Love is an Act of War

I've been crying for days. It's been exactly two days since Calum left, and I've been basically crying and eating the whole time. I hate it. This, this has never been me. I mean, I've always been the take charge badass of this city, now I'm sitting on the couch crying over a boy, holding a pillow. I'm literally a cliche. He wasn't just some boy though. He was Calum, the guy I've been wanting to destroy for years. The guy I've been crazy about for years, but never admitted it. The guy who made me more nervous than having a blade to my neck. I hate that he can do this to me. Make me feel all empty and shit. My phone buzzes, and I immediately grab it, hoping it's Calum.

Luke: Hey

I frown. Not specifically because Luke texted me, but because it wasn't Calum.

Me: hello
Luke: How are you holding up?
Me: i'm fine.
Luke: No you're not.

I, once again, cry.

Me: yeah i know.
Luke: Can I come over?

No.

Me: idk.
Luke: i'm going to.
Me: do whatever.

A few minutes later, I hear a knock at the door. I haven't talked to anybody or gone outside in two days, so I'm pretty fragile still. I tip toe to the door (not sure why) and open it.

"... Hey..." Luke says awkwardly. Probably because he feels bad for me. Whatever. I just give him and lousy smile and go back to the couch. He shuts the door, and sits on the other side of the couch. "So..."

"I don't wanna talk about it." I mumble.

"You're going to have to eventually." He reminds me.

"I know." I huff.

"Do you?" He asks.

"Yeah." He knows what he's doing. He's trying to make me talk about it, but I don't want to. It's his fault anyway. I mean he kissed me back, so technically it was also his fault.

"Then why won't you talk about it now?"

"Luke did you come over here to piss me off?" I ask.

"No."

"Then stop it." I frown.

"Okay." He mumbles. He turns on the TV, and he watches it for about an hour, while I just lye there, my mind filling with reasons to hate the world. He just stays, without saying anything, for a really long time. Like, until it's dark outside.

I sit up and stare at the cushion, "He's gone." I whisper. Luke looks at me, and it takes him a moment to figure out what I'm talking about, "And he isn't coming back."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah I do."

"But didn't he say once you figure out who you love? And that's obviously him, so everything will be okay once you tell him."

"No, I told him that when he was leaving he didn't believe me."

"He was mad, he'll believe you eventually." He says.

"Luke don't you get it?" I've started crying. I look up at him, "He is not coming back. You of all people know what kind of twisted world we live in, not everything is rainbows and is okay, he is not coming back. We kissed, mkay? He saw it, and I guess..." I sigh, "I kissed you back. That isn't good. He isn't coming back. So don't try to convince me he is." I roll my eyes.

"I'm sorry." He says slowly.

"Well, it doesn't matter now." I shrug, and walk into my room. He follows me.

"He'll take you back, Adria, he has to."

"He doesn't have to. I fucked up."

"He WILL take you back."

"How do you know that?" I throw my arms in the air and turn to face him.

"Because you're Adria, he's been fantasizing about you since freshman year!" He insists. I roll my eyes.

"Doesn't mean he's fantasizing about me now."

"He'll take you back." He says again. I walk towards him, so we're only three inches apart.

"Stop. Saying that."

"Why? Do you not WANT him to take you back?" He asks.

"Of COURSE I want him to take me back, Luke!" I don't get why I haven't just kicked him out yet. Probably because he's all I have left.

"Then why aren't you fighting for him?" He asks. I just look at him.

"Because... Just.. Just stop talking about it."

"No, I'm not going to stop talking about it until you get off your lazy ass and fight for Calum, because I know you want to-" I smash my lips into his, gripping his arms tightly. I pull away and drop back down the my heels.

"Uh. Um. I just. Uh. Needed to shut you up with something. I guess." I say awkwardly.

"Er. Y-Yeah, it's- uhm. Fine. I guess."

"No it's not." I mumble, "God I hate myself." I put a hand on my forehead.

"Why?"

"Because I cheated on my boyfriend! AGAIN!"

"It's okay you were just upset-"

"That doesn't make it okay! God dammit." I sigh, and flop myself onto my bed, stuffing my face in the pillow. Why. WHY do I keep doing this.

"I'm really sorry." He says.

"For what."

"For kissing you."

"We don't know who kissed who."

"No.. I kissed you."

"Mkay." I say simply. No point in spazzing over it now, Calum is gone.

"Um... I'm gonna go." He says, heading for the doorway.

"Please," I say, and I hear him stop, "don't."

"Huh?"

"I don't want to be alone." I say. I'm such a fucking wimp.

"Kay." He says and lies down next to me. I bite my lip, trying to keep myself from crying again.

Notes

this probably sucks but it's currently 1:35am, i was supposed to go to bed at 12;30, no one is home because my brother is a lil shit and i accidently watched a horror movie ad, and i'm slowly dying. seriously i dunno how im gonna sleep now. it was about how everyone is afraid of the dark, and thats what this little girl feeds off of, and so every time you turn off the light she shows up. im scared now. thanks youtube.