Prologue
~Summer 2009~
We were at the beach, just a bunch of kids, enjoying the last few days of summer vacation, expecting the year to be normal, like any other year. There was a bonfire that could be seen from the opposite end of the beach. Harry had been playing his guitar around the fire earlier,

but someone else was playing now. They were all there though, all of our classmates together at the beach.

“Sarah,” his voice came from behind me. His arms encircled me, wrapping me into him like a cocoon. I rested my head back against him and closed my eyes. “Why are you all the way over here?” Harry asked me. I opened my eyes to gaze out at the ocean.

“I just can’t believe that summer’s almost over, time is just going by so fast,” I sighed. “And I’m scared that things are going to change.” I could feel his lips on my hair.

“Nothing’s going to change between us, love.” Harry whispered. I turned around in his arms, so that I could see his face.

“I’ve known you for as long as I can remember Harry,” I smiled up at him. “We’ve been friends for so long.” The wind blew my hair, and he brushed it behind my ear, leaving his hand at the side of my face.

“I can’t believe that we only just got together this year,” he murmured. “Because I’ve loved you for so long.” I felt like I wanted to cry, this moment was so sweet.

“Really?” I asked him. “When did you know you loved me?” He smiled.

“I think it was in grade six, when you asked me to dance with you at the spring dance.”

I laughed. “Yes, I had to ask you because you were too embarrassed.” He chuckled.

“How about you,” he asked slowly. “When did you know that you loved me?” I stared into his eyes, and relived the moment in my mind.

“I knew I loved you,” I began. “When I got my first period in class in grade 6 and you were the first to notice and so you snuck me home at lunch so that no one else would know.” I laid my cheek against his chest.

“I didn’t know what to do,” he laughed at himself. “I thought something was wrong before I understood what was happening.” I laughed with him. “Why didn’t we just start dating back then?” Harry whispered longingly. I looked up at him.

“But, think of all the memories that we would’ve missed out on,” I said. “I’m glad I got to be your best friend, and not just some girl that you were dating.” He rested his forehead on mine.

“You’ll always be my best friend.” He sighed. He closed his eyes and quickly eliminated the space between us. His lips touched mine softly, gently and lovingly. My arms wrapped around his neck, my favourite part of him, gluing myself to him. His hands slid lower down my waist, and I shivered with delight. He traced my lips with his tongue, and then hungrily crushed my lips with his again. We fell onto the sand, and my fingers slid down his chest, greedily trying to remove his shirt. “Sarah,” he tried to say, but his lips still searched for mine but he persisted. “Sarah,” he said again, louder this time. I pulled away and looked at him. He took my face in his hands. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked me, staring deeply into my eyes. Looking into those emerald eyes, I’d never been more sure of anything in the world.

“I’m positive.” I breathed solemnly. He smiled and brought his mouth back to mine. I pushed up his t-shirt and ran my hands over his chest. We were sixteen and in love, and every touch was mesmerizing. He pulled off my tank top, showing my bikini top. Then he laid me down in the sand and rested his body over mine. He kissed my cheeks, my nose, my eyelids before returning to my mouth. His thumb slipped under by bikini top, rubbing soft circles around my breast. With his other hand, he undid the button on my jean shorts, and then pulled down the zipper. I shimmied out of them, the movement creating wondrous sensations between us. My hands searched for the front of his swim shorts, pulling desperately at the string. I finally made progress, and he was free. He pulled my swim suit to one side, silently slipping into me. We looked into each other’s eyes, and smiled. He cupped my cheek and kissed me hard.

“Are you alright?” he asked me. Even though I was smiling he was still unsure.

“Harry,” I whispered. “I love you. And I want you desperately. Now.”

He kissed me again, breathing into my mouth, “I adore you, love.” My hands pulled his face down, so that I could claim his lips with my own. As I kissed him, he started moving inside me. At first it was slow, and a little painful, but as the pain subsided my body became greedy, and my hips rose up to meet him with every thrust. We moaned softly into each other’s mouths, unwilling to break our kiss. The sand stuck to the sweat on my back, the waves of pleasure crippling me. The wetter I got the better it felt, and the more I wanted him. We finished in unison, and instead of him pulling out, I held him in, enjoying the sensation of him pulsing inside of me.

~Autumn 2009~
We’d been back in school for two months, and things were normal. Harry and I spent as much time together as possible, with no change to be seen in the future. Weekends would come, and we would sit and get our homework done as soon as possible so that the rest of time was ours.

It was on a weekend like this that things changed. We were sitting on the couch at my house, watching TV, but not really watching it. Harry was lying down with his feet resting on the coffee table and I had my head in his lap with his arms rubbing my back. I hadn’t been feeling well recently and Harry was constantly trying to help. We were sitting like this when a commercial came on, advertising First Response Pregnancy tests. And that’s when it dawned on me.

I sat up immediately. “Babe, what’s wrong?” Harry asked, sitting up, too. I couldn’t answer him, I had to count but I kept losing track. I was freaking out. The colour drained from my face. “Sarah, I’m begging you, please, tell me what’s wrong!” Harry begged frantically, but I didn’t know how to articulate my thoughts. “Harry,” I breathed barely audible to my own ears let alone Harry’s. I looked into his eyes, and saw that they were filled with worry. Mine were filling with tears.

“Harry,” I said a little stronger. “It’s been two months since the bonfire...” I explained. Harry froze, his eyes remaining locked on me. I could see him trying to process what I meant, and then when the realization of what I was saying hit him.

“Sarah,” he whispered. “Are you pregnant?” I flinched at the word, and the tears began flowing freely.

“I don’t know, but it’s been two months.” Harry pulled me into his arms, rubbing my back and kissing my hair.

“It’s alright, babe. Everything is going to be fine.” He chanted, whether to calm me or himself I’m not sure.
When I finally calmed down, we just sat there in silence with our arms wrapped around each other. It was Harry that broke this silence. “Sarah,” he said. “Love, I think we should buy a test, so that we know for sure.” I was already convinced, but if this was his last bit of hope, I wouldn’t take that away from him so I simply nodded. “Do you want me to go buy it for you?” He asked me. I looked at him.

“I’ll come with you.” I said.

“You don’t have to sweetheart.” He cupped my face.

“Harry, I couldn’t stand to be without you right now.” My voice broke towards the end. He hugged me tightly and then we got up to go buy the test that would confirm our worst fears.

Walking home with that little bag was awful. We couldn’t talk; neither of us knew what to say. We got home, and walked straight to the bathroom. Harry had the test out of the box and was reading the instructions before I even had my coat off. I did the test and handed it to Harry. I sat on the toilet; standing was impossible due to the shaking of my knees. Harry noticed this and pulled me to the floor. He leaned against the bath tub and kept me in his arms. “Whatever happens, you know I’ll be here for you,” he whispered. “You don’t have to worry; I’ll take care of you, both of you.” I turned towards him and pulled his face to mine and kissed him with every fibre of my being. I was so lucky to have him.

“Are you ready?” I asked him. He breathed in deeply and nodded. He lifted up the test for us both to see the little plus sign.

~December~
I’d known that I was pregnant for a month, but we hadn’t told anyone. I’d come to accept it, and Harry was actually happy. I knew he would make a great father. We tried to carry on our regular routine. I still wasn’t showing, so things stayed the same. Harry and I still spent all of our free time with each other and we were so in love.

We were at my house after school one day. We were on my bed, talking about our future. Harry rubbed his hands on my stomach lovingly. “I know at first we were scared,” he said. “But I’m actually happy now. How are you feeling?” he asked me. I sighed and ran my hands through his hair.

“I’m still scared,” I whispered. “I worry about telling people, not being able to take good enough care of the baby. And I’m afraid of the pain, even though that makes me weak.” I looked down. Harry sat up and made me look at him.

“You are not weak,” he said solemnly. “Never think that about yourself.” He kissed my forehead. “I wish that you didn’t have to go through the pain, that I could take it away somehow,” he sighed. “You have no idea how helpless I feel. Especially since it’s all my fault.” He put his arms around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Harry,” I said. “You can’t think that way, it’s nobody’s fault. It just is what it is. I don’t regret it and I don’t want you to either.” I kissed his shoulder. I hated the fact that he felt responsible for this. He kissed my head.

“I’m going to pick up some more shifts at the bakery,” he said. “I want to be ready when we bring the baby home.” He said. We hadn’t talked about this yet.

“So you for sure want the baby?” I asked him tentatively. He looked at me, shock all across his features.

“Of course!” he said. “Please tell me you do too.” He said breathlessly.

“I do,” I whispered.

“Then that’s all there is to it,” Harry breathed. “And we’ll be amazing parents.” I snuggled in closer to him.

“Harry I don’t know where I’d be without you.” He squeezed me tighter.

“Darling, I’m so in love with you.” Was his reply.

We fell asleep like that, I don’t know for how long, but it felt like forever. I never wanted to move, but something woke me up. I felt a swoosh of liquid come out of me, and then I felt like I was sitting in a puddle. I opened my eyes and screamed, as Harry and I sat in a puddle of my blood. “Oh my God,” Harry said frantically. “What’s happening?!” he waved his hands over me helplessly. I began to cry because I’d just realized what had happened. I’d miscarried. We now sat in the remnants of what would have been our baby. The flood of emotion was shocking. My tears and sobs were petrifying, never before in my life had I felt so much anguish. Harry rocked me back and forth trying to calm me.
“Harry,” I choked between sobs. “There isn’t a baby anymore.” That’s when Harry broke down too, and we sat there on my bed, holding each other as we sobbed uncontrollably.

~January~
Harry and I had had a rough couple of months. We were both still crushed about losing the baby, but we carried on, trying to stay strong for each other. First semester was over, yet another change in our lives. We hadn’t told anyone about what had happened, and we didn’t plan too. Things were starting to be okay for us though. We were able to smile and laugh again, and be alone without mentioning the baby. Our relationship felt stronger, more resilient than it had been before. But this was all about to change; we just didn’t know it yet.

“Sarah,” Harry said one day when we were walking home from school. “I need to ask you something.” I looked up at him curiously.

“What is it?” I asked him. He kept looking down, kicking pebbles with his shoes. “Harry,” I touched his arm. “Just say it.” I kissed his cheek. He put his arm around me and smiled.

“The X Factor auditions are coming up, and I really want to go audition...” he said quickly.

“Harry,” I said surprised. “That’s amazing! When?”I asked him excitedly. His smile grew even bigger.

“Next week,” he said, scrutinizing me. “You’re really okay with this? After everything that’s happened recently?” I hugged his waist.

“I think it’s a great idea especially because of everything that’s happened recently.”I looked up at him. “Harry, if you want to do this, I think you should.” He kissed me sweetly.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked, stroking my cheek. “You didn’t have to do anything.” I smiled. “One more thing,” he said.

I cocked my eyebrow, “Oh?”

He smiled. “Yeah, will you come with me for my audition?” He asked me.

“Harry,” I said. “That goes without saying!” The snow started falling softly, and we stood in the street, kissing each other with passion beyond our years.

Notes