You + Me + Him

Early 2016

Alyssa ran back up to her room to find Zayn still sleeping – oblivious to everything. Oblivious to his younger brother walking in on them naked, which certainly implied exactly what happened between them the previous night. She couldn’t help but feel an intense pressure to go talk to Harry, to maybe explain herself. Even though she knew she didn’t have an excuse for what she did. Harry just told her how proud he was of her for not giving in to Zayn – for not having sex with him, and now look at her. She was pathetic. Truly pathetic.

Alyssa quickly got dressed and did all her hygienic bathroom duties before sneaking out of her own room, leaving Zayn to sleep. She got into her car and drove straight to the Malik/Styles house, hoping like hell that Harry would be there. She felt shame over what he walked in on. Her relapse was just supposed to be a dirty little secret, for no one but her and Zayn to know about. But now there they were.

When Alyssa pulled into the driveway, she immediately saw Harry’s car and breathed a sigh of relief, her anxiety leaving for only a second as she walked down the long path leading to the house. Trisha answered the door with a wide smile on her face.

“Alyssa, what are you doing here?” She asked as she pulled her into a hug.

“Hi. Uh, I need to talk to Harry,” Alyssa told her.

“Oh, yeah? Would you like some breakfast? I could make you two some breakfast,” she offered.

“Oh, no. Thank you, Trisha,” Alyssa said, smiling politely, knowing full well she’d never be able to stomach any food at the moment.

“How is it going between you two?” She asked as the two of them walked through the foyer.

“How is what going?” Alyssa asked, felling confused. Her mind was going a mile a minute.

“Being friends. Harry doesn’t really talk much about things. You know how he is,” Trisha said, giving her a tight-lipped smile. Alyssa didn’t really have time for the chit-chat, but it was Trisha and she wasn’t going to be rude.

“Oh. We’re good. Uh, can I talk to him?” Alyssa asked, pressing forward a few steps ahead of her.

“Oh, yes. Yes, yes. He’s in his room, I believe,” Trisha said with a laugh, pointing toward the staircase.

“Thank you,” Alyssa said, smiling at her before she took the stairs up two-by-two.

Standing outside of Harry’s door, Alyssa took a deep breath before knocking. The anxiety swelled up in her chest, waiting on bated breath for him to answer.

“Come in,” she heard him grumble from the other side of the door. Slowly, she opened it.

“See, this is how it was supposed to happen. You were supposed knock and then wait for a reply before entering,” Alyssa joked, trying to lighten the mood, to no avail. Harry was most definitely not impressed with her joke.

“What are you doing here? Isn’t there someone else you’d rather be with?” Harry asked bitterly.

“Harry… I…” Alyssa stammered, honestly not knowing what to say.

“What are you doing with him? You said—” Harry started.

“I know what I said, Harry,” she snapped, cutting him off. She didn’t know why she was snapping at him, but she figured it was because nobody likes their flaws pointed out and that’s exactly what he was doing to her. Her biggest flaw was bending to Zayn’s will whenever, wherever.

“Then what are you doing!? He has a girlfriend!” Harry practically yelled, standing up from his desk chair to face her eye-to-eye.

“Amber broke up with him,” Alyssa said quietly, her eyes darting away from his.

“So, you decided that fucking him would be the best way for him to get over her?” Harry asked, flailing his arms up dramatically.

“It really is none of your business, Harry!” Alyssa snapped, getting angry with him again because of the pesky way he pointed out her flaws with no-holds-barred honesty.

“You’re right! Whatever. What-the-fuck-ever,” he growled, but she knew he wasn’t going to drop it.

“Why do you care!?” She yelled back at him.

“You’re so… God… you’re so oblivious, Alyssa!” Harry yelled at her in frustration.

“To WHAT!?” She yelled back.

There was a pause. Harry just stared at her, his eyes on fire, not saying anything. His chest heaved lightly from being so worked up. Alyssa caught the slightest quirk of his head as he looked at her and she wondered what the hell he could be thinking. Was he about to admit fault to this whole god damn fight? Because really, he had no reason to be mad at all.

Catching her completely off guard, with two swift strides, Harry came to stand directly in front of her. She didn’t know what he was going to do, but he was mad and he was all of a sudden in her face. He took a deep breath and for a split second she saw all the anger disappear from his expression.

His lips crashed into hers a moment later, his hands snaking around to grip onto the back of her neck. Holy shit.

Harry. Oh, Harry. Her Hazza.

Her mind wasn’t wrapping around it. All she knew was Harry Styles was kissing her. Her little Hazza was kissing her, deeply and passionately.

“Harry…” She mumbled against his lips as she put her hands firmly on his chest.

He pulled back only enough so their lips weren’t touching any longer. He was breathing heavily with his eyes closed, but he didn’t make a move to step back.

“What… what was that?” Alyssa whispered, pulling her head back enough to see his face.

“Alyssa…” He breathed, his eyes opening to find hers and he still didn’t move away.

“Harry…” She said, looking into his hazy green eyes.

“I’ve loved you since we were kids,” he admitted softly.

“You…” She breathed, but she couldn’t finish the rest of the words to make up a sentence. She couldn’t even finish a thought.

“You’ve been in love with Zayn and I’ve been in love with you,” he elaborated.

“What?” Alyssa said breathlessly. Her brain was failing her. She could barely think while Harry stared at her.

“All this… all this time, Harry?” She asked and he nodded his confirmation.

“But… but you hated me,” she stammered, feeling more than a little confused.

“I’ve never hated you,” he told her.

“But you… you always got me and Zayn in trouble,” she pointed out.

“You did that all on your own, Alyssa,” he said with the ghost of a smile on his lips.

Alyssa stood there silent, her mind racing. She couldn’t comprehend any of it. None of it made any sense to her.

.

.

Early 2009

Alyssa could hear Harry singing from the music room and it made her curious. Usually he was never that loud. When she walked over, she realized the door was hung open as he sat at the piano with his back to her. He played and sang his heart out. It took a few moments, but she realized he was singing another love song.

“’Don’t let me… Don’t let me… Don’t let me go. ‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone. Don’t let me… Don’t let me go. ‘Cause I’m tired of sleeping alone’,” Harry sang with sincere emotion in his voice.

Alyssa’s heart squeezed and sputtered for her friend. The lyrics were of longing and pain… of unrequited love, perhaps. She couldn’t help but get choked up as she listened to him sing.

When he was done, he sat there for a few moments before spinning around on the piano bench.

“ALYSSA. God!” He gasped, holding his heart. She startled him completely, which made her smile at him immediately.

“What?” He asked as he settled a bit from his start.

“Sing that song for that girl… what’s her name?” Alyssa asked.

“Who?” Harry asked, looking confused.

“That girl you like. Alicia,” she said, snapping her fingers in front of her.

“Oh. Ohh,” he said nodding, and Alyssa noticed a prominent blush rise up his cheeks.

“Sing that song for her and just see how long it takes her to resist you, Harry Styles,” Alyssa said proudly as she smiled from ear-to-ear.

“If only it were that easy,” he said, and Alyssa watched as his eyes darted away from hers quickly.

.

.

“I was Alicia,” Alyssa gasped, coming to the realization in her mind.

“Alicia?” He asked, looking at her oddly.

“I am,” she said, looking into his confused eyes.

“Alicia, who?” He asked.

“You were fifteen. You told me you wrote a song for the girl you liked… Alicia,” she reminded him.

“Oh,” he said as his eyes went wide for a split second.

“I’m Alicia,” she said again, and he nodded.

“Harry…” She sighed. Harry took a step back, looking embarrassed.

“Jesus… I just… I don’t even know what to say – what to think…” She said, pressing the palm of her hand against her forehead as she began to pace shallowly across his floor.

“I’m still just me, Alyssa,” Harry reminded her.

“I know. Jesus. I know,” she said, feeling as if the temperature in the room had just skyrocketed.

“Then why are you freaking out?” He asked.

“I’m not. I’m not freaking out… I’m just… processing it,” she told him.

“Can you not even fathom it?” He asked.

“Fathom what?” She asked, stopping in her tracks to finally look him in the eye.

“Fathom the fact that I just kissed you – that I love you?” He asked.

“Jesus, Harry. Jesus,” Alyssa huffed as she began to pace again.

She heard Harry noticeably sigh and it pulled her out of her head. When she looked up at him all she saw was sadness. Her heart tugged and pulled for him.

“Harry,” she sighed, watching as his green eyes looked up at her. He looked so sad.

“Please, don’t look at me like that,” she told him. His face dropped even further and she realized he thought she was rejecting him flat out.

“No! No, no, no. Not like that, like that. Don’t look at me with those sad, heartbroken eyes,” she told him. He didn’t say anything in response. He just kept looking at her the same way and it broke a little piece of her heart.

“Just, Harry. This is hard, you know. This is hard—” Alyssa started.

“It’s hard because you can’t see yourself with anyone but Zayn,” he stated plainly.

“No. I didn’t say that. Harry,” she said, trying her best to come up with the right words to say.

“But you love him?” He asked.

“Harry, I am not talking about Zayn right now. I’m not even thinking about Zayn right now. Please stop bringing Zayn into this,” she snapped at him and he hung his head.

“Harry, please,” she said, stepping closer to him.

“Alyssa, I’m sorry. I just kind of snapped this morning. I mean, seeing you with him. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt. And Zayn always hurts you,” Harry explained.

“After this long there’s really no one to blame but myself, Harry,” she told him honestly.

“Then why do you keep going back? Why do you do it to yourself?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, hanging her head shamefully.

“You deserve someone better. You deserve someone who will treat you the way you are supposed to be treated. You deserve someone who’s going to give a shit about you once morning comes,” Harry told her honestly.

“Harry,” she breathed as tears burned in the back of her eyes.

“Alyssa, I’m not saying that person has to be me. But Jesus, choose someone who makes you happy! Choose someone who makes you feel wanted and needed and loved! Choose someone who fucking cares!” Harry said with so much passion and conviction in his words that it made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

“I care, Alyssa,” he said, his words almost breathless.

Those three words extinguished all the air from her lungs. Harry cared. He always did. Alyssa found herself stepping toward him, and she saw the surprise in his eyes when she did. She looked into his eyes and her heart just sang his name.

“Harry…” She said again as she took one last step into his arms.

“Alyssa…” He said lowly.

Her heartbeat demanded to be felt in every part of her being. It was a monumental moment. She had so many feelings rushing through her at one time that she thought she might faint. But somewhere in the back of her head, she knew Harry would be there to catch her.

“Harry…” She said again.

“Yeah?” He whispered.

“Kiss me again,” she told him.

Alyssa watched what her words did to him. A wide smile took over his entire face. And for a split second she got to see all the sadness and heartbreak wash right off of his expression. She made him happy. He loved her, and she made his pain go away. And isn’t that what humans as a species want in the end? They want to be loved. They want to make others happy. They want to take the pain away. Alyssa knew, as all of those sad emotions disintegrated off his face, that she too was happy.

Harry leaned in, kissing her lips again, lighter than before, but still just as good. And as she kissed him back, the kiss deepened to the point where tongues were involved, and she was okay with that. She was kissing Harry Styles like a woman kisses a man, and she was happy.

Notes