20 - Lack of Love
A deep huff left Harry’s mouth as he stood behind me, his arms tight around my waist. His hold gives me a warmth inside, fills in whatever I’m missing in my heart. It all seems so silly to me, but yet all feels so damn real at the same time.
I think it’s the lack of ever being loved, or at least the lack of my memories of that certain feeling. My mom loved me, I know she did. I just didn’t get enough time with her.
“Why’s that baby?” Harry’s voice filled my ear as I felt his lips brush behind my ear. I swallow the lump in my throat, I can’t hold this back, I need to tell him and I will. This time I will have some confidence, just enough I guess. “No one.. has ever.. said anything.. nice about.. about me.” I nervously say, my eyes finding his in the mirror.
“What do you mean?’’ Harry asks. “When.. when I was.. growing up I didn’t have many friends.. no one wanted to be.. friends with the girl.. in foster care. They weren’t really.. nice to the girl.. who had nobody.’’ My voice stops, it’s hard to go on sometimes but right now in this moment, I know I need to.
“My mom was the only person that really.. loved me. And.. I.. it’s so hard for me.. to trust some one.. else.. and I’m sorry.. if I.. I take too long to.. adjust to.. everything.” I admit, the pain is still inside of me – and it burns even more when I talk about it, therefore I rarely do. My mother was too young, but so was I – and that meant there wasn’t a thing I to do, nothing at all.
“Let me guess, they called you ugly.. and fat.. and what else? Hm?’’ He started listing all of the right things – it has me thinking, maybe he really will understand. “Weird.. lame.. stupid..” I utter out the words I hate to hear, especially when they’re referring to me.
He licks his lips before releasing a soft sigh. “Turn around.’’ He says, lifting his chin off my shoulder and removing his arms so I could actually move. I do as he asks and rotate myself to face him.
Harry’s right hand grabs my waist and he pulls me a little closer, the other touches the side of my neck, his thumb rubbing into my skin in circles. “Listen to me.” He starts with a whisper. I give him a nod, I will always try my best to do as he asks. I’d hate to upset him.
“The things those people said about you aren’t true Anna Lisa. You’re so beautiful baby, and you’re perfect the way you are. I don’t want to ever hear you say you’re not, do you understand me?’’ Harry asks, his voice a tad stern as he stared down into my eyes. I nod again to him, knowing that’s the response he wants from me followed by these next words of course.
“Yes sir.’’ I whisper to him. “Because I don’t care what anyone else says, all that matters is what I say. Understand me? Because I swear baby.. you’re so damn gorgeous. There isn’t a damn thing in the world that will change my mind. You are beautiful. Don’t let me catch you doubting yourself again. Understand, princess?’’ Harry asks me with furrowed eyebrows.
The newest of his pet names for me made my heart flutter. I give him a half smile, feeling my cheeks burning up as I closed my eyes, taking in the feeling of his hands on my body.
“Yes.. sir.’’ My words are soft and gentle, I knew I didn’t have to do much to assure him I understood, just those two little words make him happy and that’s all that honestly matters.
I was about to open my eyes, but the sudden touch of his lips on my mine forced them shut again. I feel his smirk against my lips before he presses into me. His hand travels to the back of my neck and he pushes me forward, molding our lips together in a perfect sync. Harry sticks out his tongue and pokes it between my lips, I give him access quickly because I crave the taste of him, I want it. I need it.
He hums into my mouth as his tongue finds mine and doesn’t hesitate to begin roaming and jabbing around in my mouth. I couldn’t stop my hands from searching for his body. It didn’t take me long and within seconds I had my hands placed on either side of his waist, grabbing handfuls of his shirt as I try to apply more pressure to our kiss, closer and tighter.
Something about this man takes control of my body, it overpowers me and makes me do things I otherwise wouldn’t do. I don’t know if it’s the desire, or the lust.. or the.. the love?
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