Next morning I woke up with a strong headache. I had forgotten about yesterday’s incident for a few seconds, but I quickly got reminded as I remembered that my plan was to watch a movie with Christopher.

I reminded myself about the fact that I needed to go home to him as I had to pick up my bag that I’d left at his place and my phone he’d picked up, later during the day.
Also, I needed to talk to him and see how he was doing.
That’s the least I could do.

I still couldn’t believe how Harry could, and would do such a thing towards me. The scenario when Megan pulled him closer towards her, how their lips collided only in the way that ours had done before, was repeating in my head over and over again.
There should be no one else but me kissing him.
And Megan? Out of every girl in the whole damn city? Of course I wouldn’t be okay with him kissing another girl, even if it wasn’t Megan. But I mean… come on?

And I can’t believe that just seconds away from when he beat down Christopher, he had done the biggest mistake. Still he had the nerve to hurt my friend, like I was doing something wrong by hugging him. In fact, Christopher was comforting me because of something that he himself had done.

I almost forced myself to calm down as it felt like the headache only got worse the more I thought of him. I tried hard to get out of my bed, but I ended up throwing my head against the pillow again as I massaged my temples in a desperate attempt to get rid of the unpleasant waves of pain.
As soon as turned my head, I felt how stiff my whole face felt, probably because the mascara had dried. I could feel that some hairs had grouped themselves in a rough lump because of yesterday’s tears. I glanced at my hands as I saw that the fingertips on my right hand were covered in a thin layer of black.

I reached out to grab hold of the blanket which was just below my legs, as I covered my body beneath it. I closed my eyes once again, hoping to get back to sleep and wake up to realize that it had just been a dream. To the fact that nothing had really happened, and that it was all just a horrible nightmare.

I wanted to rewind the time to the day when Harry and I sat out in the field, when he gave me the necklace with the text Despite All The Obstacles. I remembered feeling like the happiest person in the world, as just about everything in my life went on so incredibly well. I’ve had it around my neck every day since.

Well despite all the obstacles and feeling like the happiest person in the world wasn’t exactly something that I could relate to during this moment.
But I tried to remember all the hugs, all the kisses, all the I love you’s, but instead I constantly reminded myself of Megan. I couldn’t believe that she actually had the nerve to break our whole relationship, and then to run off like that, strongly reminding me of a scared bitch. Sure, that thought had crossed my mind multiple times, but I could’ve never in a million years think that she’d actually do it.

I seriously hope she’ll burn in hell.

When I felt another wave of pain running through my head, I decided to leave these thoughts for now, and this time I’m serious.

I tried to think about other things as I slowly drifted towards the world of the dreams.

“I told you once, and you’re almost forcing me to tell you once again: he wants me, not you,” Megan said, looking straight into my eyes. I could literally see flames of fire in her green eyes.
“He even proved it to you, and you saw it with your own eyes. Didn’t you darling?” That devilish smirk appeared on her face once again.

My eyes fluttered wide open as I was breathing heavily. My headache had loosened slightly.
I remembered that during the last time she appeared in my dreams, I was thinking that it was only just a dream. But this time it was special.
This time it was for real.

It doesn’t matter how hard I try to shut down that part of my brain that contains bad memories with Harry, I just can’t. It keeps on nagging in me and I just… I can’t stand it anymore. The most fun part here is that I know myself better than anyone else, and I know that I will be malting it inside of me, going crazy in the end.

But if I’m not going crazy right now, then what am I?

I threw the blanket off me as I my warm body collided with the cold air in the room. I glanced at my digital clock hanging on the wall.
‘12:30 AM’ was blinking in black digitally written numbers.

I placed my feet on the cold wooden floor, as I slowly got out of the bed. I grabbed yesterday’s jeans lying on the floor as I pulled them on. I quickly took off my shirt I’d been sleeping in during the night as I replaced it with a red striped long sleeved shirt from my wardrobe. I quickly pulled up my hair in a bun as I then headed towards the bathroom to wash both my face and my hands.

When I saw my reflection in the mirror I felt the tears threatening behind my eyes as I tried to swallow down all the emotions. My whole face was pale and covered in red spots, out of all the stress and emotions I’ve gone through during these last fourteen hours.
This is how a boy can affect me, and I’m not okay with it. I should be stronger, I should be able to fight this. But I just can’t, because I’m too weak.
I washed my face in a desperate attempt to get rid of the traces from yesterday. I dried myself with a soft towel next to the sink, as I then went towards the kitchen to eat something. Although I didn’t feel the slightest hungry.

“Good morning darling, did you have fun last night?” I heard my mother say from behind, making me remember yesterday’s incident.
I was trying to find an apple green and shiny enough to attract the hunger in me, as I felt yet another wave of pain running through my head. Ugh, tell me about it…
“No,” I gently massaged my temples once again, hoping to release the tense nerves.
“Didn’t you have any friends over?” I could hear the guilt building up in her voice.

I took down my hands as I turned towards her while I shook my head.
She came closer as her hand moved up to my cheek and she rubbed her thumb back and forth. Her touch was warm and gentle.
“Do you feel sick? You look really pale,” her voice was almost not audible. I didn’t answer her.
“Why didn’t you bring some friends over? That girl Isabella or maybe one of the boys? What about Harry?”

This was when I lost it. It felt like the air got pushed out of me as I fell to my knees. It didn’t take long until I broke down in tears and sobbed loudly.
I allowed myself to be sad, to cry, to feel sick and exhausted.

My mother panicked and embraced me in her arms in a desperate attempt to comfort me.
“Sarah, what happened?” she was chocked and definitely hadn’t expected me to get some sort of a break-out.
He kissed her. He cheated on me. Mark kissed other girls sometimes. Mark cheated on me. Had Harry done it before? Had he kissed her before? Did he love her like he loves me? Does he love her? Does he love me?

She rocked me fast in her arms, hoping that I’d calm down my tears and my sobbing. She was basically begging me to calm down as she whispered sweet things into my ear.
I swear to God that she was rocking me back and forth for at least twenty minutes until I at least made an attempt to calm down. Although it felt like I was crying and having a break-down for hours. She eventually slowed down the tempo as she gently stroked her hand down the back of my head.
“Honey, nobody deserves your tears. Please tell me what happened,” she sounded sad and hurt.

“Neither Isabella or Harry had the time, and I would get to spend the evening home by myself. But then a dancer, Christopher, asked me if I wanted to go to his house and watch a movie. Of course I said yes, and on our way to his home, I founded out that Harry only lied to me to go to a cafe with Megan, the world's biggest bitch by the way, and oh; they kissed in front of me. I obviously got very upset and ran home with tears running down my cheeks. So that’s how I spent my evening.”
I just couldn’t tell her that. How much I trust my own mother, I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t feel ready yet.

Notes

Please share your thoughts! It's so much fun reading them! xx.