Reminiscing Memories

*Hazel’s POV”

The hours were late and I knew my exhaustion of the day would take over sooner or later, so I didn’t even realize I was asleep before I felt somebody shaking me awake. “Hazel!”

My eyes suddenly went open. I looked up at a wide-eyed Liam standing over me. “What…?” I asked.

“Get up and put your shoes on.” He said, grabbing my arm.

I stood up, confused. I briskly walked to the door. “What’s going on?” I asked, still a little tired and confused. I noticed

I had my flats on and Liam was coming back into the living room, one of my jackets in hand. “Put this on, it’s pouring rain outside.”

He handed it to me, then moved to open the front door. I quickly put the jacket. “Wait, Liam, what’s going on?”

“The phone rang and…” He looked up at me, jaw slightly clenched. “Your mum is in the hospital.”

“What…” I started, but couldn’t finish my sentence. The shock of his words were beginning to set in me. He grabbed my hand, leading me out of the door.

He started to explain what was said on the phone as he kept a tight grip on my hand and led me to the elevators. “They said she’s in critical condition. They’re not sure of her chances of making it through… since… she’s in a coma.”

We were in the elevator, the doors beginning to close to head down. The grip on my hand only seemed to tighten as Liam brought it up to rest our closed hands on his chest. “They say with the condition she’s in now, the chances are slim. He told me to bring you there, just in case.”

I already felt the tears welling into my eyes. My body seemed to fall numb then. I wanted to find a corner, a hole, something, and just disappear and make myself forget all that was happening. I barely felt my feet move as Liam was the one who had to make me move. The rain was pouring even harder than I remembered and Liam paid no mind to it as he led me into his SUV, reaching around with the seatbelt to buckle me in. I looked over at him. He stood for a moment, getting soaked by the rain, staring at me.

He could muster no smile for me. There was nothing he could do to even attempt a smile on my face right now. He clenched his jaw before pulling back into the rain, shutting the door. He hurried around, getting into the truck and starting it up.

I found myself zoning out. The memories of the past came into my mind. I hated how I didn’t remember everything. I wanted to know everything. I wanted childhood memories I shared with my mother. I wanted the happy memories of the past to take over, not the sad reality that was in the present.

I was in a daze from the moment Liam drove us from the curb all the way up to when he led me out of the vehicle to go into the hospital. The doctors were immediately by our side, talking as they led us down the halls in the hospital. I was in this hospital not two weeks ago and already it feels so much more foreign and bleak than I remembered. I didn’t even pay attention to the doctors as they spoke of whatever was going on. I didn’t want to know. I just wanted to see my mom.

“She’s right in here.” I caught on as a nurse opened the door.

I felt Liam take my hand, squeezing as the doctor waited for us to move forward. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I led us in. The beeping of a heart monitor could be heard. I hated how slow each beat was. “Mom…?” My voice broke as I went to stand by the bed.

No answer, just the still figure on the bed as the beeps continued to slowly. I felt myself began to shake. “Mom?” I spoke louder.

No sense of movement at all.

I clenched my jaw, closing my eyes tightly. Liam’s hand around my own tightened even more. “Talk to her.” Liam whispered to me. “I hear that even though people are in a coma, they can still hear.”

I nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. I know what my mother wanted was for me to be myself around her. She never wanted to see me sad. I could see the flashes of memories of us together as I let go of Liam’s hand to go to my mother’s bedside, placing my hand into her own. “Mom…” I started. “Do you remember that time when I was eight and you took me to the zoo for the first time? I saw a monkey for the first time and I begged and begged to have one, only for you to just buy me a stuffed animal. That was one of the first times we went anywhere together…”

I just rambled on and on, letting myself get lost in the happiness of the memories I shared with my mother. I had years of memories to share. I wanted her to remember and relive them in her mind just as I was right now. I went on throughout the years, talking for more than an hour and a half.

“You always worried about not spending enough time with me.” I said. “Even with work so busy and hectic, you were always trying to find the time to be with me. Mom, you are a strong woman, and I look up to you for that. I want you to know that I’ve always loved you and I cherish everything we’ve been through together. Even with Dad gone-“

I felt her hand twitch, cutting me off. I blinked, looking down at our joint hands. That was the first time I ever brought up his name. “Mom…” I started. “I know I don’t have all my memories back, but I could never bring myself to understand what has happened to him. All I know is that he has left us. Mom, why did Dad leave? Why did he leave you and me alone like this?”

More twitching. I could hear the heart monitor suddenly starting to rise. I could hear the running of Liam’s footsteps as he ran out to get a nurse. “Mom?” I asked. “I know you love him, but not once since I’ve woken up at the hospital did you ever tell me what has happened to him!”

The nurses were beginning to crowd in. The twitching in her hands began to become the spasms in her body. She was rocking in her bed. The tears were falling down my face. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back. “Why!?” I practically screamed. “Why did he leave us?”

“Why!? Why did you leave us!?” I heard my mother scream.

I could see her on her knees in front of a casket, dressed in a black dress and the tears freefalling down her face. I could feel the tears falling down my own.

I stared up at the casket, too short to even be able to see inside. I already knew who was in there though, face peacefully sleeping as my mother was breaking apart on the floor before him.

“Daddy…” I whispered.

“Mom!” I screamed, the heartbeat monitor going even madder.

I already knew what was happening to her. I knew why she didn’t want to tell me what happened to my father. He was gone, that was sure, but not in a way I was expecting. He has passed, dead, and now I knew my mother would soon be joining him. The tears blurred my sight as I saw the nurses restraining her and the doctor trying to prescribe a medicine to stop her from going into shock.

But I knew it was too late.

Before the doctor could run over and put the shot in the IV, my mother stopped moving, sinking into the bed. My worst nightmare came to life as the monitor went from the fast pace to a sudden stop. I wanted it to stop. Whatever dream I was dreaming I wanted to wake up.

I never did though, and I knew I would never get that image out of my head, the thrashing of my mother as she was so desperate to get away from me. Even until the moment she died, she refused to tell me what happened. I was in it on my own. I had to find out.

I had to find the reason why she never wanted to tell me.