The Night I Met Harry

I was so afraid that it’d be worst. He’d just been calling to check up on me. Why was it that I felt more of a bad person in that moment than all the ones before it? Harry had left the room in repulsion, hating to even here me talk with the guy I belonged to. Even after I’d gotten off the phone with Scott, I longed for the touch that took me over the edge. I wondered what he was thinking now. From the moment I’d met him he’d been so hard to read, only finding his pleasures through mine. In a weird way, I felt I needed him.

I’d gotten up quickly exiting the room to find him… I had to make it better. I couldn’t help feeling like it was my fault. Everything seemed confusing. What was our relationship? He seemed all in, though we both knew that I’d only ever been halfway. I walked down the hall of his beautiful house, slowing my pace as I took in the scenery.

Winter:

“ Harry?”

I wondered if he’d lived here alone. I knew he’d definitely had his share of women, given that he was a bartender at a club. I thought about the way they looked at him that night. It made me question why he’d even chosen to pursue me. Me, when I was the only one initially unwilling. I mean I know guys often found me attractive, but a part of me wished it went deeper than that. There was no doubt about the fact that he was pissed at me now, completely annoyed by the situation. I felt worried about him. He’d only been away from me a few minutes but I already missed him. A feeling I’ve never felt for a guy other than Scott.

I’d passed the kitchen, in search for the guy that made me weak. In that moment I wondered, how my world would ever be normal again. I turned the corner, walking in what appeared to be the living room. He sat there on the large sofa in presence, but his mind clearly settled somewhere else. I could tell he was bothered, and I hated that I was the reason for it.

Winter:

“ Harry?”

He didn’t look up at me. I didn’t like the idea of him feeling anything of a negative energy toward me. We’d been so intimate before. It made me a little uneasy at the idea of his anger. Of losing the spark that now satisfied my life.

Winter:

“I’m sorry, Harry.”

It was but a whisper. I walked over to where he sat, getting on my knees in front of him. He didn’t meet my gaze, hands meshed together as he stared downward blankly. His dark curls covered his forehead. I lifted his chin with the tips of my fingers. It pained me that his dimples didn’t show. He met my eyes, reluctantly. Why was he acting this way? Emotionally over a girl he only just met. It was confusing, but I could tell what bothered him more than anything was the relationship I had outside of ours. One he’d always knew about. All I wanted was to absorb his pain, to make him feel the way he did me in merely a touch. I put my face to his, slowly rubbing our noses together for a reaction. I felt childlike, just wanting him to tell me that he was okay. He didn’t move, but he didn’t reject me. I grabbed his hands, intertwining them with mine as I made contact with his lips playfully. I felt protective of him.

Winter:

“Don’t be made at me… You can’t.”

I realized the gravity of my voice. His fingers dropped from mine, moving up to the surface of my face. He pushed my hair behind my ears intimately. I loved this side of him, and really it was the only one I’d seen. There was a sense of safety and protectiveness radiating from him to me.

Harry:

“I’m okay. It’s just I enjoy being with you, Winter. When you’re with me… I forget.”

I was relieved he’d even been talking again. Our bodies were close. I wallowed in his scent and the profundity of his voice. His skin was warm, his tone was low. I took in the handsome view of his eyes in low lighting before mine met his in question.

Harry:

“I forget that you belong to someone else.”

My mind flashed to Scott, home and in our bed waiting for me. The same loving boyfriend that had called minutes ago just to check on me, and I’d been deceiving him for the second time since meeting Harry. In that instant I’d backed off. Losing contact with him completely, removing my hands from his. My brain, in a knot. The realness of his words deterring my mood. I knew I shouldn’t be here but somehow there was always a part of me that didn’t care. Because it was Harry. I felt in too deep. Now, it was more than just about my feelings. And maybe it had always been. I’d been lying to myself thinking this would ever work, that it’d ever end well. I didn’t want to hold him back, to hurt him in a way I’d never want to be hurt. Clearly he was into me for more than our intimacy. The thought of Scott leaving made me ill, yet I’d been doing everything in my power lately to lead to that result. To be honest Harry made me forget. Forget that I had a life outside of him.

Winter:

“I should go.”

There was nothing left for me to say. I hadn’t regret coming tonight but I wasn’t sure I should have. Nothing good would come from giving in to my urges and I’d only be making things worse for Harry. He clearly wanted more than I was able to give him with Scott, and maybe it’d always been that way.

I got up from my position in front of him, making my way back to his room to find my phone as he followed me. I’d planned on calling Caitlin to pick me up, wanting to ask nothing else of him.

Harry:

“Winter, please… You don’t have to go.”

This was the very conversation I wanted to avoid. I knew what was happening now. I was shutting him out.

Winter:

“You don’t have to worry about taking me, okay. I’ll call a friend.”
--

I was out before he could argue with me. I prayed he didn’t follow, and too be honest, with my wording, I didn’t expect him to. I walked down further away from his house in case he decided to anyways, waiting for a while before Caitlin arrived at the end of the street. There was no doubt in my mind she’d grill me about everything that happened. Truth was, I wasn’t entirely sure myself. I felt strange after he’d said those words to me. Like suddenly I’d grown a conscious big enough to bring distance between us. “I forget that you belong to someone else.” Was that what he’d expected that night at the club? To take me away from my life with Scott? I wasn’t sure I worked that way, but lately I’d been proving myself wrong. I pulled the handle on her car door harder than I’d intended. I felt anger. Not sure if I directed it at Harry or myself. It was the situation, the ache of confusion. And I was stuck in the middle.

Caitlin:

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to see him !?”

I knew she’d react this way. I didn’t tell her, not because I feared her reaction but because I never thought my impulses through.

Winter:

“Nothing happened, okay. I just thought we should talk, you know. Especially after the club…”

Caitlin:

“Yea, but you could at least given me a heads up about what you told Scott… He texted me to make sure you were okay. I told him you were fine.”

She was incredibly cool about the whole thing. I hadn’t thought about including her in my decision, then only focused on seeing Harry.

Winter:

“ Sorry about that.”

I had too much on my mind for dialogue. We’d driven for a while, and it seemed longer now that I didn’t have Harry. My phone had vibrated multiple times from texts and phone calls from him, but I really didn’t have the energy to look. I questioned my mental state.

--

I lay on Scott’s chest, listening to the thump of his heart as he slept. He’d always intertwine his fingers in my hair, cuddling me into him on nights he couldn’t sleep. Lately, I’d experienced what it felt like. He’d made me partially content, now. I lie there in a daze inhaling his scent. It had been only hours since I’d continued my quandary of cheating on him... And I already missed Harry. I cuddled in closer to my boyfriend, in hopes of finding fatigue. How hard could this be, I’d just have to learn to forget him.

Notes

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