Underneath

I sit bolt upright and stare rigidly at the phone glowing hopefully on my pillow. I can’t answer it of course, I’ve got to be stoic and ignore. Sam’s hurt face swims in front of me and I harden my resolve. It stops ringing before the answer message kicks in. I lay down again, heart racing. I’m so desperate to speak to him. I grab my iPad and Google ‘harry styles.’ The only new item is just a pap photo of him buying coffee. He looks tired, a little sad maybe.

My phone glows again, its him! I honestly can’t describe to you the torture of not answering! I grind my teeth and grip the duvet. This time it goes through to message. I hold my breath…

…finally, it beeps. I can’t check it straight away. If he calls back again, then he might catch it engaged! I wait in pained silence for another 10 minutes. Then, I listen…

…“Hey it’s me…so you are mad at me? I get that…if its about the the girl in the photo, then she's just a friend. and I’m sorry about what Maggie said…I did tell her about you. So I…I want to say sorry and, please ring me…I miss you but the way. If that makes a difference?” There's a pause, then he hangs up.

He sounds unhappy. I guess Maggie is horrid woman? I waste an hour of my life Googling to find out who she is, but nothing. I guess she just part of his entourage? Does he listen to her though? that’s the main thing.

In the morning I wake tired and gritty eyed. I’m working again tonight, great, not! I start composing suitable texts to him when my phone rings…It’s him! again! This time, I really can’t stop myself, I answer.

“It’s you!” I say smiling. “It’s me!” he says “so you are ignoring me?” he finishes in a grumpy voice. “No, no, I’m just very busy and important,” I reply. He giggles, I’ve never heard him giggle before, its cute! “Is that so!” he says, playing along. “Yeah, those dishes don't wash themselves you know!” I bite back. “Is that seriously what you’re doing?” he asks, incredulous.

“I’m thinking of giving it up though, I’m joining a boy band,” I say, Christ it’s so good to speak to him. “I don't want to burst your bubble, but you might have a little problem with that one,” he says laughing.

“What? why?” I say with all the seriousness I can muster. “Well, the clues in the title babe,” he says. Babe! he called me babe! “No sorry, not getting it,” I say acting dumb. “I know its kind of sexist but boy bands tend to have …well, boys in them and …I reckon you could be…a girl.” he finishes, his accent is so hot!

“Oh I dunno, you might need to turn me over and check!” I answer, dissolving into giggles. “Now that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day!” he says laughing. “You’d have to come to L.A. though,” he finishes…This one hangs for a second while I get my head round it.

“You’re inviting me to LA?” I ask completely floored. “Yeah! I think I’m inviting you to L.A.” he says. “Well if you’re thinking about inviting me…then I’ll think about coming.” I flip back, knowing full well my parents will never allow it!

“I like thinking about you coming,” he murmurs. “good, so I’ll think long and hard about it,” I say in a breathy voice. He laughs, “who’s got the dirty mind now?”…

…eventually, I get off the phone and ring Mia…who squeals like a pig! “Fucking hell! you have to go!” she screams at me. “How?” I ask, “can you imagine what mum and dad are going to say? Besides, how can I do the ignoring thing when I’m there with him?”

and neither of us have an answer for this impossible conundrum…

…later that day, a courier parcel arrives for me.

Notes