I just seriously cannot believe it. After all this time, he.is.here.

I first met Harry when i was 11 or so, believe it or not in primary school when he was on a date with his ‘girlfriend’ at the time. Can you even call someone that is 11 your girlfriend? I don’t even know. Anyway, it was a big group of us at the movies and i didn’t really know him at the time so we didn’t really speak and i didn’t really think anything of him. However whenever his name popped up on my Facebook feed I always took notice for some reason, it was like I knew he’d one day be something so special to me. And he was, for such a long time. Let me tell you the story of myself and Harry Styles.


Year 7 through to year 9 were confusing times for me. I had been in and out of relationships like they were nothing and seriously they were nothing to me, I literally dated one of my best friends’ exes like it was nothing (and it lasted about a month). This was the case until about the end of year 7 until early year 8 when i got my heart broken for the first time. I had never experienced anything quite like it and it was probably the worst ending to a relationship I’ve ever had. Not that i have had many actual relationships.
So picture this, it is late December and it was one of my best friend’s 13th birthday parties and you know in year 7 when everyone is all weird about parties and you kind of plan to kiss people before you even go to the party? no? ok maybe it was just my school but that kind of happened to me before this party and it was the first time it had ever happened to me. Anyways, this boy’s name was Liam. He had been in plenty of relationships before me and was no stranger to kissing, where as I was. I can’t remember whether this was my first kiss or one of them but I don’t think I was very experienced considering i had my eyes open for this one and one of my so called ‘exes’ had seen my eyes open..major LOL.


So myself and Liam kissed at this party and I wasn’t expecting anything to happen after it but he was my first actual relationship. Keeping in mind I was 13 and I had no idea about being in an actual face to face relationship as the other people i had ‘dated’ all went to different schools than me. Considering Liam had been in more relationships than me I was like ok he will make the first move at school. Oh boy was I wrong. He didn’t, but I didn’t really care, I can’t remember why not but i didn’t but everyone else seemed to. Almost everyone would make fun of us for not talking at school and it’s not like we were the weird kids at school, we were part of the ‘popular’ group at school so for this to happen it was pretty funny to think about as we literally would get so awkward around each other but what do 13 year olds have to talk about? Anyways, I love you’s were exchanged and we dated for maybe 4 or 5 months which was a major deal for me.


Towards the end of the relationship he was talking to this girl, let’s call her Janet and they were the best of friends and don’t get me wrong I am not a controlling person in a relationship or over protective but in this case i probably should of been. It was Liam’s birthday and he was having a party and he had invited all of the usual suspects from school and also invited Janet and a few of her close friends which was nice I guess. I had some interactions with Janet and she was dating one of my close friends, let’s call him Rob. So they had been dating for a bit longer than myself and Liam and they were real cute together.
Janet and Rob had broken up a week or so before the party because Rob thought Liam and Janet were talking behind our backs and Janet got real defensive and just broke up with him. However everything seemed like it was fine between myself and Liam but we ended up breaking up a few days after his birthday, And GUESS WHAT? Yep you guessed it, a couple of weeks later mine and Rob’s speculations turned out to be true as Janet and Liam were now in a relationship.


After this happened, I didn’t realise at the time but I was falling into a pit of depression. I spent everyday at school basically just wallowing in self pity and unfortunately for me, myself and Liam were in the same class and in that class we were in the same group of friends which sucked for trying to get over someone. In order to do something for myself I decided to make new friends in my class and hung out with them but i wasn’t the best person to be around so unfortunately for them they were actually nice people and stuck by me and up until now when I am a lot older, I never realised how lucky i was to have them by my side at that time.


Every afternoon I would get home from school I would go upstairs and get straight into my bed, close the door and roll over to the side of the bed that would face the wall. I would just watch sad videos or movies and research depressing quote about love and all that jazz on Tumblr. My blog turned into a blog that basically romanticised self harm and depression which was just awful and not a good message for people following me which was quite a few people at the time if I do say so myself. To be honest that year is a real blur to me and I really don’t like thinking about it as I turned into a really awful person. But it was a massive learning curve for me and it made me into the person i am today, so many years later.
During this year at parties I’d kiss random people from school and just have no feelings at all really which isn’t something i am proud of at all.


In December that year I had another relationship with a really, really sweet boy who really liked me. Someone who I didn’t deserve at all especially at that point in my life. By this point I was 14 and not much growing up had happened for me in that time. But I was happier, no longer wallowing in my own self pity. This relationship was already a lot better than my one with Liam.
It was with a boy called Niall and he was the nicest boy and was so easy to talk to especially because we were friends before we went into a relationship, I’m not sure if this was a good or a bad thing as I don’t think I ever saw him as more than a friend when we were in a relationship. He treated me really well and would talk about the future like marriage and all that but when he would say all that i wouldn’t think much of it and I think that’s when I knew I had to end it. I had to break his heart and I did it over Facebook. Now don’t go and judge me, this was in the summer holidays, while he was away and where he wouldn’t have any internet and as I was writing I looked up at the last messagehe had sent to me and it was ‘I can’t wait to see you when I get back’ How sad is that.
Just my luck, he was in my class the next year for year 9 but we managed the friends things pretty well that year which was surprising and I didn’t deserve it in the slightest.




***STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER WHICH WILL COME OUT TOMORROW*** (it will include more of the ‘Harry’ character)

Notes

***STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER WHICH WILL COME OUT TOMORROW*** (it will include more of the ‘Harry’ character)