Had to Walk Away

Harry was close, he was staring at me intently and biting his bottom lip, my moans and contractions around him bringing him closer to the edge.
"Don't stop!" He groaned, eyes closing and head tilting back, losing himself to his moment of bliss.
I was exhausted, my legs trembling and spent from my own orgasm, but I kept going, savouring the vision of Harry's ultimate joy and hearing his voice crack as he called my name.
Seeing the expression on his face change as the sensitivity hit. I gradually slowed my hips before finally coming to a stop. Leaning over, I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart pounding loudly in my ear. I was uncomfortable and he was now soft inside me, but neither of us had the inclination or the energy to move so we lay in silence and savoured the feeling of being together.
"Can we stay like this forever?" Exhaling for what felt like the first time in months, I kissed the patch of skin closest to me, the scent of pure Harry making me feel heady with love.
"I'd have no problems with that." Life slowly returning to him, his hands rubbed my lower back while he tried to stifle a yawn.
I sat back up looked down at him beneath me. I could feel him slipping out of me, gravity doing its thing, but I still felt closer to him than I ever had. The Love word was still floating above the bed. His little smile and his hand stroking my legs just sealing that neither of us would rather be anywhere else or with anyone else.
By the time we went out onto the private roof terrace the sun had started to set but it was still warm. We sat on the rattan furniture, wrapped in our white fluffy bathrobes and sipped white wine with the sound of London below us. Curled against his chest making idle conversation about this that and everything, I realised that the whole evening I had felt like something was missing, that something wasn't quite the same.
Guilt.
There was no guilt, or worry, or shame, no feeling like what we were doing was sordid. Harry and I were both single, there was nothing stopping me from going to the edge of the balcony and shouting that we were in love. We could both leave this hotel together holding hands and there would be no disaster or major loss at the end of it.
I leant up and kissed Harry mid sentence, I held tightly to his hand as it draped around my shoulder and down onto my chest.
"Was I boring you?" He smiled when I pulled away.
"Never." I shook my head and kissed him again, suddenly awash with the backlog of love I'd been denying. "I'm just happy to be here, with you."
Grinning, Harry tightened his hold on me and nodded, "I'm happy you're here too, with me."
Laying down, I put my head on his lap and looked up at him while he took a drink from his glass. I reached up and wrapped a curl around my finger,
"So...where do we go from here?"
"I was thinking," Harry grinned, "finish this bottle then a nice long, hot bath."
"That's not what I meant, but hold that thought." I tugged gently at the curl and tried again, "not to get heavy, but seriously, what now?"
Harry pondered my question before speaking, "we take things slowly."
"Ok." I nodded then turned my head away from him, paranoia that letting my guard down had been a mistake suddenly filled my thoughts. I'd been over excited that we were in love, stupid ideas about yelling it from rooftops, but Harry obviously didn't want that.
"Hey!" His hand was on my cheek, turning my head to look back at him, he smiled down at me, "don't get in your head about it, baby. All I'm saying is that we're only just fixing things, and I'm away on tour or recording. you're still going through your divorce."
"You're right." I sighed loudly, he was trying to make it sound positive but the ease I'd felt from not worrying about Will was now replaced with worrying about if this would ever work.
"Believe me, I can't wait for you to meet my friends and family. I'd love for you to come to shows and to have you on tour," he was beaming at me, eyes shining and voice quick with excitement, "you can stay at my place and I can come to yours, we can go out to dinner and even go on holiday! I want that, but when we're both ready and in the right place."
"Don't make it worse by telling me you want those things!" Hiding my face with my hands I whined, Harry pulled them away and I gasped, "we could get a cat! Or a dog! Will never let me have a pet."
"We can get both." He stroked the side of my face and I couldn't believe I loved someone so much.
"We'll take our time, you're right, of course you are." I touched his hand, "but I want you to come to my house next time."
"I can't wait to see it, we'll christen every room." Harry's hand travelled down my neck and I knew the serious moment was over.
By the time we settled to sleep, I ached all over. Harry cuddled up to my side, his arm across my middle and very quickly fell asleep. Turning the tv volume down, I left it on, my brain wide awake despite feeling completely exhausted. It seemed to be typical that after we'd made love in the bowl shaped bath I could have easily fallen asleep, the wine and hot water making me extra sleepy, but now my mind was buzzing.
I carefully reached for my phone which had laid abandoned on the nightstand and saw several messages from Rose.
'I know you're probably already there, but good luck! Ring me later x'
'How's it going?'
'Did you die?'
'Oh god! You're fucking aren't you?!'
'SLAAAAAAAG!'
Biting into my hand, I tried to stifle my giggles so as not to wake Harry.
'Thank you for your kind words. Bitch.'
'Love you too, come see me tomorrow and fill me in on all the gory details.'
I sent a thumbs up and put my phone back down, my eyes starting to sting with tiredness. Harry stirred, he pressed his lips against my arm, muttered "I love you" before putting his head back down and drifting back to sleep. With his chin resting on my shoulder and gentle warm breaths on my neck, I closed my eyes and let myself finally succumb to slumber.

Notes