You + Me + Him

Fall 2015

It didn’t take Alyssa long to get home – she and Zayn lived less than ten minutes away. She honestly was not looking forward to seeing Zayn and Amber – which she figured Amber would have slept over since Zayn left the benefit so late the night before. They would have wanted their time together.

Surprisingly when Alyssa came in the door, the house was quiet. No obnoxious laugh coming from the bimbo, no music coming from Zayn’s make-shift art studio – nothing. Alyssa tip-toed quietly up the stairs. If Zayn was still sleeping she didn’t want to wake him up, because frankly she didn’t want to see him.

She got into her room and began taking off Harry’s clothes. She didn’t need Zayn to see her in his brother’s clothes and start thinking things that were unfathomable.

“Hey…” She heard from her door way.

“Zayn! Jesus! Do you knock?” Alyssa yelped, covering her bare chest up with her arms. She standing in the middle of her bedroom in only her thong underwear from the night before.

“You act like I haven’t seen you naked before. It’s natural,” he said with a scoff.

“Yeah. Well, you have a girlfriend now,” she snapped, causing him to shrug his shoulders smugly.

“And you need to learn to respect my privacy,” Alyssa added with an air of annoyance. Zayn rolled his eyes and turned around dramatically.

“Is this better?” He asked with an attitude.

“Just because I ask you to do one simple thing, Zayn, doesn’t give you the right to be a jerk,” she told him as she covered herself with her robe.

“I’m sorry,” he huffed lightly.

“Thank you. You can turn around now,” she said and watched as he did, rolling his eyes in the process.

“Where were you all night?” He asked curiously.

“You’re parents’ house,” she told him as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“You left with Harry,” he stated.

“Yeah. Harry was being a friend, unlike you,” she retorted.

Zayn sighed, his head bowing and his shoulders slumping as he took a deep breath like he was preparing for battle, before looking back up at her.

“Look, Alyssa. I know I haven’t been a very good friend, but I want to change, okay? I want us to be okay. You’ve just got to help me. You can’t give me this unnecessary attitude when I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m trying,” he said, looking slightly hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa apologized sheepishly. She was kind of being a bitch to him.

“I waited here all night for you to get home last night,” he said quietly, hanging his head again.

“Zayn,” she sighed, “I told you I needed space.”

“I know, but I was hoping you didn’t mean it,” he said sadly, looking up at her with his big brown puppy dog eyes.

“Zayn, we can be friends, okay. We’re always going to be friends. But there’s a lot that really needs to change between us,” she told him.

“What’s going to change?” He asked, almost cringing at the thought.

“For one, I’m not going to have sex with you anymore,” Alyssa stated boldly, hoping she would actually hold herself to it. She was her own worst enemy after all.

“Lyssa…” He sighed.

“That was harder for me to say than for you to hear, Zayn,” she told him honestly.

“But I mean, why can’t we? I mean, if you don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have a girlfriend…” He started to argue.

“Because, Zayn. Because it is incredibly hard for me to look at you as just a friend while we’re having sex, okay?” She told him honestly, knowing he wasn’t going to make it easy on her. But she knew she had to stand her ground no matter what, or Zayn Malik would continue to own her. Which wasn’t fair.

Zayn hung his head again, looking almost distressed. And Alyssa couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do more – comfort him or smack him as hard as she could.

“I’m sorry, that’s just how I feel,” she said, tightening her arms across her chest.

“I’m sorry too,” he said quietly, looking up at her. She had to look away from him. She didn’t want there to be a chance of her caving already.

“So everything sexual is out? Even kissing?” He questioned.

“Yes,” she told him. God. This was going to be so hard.

“Fine,” he said finally. Alyssa almost couldn’t believe her ears.

“And like I said last night, I’m done with the way you’ve been treating me. I am your friend. I am not one of your conquests. I am not your slave. I am not your assistant. I am not beneath you – in any sense of the word. We’re friends and I deserve respect from you,” Alyssa said finally, trying to sound as stern as possible so he’d get the message.

“Okay, okay. I get it. I promise,” he said, sounding annoyed.

“I’m sure there is more, but for now, we can leave it at that,” Alyssa said as she sat down on her bed and crossed her legs. Zayn moved toward the other side of the bed and sat down with her.

“Alyssa…” Zayn said, looking over at her.

“Yeah, Zayn,” she answered.

“I feel really horrible,” he said quietly. Alyssa nodded because it was the only thing she could think to do. She didn’t know how to react.

“I just want to be your friend. I don’t want to make you feel bad. I-I… I’ve taken advantage of you. I know I have. And I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you,” he said, sounding incredibly genuine. It made her heart hurt.

“I’m glad to hear you admit you were wrong, Zayn. It’ll make it easier for us to move on from this,” she told him.

“I haven’t always been an asshole though, right? I mean, I was a good friend to you, wasn’t I?” He asked hopefully.

“Yes, Zayn. You were. You’ve had your shining moments. Why do you think I would put up with so much of your shit if there was no good to go with it?” Alyssa replied, smiling brightly at him.

Spring 2011

Imagine her surprise when she slept with a guy who wasn’t Zayn and all he wanted from her was sex. Alyssa knew she shouldn’t have let it happen, but she thought Miles would be different. She thought he actually liked her for her. But it turned out that wasn’t the case, because once she actually gave it up to him, he was off the next weekend getting it from another girl. Alyssa was absolutely crushed. She thought for sure she was going to get her happy ending – that she was going to be able to move on with someone who wasn’t Zayn. But she should have known.

Alyssa spent weeks depressed over Miles, even though they only dated for a short time. She was more depressed over the fact that she knew at the age of eighteen that she was destined to be alone for the rest of her life. If she hadn’t found love by now, there really was no hope, was there?

Zayn wasn’t a whole lot of help, because he didn’t like that she was with Miles in the first place. Imagine that. Zayn the jealous type? No way. He did have one shining quality though as her best friend – he threatened to kick Miles’ ass for the way he treated her. Luckily, Alyssa stepped in and pulled him out of that. All in all Zayn was happy to see Miles gone for good. But Alyssa was just stuck. She was stuck being a pathetic waste of space on this earth, because her soul mate didn’t exist.

She was lying with Zayn in his bedroom watching something stupid on TV. She didn’t really care. She just didn’t want to be sitting at home with her parents and her little brother.

“Lyss, you really need to snap out of it. You’ve been in this funk for weeks now,” Zayn told her, rolling over to look at her.

“I’m not in a funk,” she snapped, sending him a glare. Like, how dare he try to better her mental state?

“You are and it’s bumming me out,” he said, sending her a weird look.

“It’s bumming you out? The guy that can and does get any girl he wants, including me, is getting bummed out? I don’t get guys, Zayn. And the one time I actually do, he leaves me the first chance he gets for something better,” Alyssa snapped, feeling the anger swell up inside of her again.

“First of all, that girl was not better than you, Lyss. And second, that dude was a tool. Did you see that pussy haircut? Tool,” Zayn told her.

“I liked his hair,” Alyssa grumbled under her breath, crossing her arms firmly over her chest.

“Lyss, I hate that you’re so sad,” Zayn whined.

“I can’t help it,” she said, shaking her head.

“There’s someone out there for you, Alyssa. I promise. I may not like it. I may not want to let you go, but you’re going to be happy,” he told her. Alyssa looked over and stared in awe at him. She couldn’t believe those words came out of his mouth. It was just too sweet.

“Where did the real Zayn go and when is he coming back?” Alyssa asked sarcastically.

“Shut it, Lyss. I’m serious,” he told her.

“Uh. Thanks, then,” she said, giving him a small smile.

“C’mere,” he told her, holding out his arms.

“What?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion as she stared at him.

“Come here,” he repeated as he grabbed her arms and tugged her against his body before he wrapped her up in his arms.

Okay, she sort of knew Zayn was capable of being sweet every once in a while, but Alyssa didn’t think she would ever really be on the receiving end of it. But there they were – she was wrapped up in his strong arms, her head tucked underneath his chin. It felt right to her somehow. Like she was meant to be there all along. It was almost perfect. Then he started humming and for some reason she felt at peace.

“’ She wants somebody to love, to hold her. She wants somebody to love in the right way. She wants somebody to love, to kiss her. She wants somebody to love in the right way…’” Zayn began to sing quietly.

Alyssa couldn’t do anything but hold her breath and listen. Zayn’s voice was literally angelic and left goose bumps all over her body.He continued to sing the words again and she listened contently until he stopped.

“What was that?” Alyssa asked quietly.

“For you,” he said cryptically.

“What?” She choked, literally. She coughed repeatedly, trying to catch her breath again.

“Do I really have to repeat myself?” He asked, giving her a sly smile.

“You wrote a song for me?” She questioned, still completely baffled.

“Yeah, well, part of a song. It’s not finished or anything,” he said simply as if it was an everyday occurrence. Alyssa stared at him in disbelief. Was he for real?

“I know you’ve been going through a lot of shit, Lyss. But I want you to know I am your friend and I’ll always be there for you,” he told her sweetly.

Alyssa felt stunned as she laid in Zayn’s arms. He wrote her a song? She couldn’t believe it. Zayn Javadd Malik – the love and shining light in her life, just sang her a song that he himself wrote. Zayn, her best friend – her everything.

“Thank you so much, Zayn,” Alyssa said as she felt tears spur in the back of her eyes.

“You’re welcome. I don’t like to see you sad. That Miles guy should be castrated for what he did to my girl,” he said, making the feelings she felt for him cement inside of her – even more than they did in previous years.

Alyssa knew she’d love him for the rest of her life.

“Alyssa?” Zayn asked quietly.

“Hmm,” she answered, shaking away the memory.

“Are we going to be okay? Like really?” He asked hopefully.

“I think so,” she told him, really hoping they would.

“I don’t think I could handle it if we weren’t,” he said sadly, grabbing her hand in his.

“I don’t think I could either,” she told him truthfully.

“I love you. You know that, right?” Zayn said in a reassuring tone.

“I know, Zayn. I know,” she said, nodding her head lightly.

“Do you still love me?” He asked.

“I do. I am trying my hardest to not make any more out of that love than necessary, but I can almost guarantee I love you more than anyone else on the planet – I mean, well besides your family. They might love you a bit more,” she told him.

“But Lyss, you are my family,” he said sweetly with a sideways smirk tugging up his lip.

Her heart squeezed in her chest. God. She sure missed the hell out of her sweet Zayn. She leaned over and wrapped him into a hug.

“You’re my family too, Zayn,” she told him as sincerely as possible.

Notes