Back to The Beginning

“Nervous?” Liam asked, walking across the room to me. I nodded, feeling slightly sick. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. “You’re going to be fine. I know that tonight is really big, but just keep breathing. Whether you win, whether you don’t, breathe.”

I buried my head in his neck and breathed in the scent of his cologne. It was the same as the day I auditioned all those months ago. The same as before everything in my life changed. My brother was the same.

He stroked my hair softly, and on this night where everything would change again, I simply allowed him to hold me. I needed his constance. I needed to know that even though nothing would ever be the same, my brother would be right there for me, just like he always had been. And in his arms I found that reassurance, that comforting whisper.

He pulled away slowly and kissed my forehead. “You’ve made everyone who knows you so proud, Kayla,” he told me. “Including me. I can’t wait until you get to experience the real fun this life has to offer.”

I smiled and nodded, taking a deep breath as Simon joined us. He smiled and hugged me quickly, then led me over to the spot where we were supposed to walk onstage from. “One more night,” he told me. “One more announcement.”

I nodded. “One more change.”

He hummed and walked out with me as the panels opened, and seeing all the people that were cheering for me and had posters with my name on them made me smile wide. There were people out there that believed in me. That wanted me to win.

We took our places as Dermot began to speak. I barely heard him say, “And the winner of the X Factor Season 14 is….” I barely noticed the crowd’s screaming. I barely noticed the confetti drop, the arms that engulfed me. I barely noticed any of it. The only thing I heard him say was my name.

The confetti was there, lots of it. More than a few people hugged me. Simon, Liam, Taylor, who was runner-up, Dermot. I was definitely crying. The people who were supporting me were cheering. As Simon and I made our way over to Dermot and Liam and Taylor made their way offstage, I wiped my tears away and attempted to catch my breath.

“Kayla, you just won, what’s going through your head right now?” Dermot asked me.

“What just happened?” I answered, laughing softly in disbelief. “This doesn’t feel real.”

He laughed and turned to Simon, but I kind of zoned out. As soon as it went to commercial, people were rushing onstage and they were setting up. I forgot. I still had to sing.

As soon as the box I was supposed to stand on was in its place, I was rushed on top of it and the production staff got to attaching the flowing skirt of my gown over the shorter dress that rested underneath. My microphone, embellished with hundreds of small rhinestones, fit naturally in my hand, and I smiled as Dermot announced me to sing my winner’s single.

As the music started, I relished in the beautiful message of the song, You Raise Me Up by Westlife. I sang it to my family, to Adley, to James, to Taylor, to Zayn, to Simon. To all the people that had given me the confidence and love I needed to make it this far.

As the second chorus started, the confetti fell and all of the people who had been put through to the live shows ran at me. I found James first, letting the track of the single play while I hugged all my friends. The judges joined us too, and somehow Zayn also ended up on the stage.

Hours later, as I lay in my bed, I posted pictures on instagram of me and my family, me and Adley, James, and Taylor, and me and Zayn.

kaylapayne: you raise me up @zaynmalik @liampayne @adleyreid @jamescarter @taylorgrayson

Notes