I’m sniffing and gasping down the phone at him. So unattractive! I can’t say sorry again, so all I can do is wait, heart in my mouth.

“Did you get the jade?” he asks, in a low voice. “Yes!” I practically scream. “Sorry, yes, I love it,” getting control of myself. “Thank you, I love it.” Silence again. “What does it mean?” I ask, instantly regretting it. “Does it have to mean anything?” he answers quickly. I can’t tell if he’s angry at me or just disappointed. “So its meaningless?” I ask. an edge in my voice.

“No,” he answers quietly and silence descends again.

“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with i,” I challenge. This is something I used to do with my little brother when he was upset.

I swear I can feel his smile through the phone. “Igloo?” he says. “Close!” I say giggling. “Iguana?” he guesses. “Hmmm, nope, no igloos or iguanas at Heathrow today,” I smile. “Disappointing really, “ he says playing my game. “Ok so, ice cube?” “na!” “iron?” “na!” "insect" "na!" "inchworm?" "har har no!"

“Ok I give up, “ he says. “I’ll give you a clue,” I start, my smile fading. “You’re talking to her.” “Beautiful girl doesn’t start with an i,” he murmurs. “Idiot girl does,” I add. “Idiot girl who should be on a plane right now.”

He sighs, thinking. “Maybe not,” he says, voice hardening. Suddenly, my stomach constricts painfully. “I’m the idiot,” he whispers, “I should have known better.” Already I hate where this is heading. “I’m sorry, to put you in that position, I shouldn’t be doing this to you at all.”

My brain bleats a lonely no…no…no…

"It's my 23rd birthday tonight he starts...I'm being selfish...you’re a lovely young girl and I’m a selfish dick,” “No!” I cut in, “you’re n”- he talks over me. “I am! I shouldn’t be behaving like this with a …young” - “Fuck you! don't you dare tell me I’m too young!” I shout. I feel like tight bands are slowly being placed round my chest.

“Don’t swear! I don't like you swearing…Not too young, just young,” he carries on regardless. I realise he’s thought about this, someones talked to him about this. “I’m a whole day older than I was yesterday!” I joke trying to get hold of the conversation again. He bursts out laughing.

“Well that makes all the difference!” he laughs. “You’re a funny girl you know that?”…but I can’t answer anymore, he's finishing with me and I’m drowning in tears. “Anytime some dick is giving you grief, remember you’re a special girl and you’re worth a lot more. Avoid selfish pricks like me by the way. We’re totally not worth your tears.”

I sob quietly but I know he can hear me. “Please, just go straight home and delete my number. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to you.” He finishes.

I take out the green stone and touch the tiny heart. “but…I love you?” my voice is broken, a frighted little girls voice.

“I know,” he says firmly, “and I shouldn’t have encouraged it,” I feel a cold tug inside my chest, frozen ripples spreading right out to my finger tips. The last thing he says is “take care of yourself.” Then he’s gone…

…I lay there as a plane comes into land. A hole blown right though the very centre of my soul. I don't know how long I stay like that.

Ⓒ SphinxWriter13 2017

Notes