ALWAYS

I followed Anne and Robin towards the cars. I was still trying to clear my face of tears. I hated when he would be so sweet and romantic. I inhaled deeply as we reached Harry's Audi. Anne turned to me with a caring smile.
"Are you alright, sweetie?" Anne inquired, placing her hand on my arm gently. I nodded with the best smile I could. She gave me a look like she didn't believe me.
"Your son drives me insane some times. He likes to be blunt without saying a word." I replied. Anne chuckled and shook her head. We both went back to watching Darcy attempt to help Robin remove her car seat from Harry's car.
"Anything else going on that's bothering you? You looked a bit tense through the whole wedding and reception." Anne inquired as Robin and Darcy carried her carseat to Robin's car. I shrugged and Anne gave me another look of disapproval.
"Okay. Okay. I kind of figured that you would like to have Darcy for the night. And honestly, I don't know how to be alone with Harry. Usually, "alone" for us is Darcy taking a nap in the next room or the boys being not very far away. Harry and I don't do "alone"." I responded honestly.
"Maybe because you both know what you want but are too scared to go for it. You're older now. You completely understand that actions have consequences. Stop acting like the kids you were back then and talk it out." Anne suggested with a bit of attitude.
"That's just it though. We're not acting like we did when we were younger. If we were..." I trailed off. Not wanting to say too much to Anne; I wasn't in the mood for completely candid conversations.
"I know, honey. But try talking it out." Anne stated with a teasing smile.
"We do. That's all we do is "talk things out". It's just to that point where I don't know and he doesn't know." I stated as Anne and I slid into the car with Robin and Darcy. Robin laughed and shook his head. I rolled my eyes and reached for the door to pull it shut.
"NOLI! WAIT!" Harry called out from not to far away. "Noli, wait." Harry puffed as he reached the car. I climbed out of the car worried. He looked flushed and flustered.
"Harry, are you alright?" I asked dipping down a little to look into his eyes directly. Suddenly, I was in his arms and he was kissing me with fire. As much as I wanted to melt into his arms, I tried to push away from him. Harry wound his arms around my waist and held me tighter. He wasn't letting me go. "Harry." I breathed against his lips. "Harry, stop." I pushed him away gently. He looked at me with fear and hurt. "Darcy is right there." I motioned to our child in the back of his mother's car. Harry buried his hands in my hair and made me look at him.
"My daughter deserves to know that I love her mother more than life itself." His voice was that deep tone that I loved so much. "She should know that I'm never going to walk away from either of you." He whispered. My stomach tied in knots and I felt as though my heart was in my throat. "I love you. I'm sick of not being able to say it. I'm sick of having to fight it. I'm sick of hiding it. We did that shit before. I'm done. I love you. I'm never not going to love you. I'll love you until the day the universe explodes and the forever after that. I LOVE YOU." Harry nearly shouted. MY head dropped and tears flowed down my face. It took all of my strength not to fall to my knees in front of him. "Enola." Harry whispered to get my attention. I lifted my eyes to his. He smiled weakly, "Just say you love me." I shook my head and tried not to let any sound escape my lips. Harry's face dropped and his hands fell from my hair, "Why not?" I choked back a sob. "Enola, I know you love me. Just tell me that you love me. That's all I need. Say it once." I stared at him with tears cascading down my cheeks and neck. "Say you love me right now and I'll never need to hear it again as long as we live." I let a sob escape my lips. "Noli. Just say it." Harry begged as he gripped my wrists, trying to pull me to him.
"I can't!" I sobbed. Harry's face dropped even more and he looked ready to cry as well.
"Yes. You can." Harry was fighting his urge to be angry with me.
I shook my head again, "I can't."
"Noli, yes, you can. I know you love me. I know you do." Harry pleaded for the word to come out of my mouth. I let out a loud sob again all while shaking my head. "Why, Noli? Why not?" Harry begged for an explanation.
"I can't!" I bawled resting my forehead on his wrist, trying to stay standing.
"Enola." Anne sounded so worried as she opened her door. I was still fighting collapsing as I sobbed against Harry's hands.
"Noli, talk to me. What's wrong, baby?" Harry was on the verge of tears himself. I shook my head slowly. I couldn't tell him what I was thinking.
"Enola? Harry?" I heard Sophia's sweet voice from not too far away. "What's going on?" She asked as she came closer with Brynn and the other boys. Harry just glared at them for making noise.
"Enola. Talk to me." Harry sounded so demanding now.
"I can't. I can't." I repeated over and over.
"But why, baby? Why?" Harry couldn't wrap his head around it.
"If I say I do, then I hurt you all this time for no reason." I sobbed. Harry's resistance finally dissolved, tears started to fill his eyes. "I kept us apart to be selfish. I kept you from our baby to be selfish. If I say I love you, then I couldn't have before. If I say it, then...then...you'll know that this is all my fault."
"Noli, what is your fault?" Harry cried softly.
"You. The way you are now. You're not you. I've never seen you this way. I broke you. I killed your light." I then let out a sob that visibly broke the hearts of everyone around us. "It's all my fault." I cried again. Harry buried his hands in my hair again, forcing my eyes to stare into his.
"It is not. I asked you to leave. I acted like an idiot and didn't let you speak. You are my world, Noli. You and our beautiful baby are my entire world." Harry spoke gently to me, tears running down his cheeks.
"I can't be. I shouldn't be." I still bawled.
"But you are. It nearly killed me. It really did. But you're right here. You're right here in my arms. Why can't this be right?" Harry asked.
"I don't want to hurt you again!" I shouted at him.
"Then say you love me!" Harry hollered back at me. I felt Anne's gentle hand on my back suddenly. I wanted to look at her but Harry held me so tightly that I couldn't.
Anne placed her other hand on Harry's wrist, "Honey, let her go." Harry kept his eyes on mine. "Harry, let go." Anne repeated. Harry slowly untangled his hands from my hair. Harry took a step back and let me fall, crying, into his mother's arms. Anne tried to soothe me the best she could. "Breathe, sweetie. Breathe." Anne murmured, rubbing my back. I tried to take slow breaths to calm myself. Then I saw Darcy, she was obviously scared and looking to Robin for comfort and an explanation.
"Noli. Baby." Harry murmured. Anne held a hand up to her son and helped me into the car. I slid in next to Darcy and struggled to look at my own child. She didn't need to see the anguish in my eyes.
"Shove over, honey." Anne instructed. I did as told and slid closer to Darcy. Anne shut the car door for a moment.
"Mummy? Are you okay, Mummy?" Darcy asked softly, laying her hand on my arm. I nodded, placing my hand over hers. I tried to breathe normally now that Harry didn't have a hold on me. Darcy leaned over in her seat and kissed my cheek, "I love you, Mummy."
"I love you too, babygirl." I murmured kissing her hair. I looked out the window to see Anne and Harry arguing quietly. I knew what Harry was saying. He was telling his mother that he couldn't stand not being with me anymore and that he hated that Darcy was always wondering where we stood with each other. He was telling her that he wanted the life we'd talked about all those years ago. He was done with all of the dancing around the subject. He wanted me. For the rest of his life. By the gestures that Anne made, I could tell that she told her son that she'd had enough.
Anne climbed into the car beside me then put her arm over my shoulders, "Are you alright, Enola?" I nodded slowly. "There's no need to fib, sweetie." I took another big breath and shook my head. She frowned and kissed the side of my head as Robin backed out of the parking space. I glanced out the window again. Harry had flopped onto the grass and had his head in his hands. I sighed, leaning back into the seat. Anne was right. We needed to talk. About everything. The last few months had been a blur while the last five years felt like an eternity.


Anne stood quietly in Darcy's room while I rushed around packing a bag for her. I didn't really feel like talking, mostly because I had no idea what to say. It was rare that anyone ever saw Harry and I ever argue. As I packed Darcy's clothes and teddy, I caught a glimpse of the picture she had of Harry and I on her nightstand. I shook my head and looked away from it.
"Enola, honey." Anne spoke gently. I glanced up at her with a smile. "Would it be too much asking to have Darcy for the whole weekend?" Anne inquired. My heart dropped. How was I supposed to handle three days alone with Harry. "Enola?" Anne seemed a little concerned when I didn't answer her right away.
"That's fine, Anne." I replied just above a whisper. Anne nodded sadly. She knew the scene Harry had caused was causing me a lot of heartache.
"This is super cute." Anne smiled looking around Darcy's room. The walls were painted a soft blue. There were pixies and butterflies all over the place: she had wall stickers, a butterfly lamp, pixie dolls, a butterfly bed and a pale purple dresser with butterflies painted on the side.
I nodded, "Yeah, Harry worked really hard on it for a few days." I went to Darcy's closet and pulled out her bag. "What would you like me to pack for her? Just pajamas and clothes?" I asked of Anne.
"Enola, are you feeling well?" Anne inquired placing her hand on my face gently, completely ignoring my question.
I nodded, "I'm fine, Anne. Thank you." She lifted her eyebrow at me like she didn't believe me. I sighed and stated, "I don't know exactly how to be alone with your son at all now. Everything that was just said..."
"This weekend will be good for you then. Maybe you two will be able to finally figure out what is going on between you." Anne said trying to make me feel better.
"What he told Gemma and Nick...that was us. That is us. He's always had faith in us, in our love and I...I guess I don't understand how he could when everything between us was and is so complicated and confusing."
Anne grinned and moved my hair from my shoulder, "Use this time alone to work on your relationship. Even if you don't get together this weekend, you should at least try to find out where you stand with one another...now that everything is on the table." I agreed to her plan as we left Darcy's room. "So Robin and I will bring her back around dinner time on Monday?" Anne inquired as we walked down the stairs.
I nodded, "Sure. You guys should stay for dinner. Harry's been in a cooking mood lately. I love it when he cooks." Anne and I both chuckled as we reached Robin and Darcy. They both looked wiped out.
"That's why I would like to have her until Monday. I'm not going to get to do anything fun with her tonight." Anne giggled placing her hand on Darcy's back. "Darcy say goodnight to Mummy." Darcy lifted her head from Robin's shoulder then reached for me. I took her in my arms carefully.
"Goodnight Mummy." Darcy spoke softly. She was getting to be over tired. I was hoping that she wouldn't get grumpy with Anne and Robin. She was really hard to deal with at that point.
I kissed her cheek lightly, "Goodnight babygirl. You have fun with Grammy and Pops. Daddy will call you in the morning to see how you're doing, okay?" Darcy nodded and hugged me tightly. "I love you, my baby." I whispered to her.
"I love you too, Mummy." Darcy replied kissing my lips quickly. I handed her back to Robin. He kissed my cheek as did Anne before they walked out of the house. AS soon as the door shut I didn't know what to do with myself. How was I going to be able to talk to Harry about everything that I had blurted at him, the fight we'd gotten into.



Harry walked into the house, slamming the door behind him. I sat at the kitchen table ready to face every single problem that we needed to face. I loved Harry with all of my heart, every inch of my soul but there were things that were being left unsaid. Harry entered the kitchen, throwing his keys on the counter. I stayed silent in my chair.
"Are you going to talk to me or are you going to ignore me for the rest of the night?" Harry asked as he leaned against the counter, staring out the window into the yard.
"Which is the better option?" I inquired trying to be cute. I didn't want anything to go wrong so quickly. Harry dropped is head. He seemed annoyed. "I think that we need to talk." I stated softly.
"If you say what I think you're going to, I don't want to hear it. You and my daughter are staying under my roof. It's not a discussion." Harry grunted at me.
"I wasn't going to say that. Darcy loves being here with you. I wouldn't take that from her. Both of us being in the house with her provides stability. She needs that." I muttered. Harry sighed heavily and nodded. "I think we need to talk about us." I stated nervously.
"What is there to talk about?" Harry inquired. I could tell that he was about to get angry. "I'm still so madly in love with you. And you..." Harry ran his hand through his hair. "Why isn't that good enough?" Harry asked as he turned to me. I saw the heartbreak in his eyes. "Why isn't that fact that I love you good enough? Why do I feel like I'm not good enough?"
"Harry." I whimpered quietly. I hated that it was how he was feeling. "It's not that." I mumbled looking down at my hands.
"Then what?! What is the problem? I know you love me too! I know you do! You can barely keep your hands off of me and we're not together! We sleep in the same bed. We do EVERYTHING together but you just can't tell me that you love me?" He shouted at me. I bit my lip and tried not to start crying. "Not even a month ago you said you wanted to have another baby with me. ME! Why can't we be together?" He kept yelling. "The fact that you are hot and cold is giving me fucking whiplash!" He was starting to lose control of his temper. "If it's not the fact that you don't love me, then what is it, Enola?" He shouted. "Are you scared that I am not going to be a good father, because I'm trying. I'm trying so goddamn hard." His voice broke. I shook my head. "What? Enola, what?" A loud, broken sob escaped my lips. "You wanted to talk! Fucking say something!" He slammed his fist on the counter top to ease his anger. I cleared my face of tears and stared at him. The silence in the room was heavy and uncomfortable. "Enola, what is holding you back?" Harry's voice broke again.
"How can you still be in love with me? How? There are so many things that I have done wrong. So many things that I have done to you that should make you hate me. Why?" I asked, still sobbing.
"Because that's how it is." Harry replied flatly.
"No. Don't. Tell me what you really want to say to me. I know that you love me. I know that I don't want anyone but you ever. There will never be anyone whom I love like you. But how can you not be angry with me?" I cried, genuinely wanting to know.
"I never said I wasn't angry, Enola. I am. I've been pissed off since the day I found out you were married. It got worse when I found out that he hurt you." He confessed. "But then I wasn't really mad at you. I was mad at myself. I was mad at Charles. It was borderline rage when I found out Louis and Niall were still friends with you and they knew about Darcy. I saw red for the longest time, I still do, when I think about how you kept her from me." Harry dropped his head and sighed. "There have been moments when I have hated you. But they don't last long." Harry nearly whispered. I started to sob again. "I wanna know why you didn't tell me when you found out. I want you to be completely honest with me."
"I didn't know if she was yours or Charles'." I muttered, ashamed of it. "I really didn't know."
"So what? You could've told me that you were pregnant. Told me that you weren't sure. I would've been there for you. Whether she was mine or not. I would've been there." Harry snapped at me. "I would've still loved you. I would still love Darcy. Hell, I loved her when I thought that she was Charles'. It wouldn't have changed at all." Harry stated.
"You don't know that, Harry!" I snapped back at him. Harry opened his mouth to argue. "No. You don't. And I couldn't bare to see the look on your face if Darcy wasn't your child. I couldn't. I didn't want to make you feel that kind of pain. I couldn't take the risk of hurting you so badly again." Harry closed his mouth. "And my child's safety was at stake as well. I am so lucky that you are her dad and not him. I do not know what would happen if that were the case. I took my chances with making you upset to protect my daughter's life. She is more important than anything else!" I yelled at him. Harry frowned and rounded the island. I buried my face in my hands and started to cry harder. Harry sat down beside me.
"Enola." He murmured placing his hand on my back. I sat up, moving out of his reach.
"I can't think when you touch me." I stated sourly. Harry scooted closer to me and placed his hands on my face.
"I don't want you to think anymore. You've been thinking about everything so hard. Just feel." Harry whispered to me.
"I can't do that, Harry. You know that I can't do that. I am a mother. I cannot just let my heart lead the way!" I shouted at him. "This is not just about us!" I cried. I wanted to fall into his arms but I just couldn't.
"Goddamnit, Enola." Harry groaned before standing up. He stormed out of the back door. I saw him flop down in the chair on the patio.

Notes

Alright my lovely peoples. The next chapter is a very important chapter...and I'm TOTALLY going to make you guys work for it. *insert evil laugh* I don't know how yet but I am. So stay tuned. :)

Peace&Love