Underneath

…An insistent buzzing noise suddenly fills the apartment. Harry looks up from hauling clothes on and shouts at me. “Can you let them in?” I pull on one of his T-shirts and open the door. Immediately, the place fills with people and I feel distinctly underdressed.

I slip back into the bedroom and start grabbing clothes as fast as possible. Harry is now ramming stuff into a suitcase. “Loads of people out there!” I shriek, searching for my knickers. “Yeah! they’re gonna be pretty mad at me too!” he says zipping up the case.

Before I’m fully dressed, an older woman bustles rudely into the room. She's got a phone pressed to her ear and she looks livid. “Harry! what the fuck? where’s your passport?” she bawls. “Drawer!” he says pointing to the bedside cabinet.

The woman practically kicks me out the way as she grabs the passport, noticing me only as she turns. “Is this her?” she asks Harry like I’m deaf or something. Harry looks up, anger crossing his face, about to speak…then. “Too young, Harry!” she says tutting at him. “Its not fair, really its not,” she adds, storming from the room.

I look at Harry in horror. He’s talked to people about me!…to her! Harry meets my desperate eyes and grabs the suitcase, offering his free hand to me. “Please?” he says, something desperate in his eyes. I take it, still shocked and we go through to the other room which is full people shouting into phones.

Harry grips my hand tightly. A huge guy, who I assume is security, peeks covertly out the window. “Paps at the front,” he says loudly. “We’ll have to go out the back!” I look down and see with a jolt that I’m barefoot. “OK, is everyone ready?” says the guy. I snatch my hand from Harry's grasp and rush to my shoes by the front door.

“Graham?” shouts the horrid woman. “Where’s Graham got to?” We all hear a loud rap on the apartment door. Horrid woman opens it just as I’m hunkered down putting my shoes on. A guy I assume is Graham, steps in, knocking me over. “Sorry love,” he says hauling to my feet, “didn’t see you there.” My bloody shoe slips off again and I bend again to pull it on. As I do…I hear a soft click above my head.

I stand, to find the apartment door closed and locked. I rattle the handle but hear only the sounds of retreating footsteps inside, everyones leaving out the fire exit! Damn!

I run down the stairs not waiting for the lift and get to the rear exit just as Harry is being bundled into a car. The paps gather round him like flies…they found him after all.

“Harry!” I shout. I briefly see him looking out the back window making the ‘call me’ gesture. My heart's hammering as the car pulls away and I search my bag for my phone. I think I have his number? I’m sure he called me once so I must have it…

…but I don't have my fucking phone! Suddenly I’m hit with a sickening image of it left on his coffee table! Serious? for gods sake! I can’t call him! I flail miserably through my bag but I know my phones not there.

I watch the paparazzi drift away, fiddling with their cameras. Then its just me stood there…left behind.

Tears spring to my eyes and I realise its not the first time I’ve been on the pavement outside his apartment crying! I’m so confused. That woman knew about me? she thinks I’m too young! and what does ‘not fair’ mean? He must have told her about me. What did he say to her?

I start walking home, my head thumping with questions. Most of all, how can I get in touch with him and where is he going? how long for?

As soon as I get home I jump straight on the net. A quick Google search tells me he going to LA for an awards ceremony, a photo shoot, a whole host of other things that may or may not be true. He could be there for ages!

Why didn’t he tell me he was going anyway? and still that damn question, would he have contacted me at all if I hadn't found him?

Once again I’m plunged into misery. I’m just being used by this guy! I hate him! I made love to him and he knows it! I let him do it! I’m a looser, a total fucking looser. Also apparently, I’m too young! - its not fair, its really not!

Notes