The Night I Met Harry

I’d taken less time getting to the market, so I had forty-five minutes to an hour with Harry before I had to head home. He sat in the passenger side of my Audi after loading in all of the bags. Everything had been okay between us but there was still a matter we had to discuss.

Winter:
“What if it happens?”
My body faced him. I was tired of dancing around the question and I knew it’d piss him off but it was something I needed to know. He looked down at his hands. I knew it bothered him as much as it did me, his attention drawing out the window. I wanted to know exactly what he felt. I wasn’t sure Scott would ever forgive me, not for this. I remained quiet as he wiped his hair from his face, his green eyes now holding mine intensely. I waited for him, allowing him to use the silence to organize his thoughts. I moved my hand up, laying it over his in encouragement.

Winter:
“Please, say something.”

I rubbed his knuckles gently in hopes of calming his mood. I knew he was probably annoyed with the situation and his silence gave a fear to my stomach.

Harry:
“Winter…”

My heart beat unsteady as I waited for what was soon to follow. Minutes ago we’d just been okay but now we were addressing a topic that made my palms progressively sweaty.

Harry:
“I… I love you.”

I’d hardly heard him. My brain absorbing the words as they left his tongue. I was mentally freaking out now. I’d never meant for any of this to happen, but still I hadn’t regretted it. I looked down at my hands, as if to disappear. Sitting still was becoming a chore now, and I felt myself shutting down.

Winter:
“Oh shit.”

I spoke to myself as his eyes watched my reaction. I definitely wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. The guilt was overlapping with every visit. My heart warmed at his words but my nerves were a little on edge. The realness of his demeanor sent realization that I’d been further in then I’d thought. I didn’t understand. He was beautiful with a swarm of curls I’d never seen before. I knew he was more than capable of being with any girl he wanted yet he’d chosen me. Three weeks later and I still didn’t get it, we’d been spending a lot of time together but my situation was complex. We’d never even been on a date counting out the night we’d met, but honestly I never had time. He appeared so serious and I knew he didn’t seemed like a guy who was ever unsure or on the rocks about his feelings. I watched him from across the seat as he waited for my reply. I would have said something but I wasn’t sure whether or not my tongue had numbed from the nervousness.

Harry:
“I get your situation, okay. I know it’s not fair to just spring this on you… It’s my fault.”

The words were settling in. I sat up in an attempt to find comfort. Scott was the first and only person I’d ever said those words back to, and deep down I knew it had been my fault too. Still I stayed quiet and I’m sure he expected nothing less of me. I knew his eyes were still on me in desperation for my reply.

Harry:
“I just needed you to know…”
What was I to say? I knew things between me and Harry were complicated but I’d never thought of love playing a part. We’d known each other for a few weeks now but the feelings between us were something I had yet to describe, to experience. I looked up, wanting to comfort him. The act was becoming second nature.
Harry:
“Winter?”
I didn’t know what to do but I knew my silence was hurting his feelings. I leaned across the seat taking his face to my fingertips. My hands pulled him forward forcefully to my lips as I kissed him passionately. My mind was anesthetized yet I wanted nothing but to feel him. He kissed back hungrily, tangling his fingers in my hair. His tongue was warm as I accepted it pass my lips again and again. The moment was beautiful. We slowly broke away when the need for oxygen became too great. Our faces still touched hotly. His dimples appeared. It was an enjoyable feeling, and I was beginning to think he knew the effect of them on me.
Harry:
“What time do you have to be home?”
His lips were to mine again, our mood back to normal.
Winter:
“Soon actually…”
I knew he hated this, to be honest so did I but for the moment I didn’t know what to do about it.
Winter:
“He and his brother are planning a bachelor party for their friend. That’s right after work so he’s going to be gone for most of the day tomorrow.”
I always kept him in the loop about what Scott and I had planned. I wondered if he hated this or was proud of my honesty.
Harry:
“You’ll be with me right?”
His tone was pleading. His lips roamed my cheeks as he awaited my answer. My heart fluttered at his expression, and I was already excited about the next day.
Winter:
“Of course.”

-------
I lie on my side of the bed reading a chapter of The Hunger Games as Scott climbed into bed. My hair had been fanned out over the pillows as I looked over at him. He starred back at me with his orbs of blue as if wanting to talk.
Scott:
“You okay.”
He spoke quietly as he pulled me into his chest, his face buried in my hair. I had to admit this always calmed me anytime I’d get stuck in my head.
Scott:
“Did I do something?”
His tone was still low, pulling me closer up his chest. I took a minute for my brain to sop up. I pressed my hand flat to his chest to look up at him in question.
Winter:
“What do you mean?”
I tried keeping my voice even. He leaned up to kiss my lips as I uncomfortably kissed back.
Scott:
“I like to make sure, you know… I hate when you’re upset with me. You usually just stay quiet.”
I heard him distantly, feeling a wave of guilt in the pit of my stomach. I knew that I’d been changing but still I tried to hold it together. He continued to glare at me, running his fingers through the deep waves of my hair. His lips were up to mine again my eyes slammed shut as I pushed his scent from my mind. I felt his fingers on my lower back, skimming up the bottom half of my top. I knew where this was going. I tried sitting up to escape him but he’d taken it as an opportunity to change positions. I was beneath him now, as his kisses grew eager. He’d disappeared from my lips to give attention to my neck as I squeezed my eyes shut again. The sensation was discomfited as though I’d been kissing a stranger. His touch was unfamiliar, and I honestly wanted nothing but to push him away. My mind choked back these thoughts as the guilt kept me going.
Winter:
“Scott…”
His movements didn’t stop. His bare chest pressed against me making his way back up to my lips. I felt so culpable for the hesitancy. I just needed to escape, but before Harry I never wanted to. I’d denied him a number of times in the weeks after the club and I was running out of ideas. It was stupid to think this wouldn’t become a problem sooner or later. I needed to act before he attempted to undress me.
“I don’t want him touching you, Winter.” I heard his words replay in my head as I feared there was no escaping him this time. I had to make the first move. I knew Harry would be mad but it was the best I could come up with while obeying his wishes. I reached for the band on his boxers as he kissed the area between my breasts. I reluctantly grabbed his member between my fingers, flipping him over to lie on his back. He pulled me downward, his tongue dancing on my lips as I skillfully denied him entry. I was over top of him now, feeling the pre come amid my fingers. I stroked his length slowly as I watched his eyelids squeezed shut at my attention. I rubbed the head of his length with my thumb applying pressure to accommodate him. My name left his mouth as I watched him under me, realizing how long it’d been since I’d seen this side of him. He pulled my chin down to kiss him as I continued. His subtle moans filled the room as I hastened my actions.
Scott:
“Oh my god.”
I hadn’t remembered the last time I’d done this for him and was relieved he’d been settling for it. I could tell he was getting close his sounds becoming shorter and more complex. I applied more pressure to the head as he grabbed the nape of my neck tangling his fingers in my hair. I pumped again and again watching him closely as he reacted to the difference in pressure. His blue eyes were darker now and before I’d realized he was coming in the palm of my hand. I continued quickly as he released, slowing my past as he settled down. He leaned up to kiss me once more before I climbed off of him, nuzzling into his side as he’d expect. His breathing was steady now.
Scott:
“Different…”
I felt his smile, as he hugged me closer. Our feelings were juxtaposed, him feeling overwhelming satisfied and me, a pool of regret. I knew something was definitely different going on with me now. I felt dirty for pleasing my boyfriend wanting nothing but to cry as I felt a muddle. I felt a headache forming as I forced conversation, fear hovered like clouds at seeing Harry the following day.
Winter:
“Well, I knew you thought I was upset with you so umm… that was me showing you I’m not.”
My words held little meaning. I didn’t look up at him, choosing to find interest in the surface of our ceiling. I wanted him to know that I didn’t need him to return the favor. His touch didn’t help the nuisance. I got up before he’d gotten any ideas, making my way to the door as I spoke.
Winter:
“I’m going to make a tea, would you like one?”
It was what I needed at the moment. I was in my tank top and small shorts stopping to pick up my longer pants before reaching the room’s chilly outlet.
Scott:
“Thanks babe.”
He said, merely asleep. I watched him as he drifted off, taking a deep breath before grabbing my phone from the night table and leaving the room.

I needed advice, I was tired of holding everything in of this life, having no one to converse other than the two guys that occupied it. My mood was glum as I grabbed the tea kettle, filling it up and placing it on the stove as I sprung it to life. I grabbed my phone, sitting on the chair aside the kitchen table. I dialed Caitlyn, in desperation for advice. If it was anyone that wanted to know about every aspect of my dual life it was her. I felt I owed her something being that she was often my excuse for leaving the house.
Caitlyn:
“You called!”
She was excited at the fact I’d been the one calling her for once, her personality slightly aiding my mood. I clutched the phone tightly between my fingers as I attempted to hold myself together.
Winter:
“I needed someone to talk to.”
My tone was serious, and I knew she’d realized my helplessness. I sighed, wishing I’d thought this through before calling. My eyes were closed as I listened to the sounds in the silent hall. It was slightly comforting, my hands reached to tasseled the scalp of my hair.
Caitlin:
“Sure, sure. What’s wrong?”
I knew she’d been waiting for this conversation. I’d neglected to call her lately about everything going on and the guilt spread further.
Caitlin:
“Is this about Harry?”
Was she kidding? Of course this was about Harry. The thought of him impaired my senses. He made me feel things I couldn’t describe which did nothing but complicate things further with me and Scott.
Winter:
“Yeah. I’m not sure what to do Cate.”
I’d seen her a few times since the night we’d been out but somehow I knew she expected more of me. She stayed quiet for a long moment before continuing.
Caitlin:
“Do you have feelings for him?”
I knew I felt something, whether or not I knew what that something was. And maybe I hadn’t known until I’d been with Scott minutes earlier. Whatever I’d once experienced with him was washed out when I thought of Harry. I looked up as I heard the sound of the kettle, the water was at a boil now.
Winter:
“I think so.”
There was a sigh.
Caitlin:
“Then you have to tell him. Tell Harry how you feel, but most importantly… tell Scott. Do you want to stay with him?”
Honestly I didn’t know what I wanted. I’d been with him for 2 years now and it’d all fallen apart in one night. A night I had yet to regret.
Winter:
“I’ll let you know when I figure that out.”
I’d finished his tea after hanging up with Caitlin, taking a deep breath before heading back up. I prayed that he’d still been asleep.
I sat the cup on the night table quietly as he slept, leaving the room quickly. I desired some time to think to myself before climbing in bed next to him. I walked further down the hall to my place of serenity, opening the door slowly then closing it behind me. A deep breath was taken before I looked around at my artwork, with time they had become strangers to me. It had been months since I stepped foot in here, but with everything going on lately I needed an escape. I pulled my hair into a low ponytail, letting it fall down the length of my back. I closed my eyes trying to remember the last time I felt genuinely happy. Suddenly I was hit with a wave of Harry. It’d been difficult in the times I spent without him and each day it was becoming harder. I opened my eyes in an attempt to mentally push him away from my mind, grabbing a stool and propping myself up on it.
My phone began vibrating as I dipped my fingertips against the pastel. I debated whether or not to answer. I looked down as the pain began to cloud my head, I couldn’t talk to him now. It’d been the first time I’d rejected his call but my brain became too anesthetized to comprehend. I desperately needed time if I was going to talk to him tomorrow. I sat the phone on the floor grabbing my pencils from the stand before I began.

Notes

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