Home Is Where The Heart Is

Zayn Malik had never been fond of large gatherings. Now, after his anxiety and depression had been diagnosed, he felt scared at the idea of being anywhere with cameras and people. During his One Direction days, it had been mere irritation or sometimes even a mild case of jitters but now it was full blown fear. It wasn't the best situation to be a celebrity in. He'd stopped going out without security, stopped eating at restaurants, stopped doing a lot of things which he had enjoyed previously. Attending Jay's funeral wasn't a debatable option for him. Of course he had to be there. Gemma was the only one who'd had the guts to ask him about his health and she had also assured him that it would be a really small gathering, which it was, if one didn't count all the uninvited people that had turned up to pay their respects. The wind blew furiously as he walked next to Ally towards where the family had gathered. The two of them had had coffee in the morning and decided to drive in together. Zayn's bodyguard of 7 years, Steven Ross, walked behind them. Zayn glanced at Ally. She looked visibly upset as they stood in front of Jay's casket. Her lower lip quivered, he couldn't tell if it was from the cold or if she was about to cry. He hoped it was the cold because he couldn't handle seeing people he loved cry and it would probably set him off as well. "You okay babe?" Zayn asked quietly as they walked back towards their seats. She nodded and then leaned towards him a little before adding, "Maybe I should take your seat and you should take mine." He looked for their name tags to find his name next to Liam's. Dammit. "Would you please?" So Ally sat down next to Liam after exchanging a brief hug with him. Zayn clapped Niall on the back and glared back at Liam. That's all he seemed to do these days. Liam had always been the one with the happiest disposition if one didn't count Niall. What the hell was the matter with him he didn't understand. Harry sat with Gemma and Anne in front of them and Louis was a row ahead with his family. Louis' speech was the hardest to hear. His voice shook and he struggled with the words. He'd always been close to his mum. Hell they'd all been close to his mum. Zayn glanced at Ally to see her looking down at her lap. As he watched, two drops of tears fell on her hand. He reached out to hold her hand the same time that Liam did and their hands brushed against each other. He withdrew his hand hastily and let Liam hug her again. "My mum always believed in the strength of family," Louis was saying. "But family we can always count on. My friends..," he paused and took a deep breath. "No you four are my brothers. And Ally thank you for everything. I want you to say a few words for her Ally." Zayn heard Ally's sharp intake of breath. Her fingers trembled as she stood up. She looked across the people and at the paparazzi standing several feet away. As she walked towards the podium hesitantly he wondered at her reaction. He'd never seen her freak out before a crowd. That had been all him. What was wrong with Ally? "Its hard for me to say much about Jay," she spoke into the mic but kept her head down. "She was... ahem.. I... er..," she hesitated, glancing at Louis behind her who gave her an encouraging nod. "I lost my parents at 9. I didn't have any siblings and I had no sense of what a family was. I met Jay seven years back and she's been ..... she's been.. a mum to me all these years. Jay told me one day..," she cleared her throat and swallowed. "She told me that I didn't realize how much everyone around me loved me. She was right. I didn't realize and maybe... maybe I still don't. And I never will. But one thing... but I know..." Zayn was horrified when he felt the wetness on his cheek and realized that he'd started crying himself. As he looked at Ally's small frame, trying so hard to keep it together and finish what she was saying, he realized how brave she was being. Ally took a deep breath and continued, "But I know that she... that she.. loved me a great deal. I'll always be grateful for that love. And for the love that she... I'm sorry...," she sniffed. Louis rubbed her back. "I'm so grateful for the love... that she bestowed upon all five of us. I speak today on behalf of Liam, Harry, Niall, Zayn and me.." Zayn felt a cool hand on the nape of his neck and realized that Liam was squeezing his shoulder. He glanced at him to see him looking forward, his eyes filled with unshed tears. He reached a hand and patted his thigh, trying to thank him and comfort him in a gesture that seemed so familiar to them, yet so new. Liam's hand tightened on his shoulder in response. Ally's shoulders were shaking and Louis had stepped in next to her probably to ask if she wanted to go on. She wiped her tears and nodded. "Please bear with me. This is really hard. I speak on behalf of all of us when I say that she treated us with the same amount of love that she showered upon her own kids. She made the Tomlinson home a second home for all of us." Ally took another breath. "I just also want to add that today and now Jay would be so proud...ahem.. so proud of you Louis, Lottie, Daisy and Phoebe and of course Dan for the strength and.... ummmm.. the grace that you all have. I would consider myself lucky....ahem..sorry..i would be lucky if I could become...umm....become half the incredible...amazing..umm...person that she was. I'm sorry...give me a second." She wiped her tears again. "You guys will always be my family and Jay, I love you and you are in my every thought and prayer," she finished in a rush. Zayn was blown away by her strength. He understood how hard it was for her. He couldn't imagine losing his mum once, let alone two times over. When she walked over to her seat, Liam removed his hand from his shoulder and stood up to hug Ally. She sniffled against his black suit and he didn't even flinch. He held on and rocked her for several minutes till she pulled back. Liam was the one they all had gone to when they needed reassurance and he pulled off the job to perfection giving the best and the warmest hugs. Zayn put an arm around her when she sat down by his side and whispered, "I'm so proud of you Ally." She sank into his embrace looking both mentally and physically drained. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and let her rest her head on his shoulder. His eyes met Liam's over her head and Zayn wondered what he would have to do to get the kind of hug from him that he had given Ally.

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