must be Eleanor; Billy’s sister.”
“Hi.” I blush. He sticks out his hand and I shake it. He smiles at me; it is warm and comfortable.
“Hey, man. I’m Harry.” I feel Harry wrap his arm around me like he did earlier but it was more possessive this time.
“Hey! I’m Max.” His hand drops from mine and makes it’s way to Harry’s.
Harry sat next to me at dinner, keeping his hand on my thigh. Max and I engaged in a conversations pretty quickly, finding out we have a lot in common. Harry’s grip tightens as the conversation grows. I try to pry his fingers away but it fails, being he is stronger than I am. “Harry please.” I whisper. He looks over to me and winks but doesn't let me go.
He leans down and kisses the side of my head. “You are mine. Don’t forget that or else you will be punished again. Understood?” I sigh and nod.
As the night goes on, Harry’s hand never left me. Almost as if he wanted to claim me a his. When it’s time for Simon and his family to leave, Max hugs me. “I hope we can have a cup of coffee sometime.” He smiles.
“I would like that.” Harry clears his throat, catching Max’s attention.
“Nice to meet you, mate.” Max says to Harry. Harry just nods to him with a tight lipped smile.
I manage to get out of Harry’s grip once they leave. He looks down at me with a confused look.
I scoff and walk away, but I feel him following me. Harry closes the door behind him when we enter my childhood bedroom. “What the fuck was that?”
“What was what, love.”
“Oh don’t act like you don’t know, Harry. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”
“He was being nice!”
“He was looking at what is mine.”
“I’m not yours, Harry! We aren’t dating!”
“I thought we were past this shit, Lenny.”
“I never agreed to be your girlfriend.” He sighs and pulls his hair back. “I think you should go.”
“Yeah, I think so to.” He turns the door nob but turns his head to look at me. “I tried, Lenny. But you are the one pushing me away.” With that, he leave and shuts the door behind him. I plop on my bed, letting the tears fall from my face
